Christmas Wishes

I had just gotten out of the restaurant when I felt someone grab my hand and I spun around to find Matt looking at me worriedly because my eyes were glossy and I refused to cry in public. I was stronger than that.

“Mace,” Matt said, “Let me take you home.”

“No,” I said shaking my head, “You stay here. Just because I’m upset doesn’t mean you have to leave. I’ll be fine promise.”

“No,” Matt said, “This is when you shouldn’t be alone Mace. Let me take you home. We can stop and get fatting McDonald’s and we can just talk okay?”

Again I just shook my head no and was about to hail a cab but Matt had other plans.

“So stubborn,” he said as he took the keys from the valet guy and put me into the car with me fighting.

“You need to be in there,” I huffed as he shut and locked the door.

He then quickly rushed around the car and got in and we drove off. I was glaring out the window and Matt tried to hold my hand but I pulled it away.

“You shouldn’t have come after me,” I mumbled not looking at him.

“And why is that?” Matt asked.

“Because that just adds fuel to her fire,” I said, “More ammo for her to use against me as to why I’m such a bottom feeding parasite.”

I had no idea my voice held so much venom in it but I saw Matt flinch from the corner of my eye. I closed my eyes and felt the tears slowly start to fall. When Matt pulled into the driveway, I quickly moved into the house and locked myself in the laundry room and just let myself officially break down. Not only was I crying about the words my mother had used at the restaurant but also because ever since I could remember my mother was the coldest towards me. I remember graduation valedictorian in my class and of course out of all of the children she had, she missed my high school graduation, my awards ceremonies, my college graduation, my wedding. Every important event in my life my mother was never there but for Lennox and Lukas she made it to everything. I was also finally letting all the hurt I had felt since the divorce. I truly cared about Heath and tried so hard to make our marriage work but nothing I did was ever good enough. Maybe my mom was right, I wasn’t good enough for my son, Matt, my dad, the business. Maybe I just needed to give all the parenting rights to Heath. I was sitting on the ground crying when there was a knock on the door.

“Mace,” Matt said, “Let me in.”

“No,” I replied, “Go back to restaurant. Don’t let me ruin your night.”

“Macie, babe,” Matt said trying the door, “Please let me in.”

I just shrank further against the wall and continued to cry silently knowing this was probably very childish but I rarely let anything out since the divorce and I needed to vent the only way I had learned how. Matt kept trying to coax me out of the room for about an hour before he gave me.

“I’m not going anywhere Mace,” Matt said and I could hear the pain and worry in his voice, “I’ll be here when you want to come out. I won’t ask you to come out anymore.”

[/img]

It was three o’clock in the morning and what was I doing? Laundry of course, I had to keep my mind busy so I wouldn’t breakdown again. I heard Lukas, Becky, and Carson come home and Carson came straight to the laundry room. He asked Matt why I was in there and Matt said that I was trying to be sneaky and wrap presents in there and I reminded myself that I had to thank Matt for doing that for me. I had managed to clean everyone’s dirty clothes by this time so I decided I needed to show myself. I shut the light off in the room and opened the door to find Matt and Carson curled up asleep on the ground across the hall from the door. I smiled lightly at the sight and took a quick picture on my phone. Carson was sleeping on top of Matt who was holding onto him for dear life so he wouldn’t fall onto the ground. I smiled lightly and slowly moved Matt’s arms so I could grab Carson. I was lifting Carson into my arms when Matt stirred and rubbed his eyes sitting up.

“Come on,” I whispered, “Let’s get you boys in bed.”

Matt was too tired to comprehend anything so I led both boys to their respected rooms. I tucked Carson into bed and kissed his forehead.

“I love you my baby boy,” I whispered to him and kissed his forehead, “I’d give up my world to make yours better.”

I then turned around to see Matt was a bit more alert and gave me a small smile.

“You’re a great Mom Macie,” Matt said as I grabbed his hand and led him to our room.

“I don’t know about that,” I said as I made sure he was in bed.

“Where are you going?” he asked as I grabbed some clothes and headed into the bathroom.

“I’m going to shower and then head to bed,” I said, “I’ll be there in a little.”

He looked a bit skeptical so I promised him I would leave the door unlocked so he could check up on me if he was worried. I think that made him feel a bit better and I walked into the bathroom and started my shower. I changed into my pajamas which just consisted of sweats and t-shirt and headed out to the bedroom to find Carson a bit in a panic.

“Where’s Mom?” Carson asked as I heard the tears in his voice.

“What’s wrong Carson?” I asked worried as I saw Carson in the doorway and rushed over to him.

“I thought you left,” he whispered hugging me tightly, “I had a nightmare can I sleep with you and Matt.”

“I would never leave you Carson,” I whispered hugging him back, “Come on let’s get some sleep okay.”

Carson nodded his head and we climbed into the bed and Carson cuddled into my side and I sang one of the first songs I used to sing to Carson for him to fall asleep. I quietly sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow and played with his hair until I heard his breathing even out and I kissed his forehead. I soon let my tiredness take over and I soon fell asleep.



The time I woke up, it was seven and everyone was still asleep. I couldn’t sleep any longer so I quietly got out of bed and made my way down the stairs to find Lukas up and making a cup of coffee.

“I’m sorry Mom embarrassed you like that in front of Matt and Brian,” Lukas said his back still facing me, “I couldn’t believe she did that in a public place.”

“It’s alright Luke,” I said walking over to the fridge and started on making waffles for everyone, “I’m used to it.”

“But that’s the thing,” Lukas said, “You shouldn’t have to be used to that. No mother and I mean no mother should ever talk to their child like that and they should never blame a divorce on them.”

“Luke,” I said as he continued to rant that no wonder why I was so hands on with Carson and was so quiet whenever she was around.

He didn’t hear me and continued to rant.

“Luke,” I said for the third time and he looked at me, “It’s fine. That’s how its always been and it’s not going to change. I apologize for my behavior because it wasn’t much better. I shouldn’t have left like that and had you take Carson home. I’m sorry for. . .”

“Don’t you dare say inconveniencing me or Becky because it wasn’t an inconvenience at all Mace,” Lukas said, “I know you try to be strong all the time but fuck Macie you’re allowed to have a moment of weakness.”

“That’s where you’re wrong Luke,” I said, “I have to be strong for Carson and now for Matt. They don’t need to worry about me, that’s my job to worry. Mom’s right though maybe I should think about the whole working at the coffee shop. Maybe I should get my license and get a teaching job.”

“Seriously,” Lukas said shocked, “You love working at the shop. You couldn’t just give up so easily Macie.”

“I don’t know Lukas,” I sighed.

“Macie you’re one of the best moms I know,” Lukas said, “Don’t ever think for a moment you’re a horrible mom. Mom is just mad because Lennox and I look up to you not her.”

“What,” I said shocked.

“So I might have went off the deep end after you left,” Lukas said and I gave him my famous mom look, “She had no right to do that to you Macie and I finally told her that you were more of a mother than she would ever be. She didn’t like that comment and then asked Lennox if that she felt the same way and Lennox told her off as well. Lennox and Brian then left to go somewhere else and I took Carson and we went to the diner a few blocks away from the house.”

“What did Dad say?” I asked a bit nervous.

“Well Mom looked at him and said And you’re going to let them bash me like that?” he said in his impersonation of my mother, “and his response was You chose not to be a parent. What did you think they thought you of as a real mom? You’ve got to be kidding me Maryann. He then paid for the uneaten food and walked out with me, Becky, and Carson and told me to tell you To hell with the old bat she’s a woman who doesn’t deserve the brilliant kids she has.”

I smiled lightly as I made the waffles and heard another set of footsteps come into the kitchen.

“When did I make it to the bedroom?” Matt asked as I handed him a cup of coffee.

“Around three,” I said, “I helped you into bed.”

“You okay?” Matt asked me and I nodded my head and looked over at Lukas who winked at me.

“Yeah,” I smiled lightly, “I just. . .”

“Don’t show your emotions very much,” he finished my sentence, “That much I gathered. Want some help with breakfast?”

“Of course,” I said and Matt and I made breakfast for the house.

I was just finishing up the waffles when there was a knock at the door.

“I got it Mom!” I heard Carson’s voice.

“With me Mace,” Lukas replied and the door was opened.

“Auntie Lennie!” Carson exclaimed and I smiled knowing that Brian was with her and probably with all the girls and boys.

“Kitchen,” I replied and then looked at Matt, “Go hang with the boys. Introduce my brother to your friends. Enjoy watching Brian squirm.”

Matt just laughed at my comment and kissed my temple.

“Babe,” he said, “You’re mom is a complete nutty old bag you’re the absolute best mom in the world and best girlfriend ever.”

I just smiled and kissed him as a thank you. He then disappeared into the living room and I heard the girls walk in.

“Mom’s fucking nuts,” Lennox said and I just laughed as I put everything on the counter.

“I agree with Lennox on this one,” Lacey said, “What kind of Mom says the kind of stuff she did to you. It’s craziness if you ask me.

“Agreed,” Leana and Gena replied.

I just smiled and grabbed plates.

“You sure you’re okay Mace?” Lennox asked me since I hadn’t said anything.

“Yup,” I said popping the p.

“Mom!” Carson exclaimed and I quickly spun around to catch him as he threw himself at me, “Did you make my favorite waffles?”

“Chocolate chip ones duh,” I said laughing as he grinned and started kissing my cheek.

“Best mom ever!” he exclaimed as he grabbed a plate from the counter and put food on his plate.

“Food’s ready!” I exclaimed and then got out of the way as the boys devoured the food.

“Did you save some for the pregnant lady?” Becky asked waddling into the kitchen and I smiled at her.

“We have plates in the oven,” I said, “I figured the boys would eat everything in sight so I saved us all a plate with some extras for you Becky.”

Becky just grinned widely and shook her head.

“She’s the woman who thinks of everything,” Becky said as I handed the girls their plates, “She was the one who kept me cool as a cucumber when I was getting married.”

The girls all then disappeared into the living room and I started washing dishes. It was having everyone over here to make me realize that I was a good person, a good mom, and a good friend. Everyone wanted me around and that’s what I was going to do. I wasn’t going to let people like my mother second guess myself anymore.