The Finish Line

And just as Louis had promised his best friend, he did all he could to feel better about the situation. He forced a smile on his face, he stepped outside for a couple of minutes and would mentally kick his own arse whenever it’d wonder off to Esther.

Louis had spent the past three days putting all his energy into feeling better that he hadn’t even found the time to feel like absolute shit at night. The burning feeling in his chest was still there but it was slowly becoming less painful. Although the less he though about Esther, the harder it hurt when he finally did find the time to remember she was gone.

It was mostly the loneliness that got him at this point, he didn’t feel like being a whiny bitch around his friends so he stayed in most of the time which caused him to think… it was a vicious cycle but he was determined to break it once Harry stepped through those doors.

The young brunette happily lies on the couch, resting his feet on the coffee table as he brainlessly watches another Holly Oaks episode. His mind is occupied with the things he should be doing instead of laying around when the buzzing next to him pulls him out of his thoughts.

His heart starts to feel heavy from the minute he lays his eyes on the screen. He swallows audibly before grabbing the phone in his, now trembling, hand. His hand has become sweaty making it hard for Louis to swipe across the screen to take the call but he eventually manages to do so.

When he carefully puts the phone to his ear, Louis is desperate to control his shaky breathing. “Louis?” Her voice sounds through the speaker. Louis has become a pro in recognizing how Esther’s feeling by simply hearing her voice, but much to his dislike he either couldn’t tell anymore or she was completely worry-free.

Louis tried his hardest to answer her but all he managed to get out of his throat was a weak cough. “I wanted to talk to you… because I think I left things off a bit shitty.” Esther started, throwing in a giggle at the end that made Louis want to cringe.

All the pain he had felt now immediately turned into anger and disgust towards the woman he had loved for two and a half years. Louis didn’t understand how she had the guts to break his heart without an explanation and then call him a week later all giddy. “Oh… you think so…” He growls, empathising the ‘think’. Louis’ blood is boiling with every second this phone call drags on. A part of him just wants to throw it away and burn Esther from his memory but a much smaller part tells him to hear her out.

“Don’t get like that with me, Lou.” Esther replied, her voice no longer sounding as giddy as it did before. She sounds irritated now. “Look… I’m… you seemed really sad when I left and I couldn’t take it. And I hope you’re not sad anym-“ Louis was quick to cut off the young girl, he knew where she was taking this.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it…” He sneered but managed to calm himself down before finishing off his sentence. “I’m fine.” He stated as calmly as possible which got him a soft sigh as a response from Esther.

“Well… then… I guess… we… um…” Esther stutters, her voice is shaky as tears blur her vision. “I guess we can you know…” Esther then decided to take a deep breath before making another attempt at speaking.

“Go our own ways? Yes we can.” Louis quickly butts in before Esther can muster up the courage to give her sentence another try. The distance in his voice causes a couple of tears to escape her eyes, she swallows hard to keep herself from sobbing but the first one quickly escapes.

The sound of Esther’s short breaths and sobs immediately make Louis wish he hadn’t reacted as angry. The young man sighs deeply, overcome with the same emotions he felt one week ago. “Esther… either we have this talk face to face or we don’t. I can’t deal with the phone calls. I’m not on tour anymore. I’m here… for you.”

“I can’t!” Esther cries into the phone, pulling onto her own brown locks of hair as she carefully curls herself up into a ball, hoping that the pain will go away.

“Why can’t you, Esther? Can’t you look me in the eye anymore?” Something about Louis’ calmness through all of this brings even more tears to Esther’s eyes. “Esther, I’m not playing this game. We’re both grown up and mature, you’re making this much harder than it’s supposed to be.” Louis tries again, waiting for a response from Esther but he hears are her sobs and cries. She sometimes mumbles something incoherent but it’s always mustered by the cries.

“Esther… if you can’t talk to me face to face… then what’s the point?” Louis sighs, slowly losing hope in the girl he once thought he’d marry. He had plans for a proposal, their third anniversary actually. But he would never have expected this kind of behaviour from her. “Esther, do you still love me? That’s one question you should be able to answer.”

As the words slowly seeps into Esther’s brain, the pain is her chest becomes heavier making it hard for her to breathe through it all. Her chest is heaving up and down heavily as the tears flood from her eyes, her hands are tugging at her hair. “Louis…” She cries, causing Louis to sigh loudly.

“I don’t have time for this.” The young boy then replies, quickly pulling the phone away from his ear. As much as it tore his heart out to listen to her cries, he also realises he isn’t a teenager anymore. Louis’ idea of a relationship isn’t that it should come easy and be perfect but it shouldn’t be like this either.

And in that moment Louis suddenly started feeling as if “Esther” could now be another book on his shelf. Because he had been wrong about the girl he thought he wanted to marry.