Actors

Actors - Jalex

Chapter Eight - Jack

Jack's POV

After faking not being in my bottomless pit of despair, I was quite helplessly made to seem happy in front, courteously, in front of all my peers. I was not in the mood.

Earlier I did however, blow off Rian and Zack. No everything would not be A-Okay. I honestly didn't have the energy to make amend to whatever happened but it wasn't my fault. So I did what I would always do, I retreated from the situation and quite frank, my mind didn't match up to my heart.

One thing that actually stands out tall, among my other perks is my unchangeable and stupendous emotions on current and past conflicts. Let me explain.

I, myself, couldn't coherent my own thoughts. Surely I was angry at them but yet I blamed myself. Grow up, a voice inside my head told me, and for me, that was enough to male me move on.

For now.

***

To my non-existent luck (but pleasure) I had maths. This would consist of much, said math. Most of the lesson Frank and I, let me correct myself , most of the lesson Frank would be asking me countless questions about me, my current state and he would chip away any such needed information that he would use to take care. All did happen but I am afraid I am making this all sound too formal.

"Jacky Boy!" Yelled a happier Frank. His face wore a huge and happy smile, seemingly he had forgotten about what had happened earlier, but I guess all would happen in good time.

As we sat down I'm math, our teacher didn't seem to care or take notice that Frank made sure our tables were pushed together.

Frank didn't waste any time, he jumped straight to the point, not pausing at anything.

"Jack, what the fuck happened?" His tone was even and low. Quiet but demanding.

Frank's full attention was on me and under his storming hazel eyes, intimating eyes, I squirmed, not sure what to say.

"Okay" Frank seemed to notice and he approached at another angle. My eyes slipped from his gaze and stared down at my sleeved arm, hiding what I did the last night. "Jack please look at me" he continued.

He took a deep breath.

"Please Jack I understand, you don't have to pretend that you are fine, I see through it" another pause.

My eyes were stuck to the ground. Fuck, Frank could see straight through my pathetic act. I wasn't a very good Actor.

"Jack look at me" he continued.

My eyes made a slow and feeble journey, and were left looking into his eyes.

"You can tell me...." He whispered. Frank's eyes flickered over to my arm, that I had self-consciously put my other hand over, like to protect or whatnot.

By now I was having a mini-freak out. How on earth had Frank known? Did he see them? If so had other people seen them too? What if they had reopened and bleed? I stated to breathe heavily and all those possibilities ran through my head.

Frank noticed and half hugged me, in our little desk place at the back of the classroom. No one was passivity attention which was brilliant because I don't think I could've survived that, if others knew.

"Hey, hey, hey... It's okay Jacky-boy" Frank cooed. Honestly if Frank wasn't hopelessly after Gerard, I think people would have thought that we were together. People knew that Frank was bisexual and they didn't really give a shit because of how nice and genuine he was, and also his good reputation of finding good parties.

I didn’t realize that my eyes stated to tear up.

"Is it only your arm?" He inquired.

My world was falling apart around me. As much as I trusted Frank, I wasn't ever ready to tell someone about my dark habit.

"How. How...did you know?" I quietly stuttered.

Frank took a deep breath in.

"It doesn't take fucking genius..."

Oh

I began to feel the feeling I got when I got bad. The ropes that held me back from the feeling of true happiness’s It was like walking in a river, and the current was pushing towards you - that simple feeling of depression, a black cloud that pollutes you judgment and feelings. The black misty fog, that no matter how hard you fought, it would come back.

"But Jacky Boy, let me tell you, no way in the world would it make me think any less of you..." A smile was on Franks lips and soon mine copied.

Frank had other problems than me, so I let it slide; I hadn't brought the subject up so it would be easily avoidable if I kept my mouth shut, right? I was thinking to myself again.

Concluding with the thought, Frank didn't need to pity me, so doing what I did best, smiles were all fucking round and I ended up poking Frank in the side were I knew he was ticklish, he did indeed yell out, correction squealed, out and everyone looked at us.

"You asshole!" He yelled whipping his eyes and I noted his reapplied eyeliner, no wonder he was later earlier.

He didn't waste the time in pushing my face the other way and I equally yelled out.

"Frank Iero, Jack Barakat, detention! Meet here at the end of the day." Our rather creepy maths teacher squawked. Laughers filled out in the classroom and guess what, we were back.

***

After the awkward maths lesson I was feeling better than I had been before. My mood changed rather dramatically all the time. Frank of course walked me to my locker and I saw Josh at his.

“Hey Joshie!” I yelled.

He looked my way and smiled ear to ear.

“Fuck off Loverboy, I have to pee.” He looked behind me and Frank saw hiding. “Hey Frank, see you in geo”

Frank laughed and they both wined at each other before passing. Don’t ask me why.

“So what do I have the pleasure to escort you to Your Majesty?” Frank did a little half bow and mocked a British accent. Oh how I missed this.

“Erm, I’ve got English, my only weakness” I said as I whipped a non-existent tear.

“Shut up”

“You love me”

“Nope”

“Yes”

“Yes”

“No”

Frank laughed.

“Told you” and he stuck his tongue out. “I only have one man in my life” he blushed realizing what he said.

“And they call me Loverboy” I said rolling my eyes.

We continued to waste time and I saw Josh walk out of the bathroom, but they weren’t facing us so I didn’t get to see their faces, shame, maybe that boy was new, I thought.

“Earth to dumbass” Frank screamed in the face causing me to jump.

“Fuck off” and I pushed his face out of mine.

We continued to do the stupidest things. We found Gerard’s art class and looked through it to find him at the back carving things into the table, of course artistic things.

Frank was himself and drew attention towards ourselves. Hey yelled out causing the whole class the face the window we were facing, causing Gerard to jump and look at us. Frank was blushing and winked causing Gerard to blush and flip us off. Frank was giggling like a little school girl. We ran off and laughed.

Frank was crying from the laughter and his eyeliner smudged. We continued to skip down the corridor until we were down to my class room. The door was open so I actually had to go in, other than cause mass destruction like our little boy Frankie.

“Man I have to go now…” I drew on the now making us both laugh. I sometimes questioned our age. What’s my age again? Shut the fuck up Jack you are not cool…And now I was having a conversation in my head.

Frank leaned up to kiss my cheek like a mother would do to a child; he had taken advantage of the little “zone-out”.

“Piss off Frank” I said and I laughed. Not really wanting to go but I had to. “I just was talking to you all throughout math, could you please not make me late?” Frankie rolled his eyes.

“You love it” and he hugged me, I needed this last holidays. “You’ll tell me everything that happens, promise?”

He was still talking about my arm and would probably mother me today; I bet later he would ask to see it. Oh hell.

“Love you Frank”

“Hate you Jacky-Boy” he winked and I continued to laugh.
I walked in and my teacher gave me the typical, “glad to see you here” crap.

I looked up to see that everyone was reading whatever we were set, not like I had to do it anyway, I had done enough this year to brush this off, even though I said that the last time, and the time before that, oh well, my thoughts continued to race.

With everyone doing their work my friends at the back didn’t bother to look up but I saw the Zack has a smug smile of his face and then whispered to Rian and then he giggled like a school girl, what did they do?

My eyes continued to roam and I saw the only space in front of me, which the boy was staring right at me. My stomach did little flips when I realized who it was.

What was he doing here? I smiled and he had an award winning one on too. All the things that had happen today like how I was angry with Rian and Zack still, but my feelings were getting soft. Frank had basically found out one of my deepest secrets and yet I was still smiling. I was truly an extraordinary specimen. These though floated through my head. I was happy now but just wait; I’d break down before I knew it.

I was still smiling when I sat down next to the infamous boy. If the guys knew who Alex was, I’d bound to get shit from them later. But this boy was worth it. I was still smiling like a fool.

I didn’t know what to say, I mean what do I say at times like these? I knew that the shy boy beside me would do nothing to communicate or make the first move. I silently sighed. I dint want to be rude. Of course not, what kind of person would I be? I am simply one hell of a butler….oh fuck you Josh, getting me into that anime. He’d probably bring it up and we’d fangirl about it later. And yes I did say fangirl, I just cannot say fanboy, it doesn’t have the desired effect.

I didn’t mean to be mean about Alex but it was just the thoughts I had. And due to my satisfaction I was pleasantly surprised to see that Alex, as nervous he was, it being his first day and also how socially awkward he was, he passed me a note. I thought it was the cutest thing in the world. He was wearing an over sixed shirt and the skinniest jeans I had seen in a long time – other than Oli, he had the tightest jeans in the world, I was wondering how they didn’t suffocate him.

Alex just looked so vulnerable, his shirt way too big for him and It looked good on him…No I couldn’t have these thoughts about him – but you could see, from how the shirt didn’t fit him probably, you could see his collarbones, that stuck out and he, from what I could see, was stick thin but a little too thin. Yet he was the awkward little Alex I had met at the bus stop.

I kept on looking at him, afraid he would disappear from my plain sight, and he was one hell of a sight.

The note he had passed me was written in sloppy writing.
“I see you’re still following me around, Jacky?”

I looked at it and felt that little feeling of happiness that was often foreign in my clouded thoughts. He called me Jacky, which Frank called me a lot. I couldn’t help the little smile the coated my lips. But that little moment of happiness was killed by the thought of later, when I couldn’t be alone.

I thought of a reply. I didn’t want to come across as too happy or too bland because I never wanted to intend coming across as being rude to Alex.

"What do you mean 'following you'? Last I checked I wasn't the new kid, Lexy." I wrote down carefully.

His eyes skimmed the note and his cheeks gained a bit of colour.

"Jack...if I see you passing notes again, you'll see me after class" our teacher muttered. I hardly came to this class, it’s not like I cared.

“Loverboy” Rian’s voice sung. I looked back and saw his perfect straight teeth, smiling and holding is phone up, shaking is from side to side, it was like it was taunting me, like an owner would do to a dog.

I flipped him off, wanting to act like I didn’t care but I could feel my cheeks gaining a bit of colour but our teacher, Ms I-Dress-Half-My-Age decided she wanted us to die and put the heater on, so everyone’s face was flushed.

I didn’t want Alex to get in trouble on his first day. We are completely different people and I wouldn’t think he’d enjoy it much, getting in trouble that is. He seems to squirm under the attention of others so it wouldn’t be pleasant.

He was still the same boy I took out for coffee. Innocent and shy. I had changed though. I had grown up a little and knew that you have to be careful with the people you let in, close to your heart. Zack had stepped over that line but I still wanted to see Rian. Things would get hectic if I only saw Rian, Zack would get mad and something that happened last term would happen all over again. I may or may not be paranoid but it hurt.

I know that Frank knows about my situation but I still wanted to be careful about it and now with Alex in my life, I’d have to be even more careful.

I quickly wrote a sloppy reply. I had a lot on my mind and had lot of thinking. I almost forgot what I was writing. Rolling my eyes at my stupidity, I passed it over.

"Talk to you after class, xo"

I knew it would hurt to ditch Alex but I was a terrible person.