Broken Lullaby

By the middle of the week, Michelle had arrived from her trip to New York, so when the weekend came, Sydney knew it was inevitable seeing her.
She was now at the mall with Morgan and the twins, and Michelle had not stopped talking about her trip even for one second. She understood why she was so excited and she was excited for her as well. Launching her own clothing line was something she had always wanted to do and that trip had had the purpose of setting the final details.
However, she couldn’t shake the feeling of shame around her, for crossing someone who had been her friend for so long. She felt like her guilt was going to give her away and make everyone hate her.

“You should see the latest models,” Michelle spoke while looking through the dozen of shoes on the shelves. “I know you would like them,” she turned to face Sydney.
Sydney had never been the type of person that followed any trends, but she knew her way around fashion, her mother used to be a fashion designer, and she had helped her with some of the ideas.

“Well, then we should go to your place so that you can show us,” Valary suggested. “Maybe I’ll pre-order something.”

Everyone laughed except Sydney. She was not going to her house and face the chance of running into Brian again. She knew she wouldn’t be able to keep her facade around him. “Maybe tomorrow, I still got a lot of things to do for work.”

The girls shared a frustrated look. “Really Syd? You work your ass off every day of the week, and now that is Saturday you’re telling us you have to work?” Valary grabbed her by her arm and pushed her closer. “I know what you need. You need a manicure, a massage, a fancy dinner and cocktails afterwards.”



Laughter surrounded their table as the four girls waited for their desserts to arrive. Sydney had to admit that it had felt good to relax, and that she really needed it.

“I’m going to text the other girls so that they can meet us at this new bar that just opened last week,” Valary smiled and grabbed her cell phone from her purse.

“Sweet, a girls night out!” Morgan threw her hands up in excitement as the waiter arrived with their desserts.

Two hours later, the girls had arrived at the new bar, which was really packed. Valary had got them a VIP table – one of the perks of being married to a famous musician – and the seven girls talked cheerfully; sharing news, gossip and jokes around them.
Sydney was actually managing not to feel so apprehensive around Michelle, being able to talk without feeling like she had written what she had done all over her face.

“Hey, Zacky said they’re going to meet us here,” Gena said, her eyes not leaving her cell phone screen.

“What?” Sydney almost choked on her Daiquiri.

“Yeah, they were having some kind of meeting about their upcoming tour in September, but they finished it earlier,” she explained casually.

Oh shit.
Sydney simply nodded. Could she handle seeing Michelle and Brian together, after what had happened? She knew it was just a matter of time until it happened, but was she ready for it?
She was not worried about what Brian would do. She knew he would play his part in pretending that everything was perfect. What worried her was herself.

She saw Valary getting up and waving. Turning around, she saw that the guys were already there.
Like she had predicted, Brian greeted everyone, kissed Michelle and sat next to her, immediately engaging in a conversation. She felt her anger grow as she watched him take a sip of his beer, one arm hanging around Michelle’s shoulders while he laughed about what Jimmy had just said. How could he be so indifferent to her presence? Sure, she had wanted him to ignore the night they had spent together, but now she felt like she would snap if she didn’t leave that table quickly.

“Where are you going?” Morgan asked once she got up.

“Restroom.”

“Oh, I’ll go with you,” she got up as well.

“I don’t need assistance to pee!” She ended up snapping at Morgan and rushed out of the table.

“What the hell is wrong with her?” Johnny asked.

Morgan shrugged. “I don’t know, she’s been so moody lately,” they shared a concerned look.

Sydney swung the door open and let it close harshly. Her eyes glared at the big mirror, her reflection staring back at her as if accusing her of everything she had done.
“Fuck,” she half whispered, her fist colliding with the white countertop. Two girls gave her a puzzled look as they exited the restroom.
She shoved her fingers through her long hair. Why the hell was she so upset, if Brian had just done what she had told him to?
Once again her eyes caught her own reflection and she sighed. Who was she trying to fool? She knew exactly why. She didn’t want to admit it, not even to herself, but she still loved him.
No, she couldn’t. She would never sacrifice Michelle’s and everyone else’s friendship over a stupid crush.
A smile lingered on her lips. Chicks before dicks, right?



Sydney had been talking to Morgan, Johnny and Lacey for the last hour, mostly because that way she wouldn’t have to look across the table and face Brian.
“I need to go out for a smoke,” she said to Morgan but everybody heard her.
She stepped outside, the much cooler weather making her arm hairs stand on end. She had been feeling suffocated inside and for the hundredth time that day, she wished everything could be like before.
Her eyes caught someone leaving the bar and she quickly took one step backward. “What are you doing here?”

Brian placed a cigarette between his lips. “Can’t I smoke now?”

She turned to face the road and decided to ignore him, her eyes watching the cars that drove by.

“I’ve been trying to call you for the past week,” he broke the silence after a few minutes. “You still haven’t returned any of my calls.”

“I’ve been-”

“Yeah right, you’ve been too busy to answer them,” Brian narrowed his eyes at her. His tone was judging. “You’ve been surprisingly busy since -”

“Stop!” She suddenly yelled at him. “Why do you keep bringing that up? I’ve already told you to forget it!”

“Then why the hell do you keep avoiding me?” His stance had suddenly changed from defensive to aggressive. “You wouldn’t act like that if it didn’t matter to you.”

“It doesn’t! It didn’t mean a thing! I’m just trying to carry on with my life!” She tried to prevail in the argument by yelling louder than him.

“Oh well, excuse me if I’m stopping you!” He raised his hands at her, the sarcasm making her fume. Sydney turned around and walked inside the bar again. “You know what Syd? You’re full of crap,” he followed her inside.

“Fuck you Brian,” she shot out once they reached their table. Everybody stopped talking and stared at them with shock and surprise on their faces.

“No, fuck you. I know you way too well to believe in your damn lies! I don’t know why I even bother trying to talk to you!”

“What the hell is -” Morgan started, but Sydney pulled her by her arm and yanked her out of her seat.

“Then don’t!” Sydney looked straight in his eyes, their faces only a few inches apart. She stormed out of the bar, dragging Morgan along with her.