I'll Be Gone When the Morning Comes

I watch with hatred burning in my eyes. He knows I'm here but the bastard still carries on. I've told him repeatedly how much I hate this, how much it's hurting me. And yet he's sat there laughing with them, joking around like nothing is wrong. I want to end it, I just want it all to go away. These feelings have been dragging me down, they've grown stronger as we've both bonded, and right now it feels as if he's just plunged a knife into my chest.

But who can blame him? He has a gorgeous family! Why would he give all that up just for me? The answer is he wouldn't, and it's the right answer. I know it's the right answer, but something is still telling me to never let him go, to never let him leave me. And that something is growing bigger, it's making my rational thoughts deteriorate and turn into jealousy.

I take one more glance at them, smiles plastered across their faces and their hands laced together while leaning against each other, before pushing myself up from the leather sofa and quickly storming into the bunks. Luckily everyone is out front, so they don't witness my small sob of frustration.

I feel pathetic for feeling like this, like a fucking teenager. It's eating at me from the inside, everyday I feel more and more weak, I just don't want to wake up anymore. I can't deal with this bullshit for much longer, I'll explode.

"Uncle TJ?" A quiet and shy voice comes from behind me. I spin around to find Lelia stood by the door with a small smile on her face. I smile back and kneel down to her height, trying to push my negative feelings down for a few seconds.

"Hey Lelia." I greet quietly, making her step a few spaces forward so she can hear me. The young girl reaches up and gently touches my cheek. I frown and slide my finger along the other one, finding a wet streak. I guess it adds to how weak I am, crying over him.

"Why are you sad?" She asks while wiping away the tears. I just shake my head and give her a small smile again, hoping that she'll believe my nonsense.

"Grown-up stuff, you'll understand one day." I answer, but obviously that isn't enough for her.

"Daddy says I'm all grown up for my age, please Uncle TJ? I won't tell anybody!" She pleads, batting her eyelashes and smiling brightly. And how could I say no?

"Well...um, Uncle TJ loves someone very much. But that someone has been selfish and mean, they're seeing someone else while seeing me too." I explain, trying to leave out major details and simplify it for her. Small creases form on her forehead, and she tilts her head.

"Daddy told me that's naughty." She says, causing me to snort quietly. So he's a hypocrite now is he? Doesn't really surprise me. But yet it still doesn't make my feelings die.

"Daddy is correct." I sigh, smiling faintly at her. A rustling of the curtain alerts us both that someone is coming. I look over as Craig pokes his head through, which makes me stand back up to my normal height.

"Lelia, have you told him yet?" He asks. I raise an eyebrow and look down at the excited looking girl.

"Not yet! Uncle TJ, Daddy says that me and Mummy can stay for longer! So we can finish the Disney movies." She squeals happily while clapping her hands. I freeze in place for a moment, my eyes narrowing at the man in front of us.

I can't spend anymore time around those two, they were supposed to go home! I've been going insane over the past couple of weeks, their happy conversations and sickly lovey-dovey actions heard everywhere I went. I don't even want to talk about what I hear at night, they give me Lelia and go to the bunks. No, no longer.

"Awesome! How about you go set up The Little Mermaid while I have a chat with your Dad?" I choke out, bring a fake smile of enthusiasm onto my face. She nods eagerly and shoots out the bunk area, leaving me staring at the floor in silence. The silence last for a couple of seconds before Craig breaks it.

"TJ, look I-"

"Don't you dare try and get yourself out of this one Craig. I'm done, I'm so fucking done! Weeks I've dealt with this, not once have I complained or acted out, not once! But I'm close, so fucking close." I whisper loudly, my voice rising in a few areas. My fists are clenched together and tears filling my eyes, I can't with this anymore. It all hurts too much.

"Keep your voice down, they're in the next room." He hisses quietly, moving closer towards me. I snort and cross my arms, it's not like I have any reason to.

"That's all you have to say? I can shout if you want? Maybe that'll be best, the truth finally out!" I sneer, my voice again getting louder by the second. He growls and clamps a hand around my arm and yanking me closer to him, I try to pull out but he tightens the grip.

"TJ listen to me, I'm sorry okay? I really fucking am, but Gab wants to stay and Lelia does too! One more week, I promise, then they're gone." He explains in a low voice, normally a warning that if I don't behave then he'll get pissed.

"I don't mind Lelia and Gab being here, it's you! You act as if I don't exist, I don't think we've had a proper conversation while they've been here! Do you not understand Craig? I know I'm always going to be second best, I know I'm only here to amuse you, but don't you fucking dare for one moment think that you can just drop me like a used toy when they're around, it hurts me. It hurts to the point that I don't want to do any of this anymore, the thing I've been wanting since a child, to make music!" I rant. I can feel tears sliding down my cheeks now, there is no hiding how pained I feel.

Craig stands in shock for a moment, his mouth slightly open and his eyes trained on my red face, he looks...Upset? Ha, I bet it doesn't match up to how I'm feeling. But a small gasp escapes my mouth as he pulls me into his chest, I try to break free at first but he just holds me there until I settle into his familiar body. My head rests on his shoulder while I clutch his shirt, scared that he'll leave again, scared that he'll never come back.

"I-I can't express how sorry I am Teej, I don't mean to do this, I really don't." He whispers into my ear, his hot breath tickling it lightly. I sigh and don't bother answering, it doesn't matter how many apologies he gives me, I know he'll never love me like he loves Gab, so why bother anymore?

"Y'know TJ, not once have you asked me to leave Gab, not once have you asked me to do anything risky for you." He comments while stroking my back gently, I nod into his shoulder and loosen my grip on his top a little.

"What was the point? You love her, I can see it, I couldn't take that away from you." I explain half-heartedly, I'm so tired. I just want to curl up next to Craig and sleep, like we used to. Craig pulls away from the hug, making me whine quietly.

"I may love Gab, but I love you too, that's why I could never choose. You are both so important to me. It doesn't matter that Gab and I have Lelia, you've always been here, you're like my rock. And not to mention we've shared moments that I could never even think about having with Gab." He smiles, leaning his forehead against mine and rubbing our noses together.

I look straight into his eyes, tears spilling over again, but this time they don't put me down. Did he mean that? He's never said anything like that before, love has always been a touchy subject for us. But now as his teary eyes are staring into mine, I believe him. I could trust him with anything at this moment.

I push our lips together fiercely. He doesn't hesitate to kiss back just as passionately, our tears mix together as I push myself against him harder. He wraps his arms around me again, his grip is tight and painful, but at this moment I can't find the energy to care. We mold together like so many times before, but this time it's real, not like then when I would sometimes detest his touch, it felt meaningless and pointless. But now? I feel so alive, I feel so joyous and happy.

When we break away, my eyes are still closed and my breath heavy. Our foreheads connect again, and for once in a long time, I feel at peace.

"Always remember TJ, I love you."

"I-I love you too, so so much."