Never Let Me Go

He looked around the room, trying to figure out how close he could get to Alex’s mom without her seeing him. He spotted a corridor close to her that led to a bathroom. Perfect. he thought.

He’d slid down into a sitting position when his phone dinged, telling him he had a text message. He realized he’d raised his shoulders so that they were closer to his ears than his neck. He dug his phone out of his pocket and the message preview showed that the message was from Zack.

‘Hey man… missed you in 5th period. Did you skip? And if so, where you at? I wanna join haha.’

How does he not know? How did everyone just go about their day after hearing someone was attacked? he thought. He closed his eyes and focused on reigning in the avalanche of emotions and thoughts that were threatening to bear down on him. He shoved those feelings as far down as they would go. I’ll deal with them later. he thought.
He took a deep breath before replying to Zack.

‘Nah, I didn’t. You remember that kid who got attacked this morning? That was Alex. I’m in the E.R. now waiting to hear something.’

Not even a minute passed before Zack responded.

‘Fuck… I’m sorry, dude. I’ll text Rian if I don’t see him and we’ll both come over after dismissal.’

‘You don’t have to… I know you’re not an Alex fan.’

‘Don’t be stupid. Alex is important to you, so I’m trying my best to be supportive. Plus, I see how happy he makes you. And I don’t know, maybe he’s grown on me a little.’

He exhaled.

‘Thanks. I’ll text you what room he’s in when I find out.’

He slid the phone back in his pocket and felt his foot tapping the ground. I wish the doctor would hurry up and update his mom already. Jack thought.

Alex’s words from that morning rang in his head: “Nothing’s going to happen to me, don’t worry.” He felt anxiety rise in his body, wrap a hand around his heart, and squeeze. I need something to focus on that is not this. A walk. Yes, a walk would be good. I should find a coffee machine. Something warm would be nice. he thought.

Jack returned with a small cappuccino and saw a doctor talking to Alex’s mom. He edged as close as he could without being seen.
“…he’s in recovery now and resting. We’d like to keep him here for two more nights, for observation. He’s in room 3320 if you’d like to see him.”

At least now I know he’s alive. he thought.

He looked at Alex’s mom’s expression and was surprised to see that she looked worried. He wished he could ask what happened. He watched as she got up and followed the doctor to the elevator.

He came out from his hiding place in the bathroom corridor and forced himself to sit down in an empty seat and finish his coffee. He knew he’d have to give it some time before he went to Alex’s room.

#

The first thing Alex saw when he opened his eyes was a flat screen TV perched on an unfamiliar white wall. His eyes took a second to adjust to the darkness of the room and he realized there were all manner of tubes and machines hooked up to his body. He saw Jack slumped over in an uncomfortable looking plastic chair, sleeping, and swallowed. Hospital. I’m in a hospital. Why am I in a hospital? The last thing I remember is being with Jack before first period. he thought.

He focused his eyes on the TV in front of him and concentrated on breathing in and out. Why can’t I remember what happened? he thought. He saw the doorknob turn and Rian came into the room, coffee in hand.

“Holy shit. You’re awake.” Rian said as he got closer to Alex’s bed.

“Well, yeah. What happened?”

Rian put his coffee on the seat next to Jack and ignored Alex’s question, instead shaking Jack so he’d wake up.

“You’d better have a damn good reason for doing that, Dawson.” Jack said.

Words failed his normally talkative friend and instead, he gestured in Alex’s direction.

All the irritation left his face and voice as he looked at Alex’s bed.

He practically catapulted out of his seat and Alex felt the weight of his lanky boyfriend’s body on top of him, wrapping him in what he considered a very weird hug. He let go and slid in next to him in the tiny hospital bed. He felt Jack bury his head in his shoulder and wrap his arms around his waist.

Then he lifted his head back up and shot a nervous glance at Rian and Zack.

Shit… that’s right. I really hope they’re not dicks about this. Alex thought. He chuckled to himself when he realized his word choice.
“Dude, we know. We’ve known since you were all sad and mad at Alex a while back. Well that and you could never take your eyes off of him.” Rian said, his tone turning teasing.

It surprised Alex to see Jack look back down, his face flushed.

“Shut up.” he said.

Rian smirked.

Jack looked back up.

“Seriously though… you guys have no idea how much of a relief it is for me to hear that.” Jack said.

“Of course, man. We know it hasn’t been easy for either of you. As long as you both are happy.”

Alex’s body de-tensed at Rian’s words.

I didn’t know how much I needed to hear that until right now. Jack’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Thanks man,”

Alex refocused his eyes on Jack and saw that bright smile he loved so much tug his lips up. His eyes met Jack’s as the other boy turned back to Alex. His eyes shot to his bandaged forehead and he felt him bury his face in his shoulder again.

“I was so worried about you.” he said, his voice muffled and shaky.

“Well, I’m here now and you’re talking to me. I’ll be OK.” his voice came out sounding the way it did only after screaming lyrics to his favorite songs.

He cleared his throat and wrapped his arms around Jack’s back, rubbing it up and down.

Jack started crying into his shoulder and Alex felt his throat get even drier than it already was. Jack never cried. He felt fear increase his heart rate.

“No… Jack. Hey. What put me in here that had you so worried?”

“We were kind of hoping you could tell us. Jack wasn’t able to find out anything… all we know is the rumors we heard around school.” Rian said.

“What were the rumors?” Alex said.

His eyes flicked from Rian to Zack to Jack and back to Rian. He felt himself start hyperventilating as neither of them answered him right away.

“Guys. You’re freaking me out. Tell me what the rumors were.”

He watched as Jack wiped his eyes, looked at Rian, and shook his head.

Rian started to explain and, the longer he talked, the more Alex’s heart raced. He soon found himself on the edge of a full-blown panic attack. He felt Jack tighten his grip around his waist, as if to reassure him. He wracked his brain, trying to summon any memory after making out with Jack that morning. Nothing. How could I not remember something this important?

He felt a familiar throb pulsing through his head, signaling the start of a headache. There must be some way of piecing that day together. I need to know what happened. he thought, his hand [absently – change later] running over his bandaged forehead. He tried to ignore the pain in his head, telling his brain to focus on just that day. Flashes of him and Jack walking into school holding hands rushed through his brain like he was looking at them through a viewfinder. He remembered telling Jack they were dating after crying again. He remembered thinking how hot kissing Jack felt.

“Lex? You in there?” he heard Jack say.

He realized he must have spaced out again. He nodded in Jack’s direction and noted that his breathing was normal again.

“Where’d you go just now? Are you OK?”

Then it was like someone had pulled an emergency brake in his mind and he felt himself thrown forward, lying on the ground. He remembered one of the boys in the group who’d been harassing them shoving Jack into him and what the boy had shouted at the both of them. Images of what happened in the bathroom flooded his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he could block out them out, but they just kept coming in like they were off some demented film reel.

Suddenly, Jack’s arms around his waist felt like a belt that was tightened one notch too tight. He shoved him away and clutched at his head, eyes still squeezed shut.

“Um, ow? What the hell?” Jack said. Alex had shoved him hard enough that he’d fallen off the bed.

“He remembers.” Zack said.

Alex hated himself as his body shook and tears streamed down his face. He curled his legs into the fetal position, hoping that would help him feel better somehow.