Write It Down, Without a Sound

June 26th

Dear Journal,
My leg is doing better. The large bruise has started turning from black to a purple-green colour around the edges. I think it must have been Kennedy’s elbow that hit me, or knee. Whatever it was, it was hard.

The band that was in the van has joined the tour again today. After hearing what happened, a bunch of bands and crews got together and organized equipment for them to use until they can source their own. The fact they did that was amazing, how everyone got together like that. Just goes to show how people rally together to help each other out in times of need. A lot of fans have been beyond amazing too from what I have heard.

For the most part, the last two days we’ve been hanging out in the bus, keeping low. Everyone was in shock for quite a while. I still shake when I think about the sight I saw on the road and how bad it could have been.

Pat let me straighten his hair today, not that he really needs it but he shared his chocolate bar with me to do it. He then talked me into curling it. It was so funny, but looked really good. I had to straighten it all back out before the set though, much as me and Pat wanted to leave the curls in. Apparently I’m going to be on hair duty for him at Halloween this year.

I bet John and Jared at ten straight games of Red Fraction. New record! Kind of even us up as I’m not all that great at Call of Duty yet. I’ve played it a few times with my brother but that was mostly messing around.

Me and Kennedy are having another movie night tonight. His pick this time, hopefully it’s nothing gory or overly scary. I’m not interested in those types of movies. I got us a bar of chocolate to share this time. Hopefully Garrett doesn’t steal it. I can’t wait. I need something like that after the last few days.

June 27th

Dear Journal,
I believe I haven’t mentioned anything about the weather so far doing this trip; I’m not sure how I haven’t. It’s been hot. Boiling. Flip flop melting, skin singeing, drowning in sweat hot. It was warm before that, being summer, but the last week has been like we are stuck in a major heatwave. The worst thing is we are travelling everyday and yet we still haven’t escaped it.

Fall Out Boy’s and Blessthefall’s buses have both have busted air cons. Believe it or not but Patrick Stump is sitting on our bus. Right now. Talking to John about music and jamming with their guitars. I think all the guys are in the back lounge now while I’m sitting in the kitchen alone waiting for my microwave chocolate mousse to cook. The last one I tried I accidently burnt to a crisp. Fingers crossed that this one works.

Patrick ended up on our bus almost by accident. We were one of the last bands to leave because someone stuffed up the signing times and interview roster (again), and Patrick was looking for a ride with someone that had air conducting (totally don’t blame him; I’m sitting under the air duct as I write this. Makes me think about why I’m cooking a chocolate mousse) and who he planned to go with already left. Pat and Garrett happened to be in the right place at the right time, and bam, Patrick is on our bus.

I should be used to this now but I still go, er, silent for lack of a better word and shy every time I meet a musician, expressly one I’m a fan of. It’s quite embarrassing. “Fan girling” as John likes to say. I would say it’s more is-this-seriously-my-life-now shock.

Whatever they’re playing sounds really good.

Achievement unlocked: Chocolate mousse not burnt and eatable.

June 29th

Dear Journal,
Sir Rabbit, keeper of the Journal, fell asleep on the job again.
He must have fallen over when the bus hit a bump on the road, but the way he fell makes it look like he decided to curl up on my pillow and go to sleep. It was hilarious when I first found him looking for my bathers.

We went to the beach today. It was a travelling day but like a lot of other bands, we left right after the bands set yesterday to have most of today at the beach. It was hot, though cooler than it has been which made for an even better day.

We arrived at the beach around ten and got ready, doing runners to the closest store if we needed something. I don’t know where Garrett and Pat found them, but those two managed to get a bunch of beach balls and body boards. I, being the only one in our group that has been body boarding before, managed to get some good waves. They were only tiny but enough to get a decent enough ride out of them. My knees are killing me now though, from hitting the sand every time I rode too far in. I think I may have scratched off a layer of skin too. Ouch!

I got to teach Kennedy how to body board, from the small amount that I know anyway. It was a little hard because I couldn’t write or sign to him but he understood me easily enough. It was heaps of fun, hanging out like that. I love spending time with Kennedy, well, all the guys, but he has such a kind happy-go-lucky personality that makes hanging out with him all that much better. That and he’s easy to talk to, open to anything.

We had a picnic style lunch on the beach with All Time Low and This Century’s bands and crews. We all pitched in food wise and I got to check out how good the bus oven is. We all have been avoiding using it, mostly because it’s tiny but it works well. Despite the size I managed to bake enough choc-chip cookies using my special recipe to feed our huge group for dessert and have some leftovers. If only the oven back home worked that well. Speaking on home, I have a Skype date with my family tonight.

Garrett let me use his camera again today to take snaps of our day, because his camera is waterproof and mine isn’t. I got great photos of them playing Chicken; I can’t wait to check them out properly on the computer. I wonder if John would want to put them on the website too, I don’t think I have written this but the last time Garrett let me use his camera he posted a couple of my photos on the band’s website. There was a lot of lovely comments on them, I’m just glad people liked them to be honest. I was red as a tomato by the time I finished reading them. I’ve never had comments like that on something that I have done/made before.

I would write more but we’re going out for dinner in about twenty minutes (more like forty, the guys take forever to get ready for something and I though girls are meant to be bad for those things). Maybe if I get time tonight I’ll add to this.

Oddly in a way, it feels like I’m missing out on writing about a lot of things in here, but I’m not a good writer, never have been. Probably never will. And it’s hard to find time to settle down and do this most days; I’m surprised I’ve managed to get this far and not miss out on so many days. I should try and find more time.

July 1st

Dear Journal,
Sometimes, like today, I like to sit back and watch as everyone moves around me. As Garrett bounces around the bus singing The Rolling Stones at the top of his lungs or trying to find the most artistic thing to photograph. As Pat makes drums out of any object he can find or clinging to the closest person like a human monkey. As Jared hum a guitar riff to Pat’s drumming or reading a book quietly in a room full of noise. As Kennedy makes the weirdest meals eating them like it’s a normal everyday thing or sits there listening openingly to someone’s options or music ideas. As John sits writing away in his little notebook that lives in his back pocket or when he roams around the bus shirtless strumming his acoustic guitar. And as everyone else does what they do.

I sit and watch while thinking about how I got here and how I feel living on a bus touring from city to city with a bunch of guys. I still have all the same worries as before, some worse, some not as bad. I’m still scared of what will happen, how much I’ve opened up to these guys, how much I trust them.

I’m only about half way through my trip and still one of my biggest worries is if I can handle this. So far, so good. Nothing too major besides the almost bus crash and the twat at the coffee shop. Hopefully it can stay that way. Explaining the almost-bus-crash Mum was bad enough, I don’t want another repeat of that.

Not sure if I can handle something like that happening again.
I think I’ve came a long way though, John thinks so, at least, when I had asked him today. He then started gloating about how he was right about him saying that I’d be fine, that’s not what I was asking about though. He’s been right about that for the most part. I’ll give him that.

The thing that surprises me though is how much I have opened up to these guys and vice versa. Before all this we were what I called casual friends if I remember right. I had hung around them, gone out for lunches and had movie nights with them, but I didn’t see them too often mostly because of them being on the road, I guess. Yet now I call them close friends, in such a small amount of time. I’ve never had a huge amount of friends, some that came and went, some that I’ve known since forever, but I’ve never became real close to someone in this sort of time before. It’s almost a little overwhelming. I trust these guys a fair bit and trust isn’t something that I give out easily.

I dunno maybe coming here was a good thing; I’m still undecided on that, I have to wait until I get home to figure that out I guess. I have made new friends from people on this tour so I guess that’s one tick of my imaginary list of things I wanted to accomplish on this trip.

Surviving panic attacks out of my comfort zone was another. I’ve done pretty well with that, the last one was during the almost-bus-crash, but that panic attack was a given considering the situation.

To be honest I’m not sure where I’m going with this. It’s ass o’clock in the morning. I couldn’t sleep. Journal was right here. And ta-da this ended up on the page. Usually I think well and clearly during times like these at night, I must be a bit worn out today. Today was a long day because the band was on at a later time, I clean the bus and helped Pat with the laundry this morning. I had to teach him how to hand wash clothes because we were almost out of clean stuff. Us two like to change our clothes at least every three-four days unlike the others. Our washing ended up being a big foam fight in the end though, it was awesome and Garrett has photos of it too.

Well I better try and see if I can go to sleep this time. I can’t think of anything else to write right now.

John (I think, at least) is snoring again.