Drowning

It was difficult for Niall to give Hannah space considering the fact that Christmas was right around the corner. Spending his time trying to figure out the likes and dislikes of the girl had to be postponed since his calls went unanswered, and he could never seem to find her at the places he expected her to be at. Marisa hadn’t had the slightest clue of what was going on either, which meant Hannah was true on her word about wanting to be left alone.

No doubt in his mind he knew she wasn’t planning on getting him a Christmas present. Not that it mattered anyways because Niall wanted to get something for her. He didn’t want to be traditional with the diamond necklaces and other luxuries. As much of a romantic he was, in the terms they are currently in right now, the jewelry just looked like he was begging for forgiveness.

His eyes have been glued to his phone the entire time, looking up ideas on the internet that he completely forgot he had company over.

“Are you still seeing that one girl?” Zayn spoke up to get Niall out of his trance.

The blonde’s head lifted, looking around the room to find who asked him the question. When his eyes caught Zayn, who was looking at him impatiently, Niall slid his phone into his pocket and sat up straighter in the computer chair.

“I hope so.” He shrugged.

“You hope so, lad?” The dark haired friend smirked incredulously. “You either are or you aren’t.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Niall sighed, leaning his elbows on his thighs. “She just hasn’t talked to me since management pulled that damn fake girlfriend crap on me.

“Ya know what’s really funny?” He abruptly questioned, sitting up in the chair again, eyebrows furrowing from his own confusion. “She shows no signs of wanting more than a friendship, but there she was, pointing fingers at me saying that I was cheating on her. I was just too lost to see that…that it didn’t even make any sense!”

“It’s probably an indirect way for her to show that she likes you.”

Niall scoffed. “Good one, Zayn.”

Zayn watched at his band mate shift in the computer chair for the hundredth time since he arrived at his flat. He knew that the blonde one was frustrated, and as much as Zayn hated to see that, he still let out a soft laugh.

“No, really, Ni, I bet she doesn’t like to show her emotions. Isn’t that how all girls are?”

Niall shrugged again, unsure how to answer this question.

“Oh yeah, because I’m a big expert on that,” He stated sarcastically.

“Hey,” His interjection got Niall’s attention. He could tell the situation as a whole with this girl was bothering Niall a lot more than he led on. “You’ll figure this out, mate. Just let her know it’s all a misunderstanding. Why did management set Barbara up with you anyways?”

“They told me they were gettin’ skeptical about Hannah and wanted to have something for me to bounce back on to keep a ‘positive’ image. They’re already assumin’ I have poor judgment before they get to see it.” The blonde ruffled his hair with both of his hands, sighing exasperatedly. Afterwards, his gaze was kept to the ground as he continued to talk. “Things were finally on good terms with her, and now management had to go behind me back and ruin it.”

He finally stood from the chair and strode to the kitchen to find himself a drink. Zayn didn’t wait too long to follow him in. His brown eyes glistened with an idea that left Niall to raise an eyebrow at his friend while sipping a glass of water poured from the sink.

“Why don’t some of the boys, you, and I give the proper judgment?” He offered. “We could get Louis or someone else and take her out to dinner. Only you know her the best, and by getting our approval, maybe management can lay off.”

Niall’s lips shifted into some sort of frown that showed he was considering the suggestion. It wasn’t that bad of an idea, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized how much more difficult it would be to get her to agree. He’s already made so many apologies for wrong-doings, some he wasn’t completely aware he was doing, and he felt that this scandal was the last straw of trying to win her over.

“I don’t know if she’d wanna do it, Zayn.”

“There’s nothing wrong with asking. Look, I’ll call Louis now and see if he could come. Maybe he could bring Eleanor along.”

Zayn pulled out his phone from his pocket, unlocking it, and walking into the living room. Niall stayed put with his back against the counter. His arms were folded with the empty glass in hand as he continued to think of ways to get Hannah to go out this one last time. It could possibly be his last chance to prove himself worthy and had to face the fact if she never wanted to see him again.

What was up management’s arse those days they were invading Hannah’s life absolutely upset Niall the most. He knew that it was their job to protect him and the boys, but Hannah hadn’t gotten in any legal trouble since Niall has known her.

Legal Trouble. Is that why management was dead set on the idea of Niall gaining interest with a normal girl? Did they really believe she was hiding some secret, the fact that she could have served some jail time in her past?

“Great news!” Zayn appeared in the kitchen again with his phone in hand. “Louis said he’d be free on Thursday, and he’d bring Eleanor along. He told me to tell you he’s been waiting so long to meet Hannah.”

Niall’s expression still displayed deep concern form his previous thoughts. He continued to stare off into space although he heard every word Zayn said. His name had been called four times before turned his attention to Zayn.

“You alright, mate?”

“Yeh,” He said quietly. “I’m just trying to figure out how I’m going to contact her.”

Although the statement was partially true, he didn’t want to spill anymore that was going on in his mind. It was already a jumbled mess as it was.


“Is there any more news about Barbara?”

“No, but it’s not like you would care anyways.” Marisa huffed, avoiding meeting her best friend’s eyes from the kitchen table.

Hannah crossed her arms while standing in the middle of the kitchen. Her mind fought for things to say, making her mouth open and shut several times like she had a stuttering problem.

Marisa probably beat the record to “Holding the World’s Longest Grudge against Hannah” because it has been three days since the brunette looked her friend in the eyes and give her non-sarcastic, shady answers. Her conscious was telling her to play it cool because this phase will all pass on its own time, but in all honesty, it was all Hannah could think about. Besides having the massive and unnecessary quarrel with Niall, having the disagreement with Marisa killed her even more. She was the one person she could definitely depend on in every case scenario, but now it seemed the tables have turned, and she was siding with Niall.

Hannah had no filter when it comes to her anger with boys. Family or not, at least every boy that had been in her life destroyed her in some way that she couldn’t control how she felt now. It was an immediate reaction to yell at him, punch him, and do whatever it took to rid all of her bad thoughts because it is what she does best.

It was unfair to treat him this way though, using him as her punching bag for all her various problems, because he had no idea what was behind her mask. He didn’t know her father was forced to leave the family because of a drug addiction. He didn’t know her brother became reckless and rebellious, running away as a teenager because their father was out of their lives. Most of all, he didn’t know about Bradley.

All he could really see was this damaged girl who always comes close to spilling out her life story, leading him on with good days until it all comes crashing down in the end.

He was probably very skeptical now about the fight. Telling him that he was similar to a cheater was something she instantly regretted saying. It slipped, and she had been thankful for him not to elaborate on the topic, but knew he was going to bring it up sooner or later. No matter how many times she wanted to be left alone, Niall always found a way to contact her. His calls stopped coming since yesterday, so Hannah had to be on the lookout everywhere she went.

“Have you called your mother yet?” Marisa asked, standing from the chair and bringing her dirty plate to the sink.

The two feet of distance the friends had between each other felt so much farther than that. Hannah felt she was half way across the globe every time they talked or very weary when a sensitive topic was brought up.

The blonde glanced at the back of Marisa’s head. “No, I haven’t.”

Marisa sighed, a definite sign of disappointment.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Ris!” Hannah threw her hands in the air. “I don’t magically forgive people. I cannot make my mum happy and have her believe I’m happy too. You know I can’t do that.”

The brunette spun on her heel, holding a gaze with Hannah for the first time in three days. She didn’t withhold any anger in that expression, but she also showed how upset she was to go through another similar argument again.

“When are you willing to try, Hannah? I am sick and tired of you pretending that you do not care about peoples’ feelings because deep down, I know you feel absolutely terrible. So, don’t you dare keep telling me that you hate your brother, your mother is a dimwit, and that you felt no remorse for every fight you’ve had with Niall because you’re only saying that to mask all the pain.”

Hannah couldn’t process any thoughts since it was a lot to take in. She stared blankly at Marisa, who stood in front of her, demanding an immediate answer. Having her best friend call her bluff shouldn’t have hurt as bad because Marisa knew Hannah better than anybody else, but it actually felt like she had been slapped fifty times across the face.

“What do you expect me to do then?” She meant for her question to come out in a harsh tone rather than a scolded child.

“I believe in second chances. I think you should too.”

With that statement, Marisa left the kitchen and headed for her bedroom. Hannah didn’t know what to do other than stand in the middle of the kitchen. There was the option to crawl into her bed and let the bad thoughts weigh in her already corrupted mind, or she could be bold and make the call to her mother, even Niall. Nonetheless, the sting of resentment was still fresh in her memory, ceasing her from making a simple call.

The sight of the Victoria Secret model standing inches away from Niall left her feeling envious and bitter; thinking the model finally won him over. He denied the fact over and over, and yet, Hannah couldn’t find it in her heart to believe him. For as much as she knew he was telling the truth, there was always something to keep holding her back. It must have been frustrating for him because it was now starting to frustrate her.

Before she had the chance to sulk away in her bedroom, a light tap came from the front door. Hannah eyed it, considering whether or not it would be a good idea to answer it. She knew who was behind the door, but wasn’t prepared to talk to him at all.

The knocking came once more, which caused her stomach to flip. A huge part of her wanted to have him sit behind the door for hours until he realized that she wouldn’t open it, so she didn’t understand why her feet dragged her to the front door and open it. Once they were standing face to face, Hannah could see the astonishment in his eyes at her presence.

“Hi, Niall.” She spoke when he didn’t.

“Hi,” He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip, still mustering for things to say. He met her gaze again. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” She said. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Two things actually,” Her eye roll was most likely very noticeable, but Niall did not let it stop him from talking. “First, I want to apologize wholeheartedly for everything I could have possibly done. And I’m also wondering if a couple of my buddies and I can take you out to eat.”

She stared at him dully while Niall tried to keep a hopeful look on his face. The idea did not sound appealing since every time she had been with Niall in public ended up being a disaster. Hannah shook her head at the ridiculous proposition and tried closing the door, but Niall was too quick. He followed her in to the living room.

“I don’t like her, Hannah. Management did this to me.”

She laughed, whipping around to face him. “That still doesn’t make it okay! It doesn’t make you and I okay. I feel like more of an idiot than before.”

“I can see why you were angry. You still are. I mean, if anybody should feel like an idiot, it should be me because I gave you shit reasons that day. I’m the one who makes ya feel like a piece of crap, and I don’t intend to do that. God, sometimes I just wish my life wasn’t so complicated.”

Hannah had something to say back to him about how complicated her life was, but instead, she watched as he took a seat on the couch, burying his face into his hands. Niall hadn’t been inside the flat for nearly a minute, and he was already having a mental breakdown. He was playing the guilt trip, and she was buying it.

Marisa’s words were eating her away, telling her to give him a second chance. He’s made minor mistakes such as almost standing up on their date, but other than that, Hannah came to a realization that she’s the one who is creating all these problems, shutting him out from her life. However, shutting people out is all she really knows after doing it for years.

And then, there was the dating rumor that still infuriated her every time she thought of him or even looked at him.

“I don’t know how many more times I can tell you I’m sorry, Hannah. There are things that I can’t control, and there are things where I’m just actin’ like a boy. And I’m just…I’m sorry.”

If she had not developed any type of feelings for the boy, then sending him out the door would have been so easy. Instead, she stood there speechless because what else was she supposed to do? She was caught in a war between her heart and her head, which neither one of them were winning.

“You’re not yellin’ at me, Hannah.” He chuckled, head still in the palm of his hands. “It’s scarin’ me.”

“Well, I don’t know what you expect me to say to that.” She finally confessed. “If I go out with you again, it’ll just make me look like a fool. They’ll think I’m oblivious to what’s going on around me when I’m not.”

“Remember what I said? I’m the real idiot here.” Niall lifted his head. It comforted Hannah to see that he wasn’t crying. “Besides, this can all clear up in a couple of days. My main focus is on you. It’s always been on you.”

“Right,” Hannah scoffed. “How is a name like Barbara Palvin supposed to clear up from your high status?”

“When a name like Hannah Elliot takes her place.”


“Oh god,” Hannah shifted in her seat. Her leg shook rapidly as she continued to eye the whole restaurant. “I made a huge mistake for agreeing to this again.”

Niall put his hand around the back of her chair as he leaned into her. There was a slight frown on his face. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“I assumed you had friends aside from the ones in your band.” She twirled a piece of her curled hair. She eyed Niall for a moment before turning back to face the crowd. “It’s enough being seen in public with you, but Zayn and Louis? Really?”

“They’re really chill dudes. You have nothin’ to worry about, okay?”

On cue, the two boys from his band and a girl strode to their reserved table. Louis and the girl held hands while Zayn kept his in his pockets. For how fast her heart was beating at the sight of famous pop-stars, Hannah was curious as to why Zayn didn’t have somebody attached to his hip.

“Isn’t he supposed to be engaged or something?” Hannah whispered into Niall’s ear.

“She’s on tour.”

She nodded her head as soon as the three of the guests took their seats across from them. Louis had a bright smile on his face, his free hand extending across the table for Hannah to shake. The girl by his side stayed quiet, but she also held a sweet smile.

“Louis Tomlinson, how nice it is to meet ya,” He greeted just as Hannah took his hand for a firm handshake. He took his other hand out of the girl’s hand and placed it on the small of her back. “This is my girlfriend, Eleanor.”

This girl looked absolutely beautiful, so perfect in Hannah’s eyes that she didn’t know if she could play this game of pretend anymore. Acting as if she was calm was so hard to do considering that her heart was beating really fast. As she took Eleanor’s hand, Hannah was afraid that she would notice her hand trembling. There was so much she had to live up to if she was going to be caught in a world of popularity. These boys, and apparently Eleanor, have been caught up in this for nearly four years, and it seemed like they were already pros at this.

Zayn was already seated by the time he was able to greet himself. The lighting brought out the caramel color of his eyes, and he had this very genuine smile.

“Zayn Malik,” He said. “Hannah, right?”

She nodded, unable to speak any words at the moment.

The next couple of minutes were fairly awkward and quiet aside from the conversation the three boys were having about their band. Eleanor tried to make small talk with Hannah, but it appeared that she was struggling to hold a conversation as much as Hannah was. Eventually, they got on the topic about Louis’s birthday coming up while the boys were too deep in their chat. She threw a couple hints at Hannah about her gifts and soon-to-be gifts.

“You could come along with me if you’d like.” The brunette suggested. “You seem like the kind of person to have a few tricks up her sleeve. I like making his birthday better than the year before.”

“I might take you up on that offer.” Hannah smiled to the best of her ability, trying to conceal her surprise of going shopping with a girl she barely knew.

“That’s fantastic. I’ll give you my number.”

On that note, everyone’s conversations came to a halt. The boys’ attention was how on the two girls, and Zayn decided to speak first.

“So, Hannah, you’re from London?”

Her personal life was something she did not like to discuss. Again, no damage could be done if she gave him vague answers, and she kept letting the thought of Zayn being harmless slip from her mind. All of the boys were harmless, but she still felt apprehensive. Niall’s arm slung around the back of her chair again, and she decided to be brave and take up on Marisa’s idea to try.

“I’m actually from Winchester, but I go to school in London.”

“That’s cool. What are you studying?”

She smiled weakly. “Psychology,”

“Niall’s mentioned a thing or two about your psychological knowledge.” Louis grinned, taking the opportunity to chime in on the banter.

Hannah’s head immediately whipped to the left, giving Niall a tense stare. If he had spoken about what she is studying, then God only knows what else could have been flying out of his mouth.

“He just became so smart about that stuff. I wondered where he learned it from, that’s all.” Louis spoke up again, seeing how anxious she was.

It sort of embarrassed her that he noticed her reaction. Her wild eyes tamed, and she took a deep breath. Niall’s small grin comforted her, telepathically telling her everything was going to be alright. The attention was all on her now, so she had no idea how alright she would be.

To answer her question, the night only dragged on, worsening her mood by each passing second. There was hardly anything she could do to shift the focus off of her. Not even the pauses they had when their meals came could make them forget what next topic grilling Hannah with. Much to her surprise, Louis was not the one who was running his mouth. Zayn kept the conversation going, the never ending questions that Hannah absolutely despised.

Making matters worse, she believed he noticed how hostile she was being. It was as if he enjoyed an episode of her nasty attitude because the questions kept on firing. Yet, in reality, Hannah wasn’t nearly answering anything he asked. She was being very vague, and it seemed Zayn wasn’t really a vague type of guy.

He was so blind by the fact that she didn’t want to talk about anything that she actually had to start yelling at him. Hannah could sense that Niall wanted to jump in and tell him to quit it, but she always beat him to that. Even Eleanor seemed a little anxious about the confrontation, but she hadn’t really said much since Zayn’s questioning.

By now, the whole idea on trying to open up wasn’t even an option anymore. Hannah completely forgot all about it when her anger started to take over again, which obviously wasn’t a good sign, but she couldn’t turn back now.

“Okay, is this some type of set-up?”Hannah eyed each individual at the table intently, cutting Zayn off from the question he was about to ask. They all stopped what they were doing at the sound of her abrupt inquiry.

“No, of course not,” Zayn answered for all of them.

“I accepted the invitation to go out to dinner, not to be interrogated until my patience runs out.” Her eyes squint at the dark haired man sitting across from her. There was only so much more she could hold in before she would explode. And astoundingly, Niall wasn’t to blame for that. “I may look like an interesting person, but it doesn’t mean I’m willing to share my life story with you. So, you can just back off, alright?”

“Hannah-” Niall spoke softly, yet loud enough for the whole table to hear. It must be hard to be sitting in his shoes. Answering Zayn would have given Niall the opportunity to explore more of the memories hidden in her thoughts, but the way he didn’t help Zayn pry for more information told Hannah that maybe he wanted that mystery to himself. It also must’ve been difficult for him to witness his best friend of three years being hollered at by his love interest of one month. The way he scolded Hannah brought her back from her angry state, making her realize that he was trying to spare them both the embarrassment.

Her eyes scanned the guests and then to Niall, who looked a bit weary from her outbursts. Continuing to sit at this table almost made her feel sick since all four pairs of eyes kept on staring at her.

“Pardon me,” She excused herself from the table, napkin flying from her lap to the plate. She made a beeline to the restroom, leaving the rest to ponder over her feisty attitude.