Uncharted Territory

I couldn’t take it anymore. I knew I had to tell Josh. I had to let him make the decision about Natalie for himself. Taking a long, deep breath, I knocked against his door softly three separate times. It only took a few seconds for him to answer. His chest was bare of any clothes, while a pair of blue pajama pants hung loosely around his waist.

“Erin? What are you doing? Is everything alright?”

I nodded my head quickly, though I wasn’t sure why I had just admitted everything was alright. It was far from that.

“I just left my phone with you,” I said, tugging my bottom lip between my teeth. “You had it in your pocket.”

“Oh, yeah, of course, come in.”

Josh opened the door the rest of the way and stepped to the side for me to come in. His room was tidy aside from the pair of jeans on the floor, which he moved towards immediately. He dug into each of the pockets before finding it in the back one and pulling it out. It dropped down into my open hand and he smiled at me.

“There you go,” he said, beaming at me before he began moving towards his bed. I knew I had to do it. It was now or never.

With a deep breath, I help out my hand, though I wasn’t within arms distance of reaching anything. “Josh, wait. There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“Really?” He turned back to me with his eyebrows furrowed before sitting on the edge of the bed and patting the space next to him. I sat where he had touched, only able to look at the wall in front of us. “What is it?”

My throat was all choked up like I had been running all day in the snow, and I could barely think long enough to breathe. I realized then that I should have come up with a definitive plan, but I had never really been good at thinking ahead.

“I don’t know how to say this.” I paused, unable to complete my sentence. My hands were fidgeting uncontrollably while sweat pooled in my palms. When Josh realized I wasn’t going to say anything, he put the ball in his court.

“What is it, Erin?” He practically whispered, his hand reaching over to rub my knee gently. I think it was something his mom had taught him to do, because he had been doing it ever since we were young. “You know you can tell me anything.”

I took another deep breath as I shut my eyes tightly. I knew I had to just get out with it, so I pretended I was alone, back at home in my comfy bed where there was no stress or pressure to ruin my best friend’s life.

“It’s Natalie.” I paused, taking another deep breath. “I – I saw her go into someone’s room.”

“What?” Josh blurted out, his eyebrows furrowed when I opened my eyes to look at him. “Whose?”

“I don’t know his name, Josh,” I said, pushing my hair behind my ear out of habit. “He’s one of your groomsmen.”

Josh let out a sigh of relief, slumping down a bit as he looked at me. “Oh, that’s just Mark. The two of them are just good friends.”

I could’ve stopped. I could have gone on letting him think Mark was helping Natalie with some hair or dress problem, but I had started, and the truth was coming out of me like a piston now.

“Um, I’m sure they are, but, um, that’s not it though.” I let out a small cough, my throat tightening up. “They were kissing, Josh, and it didn’t look like they were gonna stop.”

“What?” He breathed out, shaking his head in disbelief. “That’s impossible.”

“I’m sorry, Josh. I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know whether I should reach over and pull him in for a hug, so I moved my hands underneath my legs instead. “I saw them go into his room together.”

“You’re sure?”

I nodded my head, and Josh looked away from me, staring far off at some point against the wall. He looked more confused than I’d seen him in my life, and I would have done anything to make that confusion go away.

The two of us sat in silence for a long moment until Josh couldn’t take it anymore, I assumed, and stood up. He turned around and looked down at me once as he spoke.

“Two doors down, right?”

I nodded my head and he gave me a pained smile before moving towards the door. My heart was racing as I watched him walk away, because I had no clue what he was going to do. Just as his hand hit the doorknob, he turned back around and our eyes locked briefly.

“Will you stay here?” He asked, his voice barely loud enough that I could hear him. “So you’ll be here when I get back.”

I nodded my head again, giving him a small smile that I hoped would be reassuring, as I watched him walk out the door.

I had no idea what he was going to do next, and it absolutely terrified me, but more than anything, I just felt terrible. The look in his eyes when I told him about Natalie was something I never wanted to see again. It was some semblance of complete and utter shock mixed with this disgust that only came with one of your friends sleeping with your fiancé.

If I could have done something to make it all better, I would have done it in a heartbeat, but I didn’t have a clue what to do or say. All I could do was wait on Josh’s bed, with my hands folded in my lap, while I waited for him to get back from the fifth layer of hell.