Falling in Love All Over Again

When Jack woke up Alex was no longer in his bed with him which was upsetting considering just a few hours ago Alex had promised that he would be here with him, that he wouldn't leave him, that he would be here for him though Jack assumed that he got bored or something, or the boys called him, he didn't want to believe that Alec would just leave him like that, after all they were supposed to be best friends after all. Jack sighed and slowly stood up and got out of his bunk and ran his fingers through his head, he was tempted to lift his shirt up and see how much damage he'd really done to himself but he was scared, scared to see the damage on his skin, and he was scared that someone else would walk in on him and see his body, he sighed, he'd do it later, maybe. Slowly he exited the bunks and looked around for Alex, or just someone else to talk to and to cure his boredom, he may have only woken up a little while ago but he was starting to get bored already, he looked through a window to see that it was starting to get dark, no wonder Alex left him, they went to sleep ages ago, Alex woud've gotten bored in the time he was awake, it made Jack feel bad for being angry that Alex had left him in there alone after he promised he wouldn't - even if that's not technically what Jack was implying when he asked Alex to not leave him but he wouldn't let Alex know that - which still made him upset. The skunk haired boy wondered aimlessly around the bus for a while, he honestly had no idea what he was doing, everyone else seemed to be caught up in their conversations and not noticing him, though there was something missing, actually someone, and that someone was Alex, and Rian, Jack bit his lip, he wondered where the two boys could possibly be, he'd walked everywhere on the bus at least three times each, which included that bathroom, he bit his lip when he had a thought, the bus was stopped, maybe they were out there. So that's what he did, he quickly walked to the door and went outside, that's when he heard it, the voices of both Alex and Rian, though he could only pick up small parts of their conversation considering that they were fairly far away - well that's how it seemed from Jack's spot just outside the door - and they were being very quiet and secretive about whatever they were talking about which just interested Jack even more. He took a small and quiet step forward keeping the door open in case the boys heard it shut and stayed quiet or stopped talking all together.

"I'm just worried about him that's all Ri, he hasn't been himself lately, he's been thinking a lot lately, which isn't normal for him, I understand that he has a lot on his mind lately, but he just seems to be so down about it, and I don't like it Ri, I don't like seeing him so upset about it, and it sucks that he isn't talking to me about it, I wanted to be the one to help him," Alex said, Jack bit his lip, was Alex talking about him? Was Alex actually worried about him? Why were they being so secretive about it? Wouldn't it usually be something that they would talk about with the other boys around, not caring whether they heard or not, was he really that important that they had to do it out here and in private? Jack doubted that, maybe they were already out here and suddenly got onto the subject of him, yeah, that was probably it, though it was nice thinking that they went out here just to talk about him.
"I know Lex that you're worried, I've noticed that he's been acting strange lately," was it really that obvious that he wasn't happy like he used to be? "but you're gonna have to give it time, he's not always gonna come to you, I know that you're his best friend, and I know that you love him a lot, but he's not always gonna come to you," Rian said in a hushed whisper, did Alex really love him? Of course Rian could've meant it in a best friend way, but from the way he said it, it didn't seem that it was just best friend love, but that could just be Jack being arrogant and wanting Alex back too much.
"I know and I respect that, I respect that he won't always come to me when something bad happens to him, but I'm just scared he's gonna do something bad to himself."
"Too late Alex," Jack thought to himself.
"I don't want that to happen, I would feel awful if he did that, and I can't help but think that maybe I'd be the reason, our break up has just seemed to be effecting him a lot lately, and I don't know why, I mean it's been almost ten years, and though I really miss him, like a lot, it doesn't seem to effect me as much as it does him, and I'm just scared Rian I don't know what to do," Alex said, chocking at the end of his sentence, it was obvious to Jack that he was crying, but why? He wasn't really that important, he wasn't worth crying over, not at all, but Alex didn't seem to know that.
"I know Alex, I've seen it to, he looks at you differently, he looks at you the way he used to look at you with a hint of sadness, I'm not sure either and I wish I could tell you why he looks at you like that, but I can't and I'm sorry," Rian said with a sigh, almost as if he didn't know what to say, which was odd considering Rian had always been the one to go to when you needed advice and he was so rarely stumped like this, this situation seemed to really stump him.
"I just miss him that's all I really want him back, but I don't think he'll want me back, I hurt him too much, I left it too long, I just really really want him back," Alex spilled out, he didn't know but Jack wanted him back just as much, if not even more, but Jack wasn't going to tell him that, he now knew how Alex felt - which made his stomach explode in butterflies every time he thought about it - he was going to let him make the first proper move, to prove how much he loved him, he wasn't going to do it himself, he was going to wait for Alex.
"I know, I can tell, everyone can tell except him, but you're going to have to prove that you really do love him to him, you can't spend your whole life waiting and wishing that he'd come back because that's not how the world works Alex, you're going to have to get him back, and you're going to have to put in the effort because it's not going to be easy, you hurt him with your 'break' it's going to take a shit load of effort," Rian said, "It's all up to you now Alex, I can't really do anything until you've come up with an idea," he said and Jack could hear shuffling signally that the boys were getting up, he quickly ran back inside and sat down on the couch next to Zack and Matt who were currently fighting over Disney characters or something the Jack didn't really give a flying fuck about.

A while later Rian and Alex returned to the bus and sat down in the lounge area and Rian flicked through the channels until he found something good that he actually wanted to watch, and he sat down on the floor, Alex on the other hand instantly sat down next to Jack on the couch sitting a little way away from his best friend as if he was scared to get any closer to him, Jack was confused by Alex's actions but didn't question him, he seemed nervous right now.
"Sorry I wasn't there when you woke up," Alex spoke up after a while of silence, at least he acknowledged that and said he was sorry that was better than him not saying anything at all, Jack thought, "I had to piss and then I got caught up in conversation with Rian," Alex said tilting his head up to look at Jack through his fringe.
Jack nodded and gave Alex a small smile, "S'aright, I slept for a while and I don't blame you for leaving you must've gotten bored," he said, his words seemed to calm Alex down slightly as he saw him relax and shuffle slightly closer to hi on the couch, but not to the point that they were touching.
"Yeah thanks for understand," Alex smiled at Jack and turned his attention to the TV.

The rest of the night practically flew boy, the boys sat on the couches mucking around with each other, swearing and throwing playful insults, occasionally one of the boys would leave and come back with a drink but none of them got properly drunk, just slightly tipsy. Before anyone knew it all the boys were in their own beds some of them asleep some of them on their phones but they were all completely silent, and to Jack everything else was silent except for his mind, he couldn't seem to shut the stupid thing off, he just kept thinking about tour, about their sets, about Alex, about them being together, just about everything, it was annoying because he wanted nothing more than to fall asleep but he just couldn't seem to. About an hour later when all of the other boys had fallen asleep Jack eventually fell asleep himself, finally.

Jack just couldn't seem to let Alex's words go, he was hopefully going to try to get back together with him, he didn't know how or when, but he knew that it was happening but he did know that it both scared and excited him, hopefully Alex wouldn't leave it too long and break his heart all over again, he couldn't deal with the heartache again.