Write It Down, Without a Sound

August 5th

Dear Journal,
It’s about five o’clock in the afternoon and we are a bit under halfway way home. It’s a little surreal thinking that tomorrow we’ll be home rather than pulling up at a new venue grounds ready for another day of music mayhem. In fact, it’s just plan hard to think it’s been two months already, because seriously, where did the time go?

Today for example has seemed to float by in minutes rather than hours, though I think it has to do with how late I got up today. I got up at midday and was one of the first ones truly awake. For the first hour I made myself comfortable in the back lounge and listened to music quietly as not to disturb the others. Jared at one point popped his head around the door, looked around, smiled at me and wondered off. Kennedy was the next person I saw, he walked into the room and all but flopped himself on me like I was some sort of giant teddy bear. We stayed like that for a long time as the others slowly woke.

It was a very calm day, none of us did much of anything, some had hangovers which were to be expected, but for the most part we didn’t feel like doing anything. The bus was a mix of emotions; happy that we were going home and sad the tour was over, it kept the bus oddly quiet. We did stop at a couple of service stations but the drive was pretty much straight through. Apparently we are stopping at a hotel tonight, but not until late. I have to admit that is one thing I can’t wait to be home for; to sleep in a real bed, my bed.

I miss my family too.

Being home is going to be hard for a few days, going back to the old routine. I guess with the whole job thing I just have to take it as it goes, if I get something soon then great, if I don’t I’ll worry about it later. At the moment I don’t want to think about it much. I don’t want it ruining my happiness that I have right now.

I guess, maybe, everyone was right about me coming on tour, that it would be good for me. I’m now glad I did go.

I remember being so worried, to the point of panic attacks (I haven’t had one in at least 3 weeks, which is good, I’m slowly making the time between each one longer. My record is 2 months) I almost feel like calling myself an idiot for being so scared, so worried. Then again how would I have known how this could have turned out? It could have gone either way really. There were a few down points (the coffee shop guy, the tech guy...) but it was to be expected. Being mute will always have its hard parts and that won’t ever change. I’m just relieved that this trip hasn’t been as hard as it could have been.

All in all I handled it really well, at least from my point of view.

I’ve made a lot of new friends which I’m surprised about and I really didn’t expect that I would become such close friends with everyone on the bus. I sure as heck didn’t think I’d be in a relationship with anyone by the time I got home. Wonders never seise, I guess. At least lately they haven’t. Oh and mum’s reaction when I told her about Kennedy! I’m not going to hear the end of it for months! She’s happy for me though, that’s the main thing.

That’s another thing I’m a little worried about, mine and Kennedy’s relationship with him being on tour. I don’t know much about relationships let alone long distance ones. Just have to wait and see, I guess. Hopefully it work out and we can figure it out over time. I really, really like him. The band doesn’t go back on tour for three weeks and its small two week tour, if I remember what Tim said last night.

So much has changed but at the same time it hasn’t. It’s a weird mix of feelings and it’s confusing. I’m not all that great at describing things into many words (which has been obvious throughout this journal), mainly how I feel in certain situations, like this one. I have to say Joy stands out the most right now. And proud. I’m proud that I got through this trip when I didn’t think I would, that I actually got out of my comfort zone a lot of times though it did take a while to do that.

I’m also very glad I managed to keep up with writing this; this book is something I will defiantly keep forever. And who knows, maybe I can add some more ‘adventures’ to it.

Overall I have to say this trip was amazing, unbelievable and so many other things that are hard to put into words. I was told it would be an adventure and it sure was one. If I was ever offered to go again, even just for a week here and there to hang out with the guys, I would say yes imminently. Weird to think a few weeks ago I was cringing at the offer and wanting a couple of weeks to think it over before I gave an answer. I’m so unbelievably happy that I did say yes.

‘At least if I do have to go home early, I can say I tried’

I tried and I made it.

August 6th

Dear Journal,
Honey, I’m home. I’ve only been back a short time and in a weird way it’s like I never left. For one thing nothing in the house looks different; I didn’t expect that it would considering it’s been the same for the last 15 years. It’s nice to be home though and I have to admit the first thing I did in my room other than dumping my bags on the ground was lay on my before for a good half hour.

Eventually I did start to put things away but I’m leaving it for tomorrow. There isn’t any rush. Guard Bunny has a new home on my bedside table ready to defend the hiding place where I will keep this journal and sketch books. His little paper hat got squashed (Garrett stole him again last night, the hat fell off and he stood on it accidently) so I’m going to buy some thick card tomorrow and make him a proper knights helmet. I told Kennedy that when we were texting this afternoon, he said it’s an awesome idea and to send photos.

Kennedy asked me out on our ‘first official date’ this Saturday. We’re going to the movies if there is something good playing and then out for dinner if we feel hungry after. I’m rather excited.

It’s going to be weird not writing in this journal everyday anymore. I suppose I could start a new one for home and keep this as my ‘adventure/holiday’ journal. The only thing is that I know now that I’m home, if I was too started a journal about my normal everyday life I’d ended up forgetting to write. Or I’ll lose my interest in it and I don’t want that to happen. I’ll figure it out eventually.

So, I guess ‘see you’ for now, little journal book. I’m off to sort out my photos to start my photo wall before I meet up with Kennedy, Garrett and Pat to help finish the last tour vid.

<3