Write It Down, Without a Sound

July 30th

Dear Journal,
Sleeppp inn. Oh, how I love sleep ins. Best thing since sliced bread and all that stuff. Honestly

I could have had a couple of hours more but I can’t be too picky.

My help wasn’t needed to set up the merch tent so got to spend extra time waking up and lazing on the couch. The band wasn’t on until 6:50pm so it wasn’t an all out race to get things ready, which was nice.

Kennedy took me out for a late lunch at a diner/cafe place about 3 blocks away. Just us. It was a split second decision and went like this:

“Are you busy?”

*shakes head*

“I wanna take you out on a lunch date. Ten minutes? I have to tell Tim that we are going. I’ll meet you at the bus gate.”

He got there before me because I was busy throwing cushions at John on the way out of the bus. Damn sneaky-beak overheard us and tried to be a smartass. Just wait until he gets a girlfriend!

Anyway, lunch was amazing. The place was nicely styled, to look flash and elegant without it being overbearingly so and to have a homely feel. The colour scheme, I thought was amazing, how they managed to pull off crimson red, gold, bronze and tortoise blue. The blue really shouldn’t have fitted but somehow it did. I’d love to know how managed to get it to work. The food was amazing too and for such a nice place it actually offered basic western style foods along with all the fancy overseas stuff. I got battered fish with chips and salad. It was the best fish I’ve had all tour.

The place was moderately busy but Kennedy and I was able to get a table where we could sit next to each other, so I could write in my notebook and not have to constantly pass it back and forth. It made talking so much easier. One would think at this point we would have run out of things to talk about and we never do. Today we mostly talked about things we remember doing as kids after Kennedy said that one of the table decorations reminded him of a Christmas decoration his parents had. That somehow changed to what stupid things we did as kids. It was probably the most hilarious conversations we’ve ever had.

I don’t know if that was classified as a real date or our first but I had a really good time and from the smile on Kennedy’s face I guess he thought the same.

Sadly we couldn’t disappear from the guys too long and had to go back and help set up stuff. They had most of it done by the time we got back (we may or may not gotten lost for twenty minutes and went down the wrong street) but we pitched in to make up for it.

The band was on fire during the show, just brilliant and the crowd was nuts! In a good way. There were beach balls being thrown around in the crowd and a couple of times they landed up on stage. John and Garrett were fighting over who got to kicked them back out to the fans. It was really funny and I’m surprised that every time it happened neither missed a word or note while bumping each other out of the way. I got a lot of video so Garrett can add it to the new tour vid he’s planning to post tomorrow.

It’s the performances the band does like today that I wish could go on for longer because it’s such a treat to be able to see. I love watching them play. It’s hard to explain into words how much I do.

Afterwards we had a little free time to wonder the grounds and watch other bands play. Jared, Kennedy and I went and got icecream before watching All Time Low perform. We didn’t get to see their whole set because Jared and Kennedy talked to some fans we bumped into while getting the icecream. I didn’t mind of course but it didn’t get a little bit awkward when the girls didn’t know how to react to me when they realised I couldn’t speak. I guess they never had the experience a mute before, they were trying to be nice about it and I appreciated that. I took photos for them with Jared and Kennedy.

We went back to the bus after ATLs set because of the heat and because Jared spilt half of his icecream down his shirt. I had to show him how to hand wash the shirt so it wouldn’t end up in the bin, it didn’t end up in a foam fight like when I showed Pat though.

In the evening most of the guys went out to party. It was still quite warm out but there was a nice breeze. Me, Tim and Nate sat outside and watched as the sun set over the row of busses. It looked like the picture Zack Merrick showed me a couple of weeks ago so I took photos on my phone to show him when I talk to him next. Us three sat outside until well after dark talking and were joined by the rest of the guys as they trickled back from other busses and parties.

It was a shame bus call was earlier than usual because by then it was really nice out. A whole bunch of us took over the back lounge and started playing cards. Jarred tried to beat me at Pick Up Two after practicing it, he still couldn’t win. He couldn’t beat Kennedy either but Jarred doesn’t need to know I was helping him, ha. Jarred got his revenge in poker though.

Over all today was a really good day, one I hope to remember for a long time.

Update – Kennedy just officially asked me to be his girlfriend. I was right on the verge of falling asleep when he climbed into my bunk, kissed me and hesitantly asked.

Fuck if I know how the other guys knew I said yes but they started cheering and yelling. It was really embarrassing (Kennedy hid his face in my neck but he was laughing) but for some reason I couldn’t imagine it happening it any other way with these guys.

I haven’t told Kennedy yet, but I really, really like him.

July 31st

Dear Journal,
I finally found out how many days we have left exactly: four days on tour and two days of travelling home. It feels like two weeks ago I was stepping onto the bus for the first time. Time goes past way too quickly. Next thing I’ll know it’ll be Christmas again.

Work today was like normal, the same routine we developed weeks ago but everything else was different. Word spread like fire about me and Kennedy being together. Everyone that we saw today or talked to mentioned something about it. At one point Kennedy came over to help set up the merch table looking very flustered and pink cheeked. I raised an eyebrow in silent question and he just shook his head and grabbed the peg hammer. A couple of minutes later the This Century guys came past laughing and whistling. Kennedy flipped them off but was smiling about it.

Boys will be boys, I guess.

After that Kennedy had to leave for a couple of interviews with the rest of the band and I didn’t see the guys again until they were on stage. They were great as usual, though something happened with the volume of John’s mic and at random moments you could barely hear him. The fans didn’t seem to care though and filled in the missing singing with their own. At one point he stopped singing all together and let the fans finish the song for him, it was amazing to watch let alone to hear. It sounded so perfect, magical even.

The guys had a magazine interview of some kind after so I went and cleaned the bus. I almost broke my back doing all the dishes, geez, talk about a mountain of them. And again, the amount of dirt I swept out was crazy considering I swept the floor yesterday. One would think a herd of elephants lived on the bus. Though sometimes it did sound like it.

I had the bus almost to myself for almost two hours after cleaning and enjoyed the peace while I had the rear moment. Most of it was spent talking to my parents via Skype, checking emails and playing Kingdom Hearts 2. It was nice to be able to play without people distracting me or trying to tell me how the game works even though I’m the only person on the bus who has ever played the game, and finished it twice. If there had to be a Heartless that I hate the most it would be the ghost type one in Halloween Town, they piss me off something cruel. In fact I was silently yelling at them when the guys got back. It must have been an odd scene; walking into the back lounge and watching someone yell angrily at a TV screen and have no sound leave their lips. Kennedy either didn’t think differently of it or ignored it because he was the first one to walk into the room, sat down beside me and happily watched me play.

I thought of this a couple of times now but I’m a little worried about how my disability could affect our relationship. He seems easily accepting of it and is happy to take the effort that’s needed so far, but what happens if he gets fed up with it?

At this point I don’t want to worry or think of that yet, but it’s hard not to. My lack of voice is and always will be a problem (for lack of a better work). I take a lot of comfort that I’m not the only one and have meet people like me. If they can make things work, then I eventually can, right? I hope so.

After I had finished playing everyone went out for dinner and took over a KFC on the other side of town because everything around the venue was PACKED. It was like everyone that went to Warped today all decided to have take-away. The place we went too was busy but at least we got our food at a decent amount of time despite a couple of order mix-ups. It was a good bus family meal, one of my favourites because it was just one of those moments where everyone was together, happy and having fun. The fact we got to creep out a few other customers accidently was icing on the cake.

I’m going to miss moments like that when we go home.