Actors

Jack - POV Actors

Life has been tuff but I don't want to dwell on the past, my dad isn't allowed near me and I live with my mom. We make do and with struggle and hard work, we both manage a house over our heads and food to eat.

My mom, young as she is, close to my age I mean....we don't really have a close connection, sadly. You know how you see children and their parents all happy and perfect. My Dad never took me out for ice-cream when I was younger and my mother didn’t give tow shits. They brought me at with the smallest amount of care. I am just your average kid. I get average scores on my tests. I don’t have and talents and god-forbid, sporting activities that other people somewhat ‘enjoy’.

My mother, she just looks at me with pity. Like it’s her fault I'm this messed up. All the money spent if visits to the doctors regarding my allergies and problems, all the money that could've been spent on her. I am an average fuck up, let’s just say I done have my mental of physical self-intact. The problem is that I am lactose intolerant and people decide to put milk in almost everything. And me being me, the world hates the renowned, Jack Barakat, I react the worst when accidently consuming milk. My mom is the one that takes me to get help. Not even with the slightest of concern.

But I still reckon she deserves nice things. She deserves to feel beautiful and fall in love again. I think she's scared that if my father finds out, he'll come back and kill me. The reason I never see my father is because he was a drug addict and when he and my mom where younger, they never wanted a son. Or even a child in fact. Apparently I ruined his career. He could’ve hit it big time in the industry of music. He was in a band. Not a very famous one. They just played at crappy bars and did little supporting acts at festivals where it was more about drugs than listening to the music.

I think sometimes I have my father’s temper. I just go off without warning. I don’t hurt anyone or rampage myself through life. I do it quietly and to myself, unlike my dad. When I was a baby, toddler, four-year old, I had the habit of ruining things, like how I was born...

Long story short, he blamed he for running his life and in return I got that bad end of the stick, the wrong end of the sword, the back of the hand, whip of the belt....I was abused as a kid.

Back to my mother, it’s like if I wasn't her son, she wouldn't bother about me. I feel like a burden and it sucks...She works 9-5 at a diner that doesn't pay well and it actually hurts to see her walk in after an extended shift, the boss of the diner doesn’t treat her well and she often has makeup running freely down her face and a dirty uniform that I have to clean... She's only a girl, really. She doesn't have the maturity that I have now, it’s like I am the adult, having to look after her and sit and watch her cry and eat the rest of the ice-cream, very cliché, I know, and I’m still jealous, I can’t eat ice-cream.

And for my run over, I don’t trust anyone....at all.

I have a couple of friends that I hang around with. Zack and Rian are my closest. Sometimes I hang with Hayley and her gang, I like being with Frank because he is the funny short guy with the punk haircut and the secret scorpion tattoo that he got from a friend of a friend at the end of year party last year, and he is a very badass guy and you don’t want to get on his bad side.

I don’t really know what id class myself as. I’m not a jock, Zack’s a jock. I’m not a rebel kid like frank nor am I a quiet nerd and defiantly I am not a small firey red-head that has boys falling at their feet...oh how I wish!

All my friends are as heavily obsessed with music as I am myself. We all have dreams that we aspire to but most of them aren’t realistic. I wish though one day, I’d be in a band, lead guitarist or not, even if I was one of the crew members, I would love to do anything like that. I want to know, even if it is small group of people, I want to know that they know my name and know that I am not hated and people care. I bet you saw the sympathy card just then. I am a low life pathetic....

Zack, Rian and I have had the idea of starting a band but at the moment we are only a cover band because we don't have a lead singer. But that’s the least of our problems. The main struggle is actually practicing together in the tight time slots we all have. It sucks, period. I just want us guys to hang out and actually do friend things together. I love them I really do but I feel us drifting apart and that is a lot. I’ve had too many friends before that, that I have lost to them drifting apart from me and I blame myself. I just want to be able to keep a friendship going, even just for a little bit, I want a new friend, someone who I can call on whenever. Oh god, I feel so cheesy...

I just need something like that, you know?

***

I got a text from Zack demanding that I go over to his place my mother wasn’t one to care about my existence so she let me go, only muttering the words, don’t kill yourself as she sipped of her whiskey and watch the latest Breaking Bad. She goes into these moods when normally she doesn’t care much, just a little amount, she makes my lunch for me, and so that’s something, right? My hands are not gifted with making P&J sandwiches.

She cares because she has to. I don't want to waste her money anymore by getting treatment so I told her that school is going on fine and people aren't harassing me anymore. She pretends to be grateful that I have my friends, saying things like they make you happy, spend more time with them. And I learnt what that really meant when I was 8, all those times I thought she was genuine.

Zack likes to invite me over because his whole family likes me. That treats me so well and feeds my way too much. Zack’s mom insists that I need more meat on my bones, I normally can’t fit in more than half of what they give me but they smile and say nice things. They seem to be always interested in what I am doing at the moment. They are familiar with the idea of out band and support it as much as they can without spending useless money on equipment that Rian provides us at his house.

Zack’s whole family is very sporty and because I was sleeping over Zack said if I wanted a ride home I would have to watch his game tomorrow. If it means not going to school for half of the day, count me in! I’m not sure what the others will say but they like Zack because of his addiction to working out and mostly his build, determination and will to play the game, he gets very aggressive too, something you wouldn’t guess...

Zack is such a nice guy. He worries about other people and basically is my baby-sitter. He knows about my past, his family does and they try to help me I all ways possible. I continue to feel guiltier every time. They indulge me and drown me in food, care, comfort, caring and other behaviors that are along the lines.

I sleep in Zack’s room on the floor with is more than okay. I get extra blankets and everything. I really love spending time at the Merricks’s. We had pizza and chips and I swear I’ve put on 5 pounds. Zack can just keep eating and its wild. We play video games all night and watched movies. The ones I remember were The Crow? I think it was about this guy that dies and one year later he turned into this crow and avenged his wife/fiancé/girlfriends death. I was an alright movie.

I think I feel asleep first because I remember Zack waking me up in the morning saying I had to hustle or we’d be late. And Zack is frantic about being late, like if you’re going to the movies with him and you’re running late he gets really annoying saying we have to hurry up or skipping getting the food and drinks just to make sure we don’t miss any previews.

As soon as he could, Zack pushed me into the car and made me put on his old football jumper, saying I’d freeze. I reluctantly put it on and we sped off in his beat-up car, Listening to Blink-182lound and had a great time singing lyrics at the top of our lungs. The bass player next to me had the lungs for singing; I could give that to him.

***

"Are you okay Jack? You seem a little down lately" Zack asked me in the bridge part of Adam's Song.

I was really surprised and panicked a bit, he knew? No one has ever asked me anything about if I was ever okay.

"It's just you seem a little sad, a little sad sometimes when I pass you in the hall. You're not the same Jack I know. I want to know with everything, are you okay?"

Was I really such an open book? Even though he knew about my past I didn’t want to bombard him with all the carp that goes on.

I didn't know what to say....

I did what always do in these particular situations, I lied and lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off. Exactly what I wanted to do, please note the song reference…

With Zack convinced that everything is A-Okay, I really needed to step my game up a little. Smiles all round and even if they are pathetically fake, it’s better than nothing.

He rounded the comer in which the bus-stop was and waited for him to turn the engine off. Zack turned to me and smiled apologetically, he had to do something. It was normal of Zack to worry about me and I never took offence. He had offered that I talk to him if anything is ever wrong and I told him I would take him up on that, just maybe later when we are not in dangerous territory, I was in dangerous territory.

Most of the team was already there so Zack left me there. I saw it coming. Zack is just nice to everyone and lets people walk all over him. People ask him for favors, he grants them in a heartbeat. I noticed a couple of times he glanced over my way, probably still not 100% convinced about my current condition. People gave me greasy looks, oh well. I just thought about how my life could be better, and then mentally slapped myself for being so stupid.

More and more people waited and I started to feel a little hopeful. I don't know why. Maybe it was my Jedi senses kicking in, I knew all that padawon training I did as a four year old didn't go to nothing. Star Wars fan alert.

Slowly and finally the bus came and we (they) all pushed and claimed the back. Zack was a nice guy and sat behind me while I sat next to no one because who would want to sit next to me, but no one sat next to Zack so I didn’t feel so bad, I don’t want to ruin his life.

Older people, (more like middle aged people; I shouldn't be rude) gradually climbed into the bus looking plain and worn out. They had no emotion and all looked like they would rather lie in bed, or was that just me? I have least by observation that 9/10 people hate working and never want to be there. I never, ever, ever want a job creating a water-cooler-romance with the tramp in the next cubical, damn those office affairs.

I decided that when I would grow up, (whoops never going to happen) when I an older and at an age when I need a proper full time one, I don't want to be the weird creep that kids make up stories of me because I would be the single, poor, lazy; mostly like the person I am today, with equal levels of patheticness just older and maybe with a beard...hey kids, I referring to your local pedophile, I know you all have one.

I wanted to do something that could end up being successful. Maybe if our band hits off. I don't know music has always been in my heart. I could always rely on music when I was sad. I mean who couldn’t. Music saves lives and I want to know I have impacted someone. When I was younger, the older kids at my school came down and asked us what we wanted to be. Some were unrealistic and others were made up and meant to be funny, I know funny and clearly I wasn’t amused so....sorry guys your joke wasn’t funny.

I said I wasn’t to do something to help people so they suggested when I’m older into high school; I should do the voluntary works and help people in need. I have taken that into consideration because I know that there are people worse off than me and need help. I would be nice to know it made their day a little better.

The both ideas joined. I want to help people.

Different bus stops past and I wasn't paying any attention until we got to the last one before our stop. It was just the normal clump of people, nothing particularly special. There were businessmen, women, street thugs that were probably friends of Frank’s, who knew? That kid knows everyone.

As the boy stepped up and was fully exposed to the crowd of people the masses the buss, the other jocks laughed at him, he had blood all over his shirt and dried up blood under his nose and sitting on his chin. He was shorter than me and had warm brown eyes. His hair was a mess and suited him and made him look ever more amazing.

Honestly he was the most amazing person I had ever set my eyes on. My mouth was agape and clearly I was checking him out. It seemed that he had his school uniform, probably a private school kid, he had a red and white collared shirt with the button undone and wore beat-up black converse shoes, rebel...but the red on the shirt was from the amount of blood that had poured doe his face.

This was the time I was glad to be such a loner and a freak. He had walked all this way and had no chance that he would walk back. Holding in all my emotions was really hard when he sat next to me. I was relieved when he didn’t sit next to Zack because that wouldn’t have been fun at all.

With me continuing to stare, he looked up a couple is times and blushed; it was the cutest thing ever. He was so self-conscious and I really couldn't stop myself.

"Naw Jacky, looking up the hot stuff?" Zack said. My head snapped towards him. Even though the boy next to me had his headphones in, his eyes flicked up and down, he heard us.

Zack was the protective-best-friend-bother figure to me bit in times like these, this had never happened before and Zack could be a total ass!

I death glared him, hoping that he understood. "Shut up Zack"

The boy next to me giggled and it was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

He continued to use his phone until I heard the quiet blasting of his earphones, the music leaking out. I heard the sound of what’s My Age Again by Blink - 182. This mysterious boy was awesome.

He got up and gave me a smile, he again was blushing. I wanted to follow but knew I couldn't. Zack told me I should do what I want. So after a few words I got up and followed him out. At that moment I didn't care of tomorrow going to school I’d be hustled about that new boy. Sometimes you have to do what your heart says and I believe I have to at least do something to make my life more enjoyable.

Hoping off the bus was an awkward part but it was even more so when I approached the boy whose name still remained a mystery to me. He looked up and blushed.

And the trouble was that I wasn’t planning this far....