What Is Life Without a Purpose? What Is Purpose Without Love?

There had been a constant presence of paranoia -along with anger- in the back of my mind for the past three days.
The fact that it was only Thursday completely killed my longing for Friday.
Either that or only made it worse. I couldn't tell.
Every little thing that happened, even just dropping my pencil in class, made me angry enough to where I could punch someone in the face and not even give a shit.
It'd been a rough week and all I wanted was for it to be over. No one would stop talking about my recent events, the entire town knew I'd bet. I couldn't get away from it and it was annoying the hell out of me. I'd already debated on hijacking the school's intercom and pronouncing myself as innocent. Even though I wasn't.
I just wish I was.
But I think what I need is to get away from everyone. Get away from my 'friends'; you know, the ones that won't let it go.
It's hard being nice when you hate everyone.
That seems like a good idea; just stop being nice to everyone.
That's exactly what I'll do. By the end of at least this quarter, I hope to be the biggest ass hole the schools seen. Not the beat-up-kids-in-the-hall kind of ass, but the 'don't fucking talk to me' kind.
It'd be so great to even have one week where everyone would just leave me alone. Because honestly, there were only about two people in the whole school that didn't annoy the shit out of me. Tom, and that new boy, Alan. But actually, Tom being my best friend, could get on my nerves at some points too.
Maybe I should just not talk to anyone.
But then, I couldn't leave Tom. He might have other friends, but none like me.

I just wanted everyone to shut up for five minutes; the constant chatter in my ears was enough to drive you insane and I often wonder why I'm not. I kind of find it funny that I'm jealous of Alan, nobody even tries to talk to him.
What if that bothers him? Did he want someone to talk to? Maybe I should talk to him. I did that one time, a week -or was it two?- ago.
So that's my plan for today. I was going to talk to him. He didn't seem to have any friends, that would probably be nice. Maybe we could be friends. Seemed like a long shot but oh well.
Since I sometimes backed out of my plans, it made it much easier that biology- which I had with him- was next. All I had to do was wait for that bell to ring.
Being an ass was going to be hard when I'm already trying to make someone I don't even know feel like they fit in.

"Earth to Austin."
A hand waved in my face.

"Huh?" I blinked at Tom, kicking myself mentally for zoning out on him.

"Are you coming?"
I looked around and realized everyone was already gone, the bell had already rung. I had been so caught up in waiting I'd spaced out staring at the clock, not even hearing what I was waiting for.
I nodded and picked up my bag, starting our walk.

-&-

Now, I do have biology with Alan, but he was seated in probably the furthest seat you could get from me. Well not actually, considering I sit a couple rows back so I could sit further away but that's not the point. The point is, I can't casually communicate with him, I'd just have to wait until 4th block.
Realizing it wasn't possible, I completely forgot about my plan for the rest of the class.
But lunch passed and History got here rather quickly.
History was one of my favorite things to learn; I think it's so cool that we can know what's happened in the past without being there. So while I was "shutting out" the class by drawing or whatever, I was actually paying attention. While doing other things, such as drawing, helps me to ignore things, it also helps me concentrate. Whichever I decide. But today I wasn't paying attention, but I wasn't drawing either.
I am just sitting at my desk, staring off while everyone sits down. I subconsciously saw Alan walk by me and set his things down, getting comfortable. I glanced over at him and he turned, saw me looking.
I turned away quickly, hoping he hadn't thought I was watching, that would be weird.
Dammit. I sighed, sliding down in my seat.
Now it would be awkward to even try speaking to him. Or maybe he would take my looking at him before as me attempting to talk to him.
No no no.

It was about twenty more minutes of this before I pulled a piece of paper from my notebook. I know by now that talking isn't really his thing.
I stared down at it, thinking. And then put my pen to paper.

'Hi.'
That wasn't too forward right? Not weird?
Screw it.
I folded the paper into a little square and slid it onto Alan's desk.
I clasped my hands under my chin, waiting. I could see him, unfold the paper, stare at the paper confusedly, pick up his pencil. He wrote something and folded the paper the way I had it, passing it back to me.

It read: 'hi.'
Well, I couldn't say I was expecting more.

I licked my lips, thinking again. I acted on impulse, writing down 'I'm Austin,' sending it back.
I heard him breathe in a short laugh, smiling a little.

'I know'
I smiled, but then slumped my head against my desk.
Of course he knew my name, what the fuck am I doing.

Maybe this could work to my advantage.

'How'd you know? ;) '

I bounced my leg, waiting for the paper to return to me.

'Well. You're in two of my classes, and you're pretty popular here.'

I frowned, scowling at the last part of the sentence.
Popular. That was never a good term, I mean, everyone hates the popular kids in movies. What if he pre-hates me? As in hates me before knowing me?

'Popular. Gross. :( '

'Hey it's not bad. People like you.'

I didn't know how to respond to that. I hadn't seen him with anyone at all so a compliment back was a no go.

'I guess'

He opened it and huffed, shaking his head. That didn't look good.

'Trust me.'

I couldn't, but I kind of wanted to.

-&-

Alan and I didn't talk for a week after that, until one morning. I woke up late and was on my way to school, speed walking up the street.
When I got to where I needed to cut across the road, I looked up to find Alan walking in the same way. I jogged across the street, following him up the sidewalk.

"Alan?"
He jumped a little, turning around, hand on his chest.

"Austin, Jesus. You scared the shit outta me." He pulled his earbuds out, having obviously not been paying attention before, which lead to me "mysteriously" appearing behind him.

"Sorry." I smiled apologetically. "What are you doing out here, I've never seen you around before?"

He pointed back, to a couple streets down.
"I live down there, I usually walk in after you."

That explains it.

"I-I mean I don't follow you I j-just start walking after you already went and-"

"Alan, it's cool." I smiled, laughing a little. His face had gotten all pink. He sighed heavily, casting his head downward as we walked up to the school. I opened the door, gesturing for him to go in. He shuffled past me quickly, almost whispering a thanks.

"No problem. See you around." I smiled at him, going down the hall.

"See you." He almost smiled back.