I've Got What You Want (For Christmas)
I've Got What You Want (For Christmas)
“Dude, as soon as we get home, I’m breaking out the Christmas tree.”
Jaime is smiling wide and bright. Tony is suddenly reminded of a well lit Christmas tree.
“Yeah well,” Tony yawns, “you’ll be doing that alone”.
Jaime’s smile falters, and Tony looks away. He’s being a total coward, he knows, ignoring the hurt look on Jaime’s face just to selfishly avoid the inevitable guilt that will follow. Tony would never intentionally hurt his feelings, and he knows how much Jaime loves Christmas, he’s just so damn tired. He cannot wait to get home and just sleep. He’s spent the last six months caught in a flurry of workworkwork, starting with recording the new album and ending with a whirlwind of shows that’s had them jetting from Brazil to Chile to Hawaii to Florida before finally, finally they are on a plane headed back to LA, just six days shy of Christmas. Needless to say, struggling to put up and decorate a tree are not at the top of his list. Tony chances a glance in Jaime’s direction, and when Jaime notices him looking he gives Tony an easy smile. Tony returns it and starts to drift off, but not before promising himself to make it up to Jaime as soon as he’s caught up on his sleep.
~*~
The next day Tony wakes up to the sound of “Jingle Bell Rock” - the Chipmunks version, at that - playing on the downstairs radio, and immediately pulls the pillow over his head. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy and appreciate the holidays, because he totally does, it’s just that he’s still half asleep, and really, why does Jaime have to blare Christmas music throughout the house at such an ungodly hour?
Tony looks over at his alarm clock to assess the damage. 2:14p.m. Huh. Reluctantly he drags himself out of bed and heads downstairs, following the sound of Alvin’s high pitched voice.
When Tony gets to the bottom of the steps he stops dead in his tracks.
Jaime is standing in front of the newly erected (but still bare) tree, sipping what looks suspiciously like hot cocoa from a snowman shaped mug. He’s wearing green and red flannel pajama pants and an honest-to-goodness elf hat. When he looks up from his mug he practically blinds Tony with his smile, which is lined with a thin stripe of whipped cream across his upper lip. Tony has the sudden urge to lick it off.
Wait, what?
“Hey sleepyhead! ‘Bout time you got up. Are you ready to turn this house into a magical winter wonderland?”
It takes a second or two for Tony to register that Jaime is talking to him. He’s totally staring. He can’t help it because, that mouth. Jesus. He thought he’d managed to get over this little… crush, or whatever it is he has for Jaime. Apparently he was mistaken.
“Yeah, just let me – “
Tony startles a bit at the sound of his cell phone ringing on the counter. He grabs it and looks at the caller ID.
Vic.
Vic is usually pretty good at keeping things bottled up. He doesn’t usually get openly excited or upset about things. Always the perfect picture of calm and composed. The holidays however are a different story entirely.
“Hey, Vic.”
“Cara sent me a Christmas card.”
Vic’s doing his best to sound like his normal calm and collected self, but Tony knows better. He can hear something broken and distant in Vic’s voice that he hasn’t heard since he and Cara split up.
“I’ll be there in an hour.”
“Thanks, Tone.”
Tony hangs up and sighs as he glances in Jaime’s direction. He’s stretching upwards, his back making a long straight line. It looks like he’s trying to hang something. Wait. Is that… mistletoe?
“Who was that?”
“Vic. He’s not. He doesn’t sound too good. I was going to go check on him real quick.”
Jaime fails at hiding his disappointment, but at least he tries.
“No. I mean, you have to go, right? Tell him I said hi. I’ll wait until you get back to do the tree. So we can do it together.”
Tony can’t really place the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. It’s something beyond guilt; beyond just disappointing Jaime.
“I’m so sorry Hime. I’m just gonna check on him real quick and I’ll be right back. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
“Yeah you will.”
Jaime wiggles his eyebrows for effect, dangling the mistletoe between his fingers.
Tony suddenly feels uncomfortable in his own skin. He takes a deep breath and silently curses himself for wishing that Jaime was being serious. He’s not gay. Not really. He’s just comfortable enough in his manhood to appreciate beauty in both women and men. Whatever. The problem is that over the past few months Tony has found Jaime’s “beauty” to be downright irresistible. He is well aware of the fact that Jaime is a shameless flirt, always has been, but he’s found himself thinking lately that it wouldn’t be so bad if Jaime’s harmless flirting turned into something... more.
~*~
Going to “check on Vic real quick” turns into a three day event. He really is a mess, and there is no way Tony can leave him until he knows he’s okay. Christmas is hitting Vic especially hard this year, and it’s no wonder. This is the first year he’s really and truly alone. Mike is in San Francisco with his girlfriend, and his parent’s decided to do a cruise for Christmas this year. Tony doesn’t have the heart to leave him alone though, so he stays as long as he has to.
It sort of works out in Tony’s favor too though, because he misses Vic. They haven’t spent this much time together outside of touring in forever. Plus, it gives Tony the opportunity to tell Vic about the Jaime situation. Vic rolls his eyes and manages to seem completely unphased and not at all surprised. Tony feels like he’s missing the punch line.
~*~
Three days until Christmas and Tony is finally, finally back home. It’s late, the house is quiet, and he knows that Jaime is probably already asleep. Three days until Christmas and Tony hasn’t bought one gift, or hung one decoration. Three days until Christmas and their tree is still bare. Jaime stayed true to his word and saved it for them to do together. Tony’s heart breaks just a little.
“Hey.”
Tony jumps at the sound of Jaime’s voice and spins around to face him.
“Hey. Sorry, did I wake you?”
“Nah. Just finished decorating the rest of the house. I saved the tree for you though.”
For the first time since he’s been back, Tony looks around and takes notice of all the decorations adorning every available surface. It’s so Jaime. Over the top. Cheerful. Beautiful.
“It all looks really good, Hime.”
Jaime is still standing in the archway between the living room and the dining room when he beckons Tony over to stand next to him.
“You should see it from this angle. It’s really laid out to draw attention when you first walk through the door.”
Tony laughs a little at how seriously Jaime seems to be taking this whole decorating thing.
“It looks great from this angle too.”
Jaime looks a little put out, but Tony decides that it’s probably because he’s still upset about him abandoning him for the past few days.
“Sorry it took so long to get back, I just. You know how Vic can be.”
“Yeah, it’s. No worries man. Hey, are you sure you don’t want to check out the view of the house from over here? Seriously, it makes a difference.”
“I’m kind of beat. It’ll be better if I can see it when it’s light out anyway. And, we’ll get to the tree tomorrow, I promise. Okay?”
Tony still thinks Jaime looks a little upset, but he’s really too exhausted to push right now. Jaime gives him a sad little smile and heads off to bed. It isn’t until after Tony has brushed his teeth and is headed back through the house to his room that he finds himself standing in the archway in the exact spot Jaime was standing just minutes before. He takes in the view and thinks to himself, “It doesn’t look any different from here…”
It’s at that moment that Tony leans his head back, lets out an exasperated breath and notices the mistletoe hanging above his head in the archway.
“Shit.”
~*~
Tony can’t sleep. It’s been an entire 24 hours since he noticed that mistletoe hanging in the dining room, and he’s still trying to figure out what the hell is going on with Jaime. He was pretty sure that this crush, (or whatever it is), was one-sided. Maybe he was wrong? There’s no way a guy like Jaime would be interested in him like that anyway. Right?
He’s been pretty distant since it happened. They decorated the tree in silence, and Tony is pretty sure that they were both avoiding each other, as well as the mistletoe. Tony has also caught himself wishing on several occasions that they would both just stop avoiding it. The mistletoe. The kissing. He is so screwed.
Now, lying in bed on Christmas Eve, Tony feels… troubled. He’s considered just telling Jaime how he feels countless times, because obviously this is far more than some harmless crush, but he’s just not sure his heart could handle it if Jaime rejected him. Better safe than sorry.
~*~
Tony must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knows he’s waking up to the sound of a guitar being played quietly somewhere nearby. He blinks his eyes open and sees Vic sitting in the chair on the far side of his room.
“Vic?”
Vic looks up from his guitar and gives Tony a blank stare.
“Nope. It’s your subconscious.”
Tony is not amused.
“Ha ha. Very funny, Vic.”
“No, seriously dude. I’m your subconscious. And I’m not in the mood for some long drawn out conversation about how that’s not possible. Because it is. Because I am. So just listen to what I have to say so I can get the hell out of here.”
Tony is completely speechless, which Vic clearly takes as his cue to keep talking.
“You’re obviously struggling with this whole Jaime thing. The problem is, it’s been going on forever. You’ve just never noticed.”
“Vic, I think I would have definitely noticed feeling this way about Jaime. I mean, there’s always kind of been something there, but never like this. I don’t – “
“Jesus Tony. Sometimes you can be so oblivious. I’m not talking about your feelings for Jaime. I’m talking about his feelings for you.”
“Oh.”
Vic has this half grin on his face that gives Tony the impression that he is definitely being laughed at right now. If he weren’t so freaked out by the current situation, he’d punch Vic right in his smug little mouth.
Vic stands up and clears his throat.
“Anyway, the thing is, Jaime’s been trying to win your attention for years. You’ve just never taken the time to notice it. So, tonight you’ll be visited by three ghosts. Past, present and future. They’ll show what you’ve failed to see throughout the years, how it’s affected Jaime, and how things will end up if you don’t make a move.”
Tony is silent for a few seconds, taking in what Vic is telling him.
“What does that mean? If I don’t make a move. What are you trying to say?”
“I’m trying to say that Jaime won’t try forever. And you’ll end up miserable if you don’t stop being such a scared, stubborn ass.”
With that Vic turns around and starts to walk away. Before Tony can stop him, he’s gone.
~*~
Tony is still staring into the darkness, in the direction where he’d last seen Vic, when he hears a low thud coming from the other side of the room. He reaches over and hastily turns on the bedside lamp and scans the room, and that’s when he sees her.
“Ow, shit…”
There’s a girl sitting on Tony’s floor rubbing the back of her head. Tony is just about to scream, or call 911, or something, but just then the girl looks up and Tony realizes he actually recognizes her.
“Stephanie? What the hell are you doing here? What the hell is going on?”
Stephanie is still rubbing at the back of her head but her expression changes pretty quickly from pained to confused.
“Dude, I’m pretty sure Vic told you I was coming.”
Tony is at a total loss. He is so confused right now. He most certainly does not remember Vic mentioning anything about Steph. He hasn’t even talked to her in so long. Why would she –
“Oh my god. Are you telling me you’re the Ghost of Christmas Past?”
“Well, yeah. What’d you think?”
Tony really isn’t sure what he thinks right now. This whole ordeal just seems so… impossible. It makes sense in way though. Stephanie is definitely a justifiable symbol of the past…
“So, here’s the deal. We’re gonna go back and I’m going to try and show you some of the stuff that you seem to have… overlooked when it comes to your relationship with Jaime. I’m warning you though, some of this won’t be easy to see.”
Tony doesn’t like the sound of that. He also doesn’t get it. In all the time he’s known Jaime he’s always been bubbly and cheerful. Usually too bubbly and cheerful. How could anything having to do with Jaime be difficult to see? He doesn’t have much time to consider it before he suddenly feels like he’s being spun around at a million miles an hour, everything rushing past him in a colorful blur, causing a wave of nausea to quickly wash over him. And just like that he stops. When he looks up he realizes he’s no longer sitting in his room. He looks around for Stephanie, and when he spots her standing in a doorway a few feet away he stands up and makes his way over to her.
“Where are we?”
“Look.”
Stephanie nods her head in the direction of the doorway and Tony steps up closer to get a better look. When Tony looks into the room he suddenly realizes where he is. Jaime’s apartment. That first crappy little place that he lived in right after high school. He was broke and alone, but he was too determined to let it detour him. He’s sitting on his ratty old futon, surrounded by piles of brightly colored construction paper, and his crappy little black and white TV playing Christmas carols and showing an ongoing shot of a fireplace adorned with stockings. There are three boxes wrapped in the Sunday comics on the floor, all labeled, Vic, Mike, Tony. Tony remembers that Christmas. (Jaime had gotten him a new pair of expensive guitar strings. Tony knew he really couldn’t afford them, but he never really realized until now that he was really the only one who got such an expensive gift.) Jaime’s cutting something out of a rather large piece of green paper, his pink tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. After a few seconds Jaime pulls open the paper and smiles, and Tony realizes he’s cut out the shape of a Christmas tree.
“Can he see us?”
Stephanie shakes her head “no” but doesn’t say anything, just nods her head back toward Jaime.
Jaime has taped the tree to his wall, and is actually decorating it with little circles and stars that he’s also cut out from the construction paper. Tony smiles a little at how ridiculously adorable Jaime is, decorating his paper tree. But just like that, the smile is gone.
The little yellow star in Jaime’s hand flutters to the floor as Jaime falls to his knees. He crying, sobbing really, his whole body shaking as he rips the tree from the wall and tears it into tiny pieces. Tony can just barely hear him chanting, barely above a whisper, “I can’t, I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“It’s his first Christmas alone. Christmas was a big deal for his family when he was growing up.”
Tony feels something fiercely protective rise up in his chest, and he wishes he could go over and pull Jaime into his arms. He wishes he would have known back then that Jaime was hurting like this, because he’s sure he would have done something to try and make things better for him. He doesn’t have time to realize what’s happening before he feels that awful spinning feeling kick up again.
This time he ends up in a far more recognizable place. It’s Jaime’s place again, but it’s a few years later, and this is a place that Tony is far more familiar with.
There is no crappy futon, and there is no homemade paper tree. There are real couches, and lots of space, and a real tree. Jaime is sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the TV watching “It’s A Wonderful Life”, tears in his eyes, eating popcorn from a big pink plastic bowl. Tony would think that Jaime was sad again, but he knows him well enough to know that Jaime always gets a little choked up when he watches that movie. Suddenly there’s a knock at Jaime’s door and he hops up to answer it. When the door swings open Tony has to catch his breath, because the person at the door is him.
Tony watches on as a younger version of himself and Jaime exchange playful banter and play video games. Jaime seems to be constantly touching him in one way or another, and Tony can’t help but wonder how he’d never noticed it while it was happening. Or maybe he did and just wrote it off as Jaime being his usual touchy-feely self. Tony looks back across the room as this younger version of himself and Jaime, and he can’t help but notice how Jaime keeps trying to maneuver him under the mistletoe hanging in the kitchen. He also notices how he unknowingly manages to avoid it every time. The first thing that comes to Tony’s mind is how some things never change.
Then Tony watches as the past version of himself and Jaime set the timer on the camera and pose in front of Jaime’s Christmas tree, both wearing big bright smiles.
“Hey, I remember that day…” Tony breathes out.
Stephanie quirks an eyebrow at him.
“Believe me, so does he.”
This time when the spinning stops Tony and Stephanie are surrounded by a room full of people. There is definitely a party going on. A Christmas party. And this isn’t that long ago actually, maybe a year or two. Tony totally remembers this party. He was actually here with Stephanie.
First he spots himself and Stephanie talking with Mike, and then he spots Jaime. At first glance Jaime seems happy, like his usual flirtatious self, but every so often Jaime gets this sort of wistful far off look in his eye. Tony can’t help but notice the little sideways glances Jaime seems to be giving his past self, but he seems far too wrapped up in Stephanie to even notice. Tony is smiling as Stephanie leads him under the mistletoe and wraps her arms around his neck and they share a sweet looking kiss. Jaime catches sight of it and disappears somewhere down the hall. Tony vaguely remembers everyone wondering where Jaime disappeared to that night. He showed back up soon enough, but still…
Tony wanders down the hallway in search of Jaime when he hears something muffled behind one of the doors. He’s not sure what the rules are here, so he puts his hand against the door, and sure enough, it goes right through. After he recovers from the shock of being able to walk through walls, he closes his eyes and walks straight through.
Jaime is sitting on the bathroom floor with his back pressed up against the tub. His face is streaked with tears, but he sounds like he’s actually trying to give himself some sort of “pep talk”.
“You can do this. Stephanie is awesome. You are totally happy for them.”
Tony can hardly believe what he’s hearing right now. Was Jaime actually jealous of his relationship with Stephanie? As if on cue, Jaime stands up, walks to the sink and looks directly at himself in the mirror as he speaks.
“This is stupid. Tony is your friend. That’s it. He’ll never – he’s your friend. Being jealous about this is stupid.”
And just like that he’s spinning again. This time when he stops he’s back in his room. As soon as he stands up he collides with another body.
~*~
“Ah, fuck.”
“Jaxin? Dude, seriously?”
“Tony? What are you doing here man?”
“Um. This is my room. What are you doing here?”
“I have no idea. I’m not even sure how I got here.”
“Actually, I think you’re supposed to be like, the ghost of Christmas Present… or something. You’re supposed to be helping me.”
“I’m dead?!”
Jaxin sounds slightly terrified. Tony does his best to help.
“I’m pretty sure you’re not dead. Stephanie was here earlier, and Vic too. I think you’re just sort of, symbolic?”
“Huh. Well, what am I helping you do?”
“I. I’m not sure exactly. Something to do with Jaime?”
“Well, whatever. I’m always down to help! So what are we supposed to do now?”
Tony isn’t sure how to answer that. He’d actually gotten pretty accustomed to having things just start to spiral around him and ending up in the next designated time. He explains as much to Jaxin, and they decide to go make some sandwiches while they try to figure it out. Except when Tony opens his bedroom door, it doesn’t lead out into the hallway. It leads directly into Jaime’s room.
“Woah, dude.”
Clearly Jaxin is just as shocked as Tony.
Jaime is sitting on his bed wrapping Christmas gifts. He’s just finishing up the bow on one of the gifts when he stops short.
“This is so stupid.”
Tony isn’t sure what Jaime’s referring to, but he’s pretty sure it has something to do with that gift. A gift that has Tony’s name on it.
Jaime takes the brightly wrapped box and puts it in his closet and shuts the door. He stands there for a minute like he’s contemplating something, but then he shakes is his head and gets back to wrapping gifts. Tony notices it’s another one for him, and he can’t help but smile when he catches a glimpse of what it is. It’s a photo album. It’s nothing extravagant, and it’s empty, but Tony gets the gesture, and that’s what counts. Jaxin however, would like an explanation.
“Dude, why would he give you an empty photo album?”
“Well”, Tony starts, “back when we first started touring, Jaime started keeping photo albums full of pictures and postcards that he’d collect during the tour. I started making the albums with him eventually, and we put one together for every tour.”
“That’s really cool.”
“Yeah.”
Tony looks up and notices Jaime stuffing a huge stocking with Tony’s name scrawled across the top in blue glitter with little hotel size shampoos and conditioners and tiny bars of soap. Jaxin makes another face.
“Um, do you have issues with hygiene or something? What’s with the soap man?”
Tony rolls his eyes before starting in on another explanation for Jaxin.
“No, I do not have hygiene issues, thank you very much. You know how it is when you’re on the road for the first time. We all used to snag anything we could get our hands on, because, ya know, we were new to the road, and the excitement, and it was just one of those stupid things we never stopped doing. So…”
Jaxin has a strange expression on his face that Tony is having some serious difficulty reading.
“Wow. That’s – Dude, I think that maybe...”
And just like that Tony’s spinning again. When he ends up back on his bed, he takes a deep breath and braces himself. The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is all that’s left, and he’s a little nervous about what’s ahead. He’s seen this movie, and he knows how it goes. He’d prefer not showing up at his own funeral, thank you very much. Maybe if he just keeps his eyes closed long enough, he’ll fall asleep, so he can wake up from this crazy dream he seems to be stuck in.
~*~
Tony squeezes his eyes shut tight, until there are little bursts of white behind his eyes. He doesn’t hear anything for quite some time, so he finally decides to chance it and open his eyes. When he does, it’s to see Casey standing next to his bed looming over him with a ridiculously wide grin plastered across his face. As if he wasn’t already anxious enough about what the “Ghost of Christmases Yet to Come” will show him. It would have to be Casey, of all people. Tony decides the best thing to do is to just put it out there right away. Come out swinging.
“I’m warning you now, if it is at all in your immediate plans to show me how deserted my funeral is, I am not interested.”
Casey shakes his head back and forth and points at Tony, making a tsk tsk sound with his mouth.
“So what then?”
Casey looks thoughtful.
“Aren’t you gonna answer me?”
Casey shakes his head no again and makes a zippering motion across his mouth with two fingers.
“You can’t speak?”
Casey shakes his head.
“Huh. This might not be so bad then.”
Casey punches Tony in the shoulder and frowns. Before Tony can react, he’s spinning.
~*~
This time when the spinning stops Tony realizes he’s actually at his and Jaime’s house. He looks around and notices that the house isn’t really decorated at all, and he wonders if maybe he and Jaime are so busy in the future that they just don’t have time. He can hear the TV playing the living room, and Casey is close behind as he goes to investigate.
Tony’s future self is sitting on the couch looking at the TV. He doesn’t look like he’s actually watching it though. He looks horrible. There are takeout boxes everywhere, and something definitely smells funky. Maybe his future self is sick. Just as Tony starts looking around in earnest for Jaime the doorbell rings, and Tony watches with interest as his future self pulls a blanket over his head and ignores it. There are three sharp knocks at the door followed by Jaime’s voice yelling for him to open the door. That gets his attention, and he manages to peel himself off of the couch and drag himself to the front door. When the door opens Tony feels his breath catch in his throat. He doesn’t know exactly how far into the future he’s seeing, but Jaime is even more beautiful than Tony could have ever imagined him. He still looks like Jaime, but with far more chiseled, distinguished features.
Tony suddenly realizes that Jaime was knocking at the door. Maybe he forgot his key.
“Jeez Tone, you don’t look so hot. Are you gonna let me in or what?”
Future Tony steps back to let Jaime in, and just as he’s closing the door –
“Oh hey, Jess is with me. She’s just grabbing something from the car real quick.”
“Oh, how is she?”
They swap small talk for a few minutes while Tony and Casey listen in. He turns to Casey looking panicked and says, “He doesn’t live here anymore?”
Casey shakes his head “no”, and Tony is only snapped out of his shock stricken state when Jessica comes through the front door. She’s holding a gift in her arms with Tony’s name on it. The exact gift that Tony had seen Jaime wrapping and then hiding in his closet when he was with Jaxin.
“Hey Tony, Merry Christmas.”
Her voice is kind and sweet, and Tony kind of wants to punch her. He has a nagging suspicion that his future self wants to do the same.
“Thanks, you too.”
Tony watches as his future self carries the box over to the dining room table and sets it down. In the meantime he can’t help but listen in on Jaime and Jessica’s hushed conversation.
“Hime, are you sure you’re ok with giving him this gift right now?”
Jaime smiles and kisses her on the forehead.
“Yeah. It doesn’t mean anything anymore. It’s cool.”
Tony can’t breathe. He looks over at Casey for some sort of reassurance that things aren’t as bad as they seem. Casey takes one look at Tony, frowns, balls his hands into fists and rubs them in front of his eyes. Crybaby.
Tony all but lunges at Casey before he realizes that his future self is opening the gift. It’s a picture frame. It’s big too, bigger than average. It’s silver and has the word “HOME” engraved in fancy lettering across the bottom. Jaime must have changed the gift. It’s really nice, it just doesn’t make sense.
“I just figured,” Jaime starts, “now that the house is just yours, you know…”
Tony looks at Casey.
“This is my future with Jaime?”
Casey gives him an over exaggerated shrug.
“So… there is no Jaime in my future? I mean, we don’t even live together anymore?”
Casey shakes his head and puts on his best pout.
“I just. I almost think I would have rather seen my funeral.”
Tony is suddenly more aware than ever of just how much he cares about Jaime. No wait. How much he loves Jaime. He can’t let it happen this way.
“Can I change it?”
Casey bobs his head back and forth, eyes angled toward the ceiling like he’s considering it.
“Just tell me. Can I change it or not?”
Casey gives him a sly smile and a wink. He snaps his fingers and once again, Tony’s spinning. This time when it stops he’s still in his living room, but it’s decorated to the hilt. On the far side of the room Tony can see himself and Jaime on the couch. They’re laughing and throwing popcorn at each from a bowl sitting between them, a half finished string of it lying abandoned on the floor. Jaime leans close to whisper something to Tony, and just as they’re about to kiss, Tony feels the spinning start to kick up again.
“Wait, Casey wait! Don’t – “
The next thing Tony knows, he’s back in his bed. He stands up a little too quickly and has to steady himself before flinging his bedroom door open and racing down the hall. When he gets to Jaime’s door he doesn’t even bother to knock, just pushes his way in and flips on the light.
“Wha – Tony? What’s wrong? What time is it?”
Tony didn’t even consider that it might be the middle of the night. Given the fact that Jaime seemed fast asleep when he rushed in and the entire house is dark, there’s probably a pretty good chance that it is. He doesn’t care. This can’t wait.
“I know about the gift,” is the first thing that comes out of his mouth. He’s not even sure how he’s going to explain how he knows about the gift, he just knows he has to find out what it is.
“Dude, it’s 3a.m. What the hell are you talking about?”
“There’s a gift. In your closet. For some reason you don’t want to give it to me but… I want it. Whatever it is, I want it.”
“How do you know about that? Did Vic say something to you? Because I swear to God – “
“Jaime, please just. Please?”
Jaime looks like he’s going to keep putting up a fight, but instead he reluctantly gets out of bed and shuffles over to the closet. He opens the door and gives Tony one more long suffering look before he takes down the box and brings it over to the bed. Tony steps over to the box cautiously and puts one hand on the lid. He looks over at Jaime, but he won’t meet Tony’s eyes and he’s scuffing his sock clad foot against the hardwood floor. He looks… nervous? Embarrassed maybe? Tony opens the lid and he can see the silver frame sitting neatly in the bottom of the box. When he pulls it out though, it’s most definitely not empty. There is a whole collage of pictures, maybe thirty or forty total, all of him and Jaime. Right in the center is the photo of him and Jaime in front of Jaime’s Christmas tree that he’d seen them take when he was with Stephanie. Engraved across the bottom in big script letters it says “LOVE”.
“Jaime”
But before Tony can say anything else, Jaime starts rambling.
“I just thought. I know it’s stupid, but I’ve liked you since… always, and I thought that maybe. Then I thought that this gift would be an easy way to say it without actually having to come out and say it, but every time I tried to get a reaction from you I got nothing, so. Look, I know we’re just friends. It’s ok though, totally. I just.”
“Jaime, I’m in love with you.”
“You don’t even have to take it, I mean I know it’s probably kind of a weird gift to get, and I know it’s –“
Jaime stops mid sentence and Tony thinks “finally”.
“What did you just say?”
“I said I’m in love with you. I’m pretty sure I have been for a while now, I just. I don’t know why I never said anything. I think maybe I was just afraid of ruining our friendship, or maybe I was just afraid of rejection. I don’t know. The point is, I love you.”
Jaime doesn’t say anything, just moves forward to wrap his arms around Tony’s neck and press their foreheads together.
“So what now?”
Jaime’s voice is barely above a whisper, like he’s afraid to ask. Like he’s afraid he’ll ruin it.
“Well,” Tony starts, “first we have a lot of missed opportunities under that mistletoe to make up for.”
Jaime grins and leans in close to kiss Tony sweet and slow. When he pulls away he’s practically glowing. Tony’s sure he is too.
“Second?”
“Second we have to we have to call Casey and thank him.”
Jaime raises his eyebrow and gives Tony a questioning look.
“Don’t ask,” is all Tony says, and then leans in to kiss his boyfriend.
Jaime is smiling wide and bright. Tony is suddenly reminded of a well lit Christmas tree.
“Yeah well,” Tony yawns, “you’ll be doing that alone”.
Jaime’s smile falters, and Tony looks away. He’s being a total coward, he knows, ignoring the hurt look on Jaime’s face just to selfishly avoid the inevitable guilt that will follow. Tony would never intentionally hurt his feelings, and he knows how much Jaime loves Christmas, he’s just so damn tired. He cannot wait to get home and just sleep. He’s spent the last six months caught in a flurry of workworkwork, starting with recording the new album and ending with a whirlwind of shows that’s had them jetting from Brazil to Chile to Hawaii to Florida before finally, finally they are on a plane headed back to LA, just six days shy of Christmas. Needless to say, struggling to put up and decorate a tree are not at the top of his list. Tony chances a glance in Jaime’s direction, and when Jaime notices him looking he gives Tony an easy smile. Tony returns it and starts to drift off, but not before promising himself to make it up to Jaime as soon as he’s caught up on his sleep.
~*~
The next day Tony wakes up to the sound of “Jingle Bell Rock” - the Chipmunks version, at that - playing on the downstairs radio, and immediately pulls the pillow over his head. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy and appreciate the holidays, because he totally does, it’s just that he’s still half asleep, and really, why does Jaime have to blare Christmas music throughout the house at such an ungodly hour?
Tony looks over at his alarm clock to assess the damage. 2:14p.m. Huh. Reluctantly he drags himself out of bed and heads downstairs, following the sound of Alvin’s high pitched voice.
When Tony gets to the bottom of the steps he stops dead in his tracks.
Jaime is standing in front of the newly erected (but still bare) tree, sipping what looks suspiciously like hot cocoa from a snowman shaped mug. He’s wearing green and red flannel pajama pants and an honest-to-goodness elf hat. When he looks up from his mug he practically blinds Tony with his smile, which is lined with a thin stripe of whipped cream across his upper lip. Tony has the sudden urge to lick it off.
Wait, what?
“Hey sleepyhead! ‘Bout time you got up. Are you ready to turn this house into a magical winter wonderland?”
It takes a second or two for Tony to register that Jaime is talking to him. He’s totally staring. He can’t help it because, that mouth. Jesus. He thought he’d managed to get over this little… crush, or whatever it is he has for Jaime. Apparently he was mistaken.
“Yeah, just let me – “
Tony startles a bit at the sound of his cell phone ringing on the counter. He grabs it and looks at the caller ID.
Vic.
Vic is usually pretty good at keeping things bottled up. He doesn’t usually get openly excited or upset about things. Always the perfect picture of calm and composed. The holidays however are a different story entirely.
“Hey, Vic.”
“Cara sent me a Christmas card.”
Vic’s doing his best to sound like his normal calm and collected self, but Tony knows better. He can hear something broken and distant in Vic’s voice that he hasn’t heard since he and Cara split up.
“I’ll be there in an hour.”
“Thanks, Tone.”
Tony hangs up and sighs as he glances in Jaime’s direction. He’s stretching upwards, his back making a long straight line. It looks like he’s trying to hang something. Wait. Is that… mistletoe?
“Who was that?”
“Vic. He’s not. He doesn’t sound too good. I was going to go check on him real quick.”
Jaime fails at hiding his disappointment, but at least he tries.
“No. I mean, you have to go, right? Tell him I said hi. I’ll wait until you get back to do the tree. So we can do it together.”
Tony can’t really place the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. It’s something beyond guilt; beyond just disappointing Jaime.
“I’m so sorry Hime. I’m just gonna check on him real quick and I’ll be right back. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
“Yeah you will.”
Jaime wiggles his eyebrows for effect, dangling the mistletoe between his fingers.
Tony suddenly feels uncomfortable in his own skin. He takes a deep breath and silently curses himself for wishing that Jaime was being serious. He’s not gay. Not really. He’s just comfortable enough in his manhood to appreciate beauty in both women and men. Whatever. The problem is that over the past few months Tony has found Jaime’s “beauty” to be downright irresistible. He is well aware of the fact that Jaime is a shameless flirt, always has been, but he’s found himself thinking lately that it wouldn’t be so bad if Jaime’s harmless flirting turned into something... more.
~*~
Going to “check on Vic real quick” turns into a three day event. He really is a mess, and there is no way Tony can leave him until he knows he’s okay. Christmas is hitting Vic especially hard this year, and it’s no wonder. This is the first year he’s really and truly alone. Mike is in San Francisco with his girlfriend, and his parent’s decided to do a cruise for Christmas this year. Tony doesn’t have the heart to leave him alone though, so he stays as long as he has to.
It sort of works out in Tony’s favor too though, because he misses Vic. They haven’t spent this much time together outside of touring in forever. Plus, it gives Tony the opportunity to tell Vic about the Jaime situation. Vic rolls his eyes and manages to seem completely unphased and not at all surprised. Tony feels like he’s missing the punch line.
~*~
Three days until Christmas and Tony is finally, finally back home. It’s late, the house is quiet, and he knows that Jaime is probably already asleep. Three days until Christmas and Tony hasn’t bought one gift, or hung one decoration. Three days until Christmas and their tree is still bare. Jaime stayed true to his word and saved it for them to do together. Tony’s heart breaks just a little.
“Hey.”
Tony jumps at the sound of Jaime’s voice and spins around to face him.
“Hey. Sorry, did I wake you?”
“Nah. Just finished decorating the rest of the house. I saved the tree for you though.”
For the first time since he’s been back, Tony looks around and takes notice of all the decorations adorning every available surface. It’s so Jaime. Over the top. Cheerful. Beautiful.
“It all looks really good, Hime.”
Jaime is still standing in the archway between the living room and the dining room when he beckons Tony over to stand next to him.
“You should see it from this angle. It’s really laid out to draw attention when you first walk through the door.”
Tony laughs a little at how seriously Jaime seems to be taking this whole decorating thing.
“It looks great from this angle too.”
Jaime looks a little put out, but Tony decides that it’s probably because he’s still upset about him abandoning him for the past few days.
“Sorry it took so long to get back, I just. You know how Vic can be.”
“Yeah, it’s. No worries man. Hey, are you sure you don’t want to check out the view of the house from over here? Seriously, it makes a difference.”
“I’m kind of beat. It’ll be better if I can see it when it’s light out anyway. And, we’ll get to the tree tomorrow, I promise. Okay?”
Tony still thinks Jaime looks a little upset, but he’s really too exhausted to push right now. Jaime gives him a sad little smile and heads off to bed. It isn’t until after Tony has brushed his teeth and is headed back through the house to his room that he finds himself standing in the archway in the exact spot Jaime was standing just minutes before. He takes in the view and thinks to himself, “It doesn’t look any different from here…”
It’s at that moment that Tony leans his head back, lets out an exasperated breath and notices the mistletoe hanging above his head in the archway.
“Shit.”
~*~
Tony can’t sleep. It’s been an entire 24 hours since he noticed that mistletoe hanging in the dining room, and he’s still trying to figure out what the hell is going on with Jaime. He was pretty sure that this crush, (or whatever it is), was one-sided. Maybe he was wrong? There’s no way a guy like Jaime would be interested in him like that anyway. Right?
He’s been pretty distant since it happened. They decorated the tree in silence, and Tony is pretty sure that they were both avoiding each other, as well as the mistletoe. Tony has also caught himself wishing on several occasions that they would both just stop avoiding it. The mistletoe. The kissing. He is so screwed.
Now, lying in bed on Christmas Eve, Tony feels… troubled. He’s considered just telling Jaime how he feels countless times, because obviously this is far more than some harmless crush, but he’s just not sure his heart could handle it if Jaime rejected him. Better safe than sorry.
~*~
Tony must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knows he’s waking up to the sound of a guitar being played quietly somewhere nearby. He blinks his eyes open and sees Vic sitting in the chair on the far side of his room.
“Vic?”
Vic looks up from his guitar and gives Tony a blank stare.
“Nope. It’s your subconscious.”
Tony is not amused.
“Ha ha. Very funny, Vic.”
“No, seriously dude. I’m your subconscious. And I’m not in the mood for some long drawn out conversation about how that’s not possible. Because it is. Because I am. So just listen to what I have to say so I can get the hell out of here.”
Tony is completely speechless, which Vic clearly takes as his cue to keep talking.
“You’re obviously struggling with this whole Jaime thing. The problem is, it’s been going on forever. You’ve just never noticed.”
“Vic, I think I would have definitely noticed feeling this way about Jaime. I mean, there’s always kind of been something there, but never like this. I don’t – “
“Jesus Tony. Sometimes you can be so oblivious. I’m not talking about your feelings for Jaime. I’m talking about his feelings for you.”
“Oh.”
Vic has this half grin on his face that gives Tony the impression that he is definitely being laughed at right now. If he weren’t so freaked out by the current situation, he’d punch Vic right in his smug little mouth.
Vic stands up and clears his throat.
“Anyway, the thing is, Jaime’s been trying to win your attention for years. You’ve just never taken the time to notice it. So, tonight you’ll be visited by three ghosts. Past, present and future. They’ll show what you’ve failed to see throughout the years, how it’s affected Jaime, and how things will end up if you don’t make a move.”
Tony is silent for a few seconds, taking in what Vic is telling him.
“What does that mean? If I don’t make a move. What are you trying to say?”
“I’m trying to say that Jaime won’t try forever. And you’ll end up miserable if you don’t stop being such a scared, stubborn ass.”
With that Vic turns around and starts to walk away. Before Tony can stop him, he’s gone.
~*~
Tony is still staring into the darkness, in the direction where he’d last seen Vic, when he hears a low thud coming from the other side of the room. He reaches over and hastily turns on the bedside lamp and scans the room, and that’s when he sees her.
“Ow, shit…”
There’s a girl sitting on Tony’s floor rubbing the back of her head. Tony is just about to scream, or call 911, or something, but just then the girl looks up and Tony realizes he actually recognizes her.
“Stephanie? What the hell are you doing here? What the hell is going on?”
Stephanie is still rubbing at the back of her head but her expression changes pretty quickly from pained to confused.
“Dude, I’m pretty sure Vic told you I was coming.”
Tony is at a total loss. He is so confused right now. He most certainly does not remember Vic mentioning anything about Steph. He hasn’t even talked to her in so long. Why would she –
“Oh my god. Are you telling me you’re the Ghost of Christmas Past?”
“Well, yeah. What’d you think?”
Tony really isn’t sure what he thinks right now. This whole ordeal just seems so… impossible. It makes sense in way though. Stephanie is definitely a justifiable symbol of the past…
“So, here’s the deal. We’re gonna go back and I’m going to try and show you some of the stuff that you seem to have… overlooked when it comes to your relationship with Jaime. I’m warning you though, some of this won’t be easy to see.”
Tony doesn’t like the sound of that. He also doesn’t get it. In all the time he’s known Jaime he’s always been bubbly and cheerful. Usually too bubbly and cheerful. How could anything having to do with Jaime be difficult to see? He doesn’t have much time to consider it before he suddenly feels like he’s being spun around at a million miles an hour, everything rushing past him in a colorful blur, causing a wave of nausea to quickly wash over him. And just like that he stops. When he looks up he realizes he’s no longer sitting in his room. He looks around for Stephanie, and when he spots her standing in a doorway a few feet away he stands up and makes his way over to her.
“Where are we?”
“Look.”
Stephanie nods her head in the direction of the doorway and Tony steps up closer to get a better look. When Tony looks into the room he suddenly realizes where he is. Jaime’s apartment. That first crappy little place that he lived in right after high school. He was broke and alone, but he was too determined to let it detour him. He’s sitting on his ratty old futon, surrounded by piles of brightly colored construction paper, and his crappy little black and white TV playing Christmas carols and showing an ongoing shot of a fireplace adorned with stockings. There are three boxes wrapped in the Sunday comics on the floor, all labeled, Vic, Mike, Tony. Tony remembers that Christmas. (Jaime had gotten him a new pair of expensive guitar strings. Tony knew he really couldn’t afford them, but he never really realized until now that he was really the only one who got such an expensive gift.) Jaime’s cutting something out of a rather large piece of green paper, his pink tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. After a few seconds Jaime pulls open the paper and smiles, and Tony realizes he’s cut out the shape of a Christmas tree.
“Can he see us?”
Stephanie shakes her head “no” but doesn’t say anything, just nods her head back toward Jaime.
Jaime has taped the tree to his wall, and is actually decorating it with little circles and stars that he’s also cut out from the construction paper. Tony smiles a little at how ridiculously adorable Jaime is, decorating his paper tree. But just like that, the smile is gone.
The little yellow star in Jaime’s hand flutters to the floor as Jaime falls to his knees. He crying, sobbing really, his whole body shaking as he rips the tree from the wall and tears it into tiny pieces. Tony can just barely hear him chanting, barely above a whisper, “I can’t, I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“It’s his first Christmas alone. Christmas was a big deal for his family when he was growing up.”
Tony feels something fiercely protective rise up in his chest, and he wishes he could go over and pull Jaime into his arms. He wishes he would have known back then that Jaime was hurting like this, because he’s sure he would have done something to try and make things better for him. He doesn’t have time to realize what’s happening before he feels that awful spinning feeling kick up again.
This time he ends up in a far more recognizable place. It’s Jaime’s place again, but it’s a few years later, and this is a place that Tony is far more familiar with.
There is no crappy futon, and there is no homemade paper tree. There are real couches, and lots of space, and a real tree. Jaime is sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the TV watching “It’s A Wonderful Life”, tears in his eyes, eating popcorn from a big pink plastic bowl. Tony would think that Jaime was sad again, but he knows him well enough to know that Jaime always gets a little choked up when he watches that movie. Suddenly there’s a knock at Jaime’s door and he hops up to answer it. When the door swings open Tony has to catch his breath, because the person at the door is him.
Tony watches on as a younger version of himself and Jaime exchange playful banter and play video games. Jaime seems to be constantly touching him in one way or another, and Tony can’t help but wonder how he’d never noticed it while it was happening. Or maybe he did and just wrote it off as Jaime being his usual touchy-feely self. Tony looks back across the room as this younger version of himself and Jaime, and he can’t help but notice how Jaime keeps trying to maneuver him under the mistletoe hanging in the kitchen. He also notices how he unknowingly manages to avoid it every time. The first thing that comes to Tony’s mind is how some things never change.
Then Tony watches as the past version of himself and Jaime set the timer on the camera and pose in front of Jaime’s Christmas tree, both wearing big bright smiles.
“Hey, I remember that day…” Tony breathes out.
Stephanie quirks an eyebrow at him.
“Believe me, so does he.”
This time when the spinning stops Tony and Stephanie are surrounded by a room full of people. There is definitely a party going on. A Christmas party. And this isn’t that long ago actually, maybe a year or two. Tony totally remembers this party. He was actually here with Stephanie.
First he spots himself and Stephanie talking with Mike, and then he spots Jaime. At first glance Jaime seems happy, like his usual flirtatious self, but every so often Jaime gets this sort of wistful far off look in his eye. Tony can’t help but notice the little sideways glances Jaime seems to be giving his past self, but he seems far too wrapped up in Stephanie to even notice. Tony is smiling as Stephanie leads him under the mistletoe and wraps her arms around his neck and they share a sweet looking kiss. Jaime catches sight of it and disappears somewhere down the hall. Tony vaguely remembers everyone wondering where Jaime disappeared to that night. He showed back up soon enough, but still…
Tony wanders down the hallway in search of Jaime when he hears something muffled behind one of the doors. He’s not sure what the rules are here, so he puts his hand against the door, and sure enough, it goes right through. After he recovers from the shock of being able to walk through walls, he closes his eyes and walks straight through.
Jaime is sitting on the bathroom floor with his back pressed up against the tub. His face is streaked with tears, but he sounds like he’s actually trying to give himself some sort of “pep talk”.
“You can do this. Stephanie is awesome. You are totally happy for them.”
Tony can hardly believe what he’s hearing right now. Was Jaime actually jealous of his relationship with Stephanie? As if on cue, Jaime stands up, walks to the sink and looks directly at himself in the mirror as he speaks.
“This is stupid. Tony is your friend. That’s it. He’ll never – he’s your friend. Being jealous about this is stupid.”
And just like that he’s spinning again. This time when he stops he’s back in his room. As soon as he stands up he collides with another body.
~*~
“Ah, fuck.”
“Jaxin? Dude, seriously?”
“Tony? What are you doing here man?”
“Um. This is my room. What are you doing here?”
“I have no idea. I’m not even sure how I got here.”
“Actually, I think you’re supposed to be like, the ghost of Christmas Present… or something. You’re supposed to be helping me.”
“I’m dead?!”
Jaxin sounds slightly terrified. Tony does his best to help.
“I’m pretty sure you’re not dead. Stephanie was here earlier, and Vic too. I think you’re just sort of, symbolic?”
“Huh. Well, what am I helping you do?”
“I. I’m not sure exactly. Something to do with Jaime?”
“Well, whatever. I’m always down to help! So what are we supposed to do now?”
Tony isn’t sure how to answer that. He’d actually gotten pretty accustomed to having things just start to spiral around him and ending up in the next designated time. He explains as much to Jaxin, and they decide to go make some sandwiches while they try to figure it out. Except when Tony opens his bedroom door, it doesn’t lead out into the hallway. It leads directly into Jaime’s room.
“Woah, dude.”
Clearly Jaxin is just as shocked as Tony.
Jaime is sitting on his bed wrapping Christmas gifts. He’s just finishing up the bow on one of the gifts when he stops short.
“This is so stupid.”
Tony isn’t sure what Jaime’s referring to, but he’s pretty sure it has something to do with that gift. A gift that has Tony’s name on it.
Jaime takes the brightly wrapped box and puts it in his closet and shuts the door. He stands there for a minute like he’s contemplating something, but then he shakes is his head and gets back to wrapping gifts. Tony notices it’s another one for him, and he can’t help but smile when he catches a glimpse of what it is. It’s a photo album. It’s nothing extravagant, and it’s empty, but Tony gets the gesture, and that’s what counts. Jaxin however, would like an explanation.
“Dude, why would he give you an empty photo album?”
“Well”, Tony starts, “back when we first started touring, Jaime started keeping photo albums full of pictures and postcards that he’d collect during the tour. I started making the albums with him eventually, and we put one together for every tour.”
“That’s really cool.”
“Yeah.”
Tony looks up and notices Jaime stuffing a huge stocking with Tony’s name scrawled across the top in blue glitter with little hotel size shampoos and conditioners and tiny bars of soap. Jaxin makes another face.
“Um, do you have issues with hygiene or something? What’s with the soap man?”
Tony rolls his eyes before starting in on another explanation for Jaxin.
“No, I do not have hygiene issues, thank you very much. You know how it is when you’re on the road for the first time. We all used to snag anything we could get our hands on, because, ya know, we were new to the road, and the excitement, and it was just one of those stupid things we never stopped doing. So…”
Jaxin has a strange expression on his face that Tony is having some serious difficulty reading.
“Wow. That’s – Dude, I think that maybe...”
And just like that Tony’s spinning again. When he ends up back on his bed, he takes a deep breath and braces himself. The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is all that’s left, and he’s a little nervous about what’s ahead. He’s seen this movie, and he knows how it goes. He’d prefer not showing up at his own funeral, thank you very much. Maybe if he just keeps his eyes closed long enough, he’ll fall asleep, so he can wake up from this crazy dream he seems to be stuck in.
~*~
Tony squeezes his eyes shut tight, until there are little bursts of white behind his eyes. He doesn’t hear anything for quite some time, so he finally decides to chance it and open his eyes. When he does, it’s to see Casey standing next to his bed looming over him with a ridiculously wide grin plastered across his face. As if he wasn’t already anxious enough about what the “Ghost of Christmases Yet to Come” will show him. It would have to be Casey, of all people. Tony decides the best thing to do is to just put it out there right away. Come out swinging.
“I’m warning you now, if it is at all in your immediate plans to show me how deserted my funeral is, I am not interested.”
Casey shakes his head back and forth and points at Tony, making a tsk tsk sound with his mouth.
“So what then?”
Casey looks thoughtful.
“Aren’t you gonna answer me?”
Casey shakes his head no again and makes a zippering motion across his mouth with two fingers.
“You can’t speak?”
Casey shakes his head.
“Huh. This might not be so bad then.”
Casey punches Tony in the shoulder and frowns. Before Tony can react, he’s spinning.
~*~
This time when the spinning stops Tony realizes he’s actually at his and Jaime’s house. He looks around and notices that the house isn’t really decorated at all, and he wonders if maybe he and Jaime are so busy in the future that they just don’t have time. He can hear the TV playing the living room, and Casey is close behind as he goes to investigate.
Tony’s future self is sitting on the couch looking at the TV. He doesn’t look like he’s actually watching it though. He looks horrible. There are takeout boxes everywhere, and something definitely smells funky. Maybe his future self is sick. Just as Tony starts looking around in earnest for Jaime the doorbell rings, and Tony watches with interest as his future self pulls a blanket over his head and ignores it. There are three sharp knocks at the door followed by Jaime’s voice yelling for him to open the door. That gets his attention, and he manages to peel himself off of the couch and drag himself to the front door. When the door opens Tony feels his breath catch in his throat. He doesn’t know exactly how far into the future he’s seeing, but Jaime is even more beautiful than Tony could have ever imagined him. He still looks like Jaime, but with far more chiseled, distinguished features.
Tony suddenly realizes that Jaime was knocking at the door. Maybe he forgot his key.
“Jeez Tone, you don’t look so hot. Are you gonna let me in or what?”
Future Tony steps back to let Jaime in, and just as he’s closing the door –
“Oh hey, Jess is with me. She’s just grabbing something from the car real quick.”
“Oh, how is she?”
They swap small talk for a few minutes while Tony and Casey listen in. He turns to Casey looking panicked and says, “He doesn’t live here anymore?”
Casey shakes his head “no”, and Tony is only snapped out of his shock stricken state when Jessica comes through the front door. She’s holding a gift in her arms with Tony’s name on it. The exact gift that Tony had seen Jaime wrapping and then hiding in his closet when he was with Jaxin.
“Hey Tony, Merry Christmas.”
Her voice is kind and sweet, and Tony kind of wants to punch her. He has a nagging suspicion that his future self wants to do the same.
“Thanks, you too.”
Tony watches as his future self carries the box over to the dining room table and sets it down. In the meantime he can’t help but listen in on Jaime and Jessica’s hushed conversation.
“Hime, are you sure you’re ok with giving him this gift right now?”
Jaime smiles and kisses her on the forehead.
“Yeah. It doesn’t mean anything anymore. It’s cool.”
Tony can’t breathe. He looks over at Casey for some sort of reassurance that things aren’t as bad as they seem. Casey takes one look at Tony, frowns, balls his hands into fists and rubs them in front of his eyes. Crybaby.
Tony all but lunges at Casey before he realizes that his future self is opening the gift. It’s a picture frame. It’s big too, bigger than average. It’s silver and has the word “HOME” engraved in fancy lettering across the bottom. Jaime must have changed the gift. It’s really nice, it just doesn’t make sense.
“I just figured,” Jaime starts, “now that the house is just yours, you know…”
Tony looks at Casey.
“This is my future with Jaime?”
Casey gives him an over exaggerated shrug.
“So… there is no Jaime in my future? I mean, we don’t even live together anymore?”
Casey shakes his head and puts on his best pout.
“I just. I almost think I would have rather seen my funeral.”
Tony is suddenly more aware than ever of just how much he cares about Jaime. No wait. How much he loves Jaime. He can’t let it happen this way.
“Can I change it?”
Casey bobs his head back and forth, eyes angled toward the ceiling like he’s considering it.
“Just tell me. Can I change it or not?”
Casey gives him a sly smile and a wink. He snaps his fingers and once again, Tony’s spinning. This time when it stops he’s still in his living room, but it’s decorated to the hilt. On the far side of the room Tony can see himself and Jaime on the couch. They’re laughing and throwing popcorn at each from a bowl sitting between them, a half finished string of it lying abandoned on the floor. Jaime leans close to whisper something to Tony, and just as they’re about to kiss, Tony feels the spinning start to kick up again.
“Wait, Casey wait! Don’t – “
The next thing Tony knows, he’s back in his bed. He stands up a little too quickly and has to steady himself before flinging his bedroom door open and racing down the hall. When he gets to Jaime’s door he doesn’t even bother to knock, just pushes his way in and flips on the light.
“Wha – Tony? What’s wrong? What time is it?”
Tony didn’t even consider that it might be the middle of the night. Given the fact that Jaime seemed fast asleep when he rushed in and the entire house is dark, there’s probably a pretty good chance that it is. He doesn’t care. This can’t wait.
“I know about the gift,” is the first thing that comes out of his mouth. He’s not even sure how he’s going to explain how he knows about the gift, he just knows he has to find out what it is.
“Dude, it’s 3a.m. What the hell are you talking about?”
“There’s a gift. In your closet. For some reason you don’t want to give it to me but… I want it. Whatever it is, I want it.”
“How do you know about that? Did Vic say something to you? Because I swear to God – “
“Jaime, please just. Please?”
Jaime looks like he’s going to keep putting up a fight, but instead he reluctantly gets out of bed and shuffles over to the closet. He opens the door and gives Tony one more long suffering look before he takes down the box and brings it over to the bed. Tony steps over to the box cautiously and puts one hand on the lid. He looks over at Jaime, but he won’t meet Tony’s eyes and he’s scuffing his sock clad foot against the hardwood floor. He looks… nervous? Embarrassed maybe? Tony opens the lid and he can see the silver frame sitting neatly in the bottom of the box. When he pulls it out though, it’s most definitely not empty. There is a whole collage of pictures, maybe thirty or forty total, all of him and Jaime. Right in the center is the photo of him and Jaime in front of Jaime’s Christmas tree that he’d seen them take when he was with Stephanie. Engraved across the bottom in big script letters it says “LOVE”.
“Jaime”
But before Tony can say anything else, Jaime starts rambling.
“I just thought. I know it’s stupid, but I’ve liked you since… always, and I thought that maybe. Then I thought that this gift would be an easy way to say it without actually having to come out and say it, but every time I tried to get a reaction from you I got nothing, so. Look, I know we’re just friends. It’s ok though, totally. I just.”
“Jaime, I’m in love with you.”
“You don’t even have to take it, I mean I know it’s probably kind of a weird gift to get, and I know it’s –“
Jaime stops mid sentence and Tony thinks “finally”.
“What did you just say?”
“I said I’m in love with you. I’m pretty sure I have been for a while now, I just. I don’t know why I never said anything. I think maybe I was just afraid of ruining our friendship, or maybe I was just afraid of rejection. I don’t know. The point is, I love you.”
Jaime doesn’t say anything, just moves forward to wrap his arms around Tony’s neck and press their foreheads together.
“So what now?”
Jaime’s voice is barely above a whisper, like he’s afraid to ask. Like he’s afraid he’ll ruin it.
“Well,” Tony starts, “first we have a lot of missed opportunities under that mistletoe to make up for.”
Jaime grins and leans in close to kiss Tony sweet and slow. When he pulls away he’s practically glowing. Tony’s sure he is too.
“Second?”
“Second we have to we have to call Casey and thank him.”
Jaime raises his eyebrow and gives Tony a questioning look.
“Don’t ask,” is all Tony says, and then leans in to kiss his boyfriend.
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm in the Christmas spirit, so I couldn't resist writing some holiday fluff. Enjoy!