Buried Feelings

Kris leads me to the car by the hand, neither of saying a word but smiling like fools. He opens the door, ever the gentleman and once I sit in the seat he leans in and we kiss again. I feel like a high school with her first boyfriend, I cannot give enough of him right now. I am giddy with excitement and happiness.

He breaks off the kiss, "How about we get a bite to eat?"

I'm not hungry but he just played a very long game of hockey, so I know he is definitely starving. "Sure, whatever you want."

He sits in his seat, and grabs my hand, "Perfect, Portillos it is." He shoots me one of his killer smiles and turns up the music. It's Macklemore's new song and we end up singing together, everything just feels right.

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Sitting next to him, sipping on my chocolate cake shake and leaning my head against his shoulder, I feel whole again.

"So what did you think of my sign?" I say with a smile. I am dying to know what he thought when he saw it, when he decided to write on the puck, to take it that step further.

"Well, Kaner saw your first and mentioned to me that you were on that side of the ice, so I tried to ignore it at first but curiosity got the best of me. When I saw that poster..."He pauses, squeezes my hand and lets out a light laugh before continuing, "I thought it was a joke. And then I saw you were wearing my jersey, and my favorite beanie, and holding that sign and I realized it wasn't a joke."

I pause, seeing if he has anything else to say but he takes a bite of his burger first. "And then you had the idea for the puck."

He laughs a hearty laugh and takes a sip of his pop, "Actually no, I felt like I was having a panic attack at the time and needed to get off the ice. So I went over to the bench, drank some water, and Kaner was like what the hell dude. And I told him you just professed your love for me and I had no idea what to do, Kaner suggested I write 'talk later' on a puck but I thought that would be more fitting."

"You are right, it was perfect." I take a look at the clock, "I have to go take care of Gus." An awkward silence hangs between us, "Do you want to come over?"

And he just smiles as he starts the Audi up and we head to Lincoln Park.

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We walk Gus hand in hand; I can't get over how perfect everything feels. But I know deep down this is a fleeting moment, that when we wake up tomorrow we are going to have to figure things out and there are no guarantees. I know that, he knows that, it's just realistic. But I am going to do everything in my power to make this work this time, because if this is my shot at love I am not letting it go.

"Penny for you thoughts?" He asks as we walk back up to my condo.

"Just thinking about how if someone told me this would be what I would be doing tonight I would think they are crazy. Never did I think you would be back in my life like this, and now I don't know what I would be doing if you weren't." I realize how pushy that sounds, but it's the truth. I had been fighting being apart from him for so many years and almost let this chance pass me by and I want to make sure I give it my best shot this time.

"I know exactly what you mean." Is all he says as he slides my jacket off and hangs it up.

I know neither of is hungry, or thirsty, or particularly tired but I don't know what to say so I grab his hand and look at it, before bringing my eyes up to meet his and we just stare at each other for a few seconds until I turn around and guide him into my bedroom.

He closes the door behind us; I turn on my iPod and turn back to face him. John Legend's You & I starts playing from the speakers. Without breaking eye contact Kris takes off his tie and begins unbuttoning his shirt. I take off the beanie and life the sweater over my head, letting it fall to the floor next to this shirt. We continue undressing, his t-shirt, my tank top, his pants, my jeans, and we just stand there, he in his tight but not too tight boxer briefs and me in my matching black lace bra and panties. I bite my lip, and move my hands to cover my body, the silence bringing out my insecurities.

"No." He says so softly, and steps closer to me, moving my hand into his and down to my side. He takes another step and he kisses me. Gentle and soft at first, but they become intense, and rough quickly. His hands trace along my back and find my bra clasp, unhooking it with ease and I let it fall to the ground. He moves his arms down and slides them under my butt, picking me up, bringing my face level with his.

He carries me to the bed where he lays me down and crawls over me, his lips leaving a trail down my neck to my cleavage and back up again.

Once his mouth meets mine again, we both lose themselves in each other. Kissing every inch of uncovered skin as possible until Kris stops, he looks at me for a minute, making sure I want to go forward. I give him a small nod of my head and we kiss again.

He lowered himself into me and we soon found a wonderful rhythm. It's a sensory overload and before I know I find myself hitting my brink, he's almost there too. We break our kiss and stare into each other's eyes as we both reach our climax. It's amazing and exhausting all at once, my body feels on fire but drained. Kris lays on top of me, both of us breathing in sync, reeling from what just happened.

And before I know it, we are both asleep. Him holding me, my head resting on his arm, in it's perfect spot. Everything is perfect.

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I wake up to Gus sneezing in my face; I look to my alarm clock and see it well past the time he needs to go out. I roll over to give Kris a morning kiss and to hopefully continue where we left off last night. But his spot on the bed is empty, annoying. Or maybe he's in the bathroom, or making breakfast. My mood perks up as I throw on some sweats and a t-shirt. But he's nowhere to be found, his clothes are gone, he's not in the bathroom, and no food is being cooked. Not even a note. What happened? I am utterly confused.