Here We Come Sin City...Uh Oh!

Jade didn't live to far way so we found her apartment complex pretty quickly. We started up the stairs when a woman came out of one of the doors on a phone. She looked over at us and said in the phone,

"I found him. I'll call you back."

She hung up the phone and came to us.

"Thank God, he's with his father. I was freaking out."

What?

She took the baby and held him in her arms.

"I missed you sweetie," She said to the baby then turned to Stu, "And I missed you," she said in a seductive tone and made out with my brother.

I raised my eyebrow and looked at Phil, in return he shrugged.

"What the hell happened to you guys?" She asked when she broke away from Stu.

"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us," Phil stated.

"What do you mean? I got up this morning to get you guys coffee and when I came back you were gone... Why are you being so quiet?" She asked Stu.

"I'm not being quiet."

"That's so cute. I got to feed Tyler, come inside guys."

"You hear that? The baby's name is Tyler," Alan said sadly.

"Yeah, I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud," Phil said comforting Alan.

Phil comforting someone?! Somebody needs to check if Hell just froze!

We followed her into the room and sat on her couch as she went to the kitchenette to get us drinks.

"What's up? You guys are quiet."

"Right. Uh...Jade. You remember our friend Doug?" Phil asked.

"Are you kidding? He was the best man at our wedding."

"Exactly. We can't find him and we're getting a little worried."

I noticed something on her finger that looked very familiar so I elbowed my brother lightly and nodded my head to Jade's hand. He looked and spewed his drink out, which made the baby cry. Jade hurried off and Phil looked at Stu.

"What the fuck man? You've got to pull yourself together."

"Phil she's got our grandmother's holocaust ring," I whispered harshly.

"Fuck."

"I didn't know they gave out rings during the holocaust."

We all looked at Alan like he was an idiot.

"He's ok. He's just hungry," Jade said while coming back to the living room to sit down in the chair.

"Alright. About last night...Do you remember the last time you saw Doug?"

"Um...I haven't seen him since the wedding."

"The wedding. Ok," Phil said and started pulling out the napkin to right the information down. "What time was that at?"

"Well?" She started then pulled down her shirt so the baby could breast feed.

Phil cleared his throat and I gave him a warning look when he looked at me.

"I guess it was about one. Because I had to go back to work to finish my shift. And when I got out I headed to the hotel with Tyler."

"And was Doug there then?" I asked.

"I didn't see Doug. You guys were passed out and the room was a wreck. So I just curled up next to Stu," She explained and then made a cat noise.

Stu looked very uncomfortable and he looked like he was trying not to hurl all over the lace.

"I've got a question. Um...You said when your shift ended, does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?"

"You know this. I'm a stripper. Well technically I'm an escort. Stripping is a great way to meet the clients."

"Smart," Phil said.

"Savvy," Stu said.

"But that's all in the past now since I married a doctor."

"I'm just a dentist."

I jumped ten feet in the air when a cop kicked the door open with his gun held towards us and yelling. We put our hands up and his partner came in and put handcuffs on us.

"Phil. Someone needs to call Tracy," I said sadly.

"I know. I'll do it," he said getting up and going to the payphone.

When he picked up the receiver I sighed and looked ahead of me.

Please tell me this is a bad dream!

"Harper?"

"Not right now Stu," I mumbled.

"After we take the mug shots, we bring them on down here where they wait by the arresting officers. Trust me kids, you do not want to be sitting in these benches. We call this place 'Loserville,'" an officer said to a group of kids.

And we like to call this place 'Assholeville'.

The officer started walking and a boy with brown spikey hair blew me a kiss and winked at me and I cringed. And a chubby blond boy pulled out his phone and took a picture of Alan. Alan wasn't to pleased so he kicked the phone out of the boys hand.

"Alan," I scolded.

"What?"

"You don't do that to a child, no matter what they are doing!"

"Wenneck! Price! Garner! Let's go!"

Phil said a quick goodbye to Tracy and the rest of us got up. We also twisted ourselves into a handcuffed mess.

When we got into the interrogation room the officers uncuffed us and we sat down.

"Gentlemen and Miss-"

"It's actually Mrs.," Phil corrected officer Franklin.

"Shut up Phil," I hissed quietly.

"We got some good news and we got some bad news. The good news is we found your Mercedes," Franklin said as if Phil didn't interrupt.

I sighed in relief as the didn't the own kind of relief.

"That's great news," Stu said.

"Yeah," Franklin said unenthused, "It's over at the impound right now. We picked it up at five am this morning. Parked in the middle of Las Vegas boulevard."

"That's weird," Phil muttered.

"Yeah, that is weird. There's also note that says 'Couldn't find a meter, so here's four bucks'," Franklin said while tossing a napkin down on the table for us to look at.

It looked like Phil's writing.

Only Phil would've done this.

"The bad news is we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning," He said while sitting down across from us and next to his partner.

"What?" I said.

"No. Uh... Officer that's just impossible. We need to be in L.A tomorrow for a wedding," Phil said.

"You stole a police car-"

"We didn't steal anything. Um... we found it," Stu said.

"If anything we deserve an award or something. Like a trophy," Alan said.

"Will you two shut the hell up. You two are not helping the situation," I said snapping at Alan and my brother.

"She's got a point. You better listen to the young lady. I see assholes like you in here every fuckin' day," Franklin said.

"Every fuckin' day!" Officer Garden said

"Yeah let's all go to Vegas and get all drunk and fucked up!"

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gardner mocked.

"Let's go steal a cop car because it'd be real fuckin' funny!"

"Yeah! Think you gon' get away with it? Not up in here!"

"Not up in here!" Franklin yelled lividly.

"Uh...Sir, if I may. Um, I'm assuming that squad car belongs to one of you," Phil said looking to Franklin then to Gardner.

Here comes the manipulative Phil. I swear he has a split personality disorder.

"Yeah."

"Look, I'm not a cop. I'm not a hero, I'm a school teacher. But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip...that would look really bad on me."

What is he thinking?

"What are you getting at?" Franklin asked curiously, like he read my mind.

"Yeah Phil, what are you getting at?" Stu asked quietly.

"No one wants to look bad. We got to get to a wedding and you guys don't need people talking about how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night. But look, the point is I think we could work out a deal, discretely of course ma'am. What do ya say?"

Franklin and Gardner looked at each other then she tapped on the clipboard, Franklin laughed.

This can't be good.

"Let me ask you a question. Do any of you have a heart condition? Pregnant? Or anything like that?" He asked looking at all of us one by one.

The guys said no and I nodded my head.

"I've just had surgery on my heart and I've found out that I'm pregnant," I said, lying of course.

The boys looked at me weird and I glared at them.

"Ok. And by the way Mrs..." Officer Gardner started then looked down at the file, "Wenneck. Where did you get the police issued mace? Even though it's expired by three years."

"My ex boyfriend back in L.A gave it to me for protection, he's a cop."

She nodded and motioned us to follow them. Pretty soon we were in a rom that looked like a classroom.

"Ok, kids, you're in for a real treat today. These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect. And this young lady has volunteered on how mace or pepper spray can take down a suspect. Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun: up close and personal."

I knew that I wasn't going to get off that easily.

Franklin shocked my brother in the neck. I felt bad for my brother but I couldn't help but laugh. It's funnier seeing it in person than on T.V.

"Or you can shoot it from a distance. Now, do I have any volunteers? You want to come up here and do some shooting, huh? Alright. How about you, young lady? Come on up here." Franklin said motioning for the girl in a long sleeved maroon colored shirt with dark pigtails.

"Alright. Let's go, handsome. Come on."

Alan stepped forward.

Alan you are not handsome.

"Not you, fat Jesus. Slide it on back."

Phil stepped forward but not before he grabbed my face and gave me a kiss.

"You, pretty boy. C'mon let's go."

Phil let go of me and stood a few feet away from the girl while Franklin gave the girl the shoot out stun gun.

"Alright. Now, it's real simple. All you got to do is point, aim and shoot. Alright?"

"You don't really want to do this," Phil said nicely.

"You can do this. Just focus."

"Don't listen to this maniac. Let's think this thing through," Phil persuaded.

"Finish him!"

The electric filled prongs came flying out and sent a jolt of electricity to Phil's most prized possession. Phil fell to the ground in pain.

"Right in the nuts! That was beautiful! Well done! Giver her a hand, everybody. Good job! Well done! Good job! That was great!"

The kids laughed and applauded. Alan started clapping and I back handed him in the stomach.

"Look, hey, we got one more charge left. Anybody want to do some shooting up here? How about you, big man? Come on up here."

It was the chubby blond boy before that took a picture of Alan.

"Okay, same instructions: just point, aim and shoot. There y'go. That's the stuff. I like the intensity, eye of the tiger. You're holding 50,000 volts, little man. Don't be afraid to ride the lightning."

They had a staring contest for a minute then pulled the trigger when he got the red dot to it's prongs went into Alan's head but he didn't go down. It started freaking me and the kids out. Usually if you get zapped with that voltage, you go down.

"In the face! In the face!" Franklin said while laughing.

Alan slowly walked to the blond boy, which scared the kid. Alan kind of put me in the mind of how Frankenstein walks.

"He's still up. He's still up. Alright, everybody relax. Take it easy. We've seen it before, he just needs a little extra."

Alan got shocked in the neck, just like my brother then fell on an unoccupied table.

"Ok. Come on up little lady," Franklin said to me.

I stood in front of the group of kids while he picked one more kid to torture us. And of course, it had to be the boy that blew me a kiss from earlier. When he got a few feet from me he glared at Phil then looked at me and shook his head in disappointment. It was like he was silently saying I could pick a better guy. Gardner handed Franklin the mace and he handed it to the boy. I could tell right away it was mine because I put pink and green coloring on the nozzle.

"This stuff is a few years expired, so the smell won't be that potent. It can spray up to ten feet. Now all you have to do is press down on the handle and it'll spray."

The boy didn't hesitate to spray me with it. When it hit my face I fell to my knees with my eyes watering and burning and I started coughing. I've never been pepper sprayed before and let me tell you, it freaking sucks!

"Alright!"

I heard a smacking sound which only meant that the boy and the officer high-fived.

"Who wants to get their fingerprints done?"

I could hear the chairs moving across the floor and them walking out of the room.

"Let's get that off you," Gardner said helping me stand up.

Once I was cleared from the mace we were free to go.