Write It Down, Without a Sound

June 19th

Dear Journal,
Sometimes I wonder if I make noises in my sleep. Those little squeaks and grunts my voice box allows me to make sometimes that sound between an old lady in pain and a mouse in trouble.

June 20th

Dear Journal,
Kennedy saw my journal today. Open. I don’t think he read anything but still. I freaked out a little and quickly shut the book. He apologised, though it was my stupid fault leaving it open next to me on the couch and walked away.

I feel bad. I didn’t mean to react that way. I just don’t want anyone reading this, not unless I allow them. Should have handled it better.

I have some spare mini packs of gummi bears in my bag. I’ll put a sticker on one and leave it on his pillow, so he knows I’m the one that should be sorry.

June 22nd

Dear Journal,
Pat gave me a hair make over this afternoon. I was straightening my hair, which I don’t do all that often, in the back lounge when the band got back from doing interviews. Pat asked if he could do the rest of my hair for me. He did a great job. Even has a nice bright red burn mark on his thumb to show for it.

If for some reason the band was too spilt up (never!) he would make one awesome hairdresser, no lie. He let me braid his hair in return and we’ve decided that next time we go to the mall we are going to buy hair chalk, if we can find some, and colour our hair rainbow for a day.
And put pink in Garrett’s hair somehow without him noticing and green in Jared’s. Pat’s idea, honest!
There was another round of volleyball today, about three matches because apparently the other teams have already done there’s over the last couple of days. The Maine won! I’m not sure who they go against next because we didn’t get to see the score papers before the band was rounded up for their set. I think it might be Blessthefall though.

During the match I got to finally meet Jack Barakat! He was playing beer pong and lost, and decided to watch the volleyball. I was the only spectator at the time sitting against one of the make shift buildings. I think it was an office or store room. He saw me sitting there by myself and came over; asking me how I was and commenting on the “awesome shot” I did that almost hit Alex’s face during the Maine vs. ATL match. It was awkward at first because I didn’t have a pen that worked (The amount of pens I go though is crazy) and it took a bit of vague hand signs to tell him I couldn’t talk. He was good about it when he realised what I trying to say, that I wasn’t trying to be rude. Luckily enough he had a marker from signing earlier that I was able to write with.

It’s not too often when I talk to a new person, especially when I have to tell them myself that I cannot speak and they’ll be totally at easy with it and will talk to me freely like nothing was different. Jack was like that, he was patience and understanding as I took time to write things down. I remember when I met Zack and Rian, when me and John were talking to them side stage after their set. They were awkward about it at first, like a lot of people, not in a way that it was weird for them but as if they were afraid to say or do something that could offend me.
I’ve lived with it all my life. Hears all the names, taunts, rude slurs (like the asshole in the coffee shop recently, for example) and unless some is being incredibility mean it doesn’t bother me too much. Anyway, I think I remember writing something in here about teaching Pat sign language? Well, he knows the full alphabet now.

I didn’t get to talk to Jack all that long as the band had to rush off to the stage. He said something about hanging out later, inviting us on a paintball trip next time we get a day off. I’ve never been paintballing before. Always wanted to, though.
The band’s set was awesome today, as it has been pretty much every day they have performed so far this tour. I got to take a lot of pictures side stage today with Garrett’s big flash fancy camera and his film camera too. Including my not-so-flash digital camera I ended up judging three cameras at once. I can tell you now it wasn’t easy but I did get some really nice shots from what I’ve seen so far, which isn’t much. Garrett said something about posting a couple I took on their website.

June 23rd 24th

Dear Journal,
So, so tired. And shaken. Really fucking shaken.
There was an accident on the highway today that almost ended up with us being the casualties. One of the other bands on tour, one of the small not-every-well-known bands, was driving between us and who we found out later was A Day To Remember’s bus, when something on their trailer broke causing the trailer to tip over just meters in front of our bus. The sudden breakage almost caused their van to slam into the concrete guard rail.

Nate had to slam on the breaks and swerve so hard the movement almost tipped the bus over; at least that’s what it felt like. It was about six, six-thirty in the morning when it happened so everyone was in bed. Me, Kennedy and Jared ended up on the floor. Jared almost landed on my head and Kennedy landed on my leg. Pat hit his head pretty hard on the top of his bunk and luckily enough that was the only injuries on the bus. From what I heard some of the guys in the van had it a little bit worse. It was a good thing it happened so early in the morning, if it was peak hour I doubt I would be sitting here writing this right now.

The band in the van lost all their equipment and anything else that was in the trailer. The road was a complete mess. As Nate checked under our bus for damage he found the neck of someone’s guitar caught in between two wheels. There was no major damage.

We didn’t leave until sometime after nine, maybe ten after the police arrived and everyone was check by ambulance officers. We made it to the venue on time for the show amazingly, which the guys insisted on playing despite still being shaken up over everything that happened. After landing on my leg, where I have a nice massive bruise, Kennedy has been sticking close to me all day, helping me with things. Which I’m thankful for. I sort of can’t wait for this day to be over.
I’m just glad that everyone was alright and no one was seriously hurt.