Write It Down, Without a Sound

July 6th

Dear Journal,
Hotel night! These nights are rear and far between, but a real treasure when we do get them. To sleep in a real bed where you’re not afraid to roll over and fall out because of how small it is, long showers, proper internet, a floor that doesn’t move with every bump a wheel hits – just to name a few perks. It makes for a nice quiet night.

Tonight we managed to get somewhat lucky with our bookings and ended up with two to a room instead of four. The only unlucky part was that one of the rooms ended up having one double bed while the others had singles. John and I were the last to enter the hotel, so we got dubbed that room. I don’t mind having to share a bed with a friend, but John kicks in his sleep as I have found out.

If he knees me in the back I will not hesitate in retaliating. My back is sore enough lately without having that happen. Talking about injuries the bruise on my leg is all gone. Finally. Kennedy still apologises for that no matter how much I tell him not to.

It was a slow travelling day today. We stopped at a couple of places for a look see and the band had a radio interview during mid afternoon, but other than that it was simple and lazy. I finished the new Tomb Raider game I’ve been playing; it’s a good thing I can’t talk because it save everyone’s ear drums when I was trying to defeat the huge guy at the end. Talk about hard. Using a dodgy controller didn’t help either. I had my own personal two men cheering squad (Pat and Garrett) during that battle, it was awesome.

At the moment I’m sitting in the hotel room alone and with it being so quiet it feels weird. I keep waiting for the usual background noises of people talking and moving around, but it stays silent. John has gone out with some of the guys to a bar they spotted down the street, I opted to stay, wanting to write in my journal and talk to family while I have the chance without being interrupted. That’s the bad thing about living on the bus; you don’t get much privacy or alone time unless you spend it in your bunk.

I’m not really sure what to write here today to be honest. It feels like what I have to say or think about isn’t really good enough to write down here. I didn’t do much today at all that was interesting besides finishing that game and watching a movie with Kennedy this morning. That seems to becoming a usual thing, a hobby, for us. It’s one of the best parts of my day.

July 7th

Dear Journal,

‘Good morning. Did you sleep well?
I’m sorry if I made John wake you up, but I was wondering if you wanted to get breakfast with me this morning? The hotel cafe has a breakfast spread that includes chocolate-chip pancakes :)
-Kennedy.’

That was the note that I got this morning after John woke me up, jumping on the bed like an excited five year old. How he had the energy to do so at eight in the morning, I have no idea.

To be honest I was a little surprised. Kennedy and I trade off notes every now and then, but they never held much more than random thoughts and jokes and I really didn’t expect to be woken up like that. I agreed easily. I wasn’t about to pass up good food, different scenery and time spent with a friend.

I actually thought when I made my way to the hotel cafe that there would be a group of the guys sitting there, but Kennedy was alone, sipping on a cup of coffee. He said no one else was interested in joining him; instead wanting to go to some place about two blocks away. They missed out though, big time.

There weren’t many people in the cafe besides the workers and us, so it was quite even with the radio playing in the background from the kitchen. Kennedy had chosen a table in one of the back corners, so the steady stream of people ordering takeaway coffees wouldn’t bother us and so we had a good view of the cafe as well as the main foyer of the hotel. I’m not sure why but watching people go on with their day while you sit eating a meal is always fascinating. It’s amazing what you can learn of people you don’t even know, let alone met, just by watching.

I was bit late getting to the cafe and by the time I got there Kennedy had already ordered chocolate-chip pancakes for the both of us, just like he mentioned in the note. I don’t drink coffee; never have, so I got an iced chocolate. Not really the healthiest breakfast one could have but, eh, once in a blue moon doesn’t hurt.

We talked for a long while, nothing in particular – what movies we liked, favourite songs at the moment, what prank we could pull if the rumour that ATL was going to prank us was real, how awesome it was to sleep in a real bed for the first time in weeks. Curious, I asked how he puts up with that, sleeping in a tiny bunk a lot of the time on tour. Turns out he has an extra eggshell mattress to make the bed softer. I wish I thought of that.

As our conversation continued, writing everything in my notebook was becoming noticeably annoying. To me at least. Having to write what I wanted, flip it around to where he could see it across the large table and then to slide it back to me to make another response. It would have been easier to be sitting side by side so he could read as I wrote, but the table shape and our meal between us didn’t allow that. It was becoming increasingly frustrating. That’s when Kennedy took my notebook and stopped speaking.

That shocked me. Without hesitation he simple gave up normal communication just so it was easier on me, easier just to pass a notebook back and forth trading notes. I wanted to say - write, a thankyou but it didn’t feel like it was enough. So I didn’t mention anything about it other than the grateful smile I sent him when he looked up at me. He grinned back and for the rest of the time there that’s how we talked, filling up a good twenty pages in the small book.

Eventually we had to leave when Jared appeared almost out of nowhere reminding us we had half an hour to pack our gear, return the room keys and get back on the bus. Us three walked back to the rooms together and quickly headed separate ways, but not before Kennedy wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in for a sideways hug. I returned the hug back properly. Kennedy gave quite good hugs as I came to notice.

I sort of wish the hug lasted longer when I opened the door to my room, seeing John standing in the middle of the room in just boxers singing a Queen song that was playing on TV. Before I could escape John grabbed me and made me attempt to dance with him. Thank fuck there was no cameras around and I managed to shut the door in time. But by Garrett’s laughing coming from the next room, I think he had a fair idea what was going on.

I’m glad to say I have weird friends, they keep the days interesting.

July 9th

Dear Journal,
Good days had to come to an end I guess. To a screeching halt like all good things do.
It’s been a nice run for a while now, no major problems, no panic attacks of any sort, no idiots picking out my disability and shoving it back in my face. Sometimes I wonder why I bother with people, with new people in particular.

I guess I better actually write down what happened, shouldn’t I?
Well, today I was helping the guys organise and set up a special acoustic set that sort of happened as a last minute thing. Another band, I’m not sure who, had pulled out of their slot and it was put up for any band that wanted to take it. The Maine put their hand up for it first, not having done one of those sets since the start of the tour. We all rushed our gear over there and started getting things ready. I was asked do mostly all the easy fiddly stuff like untangling cords and taping stuff down so it wasn’t a trip hazard for people back stage. That sort of thing.

I was doing an alright job, by my view anyway, when one of the techs for the acoustic tent pretty much shoved me out of the way, told me in not so many words to leave (more a look than anything) and took over what I was doing that was pretty much done anyway. Nate, our bus driver, happen to be wondering around checking things out and saw what happened. He told Pat, who was closest to him and as I walked off feeling more embarrassed than anything, talked to the guy. I don’t know what Pat said by the guy stayed away from me after that though I did catch him glaring at me a couple of times.

The set went fine after that. It was really good actually and Garrett made me camera woman again. I got some really good shots and that cheered me up a little.

If that was all that happened it wouldn’t have fazed me much, but the day just got harder.

After the acoustic set everything was alright until after dinner when there was a party some band was hosting or a group of bands, I don’t know. There were a lot of people there. The guys talked me into going and for once I easily agreed. I wish I didn’t.

I would spend the next hour or so on what happened; it sort of seems trivial now, but it’s the small things that hurt the most. Long story short the tech guy was there and though he tried and failed in harassing me for being ‘different’, I was the butt of a couple of jokes by people and completely and totally ignored to anyone the guys introduced me to. They took one glance at me when I waved politely in greeting and they looked away and didn’t allow me in the conversation. By then I was annoyed to say the least. A couple of times after that I was accidently butted out of conversations due to the fact everyone was getting a bit tipsy at that time and couldn’t be bothered in reading silly notes in a notebook. I also lost all the guys when I tried to find them so I gave up and went back to the bus.

A few other things happened but that’s about most of it. That’s the basic points anyway.

I don’t know, maybe I’m reading into it a little too much after that tech. Things like that do happen often to me, accident or not. Today just defiantly wasn’t my day.

I hope I didn’t damage the door to the bunks; I kind of slammed it a little too hard on my way in. Ugh, I just want to punch something or...something. Probably should listen to music for a while and calm down. And go to bed early, there won’t be much sleeping for a while when the guys come back, that’s for sure. Good thing I can sleep in tomorrow. If you call nine o’clock a sleep in. Honestly, I don’t.

Well so much for sleeping. The guys have been walking in and out of the bus for the last two hours. It’s 2 am and it doesn’t sound like they’re going to bed anytime soon. Someone is just outside my bunk making a racket going though bags. Maybe I should throw my pillow at them.

Turns out it was Garrett and I have a good aim being half asleep. Getting hit in the head out of nowhere with a balled up pair of socks scared the absolute crap out of him.

July 10th

Dear Journal,
I got three notes today asking if I’m ok. No, I’m not. I’m tired and still pissed off from yesterday.

It’s one thing to be rude but it’s completely another when you’re rude to a person by using their disability against them. You’d think I’d be used to it by now.

I think I’m a little home sick too.