Uncharted Territory

As if the welcoming party the day before wasn’t bad enough, I then had to endure a three hour long rehearsal dinner the next evening, where it seemed like everyone was keen on asking me just how I knew Josh and even more question about what I thought of the ceremonies so far. Of course, I swooned over how beautiful everything was and how lucky Natalie was.

Just when I thought I was going to be able to handle conversation with all of Natalie’s relatives and friends any longer, my saving grace, Mrs. Hutcherson, called me over to her table and pulled out the seat next to her.

“Are you enjoying yourself, dear?” She asked as she took a sip of her white wine, smiling at me when she set the flute down.

“Of course.” I nodded my head while I folded my legs over one another. “Everything’s so beautiful.”

Before either of us could say anymore, Josh and Natalie cleared their throats at the front table, pulling everyone’s attention to them. Josh had one arm set over Natalie’s shoulder, while his was wrapped around her waist, and they smiled as they looked out everyone.

“We’re so happy to have you all here with us this evening,” Josh said, his charming voice carrying all over the room and making everyone smile. “We hope you’re all enjoying yourselves and…”

Josh and Natalie carried on talking for nearly fifteen minutes, none of which I paid attention to. I simply sipped from my wine glass, staring off into the distance while I tried to make it look like I was focusing. Mrs. Hutcherson turned her body slightly, talking just loud enough so I could hear.

“He’s grown up so much, hasn’t he?” She smiled, giving her son a quick look before turning back to me. “Funny, I always thought you’d be the one up there next to him.”

I nearly spit out my wine when she spoke, but I held it in with a slight cough, giving her a smile before I just had to excuse myself. That room was beginning to get a little too stuffy for me, and I needed to get a breath of fresh air before I drowned.

A beautiful garden surrounded me on all sides, and I went straight for the first bench I saw. I practically collapsed on it, leaning forward so that I held my head in my hands while I took several deep breaths. It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes that passed before I heard the sound of footsteps moving through the grass next to me.

I poked my head up, resting my chin in the palm of my hands while my eyes met Josh’s. He stood in front of me, smiling down with his hands in his pockets.

“What are you doing out here?” He asked before moving to take the empty seat next to me.

“Just needed some fresh air.” I shrugged, looking back at him as I sat up straight. “What about you?”

He nodded his head and let out a small breath. “Same.”

The two of us sat like that for a few minutes, in total silence aside from the sounds of nature, before I spoke again.

“That was a lovely speech you gave,” I said, though I hadn’t actually listened to most of it. Even so, it probably wasn’t a lie.

“You think?”

I nodded my head and he chuckled before leaning forward and resting his heads in his hands, his eyes off somewhere in the distance, hooked on something that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. A few more grueling seconds passed before Josh spoke, his voice just barely loud enough that I could hear.

“Do you think this is a bad idea?” He asked, leaning up while he looked at me with his eyebrows furrowed and his lips pressed together.

I looked back at him with the same confused expression on my face. “What?”

“Do you think I might’ve jumped into this marriage thing too quickly?”

I paused, pressing my lips together while I moved my gaze away from Josh and out to the garden. What sort of answer was he looking for? I didn’t have a clue. I did know that I couldn’t feed into his doubts, even as much as I wanted to.

“You’ve been together a year,” I said, shrugging my shoulders as I looked back at him. “That’s a pretty long time.”

Josh paused too as he pushed his lips to one side. “What if I miss out?”

“On what?”

He shrugged. “On everything.”

“There’s still time for things, Josh,” I said, tucking my hair behind my ear as I looked at him. “You’re getting married; not going to prison.”

Josh chuckled, a small smile moving to his lips. “It doesn’t feel like it.

“Oh, come on. It can’t be that bad.”

“You don’t know Natalie,” Josh said, a small chuckle leaving his lips before his chin was resting on his hands again, his eyes back on that spot somewhere in the distance. He looked completely lost wherever he was, and I wanted so badly to help him, though I didn’t know how.

“What if –” Josh paused, continuing after he took a deep breath. “What if I’m missing out on something better?”

“Better?” I questioned, looking at him with my lip turned up.

He nodded his head. “Better.”

I bit my lip tightly, mulling my words over carefully to figure out exactly what to say. I knew the whole wedding thing had Josh in a strange head space, and I didn’t want to do anything to fog him up ever more, but I didn’t want to lie to him either.

“Well, I supposed if you’re meant to be with someone else, then you two will find each other in the end anyway, right?”

Josh’s eyes were still off in the distance when he spoke, and at first I wasn’t even sure if he had heard me. “Is that how it works?”

I shrugged, a small smile falling to my lips at the thought. “I’d like to think so.”

Josh turned to me, flashing a small smile before he let out a small laugh. “Did you know I used to have the biggest crush on you?"

“What?” I nearly shouted, an equally amused laugh coming from my throat. There was no way he had spoken those words. Not about me. “I had no clue.”

Josh chuckled, nodding his head. “It started when I was about 10. Something about those pigtails you used to wear.”

I laughed again, shaking my head in disbelief. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I didn’t think it would matter,” he said, shrugging his shoulders before he leaned back against the bench.

I chuckled as I moved my head up and down. “It would have mattered.”

“Why’s that?”

I didn’t have time to answer before Natalie’s voice called Josh’s name, the shrill ringing through both of our ears. She approached with a smile, reaching her hand out to Josh as she stood in front of him.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” she beamed, pulling him up when his hand connected with hers. “You ready to go back inside.”

“Yeah, let’s go.” Josh stood next to her, looking back at me to give me a sympathetic smile. “I’ll see you later, Erin.”

I nodded to him before watching him follow Natalie back toward the rehearsal dinner, where he would be bombarded with people who were so happy for him on this very special occasion. I didn’t plan on going back in there, because I needed all the fresh air I could possibly get. My head was completely fuzzy with everything that Josh had said, and in the end, I just wished that he had told me sooner.