Actors

Alex's POV

Actors - Chapter Three

Awkwardly standing there, Jack and I just looked up at each other. Taking out my headphones, I blushed again. This boy is going to be the death of me.

***

I wasn't very social, I'm not sure if I fully clarified that properly. When I was younger I was a bundle of joy. I never really thought twice on whatever I did, always and with confidence, I did whatever I could and was a show off.

I didn't care what people thought about me or even said to my face because I was full of myself and had a lot of hot air. I seriously didn't give a fuck of what anybody did or say about me...but that was in Middle School.

I don’t know what changed to make me so unconfident; it turned off like a switch. Honestly the only conclusion I have come up with was either the school I was in never have me the opportunity to express myself or that my peers, or let’s say, my close friends at the time let me sink to the bottom of my depression by making fun of me and not allowing me to be myself, that also goes for the environment factors of the school.

Bullying is a big and strong point in people's careers. all the famous people these days have need picked in at school or heavily bullied, abused, raped, anything. It gives them a sympathy story like if you go on international talent shows and you are blind or have a stutter; it’s your sympathy card for publicity.

Sometimes the outcomes in all of these things can be atrocious an inconvenient. The TV shows that people sign up for are stupid and ruin the talent and might I add confidence of young and worthy kids. Most of the time it is brainless decisions and ego boosting on behalf of the people who decide to judge on such horrific shows. My eyes burn when I see my mom watching them while ironing, as I walk past the living area to get to my room.

confidence, that’s what we were talking about, and since I have none, with what came out of me, I have no idea why this Jack guy didn't walk out as soon as he heard my not-so-audio-able hello…

Jack stood before me, taller and skinnier than me. His hair was hurriedly styled and his smile twitched and a grin broke out.

"Hey, about before, that's my friend Zack....um, my names Jack as you probably heard before and yeah..."
he spoke louder than I would to someone who I just met and was just so welcoming.

He was clearly a jock and with me knowing what jocks were like first hand, either this was meant to be a joke or he actually genuinely cared.

I've lived and leant before about jocks. They only make themselves look tough and go through girls like their deodorant cans. All the hustling and careless pushing around they do is to make they look tough or climb up the social status ladder. What I mean about that is they make themselves look good so with their insecurities away and locked up, they prey on the people below them. It’s a similar story with girls too. It’s just useless.

This is all cliché about the characteristics of the jocks and hoes that go around but these things do happen. Like for instance you have fourteen year old girls losing their virginities at parties to guys they don't know and are
significantly older and the thought of it being a reality makes most people uncomfortable, which is allowed.

You get girls giving blow-jobs in back alleyways because they want to fit in with their pack of friends. Imagine the shame knowing they did that? Society is so fucked up at the moment that they blame the rape victims and say it’s their fault for asking for it or having a skirt that was too short - and also the fact they say boys can't be raped too.

The things that happen today and how people just turn the other cheek is just infuriating. I could lecture people on how don't be yourself everybody's taken or how things get better in the end, but with the last one, I'd be a total hypocrite about that last one, it’s alright in the end if you find yourself though.

I don't understand what caused the stereotypical mould for jocks, cheerleaders, nerds....now these days, what’s considered to be what a nerd would wear or do is cool and considered "hipster". How fucked up is this?

But we are all taught, one way or another that with people you don't know, you don't know what to expect. Judgement and judging a book by its cover is bad but when you safety and wellbeing is on the line, it can be your last resort, even though sometimes it goes against everything you believe in.

I had no idea what to expect, this boy wasn't half bad, he was good looking, had a fine attitude and spoke well, he wasn't arrogant which was also a good sign. He didn't laugh at me and stared at me for the whole bus trip. He wore a football jumper with the teams name and black skinny jeans and Nikes? Not the average uniform for a jock...maybe he was just going to watch?

Sometimes I over analyse people and pick out things people wouldn't see in themselves, I'm not sure, I guess with me being so uncomfortable with my own appearance I've grown to compare myself with others, observation leads to analyzing and then judging on an educated guess using the facts I know.

It’s playing safe, not judging.

Jack looked like a kind enough guy so I wasn't going to let anything ruin what I could achieve.

All in all, he looked like a nice guy....why not? I'd never see him again?

"Okay, Jack...wouldn't your friend mind?" I replied. My voice sounded horrible. It came out all uneven and croaky. I basically grimaced in its presence.

"Nah, he doesn't mind. So what do I call you, Mystery Boy?" he asked, semi sarcastically but also nicely so I laughed.

I blushed, embarrassing myself yet again.

"My names Alex, I don't really do much at all..." I said.

"Nothing at all?" he said thoughtfully "since you don't really do anything at all, I bet you'd have the time to tell me what happened and who I need to mentally beat up for you"

He lead me to the place I was going to go anyway, and became aware with my presence.

In this moment I had no idea what I was saying, Jack suggested we go get coffee, in which I gladly agreed, knowing the flush of caffeine will get me going again.

But yet I was aware of the state if my face and my top and panicked a little bit, knowing people would stare. Jack was too kind and gave me his jumper, exposing his arms to the nipping cold, I protested to be nice, but was gladly to take it when he insisted for me to do so.

I fixed my nose with a tissue I found in the depths of my bag, which was probably infected with a nasty....I don’t want to think about it, and wiped my face, doing so just faintly and only if you looked close you could see my skin tinged a little red.
I realized how big this jumper on me and how stupid I probably looked like right now.

I was on auto pilot, I hadn't talked to anyone like this for ages and worried I'd be too awkward and give him the wrong idea. Jack seemed to not notice my awkwardness and when he also offered to pay for my coffee and I objected with a small voice that only made him laugh and pull me closer by my hip saying it was okay and I was too adorable.

Was sat down on a window seat and he started the conversation by asking the most unexpected question.

"Do you have any pets" he asked while sipping on his soy milk latte.

I was sitting down and trying not to spill my hot coffee as much as I did before, I had hot coffee trailing down from my hand, silently swearing I looked up and answered.

"Not really, I might get a dog or something when I'm older, you?"

My voice had cleared now and sounded less like a cat dying. But it still restricted itself at places.

"I have no pets at all, I was just asking"
Jack said. He smiled and drank his coffee.

Still not settling in and trying to recall how to actually have a proper conversation that is not with my parents, I took notice of his attire. Going back to the not-a-jock theory, he could just be watching a game, it would be pretty odd, not something you see every day, but still, he just genuinely wasn't that person, sad far?

Why was I defending him from my own conscious? Ugh, even my own head was confusing, often telling me what's right and wrong. What I should think or do.

This question was taxing in my mind so I asked it.

"Do you play football?"

He looked at me. I had broken the silence that we had had. He looked at me for a second, like he was contemplating what I had actually said, also looking confused. He realized what jumper he had given to me and I had on and gave me another award winning smile.

"No, I don't actually. I was going to watch a friend play, but he's the one who sent me off" he said, laughing at the end.

I let a small smile curl into my lips. He was a genuine person. Confident and happy. He began to tell me how much he hated football and started to tell me little things about his life.

I learnt that he'd rather be put in blistering hot lava than play football. He hates every jock but his friend Zack. He said something about having a friend who was into video games and played drums. I was also told that Jack was in a band along with Zack, whom seemed like a really, really nice guy as well, and the video-game-drummer.

Jack, it seems, has surrounded himself with people he is comfortable with, which is what I want to succeed. I won't say that I'd just jump in and expect to become best friends with all of them, which would be silly. After this we'd probably never cross paths.

"Why don't you tell me about yourself, Alex" he put more emphasis on my name and I smiled, I was warming up.

"Um, well my name is Alex-"

He interrupted me, "I know that already"

Thinking of actual things I was good at or my hobbies was hard under the spot light. I never really could think on my feet. I always need a rational explanation and reason why or how, for anything.

"By the sounds of it, I'm your age..."
I continued, waiting for an interruption

"I don't have a social life and I spend most of my time listening to music"

That's what got him. At the sound of my only love, music I seemed to have gotten his attention. He was eyeing my phone and took it. He looked through my music.

"Your music taste is perfect, you’re lucky, I heard you blasting Blink and I would’ve had to kill you if you ruined them"

I had to laugh at that. No one has ever said that to me. People these days are so caught up with what’s in and what is popular, what will make them fit in. I know things know, I never want to be cool, I never want to be something I’m not.

We continued to talk and I was getting better at speaking. There were times that I would lose myself in Jack's eyes and then have to snap myself back into reality. His eyes were a deep brown colour and I could just see the difference from the iris and pupil. His eyelashes were long and luscious. Luscious is such a girly word but with everything, I think it’s an exception.

I finished my coffee long after Jack had finished his. I hadn't had a coffee as big as that or a long time. I wasn't sure if I was to get up and leave, I had no will to do so either. Jack also seemed pretty content where he was and I wasn't going to oblige, I liked seeing other people happy, it made me happy to do so.

We had reached a break in our conversation. We had spoken about anything and everyone, nothing too serious and I was glad. We joked around and it was setting into lunch time.

Jack got a text from Zack, could their names be any more alike? saying that the game finished that they had won. I didn't understand the rules of football, nor did Jack, so we kept our thoughts about it simple and plain.

"So Alex, you never did tell me what happened to you?" he asked with full seriousness.

I replayed the same scene that happened earlier today, I was still vague on the whole thing, but is normal for me and I didn't treat it like the end of the world. Jack on the other hand was very
angry and concerned about the matter.

He wanted to know if everything was 100% fine and at school and home (things were fine at home). I didn't want to seem weaker than I already was, so I lied.

Things got to a close and I left, ready to go home. I shouldn't get his number or something but I didn't. I got another bus home and reached the door, I realized I still had his, well his friend's jumper; I probably should've given it back.

I didn't see him at all for a few months, I didn't expect I would anyway, it would've been nice but fate will be fate.