Here We Come Sin City...Uh Oh!

"Fuck those guys! You hear me? That was bullshit! I'm tellin' everybody we stole a cop car!"

"They let us go. Who cares?"

"I care. You can't just do that! You can't just tease people because you think it's funny! That's police brutality!" Stu ranted, "I'm getting a soda. You guys want anything?"

"No."

"I'm good," I sighed putting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

Stu took off towards the vending machines. The officers weren't nice enough to give us a ride so we walked for an hour to this place. We've been here at the impound center for 35 minutes and everyone starting to get highly annoyed.

"You ok Harp?"

"I should be asking you that. You're the one that got pronged and zapped in the balls."

"That shit hurt."

"Consider it payback for marrying me without me remembering. Hopefully that voltage permanently neutered you," I said smirking, which in return I got a glare from Phil then he looked at Alan.

"Alan? Are you ok?"

"I'm just worried."

We're all worried.

"What if something happened to Doug? Like something bad."

"Come on, you can't think like that," Phil said.

"What if Doug's dead? I can't afford to lose somebody close to me again, it hurts too much. I was so upset when my grandpa died."

"How'd he die?" I asked.

"World War II."

I felt really bad for him now, I couldn't imagine one of my loved ones dying in battle.

"Died in battle?" Phil asked.

"No, he was skiing in Vermont, it was just during World War II."

Really? I thought as I lost most of my sympathy for Alan.

"Alan. Doug is fine."

"Well why hasn't he called?"

"I don't know. But we're going to figure it out."

"I'll tell you another thing," Stu said coming around the corner back to us. "6 to 1 odds our car is beat to shit," He finished while opening up his Coke.

"Come on Stu, can you be positive for once," I said.

"No seriously how much you want to bet it's fucked up beyond all recognition?"

"Seriously that's enough," Phil said getting up and going to Stu, "Alan here is seriously worried. Can we not freak him out anymore?" He asked quietly to Stu.

Stu looked a little guilty and went to Alan.

"I'm sorry Alan. You know what? We'll search the car for clues and everything's going to be ok."

We heard squealing of tires and we didn't want to see the condition of the car. The guy pulled up in front of us and the car was in perfect condition.

There are miracles after all.

"You see? Everything'll be alright," Phil said as we made our way to the car, "Stu in back with Alan," Phil ordered.

While we were making our way back to the hotel all of us started searching for clues. Phil checked the car visors and found nothing.

"Anything?" Phil asked.

"I found a pair of men's boots. I know none of you were wearing boots last night," I said.

"I found a cigar," Stu said from the back left side.

"What's this? Is this snake skin?" Alan asked holding up something white.

"Alan put that down," I said.

"Why?"

"It's a used condom Alan!" Phil said.

Alan threw it on Stu and in return Stu threw it on Phil. Phil flipped out and swerved while throwing the condom out the window. He pulled over and said,

"Alright! What the fuck man?! We got to get this shit together guys!"

"You know there's another one back-" Alan got cut off by a banging in the trunk.

"Do you guys hear that?" I asked.

"It's in the trunk," Stu said.

"Doug!" I said frantically and jumped out of the car with the others right on my tail.

"Hurry up Phil!" I said panicked, who knows how long he's been in there.

When he got the trunk unlocked a naked Asian guy jumped out onto Phil and started beating him with a crowbar. Phil threw him off and the guy started hitting my brother. I went towards Stu and the guy turned to me and hit me in the back of the head. I fell to the ground in pain and watched him hit Phil in the face. Once Phil was on the ground he went after Alan.

"You gonna fuck on me?" The Chinese guy asked.

"Nobody's gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! Please! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants" Alan pleaded.

And with that the guy hit Alan and ran off. Phil crawled his way to me while the others moaned and groaned in pain.

"Harper. Honey, are you ok?"

"I'll be fine," I groaned while touching the back of my head.

Phil removed my hand and kissed the back of my head tenderly. We made our way back to the car and leaned against it.

"That was some fucked up shit," Phil said, "Who was that guy? He was so mean."

"Guys. There's something I need to tell you. Last night on the roof, before we went out I slipped something in our Jagermeister."

"You did what?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, I fudged up guys."

"You drugged us," Stu asked.

"No. I didn't drug you. I was told it was extacy."

"Who told you it was extacy?" Phil asked.

"The guy I bought it from, from the liquor store.

"Why would you give us extacy?" Stu asked.

"Because I wanted everybody to have a good time and I knew you guys wouldn't take it. It was just one hit each. I used to do three hits a night.

"But it wasn't extacy Alan! It was Ruffies!"

"You think I knew that Stu? The guy that I bought it from seemed like a straight shooter."

"This is all you're fault!" I said and jumped Alan.

"Because of you we can't find Doug! I yelled as I pulled his hair and hit the back of his head on the ground.

Phil finally got me off of Alan and I groaned in pain. Jumping someone minutes after you got a blow to the head isn't a real good idea.

"That wasn't a good idea Harper," Phil said to me then looked at Stu, "Let's just calm down."

"You fucking calm down. He fucking drugged us. I lost a tooth! I married a whore!" Stu said standing up.

"How dare you? She's a nice lady," Alan defended.

"You are a fucking moron!"

"Your language is offensive."

"Fuck you!"

"Before you say another word Alan, do us a favor and shut the fuck up," I said angrily.

Phil grabbed my arm lightly and pulled me up to stand by him.

"Alright. Let's just take a deep breath, ok?" Phil said breaking up the bickering, "Seriously, this is good thing guys."

"What do you mean it's a good thing?" I yelled then winced.

"It's a good thing because it's not some stranger drugging us for God knows what reason."

"Yeah."

"Yeah. You're right Phil, it's totally a good thing. We're so much better off now," Stu said sarcastically.

"Here's something I would like to remind you two of, Harper and I both know our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!"

"That's highly unlikely," Alan stated.

I growled at Alan and Phil tightened his grip on my wrist slightly.

"It's true," Stu said.

"Does not help," Phil said, "Let's get our shit together guys. Lets go back to the hotel, I'll make a couple of calls. Maybe Doug's back there, maybe he's asleep. C'mon! Let's go!" he finished then getting into the drivers seat.

"Move!" I growled out while glaring daggers into Alan.

"Stu..." Alan said snapping his fingers, " A little help."

You are more of a dick than Phil is!

Stu slapped Alan's hand away and said, "Shut up!"

I swung the door open and it came into contact with Alan's head.

"Oh God. Harper you just hit him."

"I don't give a fuck. He deserves it at this point. Maybe a few more hits will make him have a brain cell."

"Harper!" Phil barked.

I got in without another word while Stu said that I was sorry and that I didn't mean it. Then they finally got in and we headed to the hotel.

We finally made it back to our room and Alan said,

"Wait. Guys. about the tiger? What if he got out?"

After all that's happened we forgot about the tiger.

"Oh, fuck! I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger! How the fuck did he get in there?"

"I don't know, because I don't remember!"

"Shh! Stu. Stu, keep it down."

"One of the side effects of roofies is memory loss."

"You are literally too stupid to insult."

Couldn't have said it any better.

I blinked a few times then said in confusion,

"Did we leave some kind of music on before we left?"

"No. Why?" Phil asked curiously.

"Listen."

They got quiet and they heard the music too. Phil slipped the key card in and opened the door.

"Be quiet and don't make any sudden movements," he said quietly.

Alan was the last person in and he slammed the door. We turned around and glared at him then went further into the suite. Phil accidentally bumped into someone tall and Stu screamed like a girl.

"Who the hell are you?" Phil asked.

"Who the hell are you?" The guy countered.

"Quiet. Quiet."

We turned to the voice and the guy turned around.

"Is that..." I started but couldn't believe who I was seeing.

I must've got hit on the head harder than I thought.

"Mike Tyson?" Phil asked in confusion.

So I'm not imagining things.

"Shh. This is my favorite part coming up right now."

We slowly and carefully walked towards him. He started playing the air drums then started singing along to the song.

"Chorus line guys."

We started singing the chorus because nobody refuses the Mike Tyson. He could kill you with one hit.

"One more time guys."

We started again then he decked Alan right in the jaw. Alan fell to the ground unconscious.

"Oh shit," Phil panicked.

"Alan!" I said kneeling next to him to see if he was still breathing.

"Why'd you do that?" Phil asked Tyson while checking Alan over with me.

"Mr. Tyson would like to know why his tiger's in your bathroom?" the tall guy asked.

Phil and Stu stood up while I was still checking Alan over.

"Hold on. That was completely unnecessary. I'm a huge fan When you knocked out Holmes that was-"

"Explain," The tall guy said impatiently.

"Phil. Now's not the time to be kissing ass right now," I said, then looked at Tyson, "We were drugged last night. We have no idea what happened."

Tyson and what I'm guessing is his body guard looked at each other with the 'Yeah right' look.

"It's true," Stu said backing me up. "We got into all kinds of trouble last night and now we can't find our friend. And if you wanna kill us just go ahead because I don't even care anymore."

"Stu," Me and Phil said at the same time.

"Why the fuck would you want to steal his tiger?"

"We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up," Phil said.

"I don't believe these guys man," Tyson muttered.

"Wait. Wait. Wait. How did you guys find us?"

Phil had a great point.

"One of you dropped your jacket," the bodyguard said while holding it up. "Found it in the tiger's cage this morning."

"That's Doug's jacket," Stu and me said in unison.

"Yeah. Uh, Doug," He said tossing it to Stu. "His room key was in there."

"Well that's our missing friend."

"I don't give a fuck."

"Did you guys see him?" I asked.

"I was fast asleep," Tyson said.

"Yeah 'cause if he was up, this shit wouldn't have gone down smoothly."

I groaned in pain while they kept talking, my head was getting worse.

"And while you guys are trying to find a way to get the tiger back, we're taking her," the bodyguard said pointing to me.

"The fuck you are," Phil said angrily.

"Phil. Please not right now," I said.

"See, she knows she's the insurance that you guys get the tiger back to Tyson here."

Phil sighed irritatedly then turned towards me. He gently took hold of my face and kissed me passionately, like I wasn't going to be coming back. I heard my brother groan disgustedly and I smiled a little then wrapped my arms around Phil's neck. Phil grabbed my waist and pulled me against him hard.

"It's bad enough that you married my sister!"

We broke apart and I followed Tyson and his bodyguard out the door.