Drowning

It was difficult to disregard her once close-knit family, disintegrate to a pile of ashes in only a matter of weeks. A ten-year-old can only think so much of it for all she’s ever known was having caring family of five, never to fall apart because none of her friends were like that.

The hollering, abrupt arguments came to a halt one day as she was playing with her dolls. A month had gone by with the nonsense that it became normal to have the commotion as background noise. Her days passed by unaffected because the disputes were never about her. They usually lasted an hour and at different times of the day, depending on when her parents saw each other for the first time that day. So, when opening of closet doors or footsteps trudging up the stairs replaced the shouting, Hannah dropped the dolls from her hands. The toys fell to the ground with a thud, and she turned the doorknob, stopping short to hear soft talking.

“Please, just leave…now.” Her mother spoke. “You can come get your things while the children are at school tomorrow.”

Many moments passed before she heard her father exhaling a defeated sigh.

“Alright, love. Can I say goodbye to my kids?”

Her mother sniffled, so it caused another pause in the miserable conversation.

“I’m afraid now is not the time. I can’t have them seeing you in this state. It’s mortifying.”

“You’re absolutely right, but it’s unfair to leave them with no notice. You can’t do this to me, Evelyn.”

Hannah was such a curious child, it was strange to find her baffled and frozen behind her bedroom door. She pried in the dumbest conversations that were meaningless, having a tendency of getting in trouble for asking too many questions. Whether it was stupid or not, why she stayed hidden behind the door was mind-boggling. The unknown topic had been intriguing that she couldn’t show her face. The conversation would end because of her presence. Her mind could not process what was going on, but she knew she was not welcome. She felt a sense of urgency and sadness in their voices that it was better to stay behind closed doors.

Footsteps could be heard again, descending down the creaky floorboards her father promised to fix. Meanwhile, her parents’ bedroom opened with a squeak, which gave Hannah the opportunity to open hers. She crept out to the hallway on her tip-toes, a hand grabbing on to the railing. The master bedroom door was cracked, and the blonde girl did her best to stay hidden. She found her mother sitting at the edge of the bed with her face buried in her hands, silently sobbing. Something tragic must’ve happened, and Hannah was not about to let her father slip away without some sort of explanation.

Her quiet padding down the staircase helped her go unnoticed. She made a left when she reached the main level, going towards the back of the house to the kitchen. It was vacant with the dishwasher noisily cleaning the dishes. She stalked towards the backdoor, finding nobody out there. The sitting room had been emptied as well, and it led Hannah to wonder where her siblings were. How could she be the only child home? Shaking that thought aside, she made a hasty decision and ran out the door. Her father was at the end of the driveway, hands in his coat pockets, and his head lowered towards the concrete.

“Dad!”She cried, receiving his attention right away.

Hannah stood on her front walk for a few seconds, gazing at her father with sad, grey eyes. She had been given the color from her father, making her hate it a little less. It was one of the things they shared together since everybody else in the family had blue eyes. It was some sort of connection the father and daughter had. So, even the distance between them, Hannah could see the dark, gloomy eyes looking directly into hers.

Suddenly, her legs carried her down to the sidewalk, arms out wide as her father’s was the same way. He crouched to his knees and took his daughter in the biggest hug he could possibly give her. He swayed her back and forth in his chest, surprising himself that he had not shed a tear yet.

She pulled away from him and set her tiny hands at the curve of his shoulders and chest. Her eyes kept staring at her hands as she spoke.

“Where are you going?”

The man gulped. It was hard to come up with an excuse on the spot; he wasn’t even expecting to see one of his children race after him. With the little hope he had left, he knew Hannah would be the first to see him. She was a daddy’s girl after all.

His hands rested at her waist, and he rubbed up and down her sides to comfort her.

“I have to go away for a little while.”

“Do you know when you’ll be back?”

“No, darling.” He admitted reluctantly. “I promise though, when things get better, I’ll be back.”

He removed his right hand from her body and placed his index finger underneath her chin to lift her head, the dull grey eyes meeting each other. His eyes were rimmed with red and very glassy, which concerned Hannah, but her only explanation could be that he was crying. He couldn’t bear to leave his home and his three children behind no matter how terrible he felt or looked. This was one of the reasons his wife did not want him to say goodbye to his children. Seeing them would only make it worse, almost as bad as them knowing the condition he was in.

“But, I don’t want you to go.” Her arms wound around his neck, head lying on his shoulder. Her body shook, signifying she was crying.

“I don’t want either, darling.” He told her, arms making its way around his daughter again.

“Remember what I promised though.”

“Okay.” She sniffled. “But, you promised.”

“I love you.” He kissed her on the forehead and loosened her grip.

The moment he stood and increased the distance between them, Hannah made note that it was the first and one of the worst experiences of her life.


Lauren called after Hannah as dashed off of the school’s property. Her sister had been walking home with a friend, and Hannah usually walked with them. Therefore, it was odd to find her in such a rush, not bothering to stop and answer questions.

The books in her backpack weighed her down. Intersections were busy, so getting across the crosswalk was a difficult task. There were so many obstacles in her way as she hurried home like they were doing it on purpose. Even pedestrians on the sidewalks were blocking her way. She zigzagged around her neighborhood until she reached her street.

An unfamiliar car sat idly in the driveway with a man sitting in the driver’s side. It gave Hannah an eerie feeling, and she slowed her pace, her eyes ogling the scene in front of her. The walk was silent as she continued gawking. It was possible to hear the sound of a pin drop. The man had his right arm hanging out the window while his other played with the radio buttons in the vehicle. With her footsteps becoming louder, he finally glanced to his left at the girl nearing him.

Hannah felt his eyes on her the entire time she walked up the driveway and to the front door. She gave the man one last uncomfortable look before turning the knob and heading straight of the stairs in fear her parents might see her home. She knew she wasn’t supposed to be here yet, not after hearing the conversation yesterday.

There was a different aroma in the household. And she didn’t know whether seeing it or feeling it was worse. Some picture frames have been removed from the wall. Her father’s belongings did not lie on the steps, the corners of any room, or the floor. The place looked as if it had been swept spotless overnight, but Hannah knew her mother had done this while she’d been at school for seven hours.

She dropped her school bag to the hardwood just as she shut the bedroom door. She had nothing else in mind, but to slide the drapes aside and gaze at her backyard. Instantly, Hannah found her father coming into view off of the back patio, sauntering into the partly dead grass. A coat was held in one of his hands, gripping tight to the material. There was a plastic bag in his other hand, which suddenly dropped to the ground. Hannah widened her eyes at the scene unfolding right in front of her. Her palms pressed against the window as she gazed at her father, watching his every move. Whatever he had just shouted was inaudible, but a lot followed afterwards. He dropped to his knees, the coat now being ringed out with both of his hands. With his head looking up towards the cloudy sky, his lips moved, signifying talking like saying some sort of prayer. The jacket fell from his grip too, lying messily in his lap. It took everything in Hannah to not run down the steps and chase after her father, wrapping him in a huge and seemingly final hug. That thought vanished from her brain as soon as it came because his hands turned into fists and shook them at the sky. Then, they spread out and covered his face. His body shook as he cried, and Hannah wanted to cry too.

His head turned at the sound of the back door opening, her mother telling him that he needed to leave. He rose from his position unwillingly, giving the yard one last look since who knew when the next time he’d see it?

The most depressing part of it all was Hannah letting the fact settle in about how her other two siblings never got a chance to say goodbye to him. She switched over to her brother’s room to look out the front window to see him get in the passenger side of the car. His head lowered when the car backed out and drove down the street for good.


If Hannah wasn’t the most impacted by her father’s absence, it was her brother. He didn’t think much of his disappearance on the day he left, yet the hours dragged on. And when the next day came and he didn’t find his father sitting at the kitchen table, he demanded answers.

“We weren’t getting along, Corey.”Evelyn had her fingers interlocked, resting on top of the kitchen table.

Corey rubbed his clammy palms underneath the table, eyes adverting in any direction other than his mother. His thoughts raced with many questions he knew were going to be side-stepped or ignored entirely.

“Is he ever going to come back? Will I get my chance to say goodbye to him? You just made him leave before I could see him!”

“I’m sorry, Corey, but it was for your own good.”

“My own good?” He was utterly appalled by his mother’s statement. Thinking she knew what was best for him was completely absurd. He rose from the wooden chair and placed his fists on the table. His knuckles turned white at how tightly he wounded his fingers together. “I don’t think it’s fair to shove him out to the streets without warning is fair. Did Lauren or Hannah get to see him?”

“No.” She replied quietly.

He squint his blue eyes. “You’re hiding something, mum.”

“Corey, darling, your father was in no condition at the time to say goodbye to you. I’m going to leave it at that.”

“What was it?”

Evelyn looked at her son for a second. His powerful glare almost made her afraid of him. “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

“That’s not fair!” He roared, taking his left hand and swiping a half filled glass of water off the table. The liquid spilled everywhere as it tumbled down, and the glass clashed into the back door. He tugged at his light brown hair due to the aftermath. His eyes met his mother’s as he noticed he got her slightly wet. She sat in her chair, astonished, and couldn’t do anything else once he ran up the stairs to his bedroom. The door slammed shut, clearly locking it.

Corey looked up to his father so much. He was the only boy in the house, and at times, none of the girls in the family understood his problems. So, his father would willingly have an hour long chat, drive throughout the town, or anything else to sort of Corey’s issues. Their attitudes were disgustingly similar, so Riley could relate to his son is so many ways. Corey had made several of the same mistakes his father had, so it was no wonder he came to him for almost everything.

Being the only boy in the home took a toll on Corey. He sat in his bed for countless hours pondering countless thoughts. He was only twelve, how was he supposed to be able to do all the things his father did? He doubted he was old enough o find a simple job. The proper technique to mow the lawn was yet to be taught to him. Any manly thing he didn’t know had to be done on his own. Calling his father for help was out of the question since he wouldn’t know his whereabouts. It’s like his fell of the face of the earth…forever.


In two years time, things have drastically taken a turn for the worse in the Elliot household.

Lauren was attached to her mother’s side. After school, she’d lounge around and wait for her mother to return home. She’d do anything her mother asked and never leave her sight. Hannah had never seen her shed so many tears in her lifetime. The cries mostly came at nighttime, so for the past year, Lauren had taken her dad’s side of the bed and slept at her mother’s side. Being the baby of the family, she had gotten away with her tantrums.

Hannah went emotionless for a while. She had lost her best friend, so told secrets now floated somewhere in a different town. There was no way she could contact her father, which upset her a lot. But, she felt lucky to feel pretty close with her mother, so shutting out the world never became an ultimate option. She found comfort with her mum in their free time and talked things through. Evelyn knew the middle child was crushed and was glad she chose to talk her problems out. Without her father, Hannah wanted to spend more time with Corey for he was somebody she could confide with. All of that came to an end at the loss of their family member.

Most of the trouble had come from Corey’s part. It seemed the world had been falling apart around him, and it had gone unnoticed for a majority of the time. Grades slipped gradually by each passing month. He showed his progress report less and less to his mother in fear of her reaction and in carelessness due to an unfortunate attitude change. He grew distant and grew reluctant to family activities. Even holiday parties were such a drag to him. Friends from his childhood never came over nor did they call to hang out. Playful, twelve-year-old Corey turned into some detached, imprudent Corey that nobody could get through to.

Evelyn was the target to Corey’s outrage. Whether it was to have a simple conversation to getting him to do his chores, the teenager would lash out. Eventually, his blowouts led to him leaving the house for a couple hours at a time. There was a time he was gone for two days, claiming he stayed at a friend’s house. She felt like she had lost her son; he wasn’t the same boy he used to be. Time was dwindling too fast, and soon she’d have to tell him the truth about his father.

There was a day that Hannah was going to give Corey one final shot at friendship. It must’ve been a good day because she hadn’t been this optimistic in a while. She opened the front door and made it down the front walk where she was spotted by her brother and his four friends on the driveway.

“What are you up to?” She asked, continuing her walk towards them.

“Nothing, can you go way?” Corey spat, not giving her any eye contact.

“Why can’t I hang out with you? We used to do that all the time.”

“Yeah, used to,” He replied. “You’re embarrassing me. Now, get.”

Although his friends were in view, Hannah could fell all the stares on her. They either held blank expressions or scowls on their face, and it was the most intimidated she’s ever felt. She hadn’t seen many of these boys recently, so they were unfamiliar faces. And if Corey thought she was embarrassing her, he was totally in the wrong. Being told off by her brother and having his new friends laugh and stare at her was not her cup of tea. That was absolutely humiliating.

She would be lying if she said she didn’t retreat, head back to the house, and cry on her bed for two hours.

If Hannah could not have her father back, the least she wanted was her brother. Without her father, she only had one dominant male influence left in her life. And with the way Corey had been acting, it appeared she had been losing that influence.


It was round two with the constant shouting, but this time, it ended just as quickly as it came.

“I can’t believe you!”

Corey’s voice rang throughout the entire house, making Hannah jump from her spot on the duvet. It was so much for trying to fall asleep. She’d gotten used to the sound f the ruckus for the past couple of days that the sudden uproar was unusual and utterly disrespectful. Then again, it didn’t matter anyways. Corey lost all respect for anything and everything.

Mixed in with the screaming were objects breaking, possibly plates or coffee mugs. It wouldn’t stop. Hannah pulled the covers up underneath her chin, staring wide-eyed at her wall on the other side of the room. The room was pitch-black other than the moon shining through her drapes. It gave her the only sense of light in this darkness she called a home.

“Corey, stop it immediately!” Evelyn raised her voice louder than she ever had to one of her children.

“Why?” Corey bellowed and purposely smacked another dish to the tile. “You lied to me the whole fucking time! I deserve to show a little emotion!”

An unfamiliar noise rumbled downstairs, something other than kitchen ware being dropped to the floor. The house had been so silent that the deep breaths Corey was taking were clearly audible.

“How could you keep my father abusing drugs a secret from me? There’s rehabilitation centers for that, mum. You could have dialed up the number and send him to one of these places…that is if you really loved him. But no, you decide to scream at him for all the things he’s done wrong.”

“I was only trying to protect you.”

Hushed voices could only lead to danger, so Hannah gripped the sheets tighter and prepared for what was to come next.

“Protect me?” He scoffed. “Hiding shit like this from is only going to hurt me. Where is he now?”

“I-I don’t know.” She stammered. “But Corey, he didn’t think he had a problem. He wasn’t going to listen to me.”

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” He reminded his mother for the thousandth time since his father’s absence. “You know what? Forget it.”

Hannah’s shifting in her bed all came to a complete stop. She lied motionless on her side, continuing to stare at wall. Prepared for major chaos to erupt, she was greeted with a cold statement from her brother.

“Forget it all. I’m leaving.”

Her mother softly gasped. “I know you don’t mean that.”

“Oh,” He interjected with a chuckle. “You best believe I do. I cannot stand another moment of living in here. I cannot even look at you without a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. All I’ve heard was yelling the past few months before you threw him out. You never gave him a fucking chance to redeem himself. He could’ve gotten better, mum, but you ruined it all. Now, you’re giving him a higher chance to fuck up his life because you destroyed him. All that money he has is going to drugs, and believe me when I tell you he’s going to be thinking of you with every fix he takes.”

“That is no way to talk to your mother. Get back over here! You had to know that he living here was not best for the family. Corey…Corey!”

Footsteps stomped up the stairs in haste. The bedroom door slammed. Their rooms were next to each other, so Hannah could hear the clothes being ripped off the hangers, the unzipping of a duffel bag, items from the dressing topping over, and even cuss words falling from his mouth. There was only a limited amount of time Hannah had left to see before her brother fled. And for as frightened as she was, she still ripped the covered from her body and opened her door. At the same time, Corey opened his, holding on to the handle of the duffel bag.

The siblings made eye contact with each other for a brief moment. His expression was stone cold, not even showing a hint of emotion towards his little sister. It hurt deeply since her father nearly cried when he left; Corey was inexpressive, and the sight of him virtually made Hannah feel drained herself.

“Are you really leaving?” She asked in a hushed tone, the pitch of her voice making her sound like she was four years old.

“Yeah,” He told her. “I’m not coming back.”

“Why?”

“None of your business.” The sound of their mother’s voice broke out again as it came closer to the staircase. “I’ve got to go. Get back to bed.”

Corey brushed past Hannah without a care in the world and headed straight down the stairs. The front door was at the bottom of it, so Hannah got to see another one of her family members walk out of her life for the second time in two years.


Eight years later, Hannah sat at the edge of her bed in the same emotionless state as her brother did. She fixed her eyes at the wall in front of her where her closet was located. On the wall were pictures littered with magazine cut outs or posters of her favorite artists or bands. It gave her a calm feeling as song lyrics of band flooded her brain. It let her escape reality for only a few short moments because somebody was always too quick to make her return.

“Hannah?” Marisa lightly tapped on the wood door.

The blonde didn’t move an inch except for her head, which shifted to look at the three pieces of paper spread out on her left. One of the scraps was the envelope the letter and invitation were delivered in, so that piece didn’t matter. What did matter was the chicken scratch written in black ink on a loose leaf sheet of paper. It was an entire page, and Hannah wondered why she even wasted her time reading it because what came next was something she wish she didn’t know.



The invitation had been all decked out with pretty, pale colors, the text in elegant cursive. All the correct data was explained in various different text sizes. Hannah assumed the mother of the bride was definitely a huge part of this process. It was just as amazing that mysterious woman, or future sister-in-law, was linked with her brother. The type of person she thought he’d be would have just legalized the marriage considering all the wrong things he’s done in his life (she presumed) that he would not have enough funds for a wedding.

Above all, nothing infuriated Hannah more than the fact that her brother supposed a letter of apology and invitation would solve all their problems, problems that were caused indirectly by him. Eight years was a lot to make up, and a wedding would not be a proper solution. Hannah didn’t know if she could even bring herself to have a confrontation with him. She was totally unwilling to forgive him to this day.

“Hannah…” Marisa spoke again in a soft tone, knocking twice upon entering the bedroom with the phone in hand. “It was your mum on the phone. I told her you were busy at the moment.”

“Thanks.” Hannah replied shortly.

The brunette watched her friend with hesitation, seeing that if she said one wrong thing, Hannah would snap. Hannah in her quietest of times was very frightening and dangerous. It was impossible to decipher what her thoughts were. For the many years Marisa knew Hannah, it was still difficult to cope with Hannah behaving this way.

“She really wants to talk to you about it. She’s ecstatic.”

Hannah scoffed. “Of course she is. It’s absolutely disgusting bearing in mind all she had to put up with over the years. I’m not giving in that easily.”

“Okay.” Marisa nodded, not wanting to push the conversation any further. “Just call her when you get the chance, okay?”

The door shut, and Hannah rose from the bed, running her fingertips through the natural waves in her hair. There was always something stressful going on in her life; she didn’t know how much more she could take. It was as if she could never get a break.

Her eyes darted at the pieces of paper on the duvet, giving it a hard glare before taking it in her hands. With all intentions on dumping it in the trash can, it surprised Hannah that placed it on the dresser instead. It was the little hope she held onto at the bottom of her heart that her family was coming back to her. It showed signs of caring, her brother turning back to the heartfelt person he used to be. So, as much as she made herself believe she was planning on shunning Corey out for the rest of her life, she knew that it would never happen no matter how hard she tried.