Actors

Jack POV

Actors - Chapter Four

I didn't see the boy, Alex for a long while. I watched him walk out of the building, awkwardly shuffling around the people who worked at the coffee shop, and finally walked out if the door. I noticed he still wore Zack's jumper, it was his old one and not my problem. It wasn't mine to give but it was a million sizes too big and he looked adorable. I really saw a lot in him, even though he was so shy and had really bad social skills. Even though his hair stuck up in the most ridiculous places, he was unintentionally drop dead gorgeous.

He’d never admit it. He dodged all my compliments and seemed equally as nervous. Me Jack Barakat, nervous? Never!

I had told Zack about everything that had happened; he thought Alex was a friend worth having. I explained how he had his jumper and Zack told me to shut up and chill. Things got mean, Zack, at every chance he had, told everyone that I found my soul mate. Even for Zack, that was highly immature.

I started to hang with Rian after a long time. Sometimes we are on, like best friends then things get distant. I guess it happens to everyone. But it works or is because when we catch up again and hang out, we actually have things to talk about and it isn't pointless crap all the time. Rian was still so focused on school and basked in my intelligence, for me anyway, I don’t do class or homework, much at all.

Rian is a very cool guy. My friend anyway. there were vague inputs about the band, but Rian is still pissed off for no particular reason. I think he misses Zack, see they were very close, closer than me and Zack. But thins happened and they had different interests, that happen to be so ironically cliche. The footballer and nerd....tune in next week for the new hit romance-drama series.

I'm joking about that part but I think that there was love lost between them…maybe a little fling? I don’t know, Zack is our romance junkie, who had happened to spread the word to Rian about my Alex. Really he had to say My Alex? Ugh...

so here I was, being asked questions, over and over about Alex by Rian. He was so curious about it; I gave him the brief description of it. Boy at bus-stop, said hi, had coffee, which equaled a great time. There was nothing else about it. He was so shy and quiet, I felt sort of sad about it, he deserves to live and bloom in life, knowing about the things in life, he needs to come out of his comfort zone. But I do feel sorry for him, things just feel so complicated, I have no idea anymore.

I started to think of him a lot and get annoyed at myself thinking I was too forward and freaked him out or was to laid back and he thought I was doing what I did for him as for sympathy. Things are just so fucked up! I don't get why I have to freak out about this when even after fantasizing countless times, that I would see him again.

The people around me started to notice and made fun of me for it, my friend Josh called me "lover boy" and created and little sing-a-long song. It was pretty funny but that boy (Alex) did worry me.

In maths class I started thinking about him and just to my luck, we were studying advanced algebra, and I just so happened to write the heading as Advanced Alex?!? Like what the actually fuck? I had no idea what was going on. Frank sat next to me and cracked up laughing is stupid contagious laugh and everyone started laughing. I don't know how a guy so small could cause such a reaction but we were both sent outside for disturbing the class.

I am so girly and cliché about this, I think when imp older ill think, how embarrassing, hell I even look back now and think it. The whole Alex thing became a joke and my friends continued to elaborate on it, adding things and turning it around and in the end, most of it was bullshit.

I was such a hopeless romantic, every time I was on the bus, I hope id see him. I think if I did see him again, I'd totally spring on him and at least, hope he didn't forget about me. See! Hopeless romantic.

After a couple of weeks, people started to forget and things were back to normal. I would spend time with Frank, talk about the rising shitty-punk bands and surprisingly, Frank's love life. In all honestly, Frank told me about his little (actually major) crush on this guy called Gerard. Apparently he's older and has a younger brother in our year level, Mikey. his name ring a bell and instantly I thought of the kid in the back of my science class, with his glasses perched at the end of his nose, half asleep but with the work already done so he didn't get yelled at - I'm getting off topic here - Frank really likes Gerard and it’s all really cute because he is the only guy I've seen that has been so caught up with someone he likes. it's really cute to see how his whole badass attitude disappear and you see how down to earth he is, I already knew Frank on the level, but I see it more often.

Frank asked me if I saw the boy I met on the bus like that I had to think about it. I didn't really know him and I told Frank that and explained how I would never see him again (or that the chances are extremely low, if ever), Frank told me to stop being a girl, like he could talk.

***

more time passed and nothing else happened. Nothing majorly happened, I went to a couple of parties with Frank, who after the whole Gerard/Alex thing we'd become closer and I was around him, occasionally bumming him a few cigarettes; but I had stopped because I didn't want to become my father. Zack became more worried, thinking I was hanging around with people who were a bad influence. I got angry at that. yes I have said Zack is a good guy, he's been more than good to me, I wouldn't of met Alex if he didn’t say for me to go after him (back to the girly Alex obsession) and I love the guy but who is he to judge the people I am friends with. Yes, I flutter from friend to friend, only because I want to have the flexibility but Frank has understood. Frank may get high and is fun to get high with, every once in a while but I don't get what is so bad if my grades aren't dropping and I'm not hurting anyone.

I've met a couple of friends of Frank's. Frank looks even smaller than ever when standing next to Bob and Ray. The funny thing is, and imp glad that I’ve learnt this but Mikey (Gerard's brother) and Ray are pretty close friends and the topic regarding 'Gerard', whenever it comes up Frank blushes and it is really cute and he totally denies it!

Frank actually had the guts to go and speak to Gerard. With the amount of fuss he made over it I am glad he did, or I would've done it, just to shut him up!
Apparently Gerard was into comic books and art, Frank was comic book obsessed too so they spoke for a very long time.

It made me wonder if I ever did see Alex again, what would there be to talk about? There really wouldn't be much knowing that I made Alex feel uncomfortable. Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did I have to let everything go because of a boy? I do want to see him again and I’m going to admit, imp kind of nervous about it.

***

the school bell rung, signifying that our class was over. I had just had English and was really happy to get out. Normally I would be that person in your class that is the only person that enjoys being there. I am kind of pathetic that way. Seriously being in that class gives you easy marks, you don't have to do much and all the homework answers are found on the Internet. I may not be the prime example of a student but at least I can do whatever I do and convince the teacher it was me, charming.

I also think I like English the most is because I don't have any people that I know in the class, except for Mikey, but he doesn't talk to anyone. I’m glad I don't have friends in that class because I don't have to be pressured into doing my work but also talking to them, instead I just to my work in the first ten minutes and just chill for the rest. It’s a system that works for me, and I'm glad of it.

I was walking down the corridors to my next subject, music. I wonder if Alex played anything, he said he listened to music but never elaborated - here I go again. I should probably stop, this is getting pretty creepy. In my whole attire, I enjoyed music, very much and had a good fucking time.

Ironically Zack, Rian and I were put in the same music class. It was good at the start of the year but now it’s annoying. Zack seems angry but sad without Rian and Rian looks like he couldn't give two shits about him. I hurt to see that side of both of them because I normally just see how good of people they are.

it gets really, really annoying because Zack makes it obvious, with the other guys that he's totally bitching, sorry talking behind his back, about Rian, which is pretty low and then Rian goes off to the other side of the room and talks to other people. Literally I am torn. I can’t go to one or another when there likes this because no matter how guilty one is, I don't want to lose any of them.

Whatever that did happen between them, it should stop and I was more than happy to settle it down.

***

the following week, I had the same music class often after English and I was already pissed off. I had this really old banana in my bag and all days out of today, because earlier I decided I would take it out, my fucking banana decided to fucking puree itself into my bag. All my books were covered, and still are, in banana shit, my phone and earphones are covered in banana shit. Actually everything is covered in banana shit and even better, it’s leaking through the bottom of my bag.

I couldn't deal with my bag so I put it away in my locker and had to flick off a piece of banana off my skinny jeans. I was late to music class but no one really cared.

Today, apparently, from struggling to read the bored, my glasses are covered in banana shit; we are doing some crappy theory work that I bet middle school kids are doing. The teacher disappeared and so did our motivation for work.

Both of my dearly beloved friends were sitting next to each other, and me sitting behind them. The tension between them was really intense and I don't see why they sat like they did. The person who I sat next to, I think her name was...Jenna...ugh, I don't even know. She’s blonde and yeah, a really nice person (from my perspective, she hasn't annoyed me this year). I had no one next to me and things were about to get explosive.

Zack kept on sending Rian greasy looks.
I was seriously so fed to with the child like attitude they were displaying. It continued until Rian accidentally spilt his water bottle all over Zack's work.

"What the fuck was the fore!" Zack screamed.

Rian was a little taken aback and froze.

"You little shit how dare you do that! What's your problem-" Zack continued to yell after realizing the pain on Rian's face.

"What's my problem? Excuse me! You’re the one who was ignoring me like the plague after you got into that football team!" Rian retorted.

Never in my life had I either seen both of the yell like that. Of course we had our petty fights, like siblings do. After all were like brothers.

The depth of the argument got deeper and eventually they were standing nose to nose, up in front of the class. I really hated fights, they reminded me of my father and both of them knew it.

"Shut up! Just shut up. Seriously do you guys know how pathetic you sound? I don’t even know what the fuck happened to make you guys hate each other but how dare you stand up here fighting right in front of my face!"
I yelled at them, both of them looked my way and Zack looked like he was about to beat me to pulp.

"Wow! Everything has to be turned to you doesn't it, Jack! You just always have to be the centre of attention. I and my family have given so much to you because you're so fucked up! Your mom seriously doesn't give a shit about you, no wonder you go off and get high every day. Stay out of this, faggot".

I felt my cheeks heat up and my jaw dropped. He had no right to say that, especially in front of everyone here. I felt the tears threatening to spill and I couldn't do this anymore. Zack knew I was getting bad. I looked from each of them, Rian looked like he was going to cry, he knew about me and so did Zack. I felt sick.

I ran out of the room, still feeling people's eyes burn in the back of my head. The tears freely spilt over my eye lids. I went into the boy’s bathroom and thank fuck no one else was there. I knew Zack sometimes had trouble compressing his anger and I had tipped him off the edge. He was so right; I did get high everyday just to forget about how no one cared for me. It was so tiring being happy at school, (when I really was) but then having the change to being at home and ignored. My mom is a drunk and wished I was dead.

I stayed there until the bell went and walked out. The people who witnessed the argument looked at me and I wanted to run away. Rian passed me and apologized; I wasn't in the mood and waved him off.

I kept my head down and stormed to my locker, got my bag and walked home.

Tomorrow was the last day of term, hell, I wasn't going.

***

to my luck, and misery, when I arrived home I found a note on the kitchen counter. My mother was out for the next couple of days. She gave me $20 and said but dinner.

I wasn't expecting on seeing my mother for a couple of weeks anyway, sometimes she ran off like this, with one of her boyfriends or what not. It would've been nice to know, after what happened at school, to have someone else in the house, but no.

My eyes were still a little red, I could just say it was the weed anyway, fuck you Zack!

I walked to the supermarket and actually had no idea what I was going to buy. We normally have fruit and I eat all the apples anyway, why don't I buy apples?

I got one of those plastic bag things and filled it up. One, two, three...

I heard a giggle coming opposite from we're I was. I looked up and saw the last person I'd ever expect to see.

His brown eyes looked at me and he blushed. I couldn't help but smile. His hair was also a mess but covered under a beanie. Our gazes stayed like that until someone interrupted.

"Alex, hurry up!" an older lady who was next to him, probably his mom or whatever insisted. He sighed and gave me a sheepish smile and a half wave.

"Bye Jack..." he said louder than usual, but still quietly.

I was still in awe and screaming inside. I continued to shop and saw Alex through the store, he caught my gaze and I winked another blush.

He was looking at the washing powder and even though I knew we have a sturdy supply of washing power, I pretended to look at all the brands.

"Following me now, are we?" he said in a joking matter. With his eyebrow cocked.

I laughed, "you wish, jellyfish. I'd like to say I am innocently browsing and shopping, other than you that is following me around".

it was his turn to laugh. "oh really, I recall seeing you walk about and following me here"

I smirked, that boy knew me well. "What’s the matter?" he said, looking me in the eyes.

Shit! my eyes were probably glassy and still red. I would've lied and been very good at it, but I couldn't find the effort.

"....you know school and family and friends".

He nodded knowing what I meant. He looked over his shoulder and looked guilty. He had to go.

"You can go if you want; I'm not keeping you here". I said sort of disappointingly.

He looked at the ground and said he should go as well. He still was in his school uniform, private school boy but wore his converse, so I respected that.

He went to walk past me but hugged me saying we were glad he saw me again. The hug lasted for a comfortable amount of time and I looked into his eyes. I was going to say I'd called him, but I still didn't have his number. He walked past me and I still had regrets.

I bought what I needed and walked home, yet again. It started to rain. The weight of the apples in the one bag was hurting my shoulder along with all the useless crap that wouldn't be touched.

I thought about Zack and what he did. I could understand how I had no right to jump in when I did. I felt horrible about it. But he knew I wasn't okay and still hurt me. when the new term starts, everyone would forget and Zack and Rian will forget about what happened and thing will go back to normal, me having no real friends, just fluttering as trying to fit in, being happy, being fake-happy and sad. That’s what school is anyway.