Make It A Sweet Goodbye

“You know? You were my best friend for all these years, and best friends aren’t supposed to keep secrets from each other. I feel bad for k-keeping this from you for so long...and I know it’s too late Lex, but. I l-love you.” I was on the ground now, kneeling in front of his old locker. Tears streaming down my cheeks. “I-I love you Alex Gaskarth, I always have, and always will.” I turned around and leant against it. My head was in my knees and there was no way these tears would stop anytime soon.

It had been two weeks since Alex was taken from the world, once upon a time he was right here next to me, but those times have gone away. I was a wreck, I had been a wreck since it happened, ever since my mom got that call. His parents were worse off than I was probably, I didn’t really think about it though, it made me even sadder.

I cannot believe I never told him how I felt, how everytime he looked at me I felt my whole world brighten up, every time we hugged, sparks flew through my entire body. I was stupid, and now its too late. The funeral was the worst though, I lost it and had to leave, I ran away from my calling parents and the others, I ran to the only place I knew where to get comfort from, that little forest near our houses. We used to go there and talk about anything, whether it was the weather, or about deep topics. I stayed in that forest for hours, just screaming.

He was my best friend, he was the only one, MY only one. Will there ever be someone else to fill the void he left? Probably not. No, it isn’t even a matter of there being a possibility, no one was like Alex, no one will ever fill that void.

I knew people were staring at me as they walked by on their way to class. I should probably go to class, but, that isn’t something I am really worried about. I don’t have any feelings toward anything but Alex.

The hallways cleared out and the sound of footsteps disappeared. All that was left was my voice, my cracked, broken voice. Calling out for someone, calling out for Alex. I sat there alone.

I heard something other than my sobbing though, footsteps. They stopped in front of me. I didn’t look.

“Jack.” It was a mans voice. An older man. “Jack please come with me, let’s go to my classroom.”

I looked up, Mr. Flyzik was standing in front of me, he had his hand held out. I looked at it for a good five minutes before finding the strength to take it. He pulled me up and walked me to his room. He shut the door and I just stood there. I looked at him. Emotionless eyes, a solid stare. I don’t know how to feel anymore.

He came closer and pulled me into a hug, that was it, that was the breaking point again. I started sobbing and yelling, “Why! What the fucking hell! He didn’t deserve this, he wasn’t supposed to die young, we were supposed to stay together, best friends, or something! Why the fuck did he have to get in that stupid fucking accident!” I was struggling to get every word out, but it felt so good when I got them out, one by one.

“I know Jack I know…” Mr. Flyzik was comforting me as best as he could, he was always the best teacher.

“I fucking loved him. And he is gone now. He is just dead. My best friend is dead.” He tightened his hug and I just cried. I wonder if I will ever stop crying?

“You play guitar right?”

Why he cared about this now, I don’t know, “Y-yeah? Why?”

He walked over to his closet and pulled out an acoustic guitar, “Play him a song, sometimes music is the best way to express things.”

I nodded and wiped away my tears. I took the guitar from him and started strumming, one of our favorite songs. I wonder if he will hear me.

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

I miss you, I miss you
I miss you, I miss you

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head, I miss you, I miss you
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head, I miss you, I miss you

I miss you, I miss you.

“I love you Alexander William Gaskarth.” I closed my eyes and remembered his beautiful face, I smiled.