What Is Life Without a Purpose? What Is Purpose Without Love?

"I can't believe I have homework on the first day of school." I scowled at my floor. 

"I told you History sucked." Tom spoke from in front of his computer, shoveling a piece of pizza into his mouth. 

I rolled my eyes, pulling my binder closer to me in attempts to finish the assignment. But after twenty minutes of looking around and playing air drums on my papers, I decided, screw it. 

"Wanna play xbox?" 

Tom swiveled around in his spin chair, slouched down to where his butt almost hung off the seat. 

"Sure. I think it's already hooked up, hold on." He slid off of the chair and started toying with the back of his television. 

"There we go." He slid me a controller and I shut the blinds on his window, erasing the glare on the screen.

-&- 

"Austin! It's 7 o'clock honey!"  
Tom's mom yelled from down stairs, letting me know it was time to go home. 

"Aw man, I was so close to kicking your ass!" 
I pouted, defeated. I had spent the last three hours trying to beat him, so of course the one time I'm actually close to doing it, I can't. 

"Hah! Yeah, you wish. I'll pause it, we can just finish it tomorrow." 

I stood up, stretching before gathering my papers into my bag. 

"Alright." I smiled and made my way down the stairs. 

"Want me to walk over with you?" Tom asked me at the door. I paused, thinking for just a second. 

"Nah, I think I'll make it. Unless you want to, then you can." 

"Make up your mind dude." 

"No, no it's fine." I laughed, walking out of their house. "See you tomorrow." 

"Yeah, see you." I heard the door click shut behind me and started the quick trek across Tom's and our neighbor's lawns to my own house. It only took about 30 seconds to go between our houses- perks of your friend living two houses away. 

  When I got inside all of the lights were off; my dad wouldn't be home for about half an hour today, so I started in on making supper as soon as I put my stuff down. 
  I found stuff for spaghetti but ended up putting it over chicken patties- all the while dancing around the kitchen to whatever station the radio had landed on.  You can't deny that Katy Perry can be catchy. 

Melting cheese over the plates to make it into Chicken Parmesean, I considered the option of making a living off of writing a book: "Italiano for Dummies." I promise you, it'd be a big seller. 

I laughed lightly to myself at the stupid thought, setting both plates down as I heard my dad pull into the driveway. 
I rushed over to the radio, turning it off just as he walked in. 

"Hi Dad." I grinned. 

"Hey." He hung his jacket on the coat rack. "Since when do you listen to that music? That doesn't sound like your screaming, heavy, death metal or whatever you call it nowadays." 
I laughed, sitting down in the seat near him. 
"I've been living a lie, Dad." I rose my voice to a bitchy tone. 
"Justin Bieber is my fave. He's sooo dreamy." 

"Justin who?" He looked confused, and just as I began to feel hope towards humanity, he laughed. 
"Just kidding. Well if that's what you say, I believe you." 
I shook my head quickly. 
"Nooo, I was just kidding too." We both laughed and started eating. Tonight was one of the seldom nights where the silence wasn't awkward. 

"How was work?" 
Even if it wasn't awkward, that didn't mean it had to be quiet. 

"It was all right. Mike got fired, that was...eventful." 

My dad works in an office-style building, and Mike had the area next to him. He was annoying. 
Every once in a while, he'd flick balls of paper and other little things over the wall between them and hit my dad in the head- which, wasn't all that bad until you went through it for seven years, apparently. And I guess he wasn't the brightest at the job, either. My dad says he should have been gone a long time ago. 

"Lucky you." I laughed. 

My dad sighed, stating, 
"Yeah...I guess. I think the permanent dent in the top of my head might miss him a little, though." 

-&- 

6:40 in the morning was not a good time to have to be walking to school. Maybe I'd get a job after this winter and get a car- nothing special, just something to get around in. I didn't really have reason not to, it's not like I was over at friends' houses every day so it'd be easy to work. Honestly, Tom was the closest thing I had to a best friend. And we aren't even that close, really. 
It's not really that I didn't want friends, because I often found myself thinking how nice it would be to have someone with that connection to, it's just that I wanted a real best friend. Someone who wasn't just nice to me to get on my good side, or just because they thought I was "attractive" or to get in my bed.  Tom (definitely) didn't do those things, but he wasn't exactly the type of person that I wanted to be able to call at three in the morning because I couldn't sleep and was bored, or to go to the fair with, or get a job with. I guess I could say he wasn't my type? Of friend, that is. He was really cool and we had a lot in common, but there was just something about him that said 'I could leave you in a blink of an eye.' And that's not what I wanted. But nobody that I knew really seemed to fit the position. And I guess I was alright with that. 

Speak of the devil, Tom was making his way up the sidewalk to walk to school with me, just like we'd done the past four years. 

"Hey." 

I gave a small smile and a quiet 'hi' in return. I wasn't much of a morning person and almost seven in the morning was not the time to make conversation. 
 He knew that and probably wouldn't even try to talk to me until the middle of first block. Thank goodness. 

Except today must be a special occasion. 

"What are you doing this weekend?" 
I racked my brain, coming up with nothing. 

"Nothing, why?" I asked. 

"Max is throwing one of his little parties or whatever and he wants us to come. You should go this time." He looked at me disappointedly, waiting for an answer. 

"Ugh, alright." I couldn't really back out of this one since I told him I was plan free.

"How come you don't like going, anyway? They're so fun." 

"If you consider watching everyone around you getting drunk or high or whatever, then crawling all over you or fucking, then I will go this time. If not, then no." I shrugged, looking around as I picked up my pace. The sun was up already and it was still summer, so still hot, and I just wanted to get inside the school already. 

"Definitely fun." He smirked and I sighed. I should have known he'd say that. 
"You get high and you drink too, so don't say you don't like that. And as for the fucking, why don't you? There are so many girls there that would love to get it on with Mr. Carlile." He winked. "Get a girlfriend, good to go." 

"I know..." I groaned. "But I just...I don't even want a girl friend." I stared down to where my feet were kicking pebbles across the tar, feeling extremely awkward. 

"Then just...do it without a girlfriend." 

I shrugged, picking back up on my silent way. 

Yeah this should, definitely be fun. 

-&-

  "So you're coming? For real?" Max asked me excitedly, standing in the hall outside the bio room. 

"Yeah, I don't have any plans so, why not?" I smiled. 
Because they're fucking stupid, that's why not. 

"Awesome! See you there!" He grinned, giving me the signature pat on the back as he made his way to his own class. 

"Here comes the weird kid." Tom said as I set my bag down, taking my seat. 
Alan, his name was, looked right at Tom, his eyebrows raised and lips pursed, as if to say 'wow, fuck you too.'

"He can hear you, you dick. Shut up." I shoved my elbow into his side and I swear I thought I saw Alan smile as he made his way to the back of the room. It almost made me want to smile, too. 

"I don't care." Tom shrugged, taking out his papers for the class. I gave him a glare before doing the same. 

"Our first subject will be 'Study of the Cells'. If you'll please pass these papers back, we'll get started." 
I quickly blocked out the sound of her lecture, playing stupid games on my iPod under the table.

-&- 

A circle of people was built up around me, the glass tube making it's way through them all. Each person took a turn until the bong had to be repacked, then sent back around. 

"I told you this is all that would happen. I bet you they'll bring out alcohol right on cue, too." 

"Yeah, and I told you, you'd do it too." 

"Tom, it's free weed. Do you think I'd just say no thanks?" I laughed. Then it was my turn again, smoke burning down my throat before I handed it over to Tom. 

"Lighter?" 
I nodded, exhaling as I pulled the lighter from my pocket. 
  I don't smoke. Well, not on my own anyway. Except sometimes the occasional cigarette. But lighting incense was something I did quite often, hence the lighter. 
  At these parties were the only times I smoked anything else. Well, just weed, but you get my point. I mean, it's free, why not? I wasn't going to buy it myself. 

"Austin?" 
Oh boy. There was a warm hand on my arm, raising my hair with it's touch. 
"Yeah?" I turned to look at Aubrey to my left. She had been pretty much clinging to me all night, and I already knew what was coming. 
  
 "I'm really glad you came this time." She smiled. 

I gave a smile back, replying. "Sorry I missed the other ones, I was gone a lot." 

"That's alright. I missed you, though." And just like that her hand was warm on my thigh, and my spit was caught in my throat. I licked my lips, not caring if I was completely showing how awkward I felt. 

"Y-yeah, I m-missed you too." 
She had also been clearly hitting on me off and on since I had gotten here, but this was the furthest she'd gone, rubbing her hand over my dark jeans. Getting a little too close to a certain region for my liking, too. 

"Maybe we could go inside, and catch back up on each other?" She smiled innocently but her pupils were blown to twice their size, contrasting with the way they were almost squinted from smoking, giving away her intentions. I knew exactly what she meant. 
  I turned to Tom with a pleading look, but he just nodded encouragingly. 
Fuck. 
  Why not? I hadn't done anything in a long time, it'd be kind of nice. I guess. 

"Alright." I answered her. "But why don't we wait just a little bit?" I nodded, gesturing to one of Max's friends, Chris, who was carrying a couple boxes towards the group. 

 And here was the alcohol, what'd I tell you? 

"Okay..." 
I let out a sigh of relief to myself, hoping she wouldn't remember after drinking. I know that sounds really really bad and all, but I really didn't want her telling the entire school that I had slept with her. And she'd be getting drunk anyway, right? 

So after waiting about an hour, I could tell she, at least, was at the point where anything I said to her would go in one ear and right out the other. Right along with anything she did. 

"I'm going inside, are you coming?" I asked. She just stood up, gripping onto the side of my shirt for balance, and we made our way across the lawn to the house. 

"Max, I'm bringing her to get some water okay?" 
Total lie. 

"Alright." He turned back to the group, the fire causing his blonde hair to turn red. And it didn't look that bad, I must say. 

We stepped inside, slowly making our way up the stairs to the room that I was almost positive was a guest room. 

I guess she still knew what was going on, because when I turned around after closing the door, her shirt was already off and she was waiting on the bed. 
  I think any normal boy would have stared at the sight, but I just shut the light off, making sure the last thing I saw was the hazy blue wall before making my way towards the bed.