Buried Feelings

We sit patiently in the second row behind the glass and I feel sick. My nerves are getting the best of me and I cannot stop shaking my leg. Carly grabs it and steadies me.

"Wow, you're really nervous huh?" Her face shows true concern, "We don't have to do this ya know? You can just call him, I am sure you can work it out." She's trying to reassure me, she can tell that I am driving myself crazy with my silence and nervous ticks.

"No, I am going to do this. I smuggled in the glitter poster markers and I am going to see it through." I try to use the joke to lighten the mood but it falls flat, I stare at the empty ice and feel Carly close her hand on mine. She knows that the simple touch means more than anything either of us could say right now.

These past few weeks have felt like an eternity since he's been back but its just been a little over a month. And now I realize that for three years I have hid from how I felt, I never moved on from Kristopher Royce Versteeg. I never stopped loving him. My heart never healed and I was drowning in the river of denial. But now he's back, he's made it clear that even if he left again, he really wasn't leaving me again and all the secrets are out. But can we do this? Do I know THIS Kris, or am I in love with the old Kris? I want to get up and walk out of the UC so that I can crawl in my bed and cry but they start coming out on the ice. I know he won't see me right away but I can't risk someone else seeing me, in his sweater, sitting right on the ice and then see me leaving.

I take a deep breath and open up my poster. I just stand there holding it, a few of the guys glance my way and I can tell a few recognize me but don't get the poster. So far Kris is on the other side of the ice doing drills and as far as I can tell, he hasn't see me.

"What if he doesn't remember this?" I ask Carly, not taking my eyes off the guys.

"Harry Potter was your thing together, you guys read the books to each other, watched the movies and went to the midnight premiere of the last one together. I highly doubt he would forget all of that."

"Actually we saw Half-Blood Prince at midnight, he was gone before the next one came out."

"He hasn't forgotten." She reassures me, and I hope she is right. I have gotten several strange looks from other fans, people thinking that I am a crazy puck slut who thinks she is "in love" with a player. Ugh. So I stand like Lloyd Dobler, holding my sign up and waiting for him to see me. My hands are sweating and I start tapping my foot impatiently again. More and more people are staring as they are noticing that some of the players are looking at me and smiling, or tilting their head towards me as they say something no one can hear to another play.

And then they switch sides; he comes to my side to start shooting on Raanta. He doesn't look towards me right away but once he makes his shot and comes to the back of the line, he scans the crowd and he catches my eye. We stand there eyes locked for what was probably less than 5 seconds, but feels like hours and he looks down at my poster and smiles his signature huge smile. And then he skates away to the bench. I feel...let down, disappointed.

"Um, so that's it?" Apparently she was expecting more too.

"I don't know, I guess so." I am still standing, holding the sign but start to feel silly and sit down. We sit there in silence for a minute until I see him skating back to our side, he's doing some puck handling, not looking up from the puck. Maybe I misread all the signs, maybe I am the only one who feels this way, maybe my hook up with Justin last week made him decide this wasn't worth it. So many maybes fill my head I don't even see him trying to get my attention.

"Hey Kaela...Kris is waving at you to go the glass."

I look up, he's smiling and motioning for me to come closer, I know we can't talk right now so I don't know what he's planning to do until he throws a puck up over the glass. Luckily I catch it and look at him, he flashes another big smile and throws me a wink before he rejoins warm ups.

"So he threw you a puck." Clearly Carly is as confused as I am, I start to turn the puck over in my hand and then I notice there is some writing on the other side.

"After all this time? ;)" And I smile the biggest smile.

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Kris scores the first goal of the game and I jump up and down. I wish he knew where we were sitting and I can see that after he celebrates he tries to scan the UC for me. But 21k other people make it hard for him. But they end up losing the game in a shootout, he misses his shot but he still had a phenomenal game.

After the game I say good-bye to Carly and thank her for her support, since I got the puck she has been giddy all night, she keeps telling me how happy she is for me that everything is falling in place and that she can't wait to hear what happens.

I wait awkwardly with the WAGs, I am sure none of them know what happened and Abby isn't there so I am just left to sit there giddy as a schoolgirl waiting for him to come out. He's the first one out; he is wearing an impeccably tailored gray suit with a white shirt and purple tie. As soon as he sees me he speed walks over and scoops me up, burying his face in my hair, he whispers.

"Always." And then we have the most perfect kiss that has ever happened in the world ever. Soft, gentle, passionate, loving. Just perfect.

And I never want this moment to end.