Actors

Alex POV

Chapter six - Alex

The going back to school feeling is the worst of all, to my luck I was transferred by my over needy mum, and told to start in the year lower.

I want to clarify that indeed, I am not brain dead. I just sometimes - when under a heap of stress, drowned by my anxiety and when I’m shitting myself with the work load, school priorities just fly by me and over my head.

I didn't retain any knowledge when at my snobby private school, always I'd be anxiously waiting for someone to strike or people to talk about me behind my back, which was always and I wanted to know - that's my fault as well - but even though people were the same age as me, I was younger, obviously.

It was always because I am typically over sensitive. To anything, always.

My stomach was tied in knots, intentionally. And I didn't feel well enough to eat. The public school I was going to was around the area I lived, I'd be walking but it was only 15-20 mins away.

I didn't expect much to come from today. It was a change because I didn't wake up, style hair then put on my uniform. Today I just got up and found a shirt that was discarded on the floor, shrugged that on and hopped around until my skinny jeans fitted perfectly around my hips. I wore my converse that were amazingly still not broken; sometimes I didn't know how the world worked.

I did race down from my room and to the front door in record time. I honestly didn't know why I had not gotten my driving permit yet, it was beyond me, I was sixteen (the year I'd be starting, everyone is turning sixteen, I'm turning seventeen soon)

My mum have me a lecture in how I needed to make actual friends and not so shy. I didn't see any plus side. Being the new kid people would be staring at me like I'm from another planet. The perks if being a new kid.

I didn't see much to reflect on the past few year of my life, I'd been made fun of too many times and people really did hate me. I probably made people uncomfortable, don't ask me why, it's what they tell all the kids that do get bullied, they don't understand, the bullies don't know and that makes them scared, that’s why they pick on you.

All this has been pumped into my brain by my mother and especially when we were younger at school, teachers should really know that doesn't work.

Running out the door, I slipped and hit my arm on the wall. Typical me.

"Alright honey, I want you to have a good day and remember, please make-"

I ran out of the door, not needing to hear the rest of what she said.

I didn't expect much from today

***

I really wasn’t looking forward for the stares I knew I was going to get. I didn’t follow the crowd which is a no if you grow up with the society we have today. People are focused with fitting in, and it’s just pointless.

I wore skinny jeans and some oversized top, while people went out and bought top of the market clothes that are designer and really fucking expensive, then there’s me on the other hand.

I wore exactly what I thought was sensible for the weather, actually be both know I couldn't really care about what I wore, but still gets majorly insecure, well that me in a nutshell, confusing like a time bomb, destined to explode, one way or another, I guess.

I really wish I had caught the bus, instead of walked. I bet I would’ve actually gotten to the unfamiliar school a lot earlier but I got lost, multiple times, but in all honesty I wasn’t in any rush and it wasn’t like I had anyone who was waiting for me, I wasn’t fussed; so god I took my time.

I noticed that typically I was near the ratty part of town, or heading so; I could just see by the state of the houses, you know how you can just tell. Some of the houses I passed hadn’t had a paint job in forever and most of them were suggested old and not modern. I guess I was luckier than most, hence I went to a private school and lived in the better parts but I wasn’t considered rich, but better off.

The houses around probably went hand in hand with the school. The more I say, the more snobby I sound…but it’s all out of observation.

***

I ended up being 10 minutes late for my first class but really I count give a damn, my parents maybe, because they wanted me to start off fresh and try but whatever, its wasn’t my fault I had never been around there before so all in all, I wasn’t in the wrong.

The school looked alright and went nicely with the weather, dull and grey, I wasn’t expecting sunshine and lollipops, nothing grand, but is wasn’t a shithole.

After actually locating the main office, I was gladly surprised that there was no one there. I don’t I was actually mentally prepared for all the stares, but who could blame me for wanting to put them off for as long as possible?

“Hey sweetie, can I help you with anything?” a small lady said, who was behind the desk that was to the left of the doorway. She had a big smile and seemed welcoming.

“Uh, hi…my name is Alex Gaskarth…I’m new” I stuttered out. She looked at me and did something on her computer.

“Okay Alex class started 15 minutes ago, you don’t have to go to first class because let me see” she looked at my timetable. “You have, well had maths, and I don’t think you would want to go, being new and all.”

I smiled. Quickly thanking her I walked out. She said all the usual stuff, have a nice day and it will be better than you think.
***

As the time got closer and closer to me actually being new and seen by the people of the school, I had the familiar feeling of anxiety. My breathing levels had gone up and I began to feel light headed, like I was going to pass out. My family knew I had pretty bad anxiety, I had a few episodes when I was younger and my last one was three years ago. I always knew I needed to lie down when this happened.

The most awkward decision of my life was going to be how, exactly, I was to lie down. I didn’t want to lie down in the middle of the hall, weirdo. So, funny enough, I was in a toilet cubical, semi-lying down, back far against the seat, not amazingly comfortable but I took a heap of deep breaths and calmed myself down.

I was glad that I put my bag in my locker, I only needed a pen today, and the teachers would tell me what books I needed for the year.

I was starting to regret that I didn’t have breakfast; I would have probably felt better.

Unknown amounts of time went by and I cursed myself for not having my phone, having it still in my bag. I was sitting cross-legged on the fucking toilet seat, how much more pathetic could my day get. Thank god that door was locked or else I’d have explaining to do.

I began to think about the people who I’d be attending school with, I bet there’d be the football team clique, and all the separate groups of girls. There’d be the nerdy creepy people, I mean, the group labelled ‘nerds’ are cool by default, school is a fucked up system.

There would be the band kids but I bet I would be too weird for them, I hold no musical talent besides knowing a few guitar chords, I wouldn’t fit in.

Resulting to knowing that I’d be outcasted by default, the bell rang, and looking down at my timetable, I had English, joy.

Getting up and taking a few breaths, I knew I was going to have to face my day sooner or later; I faced my fear which was embarrassingly, struggling to unlock the cubical door. I fixed my hair in the mirror and walked out, being met face to face with some other guy.

“Fuck man! You scared the living shit out of me” he said.

The guy who nicely enough, didn’t trample me over had messy hair which was tamed by a beanie and blue eyes that were looking at me slightly confused. He saw that I noticed.

“…uh, sorry, you just like a lot like someone I know, um, are you knew ‘cause I can show you to your locker or something, you know, take you to your net class.” He rambled. Checking his phone then leading me out.

The hall that I was walking about was buzzing with teenagers, walking about, some talking at their lockers, others wasting time. It was much like how the people at the old school acted; at least it wasn’t going to be worse.

“What’s your locker number?” he asked me and I was still yet to know his name. He was slightly taller than me and wasn’t going to beat me up, so I guess be was nice.

I showed him the paper the lady at the office gave me, still shy and scared. He smiled so I guess he sensed that.

“Sweet, number 952, that’s near one of my mates Zack, he’s nice and he’d be happy to help you with anything…” he began to talk, I was still feeling a little weird about with what happened before but It would pass.

I opened my lock with the code that was also written on the piece of paper and took my phone out. No notifications, as usual, not that if was a surprise.

The boy looked at me and smiled, he already pitied me; well I was a pretty pitiful sight, long messy hair, tired eyes and my ratty shirt and shoes.

“Hey I don’t think I caught your name” The boy said.

I guess he realized how embarrassing I was to be around. I would have done that same.

“My name’s Alex... thank you I guess….” I muttered and looked to the ground, turning around and slowly shutting my locker and ready to find my class myself.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily” he boy joked, “And my name’s Josh, you seem pretty cool”

Josh suited him quite nicely, I thought.

“Now let me take you to English.”

***

“So you have a lot of my friend’s in your English class and in most of them anyway, you lucky fuck. I don’t think they’ll do the introduction crap anyway, just tell the teacher your new, she’ll probably won’t remember anyway so I think you’ll go alright, alright?” Josh, my new friend (sorta) told me. Already so protective. It was good.

I smiled, already warming up to him. He was nice enough.

“I’ll be fine, thanks for the help, mom” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes in the process

He didn’t believe me on saying I was fine but let me go.

“See ya later Alex” and with that, he walked off.

People were already seated, not many anyway. The teacher was up at the front, on her iPhone, how pleasant. I was already really nervous and I stood by her desk waiting for her.

She looked at me and then back to her phone, not wanting to put up with her I put the sheet of paper I wasn’t meant to give her next to her, smiling sweetly, what a fucking bitch.

As Josh advised, I sat towards the back; he said that telling me that were his friends sit, he already sent texts out to them, telling them about the new kid and to look out for me.

He was really nice. One of the kindest people I reckon.

People started to pile in and girls looked at me and whispered to their friends, they weren’t whispering considering that I could hear them from where I was sitting, but apparently the new kid was cute, how funny.

The people at my old school were not as nearly considerate as the people here, but time will tell.

Class commenced and as Josh said, many of his friend introduced themselves and I met the Zack guy whose locker was near mine, I could swear id seen him before. He looked at me a little weirdly and continued talking to his other friends.

At about ten minutes to the lesson, our teacher was making us read when we all heard laughter from the corridor. No one else looked up; I guess it would’ve been normal.

“Piss off Frank” someone laughed, “I just was talking to you all throughout math, could you please not make me late? …” a very familiar voice said and that took my full attention.

Knowing I should go back to work I continued to read, but still thinking something wasn’t right.

“Glad to see you show up Jack…” out teacher muttered and continued with whatever she was doing.

That got my curiosity because when I looked up I saw a very familiar looking boy starting right at me, smiling and I felt, myself smile too.

Of course Jack was following me around.