Broken Lullaby

The house was silent, except for the sound of water falling inside the bathroom upstairs. Outside, the sun was still a blinding red as the afternoon ripped into the evening.
There was something about the summer. Something about the feeling of the heat against the skin, about the warm breeze caressing the hair and the smell of the sea that made Sydney sing.
She sang as the water touched her body, cleansing it from another day of hard work. Thoughts drifted through her mind and, as the words left her mouth, she remembered when everything used to be simpler.
Eleven years had gone by in a heartbeat. Eleven years had changed everything. And she found herself wishing she could be able to live it all over again.

A loud knock on her bedroom’s door startled her and scared her thoughts away. “I’ll be ready in a minute!”

“Come on, we’re going to be late for Brian’s party!” The female voice on the other side of the door made Sydney turn off the water.

Morgan had been her best friend for eleven years, pretty much the same time they had been friends with Matt, Johnny, Jimmy, Zacky and Brian.
Sydney and her parents had moved to Huntington Beach eleven years ago, when her brother had gone to college. Starting school in a new place was always difficult, but she quickly realized that the first two people she had met in school- Morgan and Johnny- would be her friends forever.

“You should give up on that,” Morgan’s scorn made Sydney glare at her through the mirror.
She turned the curling iron off. Her straight hair didn’t like to be contradicted; she should know that trying to curl it was a waste of time.
“So, do you think we’re sophisticated enough for Brian’s classy party?”

“Stop it Morgan,” Sydney laughed. “You know it’s not his fault, Michelle was the one who decided to take over his birthday party and, I don’t know, maybe try to discipline us all?” Both laughed this time.

Sydney and Morgan had never been disciplined people, and she liked to think that that was one of the reasons why they were all still close friends.
They had had their good share of chaos and mistakes and she knew for sure that that had been one of the reasons why they had become friends in the first place.
People often asked how Sydney had met them. It was a funny story, one that she always liked to tell because, unlike what everybody thought, she hadn’t met the others because of Johnny. The others had met Johnny because of her and Morgan.
She still remembered when she first met Brian and Matt. She remembered every detail like it had been just this morning. At that time she didn’t know, but she only lived a few houses away from Matt.
Summer was taking its final breath when, on one afternoon, just when Sydney was coming home from school, Matt and Brian decided to pick on her and make her fall from her bike. It seemed like messing with younger girls was something they enjoyed, because both were laughing at her face while she tried to get up.
But a scrapped knee a bruised ego didn’t make her cry. Nor did it make her walk away.
Instead, she grabbed her bike and glared at them. She glared at them long and hard until they stopped laughing. And when her piercing hazel eyes didn’t leave theirs, the smiles faded from their faces.

She inhaled slowly, her lungs expanding to its maximum. “If you do that to me ever again, I will find you,” what had started as a whisper was becoming more audible. “I will find you, rip your eyes out and eat them!” Her voice could be heard in the entire street. Their shocked expression was priceless. “Do you hear me?! I will rip your fucking eyes out and eat them! Don’t you dare to test me, because I’ll do it!” She lunged towards Matt and chased them until they reached his house.
And that had been the beginning of their friendship.

Sydney started the engine and both kept themselves silent for a while. She didn’t know what was on Morgan’s mind, but hers was filled with the melancholic thoughts that she managed to keep away from herself most of the time. But not today.
A red light forced Sydney to stop the car. “I wish we could celebrate his birthday like we used to,” Morgan broke the silence.

“Maybe, but this might be as fun as well.” It was always Sydney’s responsibility to see the bright side of everything. “Besides, you know Michelle’s going to take that trip to New York tomorrow and she didn’t want to postpone the birthday party.”
The light turned green and both jerked back as the car leapt forward. “I know she worked really hard to make all the preparations so the least we can do is try to enjoy it.”

The warm breeze greeted Sydney once she stepped outside of her car and she smiled. A fancy dinner was not exactly her cup of tea and getting into a formal dress was not what she wanted to do after a long day at work, but she was excited. Everyone was there; all the guys, Brian’s parents and siblings, and all those who had been part of her family for eleven years.

“Oh, there you are! Finally!” Michelle greeted them with a smile and hugged them both. “I’m really happy to see you Syd,” her smile made Sydney smile even more.

“You know I would never miss a birthday party.”
As part of being a logistics manager and managing all the staff at the biggest hotel in Huntington Beach, Sydney worked a lot of extra hours, had a ton of meetings and occasionally business trips. She hadn’t seen Michelle for a couple of weeks and she couldn’t actually remember the last time they had all been together.

“Well, what are we waiting for then? Let’s get this party started!” Morgan pushed both girls inside.

Chatter filled the large room and, as Sydney glanced at her watch, she suddenly realized that almost two hours had gone by. She had missed having a crowded, boisterous dinner like this one. She knew she worked too hard, but she also knew that she had to. She was young, only twenty five, probably too young to be in a managing position, which only meant that she had to work even harder to prove that she could do it.
Her body suddenly started craving for a cigarette. Yeah, she could thank Brian for having that addiction, but the truth was that without them she wouldn’t have probably endured all the pile of work her job required.
Sydney headed outside and lit up a cigarette. The night was calm and if she closed her eyes and listened carefully, she could hear the ocean. She sat on the wood bench that was just next to her and took one long drag. She could stay there for the rest of the night, just enjoying the cloudless night sky and the big, bright moon.

“Hey,” Brian joined her outside. Sydney’s heart skipped a beat from the sudden appearance, but on the outside she looked as serene as before. He sat next to her and started smoking as well. “When are you going to quit smoking?” He asked with a smile and a cigarette between his lips.

“Yeah right, you lead and I’ll follow,” she rolled her eyes at him.

Still with a smile, Brian shook his head and they smoked in silence for a while.
Thoughts started creeping up her mind again. The same thoughts she had had earlier while taking a shower.
Had she wasted her life?
The good, old days of getting into trouble and running away from cops, of getting drunk to the point of being kicked out of bars were now long gone.
Matt and Valary were married. All the other guys had girlfriends. And all she had was her job and the memories of better times.
But what she regretted the most was never telling Brian what she had felt for him.
She didn’t mind when he used to go out on dates with other girls. She didn’t mind when he introduced a girl as his girlfriend. She knew it wouldn’t last because, at the end of the day, she was the one to whom he could always turn to, the one with whom he shared his dreams, who understood him better than anyone, and he always chose her over all the others.
Until he met Michelle. As months turned into years, Sydney realized she had loved him, and had done nothing about it. She had taken him for granted, and she had lost her opportunity.
Michelle was an amazing woman and Sydney loved her and Valary as if they were her own sisters, but the sting she felt in her heart when they were together never vanished.
She had loved him once but, for the sake of everyone else, she had learned not to show it. Not to feel it.

“What are you thinking about?” His sudden question made Sydney shake slightly. Sometimes she had the feeling that he knew when she was thinking about him, like he could read her dirty little thoughts, but her rational side knew that it was impossible.

“I was just thinking about how we’re all getting old. Especially you,” she scoffed.

“Yeah, I knew something like that would come out of your mouth.”

“Come on Brian, you’re twenty nine! In one year you’ll become a full, grown-up adult. You’ll no longer afford to be a rebel” Sarcasm filled every word she spoke.

“You’re always so sweet,” he raised the glass he held in his left hand. “But that’s not true.”

Sydney sighed and took the last drag of her cigarette, her eyes fixated on the imperceptible horizon. Brian observed her profile as the smoke danced its way out of her perfectly drawn parted lips. There was something wrong with her that night, he knew her better than herself to understand that.
He was about to ask her what was bothering her when she got up.
“Come on, birthday boy,” she placed a hand on Brian’s shoulder. “It’s time to go back to your fancy pants party.”