Forever

It was around this time of year when I had given up… a lot of things, bad memories overtaking the good ones, had built up so much that I couldn’t take it anymore.

That is what this beautiful winter night was reminding me of.

I sit at my bed, just at the edge of it, looking outside of the window in my room.

It’s kind of odd, something I am unable to grasp. The sky; how is it so pale yet the clock on the wall says 11:19pm? It’s a soft periwinkle, as if the sky was preparing for nighttime just now. The ground, covered in a blanket of untouched white snow, glistens from the paleness of the sky, illuminating surreal glitter that twinkles each time the soft winds blows it and moves it a little more to the side. Hardly visible are the snowflakes that falls so quietly from the invisible clouds above, so quietly falling as if trying to not disturb the snow that had already fallen.

It’s hushed outside, not a soul stirs on this cold winter’s night.

Even downstairs, what is usually chaotic is simply quiet. The hushed trill of the television reaches my ears; I know my dad is watching his shows. My mom sews nearby on the dining table. The kids, usually so hyped up are for some odd reason quietly doing their own thing. Gaming, reading, drawing, thinking… anything that isn’t loud. It unnerves me. I puff out a loud breath before bolting up and pacing back and forth by my window. I feel like I can’t do anything, there’s nothing to do, despite all the millions of small things I know I should be doing.

My phone vibrates nearby. I rush to it. A message received.

“Come out and play in the snow with me.”

I dial his number. One ring, two rings, he picks up at the third. “My hands are so numb that I could accept your call,” his deep voice rumbles through my phone. I feel a small shiver go down my spine, like I usually do when I hear his voice.

“What do you mean play in the snow with you?” I hiss at him, trying to calm my nerves.

“I have a surprise for you, just come.”

“But I—”

“No. You’re coming. I’m waiting in the park.” Pause. “Five minutes, Lauren.”

I close my eyes, and open them a while later. I tiptoe downstairs, and find my mom still sewing.

“Mama,” I whisper in her ear, enveloping her in a hug from behind. She doesn’t jump in shock, instead she tries to hug me back. “Can I go outside? Ken called and—”

“It’s a little late…”

“At the park, he said.”

“Okay. Be back soon.” She kisses the back of my hand and pats it.

I go to get ready, finding my jacket in my closet, looking for my old pair of snow boots and mitts. And I keep thinking, aren’t they all just nicer to me after last year’s incident? I don’t want sympathy… I just… I just want out. Why did the thought of losing me upset them all? They didn’t show so much before… why after an incident?

I pull on a hat and trot outside. The snow comes to my knees and seeps into my boots by the time I make it onto the cleared road. I walk about ten minutes and reach the edge of the park, seeing Ken’s silhouette at the swings. He sees me, and jogs over, embracing me as soon as we reach each other.

“It’s so cold,” he whispers into my ear, nuzzling his cold nose into my hair. I push him away a little, getting nervous.

“Look at the sky,” I whisper back, pointing up.

He looks up, scrunching his face as tiny snowflakes land on his eyelashes. “It’s so… magically purple.”

“I wonder why,” I say quietly. “What makes it appear like that…”

“Magic,” he breathes, his breath coming out in a long thin line of steam. He looks at me quietly for a long time.

“Stop that,” I say, getting embarrassed. “You’re being awfully creepy lately, calling me out so late, and staring at me like a stalker.”

He laughs loudly, breaking the quiet spell of the night. “You’re too cute, Laurie.” I smile shyly, looking up at his handsome face. Maybe any other guy would’ve gotten offended quickly at my brash talk, but Ken always brushes it off with a laugh. He knows I never mean it the way it comes out… just I can’t express myself so well.

He leans down and kisses me softly on the mouth. “Are you cold?”

I shake my head, pushing away from him again. I feel my cheeks getting red.

“You’re turning red from the cold,” he says, his eyes concerned.

“Not the cold…” I mutter, unable to meet his eyes.

“Oh, then from me,” he says with a wink. I rest a hand at his chest.

“What’s your surprise?” I ask.

“This,” he whispers. I look up expectantly, confused.

He backs away a little, and gets down on one knee. My eyes widen. What was he doing?

“Lauren… I’ve always loved you,” he says, his voice getting thick with emotion. “We’ve been together for about six years now, and we have had our ups and downs, but I know I can’t live without you… what happened last year, it isn’t the cause for today’s action… it’s just a trigger. I know I can keep you safe, I know I can’t live here knowing you're not by my side. You almost succumbed to severe depression last year and I couldn’t face you, knowing I was helpless and unable to save you. But that made me realize how much you’re always there for me. And I want to be there for you.” He pulls out a small blue box. It says Tiffany’s on it. I want to cry but my throat feels tight.

“Lauren, on this magically purple wintry night—”

“Periwinkle,” I interject abruptly, feeling guilty in the very next moment for interrupting him.

He chuckles after the look of confusion crosses his face. “Periwinkle?”

“The sky is… pale purple,” I murmur shyly, looking down at my feet.

“Lauren,” Ken starts again, his voice softer than before. “On this magically periwinkle night, will you agree to marry me?” I look into his eyes, full of hope and love, full of expectation and hesitation, a bit of fear at rejection. They shake rapidly, trying to read emotions in my eyes.

“Yes?” I manage to choke out, my voice squeaking. It comes out like a question because I don’t understand how someone can love another so much and to such depths.

“Yes?” he repeats, his face shocked and full of awe.

I nod. “Yes,” I say a little more sternly and surely.

He chokes out a laugh, opens the box and pulls out the most beautiful diamond ring I’d ever seen. It glitters in the pale starlight; as there is no visible moon, the plentiful stars light up the pale sky.

I slip off my glove for him to hoist the ring onto my finger.

“I love you, Ken,” I whisper as he pulls me into a hug.

“Say it again,” he says with a smile, bumping his head with mine.

I look up. “Why?”

“Because you’re miserly with those words, meanie,” he says with a playful pout.

I bit my lip, trying to hide a smile. “I love you, Ken,” I say again. “And I will until the day I—”

“Don’t say that… say forever,” he says, his voice raw with old emotion.

I look at him. His hair glistens with fallen snow. This moment is forever.

“Forever.”