Falling in Love All Over Again

Jack tensed up slightly as he felt something enter his hand, but instantly relaxed once he looked over and saw that it was Alex holding his hand, he smiled softly over at him and gave him hand a small squeeze to show that it was alright and that he was fine with holding Alex's hand, which in turn made the older boy feel so much better about his last move, honestly though he knew that Jack liked him - though he had no idea how after almost ten years Jack still managed to feel the same way towards him but he didn't question it, he was just glad that Jack still felt the same way even through the fights and shit they'd been through together Jack still managed to always forgive him and always love him, he was the luckiest person alive to have someone like Jack in his life. Alex smiled over at Jack and sighed squeezing his hand softly.
"I still love you, you know that Jacky, I never stopped loving you, not even for a second," Alex said looking over at him as they walked biting down nervously on his bottom lip, he'd been hiding it for so long he couldn't do it any longer, he wanted to do this in a much more dramatic and romantic way, but he knew by keeping it hidden he was no only hurting himself but also hurting Jack, and he hated seeing Jack upset, and it hurt him even more knowing that he harmed himself, though of course that wasn't the reason he was telling Jack now.
"What about your girlfriends? And those one night stands, all the times you told those girls that you loved them?" Jack asked, his voice was harsh and cold, honestly Alex hadn't been expecting this but he knew he couldn't expect Jack to jump into his arms straight away as they rode into the sunset, it had been years, of course Jack was going to be skeptical about whether Alex was being honest or not.
"I'm not gonna lie, I loved them, a lot, but nowhere near as much as I loved you, I know it's cheesy and stupid and shit but I always loved you more, I could never get you out of my head in entire time I was dating those girls, and hooking up with the guys," because secretly Alex preferred fucking a guy much more than he did, he wasn't sure why but he just liked it better, "but I could never get you out of my head, you're always gonna be more important than those guys and girls, Jay I love you I really really do, and I understand if you're upset and angry because I was stupid and left it so long to tell you," Alex said looking over at Jack with hope in his eyes that maybe Jack would forgive him right now and they would make out then and there, but nothing ever worked out like that between Jack and Alex.
"I don't understand Lex, you'd always show your girlfriends and hook ups off, like you no longer cared about me, like you'd moved on, like I was no longer important to you, like I was never ever important to you, Lex that really hurt, seeing you with those people talking about them non stop and kissing them right in front of my face, Lex I love you and I'm pretty sure that's really clear but I don't think I can believe you, or at least can do anything about my feelings right now because I'm just confused, and I'm sorry if it hurt you but you just waited so long, it makes me scared that you don't actually love me anymore and you're just saying that to make me feel better or some shit," Jack said quietly as he looked over at Alex, he just looked so broken and upset, Alex had seen him like this far too much today, and it hurt him to see Jack like that, he was his best friend after all and he wanted Jack to be happy all the time, though he knew it was impossible.
"I know Jay and I'm sorry, I really am I didn't mean to show them off, I just wanted to rove to myself that I'd moved on from you, but I hadn't and I knew that, I know I'll never move on from you, what we had seemed like a high school fling at the time, but I know that I did love you, and I see now that it runs deeper than that, I always loved you, I was just too scared of fucking it up and fucking up our friendship," Alex said looking over at Jack shyly and gave his hand a small squeeze hoping to prove to Jack that he meant every single word that he was saying and he really did love Jack, a lot more than his high school self thought he ever could. "I do understand where you're coming from and I'm not angry or upset at you I can assure you that much, and I'm sorry I tried so hard to move on, and I left it so long to tell you that I love you, I really am, if I could redo it I would never have broken up with you, and we hopefully would still be together, I was stupid you and afraid Jay, but now I am ready to give us a second chance, and I'm ready to give it a proper shot, and I will wait for you as long as I need to, because I can't loose you again, not when I've finally come to terms with that fact that I love you, and I want to call you mine forever."
Jack sighed and shook his head, "It's not fucking good enough Lex, it's not good enough to wait ten fucking years, try everything to get over me and then suddenly realise that you can't, that I'm the 'one for you' because I waited so long, I tried everything to drop hints, I tried everything, I got closer to you, I tried everything that I could without kissing you or without actually telling you, and you just come along and go 'oh hey I'm in love with you be my boyfriend again please' it doesn't work like that Lex, I waited so long for you to come back to me, but now I think about it ten years is too long, I love you Lex I really fucking do, but I'm sorry I don't want to be with you," he said and dropped Alex's hand and walked away, leaving Alex standing there completely shocked, he could understand Jack wanting time to think about it, he could understand so any things but to have the man that he was in love with, and clearly loved him back basically reject him, that was something he never though would ever happen in a million years, he knew Jack was in love with him, and he knew he loved Jack back more than he had loved anyone else in the world ever, this was a massive shock for him, and right now he just wanted Jack, but Jack didn't want him, hell Jack might never want him ever again, Jack may spend the rest of his life completely in love with Alex and fall into an unhappy relationship, and Alex didn't want that, he couldn't handle seeing Jack upset, he couldn't handle it even more so now that he knew what Jack did when he was upset, he didn't want to be the one who caused Jack to do that to himself, and he didn't want to be the reason that Jack was upset, fuck he was going to have to figure out some way for the pair to get back together, and to stop Jack from being unhappy.

Alex knew whatever he was going to do would have to be soon, very soon before Jack fell out of love with Alex - though he doubted it he knew it was a possibility that Jack would fall out of love with him and he knew he wouldn't be able to handle that ever - and very romantic and very special, he couldn't do something half hardheadedly, he had to put everything he had into this, to make Jack happy, to make himself happy, and to stop them both from hurting.