We Can Change the World

"Hey Dani," Benjamin Barnes, ex-boyfriend extraordinaire, smiled at me, as he moved over to make room for me.

"I think I'll take the next one," I said, pushing the button again.

"I'm not going to attack you Dani," he rolled his eyes. "You can come in here with me.

"Okay," I said timidly as I got into the elevator. Of course, my alcoholic consumption tonight made me stumble again as I wobbled in.

Ben caught me, much to my embarrassment. He sniffed. "Dani, have you been drinking?"

"Damn," I mumbled. "So much for the extra perfume."

"Dani," he sighed. "Why would you drink?"

"I don't have to answer to you Ben," I said bitterly, thanks to the alcohol. I wouldn't have been so rude if I had been sober.

He looked at me for a few minutes. I could see that my words hurt him. "No, but I wonder how Joe would feel about this."

"You wouldn't," my eyes widened.

"No," he said. "But you should. Come on, let's get you cleaned up. If I remember correctly, you're sharing a room with Joe. And unless you want him to find out, I say we head to my suite first."

I stared at him, confused. "Why are you being so nice? Don't you hate me?"

He laughed. "No I don't. I thought I would when we -- broke up." It seemed hard for him to say. "But I could never hate you Dani."

I hugged him, unexpectedly. I felt him tense up for a second before relaxing and wrapping his arms around me. "Thanks," I whispered.

"No problem," he smiled when I pulled away. "Now, let's see if we can get you all cleaned up, shall we?" The elevator door opened on an unfamiliar floor, and Ben wrapped his arm around my waist to lead me to his room. I noticed that I didn't feel tingly when he touched me, like I did with Joe. I didn't get happy when he smiled at me. And that made me think . . . had I ever felt that way about Ben? I knew Joe wouldn't like any of this. He'd probably I rather come drunk than go to Ben's room alone. But I didn't object as Ben opened a door and ushered me in.

I sat on his bed, as he got me some clothes to change into. "Thank you Ben," I said quietly.

"Anytime Dani," he smiled at me, handing me a beater and some shorts. He left the room while I changed.

"All done," I said. "So what are you doing here," I asked as he came back. He sat down on the bed too.

"I actually was debating whether to come to your concert," he admitted. "I wanted to – apologize for before and I wanted to see if we could be friends again."

"I didn't see you there," I said.

"I didn't come," he said. "I didn't think you would want to see me."

I giggled. "I thought you wouldn't want to see me.

He laughed too. But then he got serious. "So you really love him, huh?"

I looked at him. His voice sounded so -- sad, and pained. Slowly, I nodded. "I think I've kind of loved him along."

"I figured as much," he mumbled. He turned to face me. "Dani, I'm really sorry about how things went down last time I saw you. I was just -- hurt."

"No Ben," I touched his cheek softly. "I'm the one that's sorry." And I really was. "It was wrong of me to do those things to you."

I was such a jerk, I thought. Ben was such a great guy, and here I was, using him after everything I had done to him. He deserved better. Joe deserved better -- better than me. Everyone did. I was so -- not worth wasting time on. I sat there, pained as these thoughts consumed me. I just needed it all to go away again. I considered heading to the mini bar. But no, I couldn't be weak. I had promised Vanessa that I wouldn't drink. More importantly, I had promised Joe. But I had already broken that promise to him tonight. Not wanting to feel this way anymore, I got up, and walked over to the mini bar, which I knew would give me the help I needed. I felt Ben staring at me, confused. Opening it, I saw a champagne bottle, and a whiskey bottle. Ignoring the champagne, I went right for the whiskey. I took a swig and heard Ben take a deep breath. With the fuzzy feeling coming over me again, I smiled and turned back to him. "Do you know the cure for alcohol?" He shook his head warily. "More alcohol." I walked over to the bed and offered him the bottle. He stared at it for a long time, not sure if he should indulge me on this, or not. I looked at me, knowing my face probably looked really sad. I tried to smile. "Come on Ben. I promise I won't rape you."

He laughed and sighed in resignation as he took the bottle from me and downed some himself. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

We finished the whole bottle in about half an hour. I felt my phone vibrate. Nick, the caller ID read. Without thinking, I picked it up. "Hello," I slurred.

"Hey Dani," came his voice. "Where are you?"

"I'm on my way up," I answered.

"Okay," his voice sounded concerned and suspicious. "I'll open the door."

"Okay, bye," I said. I loved Nick, and was glad that he loved me enough to call. But I felt my heart break as I hung up. Why hadn't Joe called? I turned to Ben. "I have to go."

I left his suite and wobbled to the elevator. I still couldn't believe that Joe hadn't called yet. Didn't he care about me? Didn't he want to know why I wasn't back yet? Didn't he love me? The elevator stopped on our floor, and I wobbled to the room, and went inside. Nick had left it open, but he was in bed now. I saw that Joe was asleep. "Dani," Nick said in the darkness.

"Yeah Nick," I tried not to slur. "Go back to sleep. I'm here."

"Goodnight," he said.

I managed to get myself into bed, after almost falling a few times, and felt sleep come over me. The last thing I thought was that Joe hadn't even waited to see if I came home or not. He didn't care.

₪₪₪₪₪

"Nick, just call her," I yelled to my brother as he strummed his guitar on his bed. "Why isn't she back yet? What if something happened?"

"Nothing happened Joe," he assured me.

"You don't know that," I rolled my eyes. "Just call her please?"

"Okay," he sighed and called her. "Hey Dani, where are you," he asked. I put my head next to his, trying to listen. He shooed me away. Nick was mean, I pouted. "Okay, I'll leave the door open." He hung up. "She's on her way up."

"Oh no," I started panicking. "Hurry, we have to pretend we were sleeping and not waiting up for her."

"Joe, it's 1 o'clock. When do we ever sleep at 1," he said. "Besides, don't you want to ask her about tonight? What's going on with you two anyway?"

"Just go to sleep and mind your own business." I grunted as I turned off the light and jumped into my bed, waiting for the door to open so I would know she was okay.

10 minutes later, it finally opened. I could hear her shuffling across the room. I pretended to sleep. "Dani," Nick said.

"Yeah Nick," she said. Did she sound drunk? "Go back to sleep. I'm here."

"Goodnight," he said.

She walked to the bed. I heard her trip like 10 times. She drank again, I thought. It was obvious. No Dani. Finally, she got into our bed and I could smell it, confirming my suspicions. She smelled like a brewery. I pretended I was asleep.