Here We Come Sin City...Uh Oh!

I was finally starting to regain consciousness. I was nice and warm and...wet? I opened my eyes in time to see Alan trip over something then go into the bathroom. I looked around me and the suite was a disaster. It looked like a war zone. There were beer bottles everywhere, a red solo cup pyramid, the TV was hanging off the wall, a chair was smoking, and there was a chicken?

What the hell happened last night?

I looked to my right and found a blow up sex doll. I quickly got out and wrapped a towel around me the same time Alan came out of the bathroom in a panic and tripped over something. Or should I say someone.

"Phil why are you on the floor?" I asked.

He looked at me and said,

"How the hell should I know. Why are you in a towel?"

"I woke up in the hot tub."

"Phil don't go in there! There's a tiger in the bathroom!" Alan said.

"What?" I asked then turned around when I heard groaning.

Stu was stumbling everywhere then he finally made it to a chair and flopped down on it. I turned back around when I saw Phil coming out of the bathroom quickly.

"He's not fucking kidding. There's a tiger in there," He said coming over to the couch.

I hurried to my room to get some clothes on while I heard Phil tell Alan to put pants on.

What happened? Why can't I remember anything? Where are the bed sheets? Nevermind. And how is there a tiger in the bathroom?

I came out of my room and sat next to my brother. I felt like a train ran me over.

"Harper. Phil. Am I missing a tooth?"

"Let me- Oh my God!" I said shocked.

Phil covered his mouth because he started laughing and Stu picked up a silver tray to look at his mouth.

"Oh my God my lateral incisor is gone!"

"Will you just calm down. Everything's fine. Alan go wake Doug up so we can get some coffee and get the fuck outta here," Phil said.

"How am I supposed to tell Melissa how my tooth went missing?"

"I don't know. You're freaking me out right now. I've got a massive headache-"

"I'm sure all of us do Phil," I stated in annoyance.

"Hey guys. He's not in there."

"Did you check all the rooms?" Phil asked.

"Yeah. Plus his mattress is gone."

How can his mattress be gone?

"He probably went to the pool to get something to eat," Phil said fishing out his phone.

When he put the phone up to his ear we heard Doug's phone going off nearby. Alan started searching for it. When he found it he answered it.

"Hello?"

"Alan."

"Hey."

"It's Phil."

"Oh hey Phi- This is Doug's phone," Alan said as he shut it.

"No shit," me and Phil said at the same time.

Alan I'm begging you please don't be an idiot today! We've got to find-

I was interrupted by a cry. I looked at my brother then to Phil with wide eyes.

"What the fuck was that?" My brother asked slowly.

I got up and started searching. I was led to I closet and the guys were right behind me when I opened it.

"Who's fucking baby is that?" Phil asked.

"Really Phil?" I asked as I picked the baby boy up.

"Alan are you sure you didn't see anybody else in the suite?" Stu asked.

"Yeah I checked all the rooms. No ones here. Check it's collar or something."

"Alan!" I snapped, "This is a human being like you, me, Phil, Stu, and Doug. Humans don't have collars!" I started rocking the baby, "It's ok sweetie."

Stu was helping out on trying to calm the baby down.

"Look. We don't have time for this. We'll deal with the baby later," Phil said.

"How insensitive can you be? We're not leaving a baby in here, especially with a tiger right down the hall!" I said glaring daggers into Phil.

"It's not our fuckin' baby."

I held the baby for Stu and Stu took him. As soon as the baby was out of my hands I slapped Phil hard on his right cheek. I could see Stu cringe when my hand made contact with Phil's cheek.

"You are unbelievable! You are such an insensitive bastard!"

"Sorry."

I took the baby from Stu while Phil rubbed his cheek.

"I have to agree with Harper on this one," Alan said.

"Fine. Will you put on some pants," Phil said to Alan.

Once Alan had on some pants we left the suite. Alan begged me to let him hold the baby and I finally gave in. The elevator stopped and an old lady came in.

"Oh, how cute. What's his name?"

"Ben."

"Carlos."

It got awkward then. So I said,

"His names Ben but his uncle likes to call him by his middle name."

"Oh."

The elevator opened and we stepped out and went to the outside pool to eat. Stu stayed inside for a few minutes to find out about Doug or something while me, Phil, Alan, and the baby sat at a table. I was eating some scrambled eggs when I heard Alan say,

"Hey, Phil, Harper, look."

He was making the baby masturbate.

"He's jackin' his little weenis."

"Pull yourself together, bro," Phil said with a chuckle.

"Will you two grow up."

"Not at the table, Carlos."

Stu came up to the table and sat down.

"Find anything out?" I asked.

"No. I looked everywhere, gym, front desk. Nobody's seen Doug. He's not here."

"He's fine. He's a grown man. Seriously Stu, you need to calm down. Here have some orange juice." Phil said handing Stu my juice.

"Ass," I muttered.

Stu turned his head and threw up and I pushed my plate away, after seeing that I was done. Phil started writing down all of the things we remembered as I fed the baby some milk.

"What is this?" Alan asked.

I looked at what he was holding up and Stu started feaking out.

"Oh my God! That is my tooth! Why do you have that? What else is in your pocket?"

"This is a good thing. Empty your pockets," Phil said while he emptied out his.

I didn't have to because I wore a dress last night.

"I have an ATM from the Belligio at 11:05 for... $800! I am so fucked!"

"I have a valet ticket from Caesars. It' looks like we got in at 5:15 am."

"Oh shit. We drove last night?"

"Driving drunk? Classic," Alan said laughing, "What's on your arm?" He asked seriously to Phil.

Phil looked at it arm.

"Jesus Phil. You were in the hospital last night."

"Are you ok?" Alan asked.

"Yeah Alan. I'm fine."

"What the hell is going on?" Stu asked then looked at me weird.

"What?"

"Did you get married?"

"I would know if I got marr-" I stopped when I looked at my left hand.

On my left ring finger was a diamond ring.

"Please tell me I didn't get married!"

"Calm down. Let's go to the hospital to see if they know anything," Phil said calmly.

We were waiting on our car when Phil asked someone about the mattress on the statue.

"Oh no," I said quietly.

"What?" Phil asked looking at me.

I pointed to the valet. He pulled up in a police car and got out.

"Everybody act cool," Phil said.

"You can't be serious," Stu said.

"Just get in," Phil snapped.

I got in the front seat while the guys were talking about tipping the valet later. Phil got in the drivers seat and Alan opened the back door and hit the baby.

"Alan!" I yelled.

Stu checked the baby over then said,

"He's fine Harper."

"He better be or I'm going to kill Alan and leave his body in the desert so birds can eat him."

"Calm down Harper," Phil said putting his hand on my left knee.

Alan and Stu got in the back and we took off. My mind was racing. Phil just called me by my actual name, Doug is missing, Doug and Tracy's wedding is today, I got married and I don't remember, Stu's missing a tooth for some unknown reason, Phil was in the hospital, and we have a baby in the backseat of the cop car. 25 minutes later we were stuck in a major traffic jam.

"And I thought traffic back home was ridiculous," I muttered, which made Phil chuckle.

Phil honked the horn and Stu said,

"This is so illegal."

"Can't you see the fun part in anything?" Phil asked.

Yeah. We're stuck in traffic with a stolen police car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. Which part of this is fun?

"I think the cop car part's pretty cool," Alan said.

I nodded my head, he had a point.

"Thank you Alan. It is cool. Doug would love it."

He honked again and yelled out the window. Phil looked at me and I knew that look.

"Phil please," I said pleadingly and that got me a smirk from him. "Please Phil Don't."

"Check this out."

And with that he turned the lights and sirens on while pulling onto the sidewalk.

"We don't want to call attention to ourselves!" Stu said.

Phil grabbed the microphone just to be spiteful and said,

"Attention! Attention! Please move out of the way! I repeat please disperse."

"Stop the car I wanna get out," Stu chanted.

"Stu shut the hell up for a minute," I said looking at my brother.

"Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack," Phil said into the microphone again.

I turned back around and rolled my eyes at Phil.

"I should have been a fucking cop."

"Why? So you could search women?" I asked disgustedly.

"That too. Thanks for the idea."

"Ass," I muttered and looked out the window.