Broken Lullaby

Sydney knew she shouldn’t have agreed to talk to Brian in private, as she knew she shouldn’t have followed him through the ballroom hall and into a lounge area where two doors stood in front of them. Yet, there she was, staring so intently at his back that she was almost sure her eyes would end up burning a hole on Brian’s suit.

Sydney was fully aware of the staff only sign when he opened one of the doors and gestured her to walk inside. She didn’t want to listen to what he had to say, she didn’t want to be in a place where they weren’t supposed to be, and she definitely didn’t want to be alone with him. Yet, she complied.

It was almost like some kind of spell, she realized not for the first time, but when she was alone with Brian she just couldn’t say no to him. She was almost sure that if he had asked her to stay, she would have never gone to Miami. But he didn’t. Because he knew that that was what she wanted. Except that now; she was no longer sure about what she wanted anymore.

“You shouldn’t have left.” Those were his first words, not loud enough for her to completely understand what they meant, hand still on the doorknob and back facing her.

“What?” Sydney scrunched her nose. She could already feel the heat rising to her face and the shivers descending to her legs. That room was too small for them to have that conversation.

Brian finally turned to face her. “You left me.”

She shook her head, once, twice, firmly so that he could understand, three times. “No, I did not leave you. I didn’t just leave you; I left you all because it was the right thing to do.” Her eyes were cast on the floor the second he looked at her. “I don’t understand why we’re having this conversation, you’re married now, Michelle’s a great woman and I would never, ever do anything to put her friendship, or anyone else’s at risk.” She took small steps backward when Brian started to walk toward her. “It was the right decision. It was -” She stopped talking once her back hit the wall.

Brian got closer, his polished shoes now on her range of sight, her eyes still focused on the carpeted floor. She could feel his body closer to hers, his hands starting to rise in her direction.

“Don’t touch me.” She warned him, her voice wavering between and angry whisper and a desperate cry. “Don’t touch me, please.”

His hands touched her face and she flinched. There was no way she was going to look at him, that she knew, so she closed her eyes. She felt his forehead leaning against hers, her head now pressed against the wall.

“Look at me.” He requested, holding her face when she tried to move it away from him.

Sydney could hardly breathe. There was a weight on her chest and his hands on her face made her feel hot and cold, flustered and livid at the same time. Even when the tears started to run down her cheeks, she still kept her eyes closed. “Look at me, Sydney.” She shook her head slowly, more tears forming. “Sydney, I love you.”

She frowned, her eyes quickly opening. With a sudden surge of strength she pushed Brian, walked away from him and when he held her by the arm, she turned around and slapped him. “Don’t say that! You cannot say that!” She screamed at him, the previous feeling of helplessness now almost gone. “Are you insane?”

Her question was answered in a way that probably neither of them saw it coming. Brian pressed his mouth to hers, hands locking her in place and making what was left of her will power collapse.

“Hey we can all hear you screaming, what the hell are you -?” Jimmy’s voice filled the room; before any of them could register the door was being opened.

Sydney stopped breathing, the two of them now as wide apart as possible, after realizing Jimmy’s presence. There was no movement or words spoken for half a minute, Sydney counted.

Jimmy’s presence, his hand still clutching the doorknob, was starting to make her nauseated. She couldn’t believe how dumb she was, to allow something like this to happen, when she didn’t want to and when she knew everything could go wrong.

“Michelle was looking for you.”

There were no remarks on what he had just seen, no looks exchanged between the two friends. Brian simply walked away and Sydney was left to stare at him, alone in that suddenly even smaller room.

“Wait.” His hand caught her arm when she tried to walk past him. “What just happened?”

“Nothing, you misunderstood what you saw.” Of course, she knew Jimmy wouldn’t let her go that easily.

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did. It was nothing.”

Jimmy narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re having an affair with him.”

“No,” she spoke slowly and almost laughed, in an attempt to seem in control of the situation. This nothing was something already too many people knew. “I’m not having -”

“Having, had, it’s all a matter of semantics.” He cut her off. “Something happened between you two.” The strength of his words matched his hardened look and Sydney could see disappointment in them.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She quickly wiped her tear stained cheeks, feeling the guilt assault her, not only for what had just happened, but also for letting her weakness show through her tears. “I won’t talk about it. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.”



Sydney had finished packing her things almost two hours ago. She was tired of waiting for Morgan to drive her to the airport, but her friend seemed to be determined to not let her go by herself.

She had been on a foul mood for the last two days, angry at Brian, herself and the whole world for what had happened during his and Michelle’s wedding. All she wanted to do was go back to Miami and forget all this, forget how slowly everybody else was figuring out what was going on between the two of them, first Zacky, now Jimmy.

But nothing was going on between them, she told herself constantly, yet it was easier to think it than to believe it.

“You’ll come back, won’t you?” Morgan’s question interrupted Sydney’s thoughts.

“Sure, I’ll come visit you in a few months.” She smiled.

“I’m not talking about visiting. You need to move back.” Morgan was about to open the door but she stopped herself to face her best friend. “You belong here Syd, even when you finished college and your parents decided to move back to Oklahoma, you chose to stay here. You told me that this was the place where you belonged, where your real family was.”

The silence inside the foyer made Morgan finally open the door. “I thought that maybe things could be worked out, between you and Brian, you know?”

“I’m not so sure about that.” Sydney looked away, her eyes catching the sunset light and bringing back memories of happier times.

“You’ll never know if you don’t try.”