Drowning

“It appears that you’ve been having a blast these past few weeks.”

The smile Hannah had been wearing for weeks hadn’t seemed to quite want to wash away from her face just yet. And with her brother reminding her about it, it now was impossible.

Since the month of June was flying by, Hannah felt it was right to pay a long overdue visit to Corey. She had just returned from her three days spent in Italy, and it was obvious that her tan from her time spent there was glowing. Corey still couldn’t get over how happy she’d been and how he never wanted to see her depressed again.

“Oh, Corey, touring with them to only a few cities…it’s breathtaking. It really is.” She sipped on her iced tea and looked out to the small backyard of Corey’s home. “He’s literally making all of my dreams come true.”

He chuckled. “It’s great to hear not all famous musicians are the same. Or, I guess I should say it’s comforting to know that there are celebrities out there with a good bone in their body.”

“I never in my life imagined that I would ever date somebody famous. Being out in the public sort of haunted me, you know? I feared being identified by anybody, and now millions of people I don’t even know…it’s frightening really, but all in all, exciting.”

Corey continued to laugh at all of her babbling. Hannah frowned slightly in a joking matter, remembering that this is what always happened between these two. He’d always made fun of her interests, and she’d always get mad at him for it. Now, it was almost comforting, almost as if they were going back to their old ways, forgetting all the bad that had happened in between then and now.

“Why are you laughing?” She slapped his arm, laughing herself.

“I don’t know. This just all reminds me of you wishing you were some popular singer so that one blonde guy in the Backstreet Boys would notice you.”

“Oh, my God. I can’t believe you remember that!” Hannah looked at him, shocked. “His name was Nick, by the way.”

“My mistake. I’m sorry I can’t keep up with all of these blonde musicians whose name starts with an N.” He said. “Is this some sort of trend?”

“Coincidence.” She smirked, bringing the cup of iced tea to her lips.

The back door suddenly opened, tearing the siblings away from their conversation. Abby appeared in the doorway, holding some old jacket in her hands.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to be interrupting-”

Corey stood immediately, tensed. Hannah could sense his reaction to either his wife or the jacket she was holding meant it was something serious.

“No, you’re not. What’s wrong?”

“I was just cleaning out our closet, getting rid of the clothing that I don’t wear. This was dusty, sitting on ground by my things, and I was wondering if you wanted to keep this?”

“Yeah, yeah. I completely forgot where I put that. Thank you. Just leave it out. I’ll put it away.”

His words were choppy, and Hannah didn’t like that fact that it sounded like he was hiding something, whether it was from his wife or her.

“Is that a leather jacket?” Hannah stood from her seat, setting the tea down. “Corey, since when do you wear these?”

She took the jacket from Abby’s hold on it, unfolding it and letting all the dust particles fly away. Her hand wiped away at any that stayed, but she paused after a short second. She glanced at Corey with wide, astonished eyes.

“This isn’t yours.”

The black jacket revealed the name RILEY written in cursive in the left corner. It looked to have collected dust from over the years. It hadn’t been worn in years.

“Where did you get this?”

Corey looked at his wife, and she took it as her cue to leave. She looked at her husband apologetically before retreating back inside.

“I saw him.”

“When?” Her mind would not let her process any emotions she was feeling. Her mouth kept spewing out words.

“Three years ago.”

“Where’d you see him? What’d he have to say?”

Corey put his hands in his short pockets uncomfortably. “I was just buying a pack of cigarettes at the drug store. It was when I was still in a bad place, Hannah.”

“Well, how’s he doing? Is he alright?” The urgency in her voice was throwing Corey is all sorts of directions. “God, why haven’t you said anything to me about this before?!”

“It’s not good, Hannah.”

Hannah could feel her heart sink to the pit of her stomach. Everything was moving in slow motion. This warm, sunny day was now feeling like it was a thousand degrees hotter. Her eyes drifted from Corey’s slowly, looking out towards the backyard again before glancing at him again. His expression hadn’t changed.

“He’s gone.” He said in a whisper, afraid for his voice to break.

Gone. Forever. All the hope she had put in a little spot in her heart just disintegrated into nothing but emptiness. She had never felt so betrayed in her entire life. Being betrayed felt like those times when Bradley promised to never hit her again, but did it anyways. Yet, after years and years of waiting for her father to come back, with promises of inferring to being clean and healthy, nothing hurt more than that.

“That’s impossible.” Hannah whispered at the same volume Corey did.

“I wish it was.”

“NO.” She suddenly shouted, anger taking over her sadness. The leather jacket was whipped out into the backyard in fury. Corey had no time to react because Hannah had already stormed inside the house.

“Hannah!” Corey yelled for her.

“Don’t talk to me.” With her car keys in hand, the key was pointed in his direction in warning. Her hand was on the doorknob to the front door, staring at her brother momentarily before storming out.


He told her to go have fun. Grab Marisa and have a girl’s night. There’s a few good movies out. Whatever it was that she was in a bad mood for, Niall was sure she’d forget about things for a while if she was with her best friend.

The drive to the arena was quite lengthy, and although they were almost there, Niall was on the verge of passing out. It was about to reach eleven at night, which was alright because the boys could catch up on some sleep. There were times where they could arrive to their destination past midnight. A hand supported his head as he began falling asleep on the highway.

A few taps to the shoulder woke him up slowly. The nap felt like hours, but it was really only twenty minutes. He blinked a couple times as a hand slapped his cheek lightly. Liam came into his vision, holding up his phone.

“Your phone had been going off the hook for the past five minutes, mate.”

Niall snatched the device, groggily taking notice of Hannah’s three missed calls and a few depressing texts. His thumb eagerly swiped over her name on his iPhone, bringing it to a ring in a matter of seconds.

It rang a few times before the buzzing stopped, replacing with loud noises and people talking.

“There you are!” Her voice was barely audible and quite enthusiastic.

“Hannah?” He questioned, rubbing his eyes. “Babe, where are you?”

She giggled and spoke inaudibly although the words were not meant for him. And then, abrupt laughter emitted from her mouth.

“We’re at Ministry of Sound right now! You’ll never believe what I did, Niall!”

Ministry of Sound. Of course, she was at a nightclub, the one place she goes to deal with all of her problems. Niall looked at the watch on his wrist, calculating the time now to London’s. It was only ten at night there.

Anger and jealousy rose from the pit of his stomach. The fact that she was getting piss drunk to neglect her problems made Niall grow livid. Whether it was her ideas or Marisa’s, it was completely stupid. On the other hand, he was envious that his girlfriend was partying without him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

“Marisa and I danced on the tables, all of them! Every single one of them! You should have seen my dance moves. You would have been so proud, Niall.” She was probably beaming over the phone. “And now I have no idea where my pumps went.”

“Why are you at the club?” That was the only question that could form out of his mouth.

Liam’s head turned at the question as well as Harry. Soon, the whole car would be interested. She couldn’t have picked a better time to call. A part of him wished he never dialed her number.

“Oh, come on, grumpy! You told me to have fun! I’m doing what you told me to do.”

Her tone was teasing, and he knew she was well on her way to being intoxicated. If he could, he would drag her out of that building in a heartbeat.

“That’s not what I meant by fun, Hannah.”

He never told her to have fun at the club unless he was there. Having been a part of her rough nights way too many times in those places, he wasn’t about to let her go alone. God only knew what she could do.

“Well it’s what I meant!”

So, it was her idea. Niall should have assumed it since the beginning. Alcohol is the way she numbs the pain. It’s the way her problems are forgotten for the next several hours. It’s what she’s been doing since day one.

A different voice was clear over the receiver.

“Hey, that bitch is finally getting what she asked for!”

“Oh, Niall!” Hannah’s voice flooded through his ear again. He didn’t know how much more he could listen to. “I forgot to tell you, this bitch also started some brawl with me too. Apparently, I flirted with her boyfriend, but I already told her I had you, and then she started shouting some obscene words. I swear, I would’ve kicked her arse if Marisa didn’t pull me away.”

That was the breaking point for Niall. Too many emotions jumbled in his lean body, too much for him to take. His breathing was loud as he exhaled through his nose. He had his lip pressed in a thin line as he pulled at the dark roots of his hair.

“What are you expecting from me, some fucking ‘congratulations’ speech or an award or something?”

Some of the boys went wide-eyed, gawking at their friend while his fury grew by the second. Zayn was ready to ask what was wrong, but it was in his best interest to keep quiet.

Hannah scoffed on the other end. “If it matters to you, I was defending your honor, jackass!”

“I don’t give a shit, Hannah. For Christ sake, it’s like I leave the country, and you’re ready to start trouble.”

“I’m not getting into any trouble!” She hiccupped. “At least I’m not feeling sorry for myself.”

“No, this is exactly what you do when you feel sorry for yourself. Alcohol can’t cure everything.”

Hannah didn’t answer on the other end. Instead, only background noises transmitted through the phone. He would’ve seen he hit a soft spot if he wasn’t blinded by anger.

“Just call me when you’re sober, yeah?” He ended the call just like that.


Hannah never sets alarms unless she necessarily needed to. So, to hear the vibrations of her phone go off constantly while she was trying to sleep was irritating. She could not find the button to turn it off with her eyes closed, and when she opened her eyes, they shot open rapidly. The vibration ended because she had a stern text and six missed calls all from Niall. Not to mention, it was one in the afternoon.

“God, Hannah,” Niall sighed into the phone in a relieved tone. “Are you okay?”

Hannah sat up in bed, leaning against the headboard. She put him on speaker so she could rub her eyes with both of her hands.

“Yeah. You can spare me the scolding.”

He exhaled again in a more exasperated tone. “I’m sorry I was rude. I just don’t like hearing about ya getting piss drunk when you’re pissed off.”

“My dad died.” She blurted out with a blank stare at the wall on the other side of the room. “Three years ago.”

“Han-”

“He promised me he’d get better. When I was ten, he promised me that. I’m twenty now, and he died when I was seventeen.”

The line got really silent between them. Niall bit his lip and looked out at the window of the hotel room he was staying at. Hannah picked at her fingernails, not looking like she cared if this conversation continued or not.

“I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry. That’s awful.”

“It’s no one’s fault other than his own.” She shrugged as if he could see her. “Corey didn’t have the decency to tell me until yesterday.”

“Maybe he didn’t want to hurt you.”

She scoffed. “Because waiting to tell me really helped.”

“I think you should talk to him. Find out what happened. It’s not Corey’s fault.”

“Or is it?”

Niall rubbed his forehead, the only way he could show frustration without her hearing it. “Talk to him, okay? Making assumptions doesn’t solve anything. I’ve got to go though. Band prep. Love you.”

The call ended, and Hannah sat in her bed for the next twenty minutes contemplating whether or not she should call up her brother. She always hated when Niall talked some sense into her (even if she had just woken up in a disoriented manner).

This silence gave her time to think back to the times before she was ten, and how lovely things had been. He had been the one to teach her how to ride a bike, teach her how to read and write, and always tucked her in at night. It was always a goodnight, but never a goodbye. With that thought in mind, it made her heart hurt. She always expected her father to come back, but now she got to sit with the dissatisfaction of never saying goodnight again for the rest of her life.

The memories were too pure and innocent and happy that it was painful to reminisce on, so the silence only lasted two short minutes. The phone came back to her ear, and she impulsively called her brother.

“Hello?”

“Can you tell me that day with dad? When you were buying those cigarettes.”


Riley had been in and out of friends’ houses that were into drugs, sometimes he even was living out on the streets. This had been going on for years, and many times in between he had thought about turning his life around, but those were late night thoughts. The next day was always falling back into the same routine, his promise to Hannah slipping away from his memory. One day as he was roaming the streets, he walked into a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes. Much to his surprise, he walked in on his son doing the exact same thing.

“Son?” Riley spoke with so much disappointment in his voice. Corey’s head turned, and it looked like he’d seen a ghost. “What are you doing?”

Corey glanced at the white package in his hands, and then back at his father with his eyes brimming with tears. He used his coat sleeve to wipe them as they fell.

“I don’t know.” He whispered as he shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s more than the cigarettes, isn’t it?” Riley made him confess, watching as he nodded his head and avoiding eye contact with his father. He didn’t have to see his son in the process of buying cigarettes to know he was into much deeper trouble than that. Living through it himself, it was very obvious. “Put ‘em down.”

Both father and son placed the cigarettes back on the counter for the employee to take. Riley placed a hand on his son’s shoulder, who was now much taller than he’d last seen him. They exited the building and stood off on the side of it so Riley could have a chat with him.

“Why, son? How could you have done this to yourself?”

“How could you?!” Corey’s voice broke and realized he hadn’t stopped crying. “You left without saying a word. You chose drugs over your own family.”

Riley reminded himself of that every day, and still did nothing about it. He never would have thought that he would come across his son to see him in this state, being much worse than it was when he first left when his boy was twelve. What hurt even more was the fact that he was falling down the exact same path.

“Mum could have put you into rehab, but she didn’t. And now look at you!”

“Yes, look at me. This is what happens when you don’t listen to your mother. I thought I could get clean myself, but I am stuck in the same shithole that I got myself into.”

Never did he feel more ashamed of himself than he did right now. The dark circles under his son’s eyes were telling the same stories that Riley had experienced, and it was the last thing he wanted for his kid. They all lived such good lives that he had to go fuck it up for them. He was to blame for his son’s actions, and he could only imagine how his daughters were doing.

“This is all a trap, Corey. You still have a chance if you get out now. You’re young and have so much more to life than the drugs.” Riley spoke, bringing his hands to Corey’s arms that were at his sides. “Think of your sisters and your mother. Think of how this is hurting them. Think of me, son. You know I never ever wanted this life for you.”

All the different emotions Corey was feeling was making him cry uncontrollably. He took his arms and wrapped them around his father in a tight hug. After dealing with Brad for so long, he was looking for a way out, and meeting his father for the first time in seven years was the perfect motivation.

“I hurt them all so bad.” Corey sobbed, using his thumb and index finger to wipe his eyes. “Mum probably hates me after how I treated her.”

“She could never hate you.”

“Hannah’s in an abusive relationship.” He admitted with bloodshot eyes. “She’s being abused by one of my friends, and there’s nothing I can do about it. If I hadn’t met them, father, none of this would have ever happened. I should have just listened to mum. They would have never been hurt.”

The confession that came pouring out of Corey’s mouth was enough for Riley to burst into tears. His little girl was being tortured by a man that had a lot of the same hobbies he had. She should never been exposed to that in the first place. And with the all the guilt Corey had built up inside of him, Riley could see how much he loved his sister no matter how much he didn’t show it.

His son continued to sob on his shoulder, but he put a stop to that. He took Corey by the shoulders and shook him.

“Now, you listen to me. None of this crap anymore, okay? I want you to get yourself all cleaned up and get your sister out of the environment. And while you do that, I will work on myself. I made a promise to your sister, and I have all intentions on keeping it.”

“Okay, I will. Father, I will.”


“He gave me the phone number that I could reach him at that day.” Corey said, on the verge of choking up. “He promised to work on his habits while I worked on mine and getting you out of there, but when I called him…”

“What?” Hannah was impatient for answers. She, too, was on the verge of tears. “What happened?”

“Somebody else picked up. And I could hear it – that apologetic voice on the other line right when I asked for dad. He told me that dad died just a few weeks ago. It was an overdose, Hannah.”

She wrapped her free arm around her legs, which were already bunched up to her chest. All the while, she was still in bed. The comforter was covering the lower half of her body, and she buried her face on her knee caps.

“I’m so sorry, Hannah.”

“I’m sorry too.” She sobbed.

No words had been spoken in over five minutes as the siblings continued to weep. And Hannah had never felt a closer bond with her brother in her entire life.