Falling in Love All Over Again

It had been a week since the boy's break started and Jack had barely left his room other than to eat or pee, and even then sometimes he'd go a long time without actually eating, he was just so scared, Alex had found his razors, HIS razors, something he never thought would happen, he didn't want anyone finding out about it, especially Alex, and especially after what had happened between them a few weeks ago, he knew Alex would get even more protective over him, he knew he wouldn't let him leave his side, check his legs all the time making sure there weren't any new cuts, and probably take away his razors. That or Alex would be really disappointed in him and would show it all of the time. Either realities were very possible and he didn't want either of them to happen, he couldn't, the thought of Alex being disappointed in him hurt like hell, and gong without his razors scared him. But then again, Alex didn't actually see whose razors they were, he just saw them, Jack was the only one who knew that they were in there and he was the only one who knew whose they were, but Alex was smart, he'd soon piece together the facts, that it was him and not someone else from the band or crew. He groaned angrily and tugged on the ends of his hair, he knew he was stressing about this too much but this was his big secret, he couldn't have anyone finding out about it, not now not especially since he'd kept it under wraps for so long.

Alex had spent this past week not really doing much, he'd gone out once or twice with the boys to a bar just to hang out and get slightly wasted - and by slightly he meant really really wasted - but so far he hadn't seen any sight of Jack, which was odd because Jack was always out partying or something, but lately he'd been quiet. Alex text him a few times and tried to call but all of it to no avail, Jack ignored all of his messages and his calls which really hurt the older boy he knew that they'd only just made up after their fight, but he'd expected Jack to call or at least text him back explaining why he'd been ignoring him for so long. Currently he was sitting on his couch in his rather large Baltimore apartment flicking through the channels, there was nothing on, day time TV really sucked, it was mainly just news and the occasional kids show that we made for three year old's, he sighed unhappily, he could always go out and be productive, talk to friends, write a song maybe, but he didn't want to do any of that, he wanted to talk to Jack, he just wanted to be with Jack, but he wasn't sure if Jack wanted to see him, eventually he just sucked it up, he needed to see Jack or else he could go bat shit crazy. He grabbed his phone sending Jack a quick text telling him that he was coming over, he knew it was rude to go over practically uninvited but he knew there was no way Jack would let him go over any other way, plus they were best friends and used to do this all the time so it wasn't that odd for the pair.

When Jack received the text he was surprised to say the least he hadn't expected for Alex to pretty much invite himself over, though honestly he was grateful because he really needed to speak to someone or else he would soon go crazy and probably loose his voice if this continued any longer. He sighed and stood up getting changed out of his old sweatpants and hoodie into a more appropriate skinny jeans and Blink shirt, he knew Alex had seen him in that sloppy sweat pants state more than enough times but honestly he wanted to make it look like he hadn't just been sitting around doing nothing for the past week. He left his hair flat too lazy to do anything with it and he had his glasses on and went to sit on his couch flipping through the channels looking for something that wasn't news or a kid's show.

Less than twenty minutes later Alex had pulled up to Jack's apartment and knocked on the door, Jack quickly stood up and opened his door inviting Alex in, the pair went back to sit on Jack's couch and for about an hour they sat there complaining about how shit day time TV was, and just talked about random stuff, they were pretty content really, acting like they would have any other day, like nothing bad had ever happened between the pair, which was nice it was something Jack needed, Jack just needed someone right now. After a while of the boys talking Jack bit his lip and looked down,
"Lex I have something really important to tell you and you're probably gonna kill me for this, but I can't keep it from you for much longer, it's just eating at me," Jack said, he knew a few hours ago he didn't want Alex to ever find out about his cutting, but now after talking to Alex and seeing Alex being so happy and trusting with him, he didn't want Alex to find out any other way he knew he'd be disappointed in him when he told, but he knew he'd be a million times more disappointed if he found out by piecing it all together or by someone else finding out and telling him.
"What is it Jay?" Alex asking biting his lip, honestly he had no idea what it would be, though deep down he hoped it was Jack telling him that he loved him and they could get back together again, but he knew it was unlikely, and he knew he was going to have to be the one to make the first move for that to happen.
"Please promise me you won't be disappointed or upset or angry? Or if you are you'll try your best to hide it," Jack said quietly, looking up at Alex with innocent and scared eyes, and it was then that Alex knew whatever it was, was going to be huge.
"I promise Jay," Alex said honestly, biting down on his bottom lip, honestly he was scared of whatever Jack was going to tell him he could tell whatever it was had been effecting Jack for a while and he knew the younger boy was putting a lot of trust in him by saying whatever he was going to say.
"Thank you," Jack whispered and paused for a second, trying to think of the right words to say, it really had been a snap decision to tell Alex now and he hadn't thought it through at all, but he knew it had to be done, he was just scared of what Alex was going to think of him after. A few minutes of silence later Jack looked up, "Remember those razors you found on the bus just before we left for break?" Jack asked, and Alex's eyes widened, slowly piecing together the pieces in his head, "Yeah well they were mine," he said looking down, his voice quiet, something Alex hadn't seen in so long, "Before you ask, I've lost count of how long I've been doing it for, I don't know why I just remember one day being really really sad for no real reason and I broke one of my shaving razors and it's been helping me ever since," he said quietly closing his eyes and tensing up expecting Alex to yell and scream at him, after a while he looked up seeing that Alex hadn't responded for a while, "Lex please say something?" Jack said quietly and shyly. Alex looked at Jack blank faced before shaking his head, he ran his fingers through his hair.
"Jack I just," Alex said, he had no idea how to respond to this, he just watched Jack shift around, clearly afraid that Alex hated him, "I'm not angry or mad, I don't hate you it's just a lot to take in," he said looking up at Jack, "I'm sorry I don't know what to say about this Jay, but I know one thing, I'm proud of you, not because you do it, but because you've told me, I really am and I thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.
Jack shook his head, "You don't have to say anything, it's just I saw you with the razors on the bus, and I knew eventually you'd piece it together you're smart like that," Jack said and looked down, "And I figured telling you like this would be better than you finding out by yourself or through someone else," he whispered.
"Thank you Jack," was all Alex could say before attacking Jack into a huge hug, he didn't know why, but he felt like they both needed it.

It was in that moment he was so glad that Alex was his best friend, though they'd been through some shit together, he knew he could always rely on him and for that he'd be forever grateful.