Never Let Me Go

The next morning, Alex was startled out of his hunger and alcohol induced stupor by his phone blaring “Party Like A Rockstar” by Da Shop Boyz. He’d set the song as his ringtone as a joke a few weeks ago since it was the only thing that put a smile on his face anymore. He fumbled for the phone and unlocked it to see that it was 3:00 p.m. He groaned as he swiped up to accept the call, not bothering to check the caller ID.

“Rian? Do you know what time it is?”

“Yeah, I do. You know… if I was your mom or something, I’d say ‘and you’ve been skipping school, mister,’”

Alex knew he was teasing but he didn’t have it in him to care, much less respond.

“Yeah well,”

He heard Rian sigh.

“Look, I found one of those cheesy tourist-y gift shops around here and they sell Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans and Chocolate Frogs. I got some. I figured the only way I could actually get them to you was to call you,”

Confused, Alex walked over to his window, where he could see out to the front door. Rian was standing on his porch, looking around. He was holding two things that could definitely be Chocolate Frogs and the Bertie Botts beans.

“How did you figure out where I live?”

“How do you think? Look, are you gonna let me up or not?”

“I’ll be down in a minute,” Alex said.

He ended the call and threw the phone on the bed. He walked down and opened the front door, not having given a second thought to his appearance.

“Jesus shit, Alex, you---“

“Look like death. I’m aware. Did it on purpose,” he said, wondering if the annoyance showed on his face.

“Fuck,” was all Rian could say.

Alex waved him in and they wordlessly climbed the stairs to his room. He noticed Rian pull his shirt up over his nose as they entered.

“Is it really that bad?”

Rian could only nod.

Alex opened his dresser drawer and grabbed a tub of Vicks VapoRub.

“Here. That should help. Now why are you really here? Did Jack ask you to come check on me?”

“He doesn’t even know I’m here. I remembered him mentioning something about you living within walking distance to school and how you have all these insane plants and shit around the front so it wasn’t hard to figure out. Plus I figured you could use a friend. Like an actual uncomplicated friend. And I figured, if anything, I could call you and ask for your address," he gave a quiet laugh at that last part.

Alex’s glare of suspicion vanished. He stepped over the various empties on the floor and flopped back on his bed. He slung an arm over his eyes, his go-to move lately for shutting the world out. He felt Rian fall onto the bed beside him and poke him with what he was guessing was one of the two boxes. He didn’t move. Only a second later, he heard the packaging crinkling.

“Here,”

Alex lifted his arm for a second to see what it was: the leg of the chocolate frog.

“You said that’s what Lupin gave Harry after fighting off the boggart dementors, right? I figured you were fighting some boggart dementors of your own, so…”

Alex dropped his arm and took the frog leg. He took a huge bite of it, chewed, and swallowed.

“I didn’t think anyone was listening when I was going on and on about that stuff. Thanks,”

“Hey, what are friends for?” he said, handing him the rest of the chocolate frog.

Alex smiled. He’d almost forgotten what that felt like. He quietly munched on the rest of the chocolate frog, enjoying the comfortable silence. Not bad for the first thing I’ve eaten in days… he thought.

“I have to ask, why won’t you just tell him what happened?”

He swallowed and sighed, closing his eyes again.

“It’s really fucked up and every time I try to tell him, it’s like my vocal chords suddenly get glued together and I just can’t. I’m afraid he’ll hate me or blame me or stop being patient on the coming out front. I couldn’t take him hating me,”

“Newsflash, Alex. You two broke up. I’d say he’s already done being patient. As for the other stuff, I don’t think Jack is that type of person… and he really does care about you a lot, so what do you have to lose by telling him?”

“Well when you put it that way… I dunno. I guess it’ll feel too real or something… if that makes sense. I’ve been trying to forget it ever happened, but my brain won’t let me. I have nightmares almost every night,”

“Can I ask what happened? Maybe I can help. Or point you to it if you need. I know you don’t want to talk to Jack about it, but this is clearly tearing you up. So, I don’t know, think of me as your doctor or something. Doctor/patient confidentiality and all that,”

Alex sighed again and decided it was finally time to put to words the memories he’d been dying to release.

“Can I give you a hug if we both sit up?”

He nodded. It felt good not to have pressure or other implications hanging over his head and just enjoy the hug.

“You know it’s not your fault it happened right? Dude was sick. If you want, I can show you where the guidance counselor’s office is if you come to school tomorrow,”

“She can probably help you more than I can. And you know the nightmares won’t stop unless you try, right?” Rian continued, seeing Alex’s look of suspicion and uncertainty at the suggestion.

“Fine. You can show me,” Alex said.

“Cool. OK. Meet me in the breezeway before first bell and we’ll walk together,” Rian said.

“OK. And Rian?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks,”

“Any time, dude. Feel better. Speaking of, wanna help me clear some of these bottles out of here?”

Alex flushed bright red and said, “Sure,”

The two of them worked for three hours making Alex’s room livable again. Rian even convinced him to dig out his mom’s Febreze from the laundry room so it smelled less like death.

Jack’s heart lept into his chest when he saw Rian talking to Alex in the breezeway the next morning.

He smacked Zack on the chest and said, “Look! Rian’s a fucking miracle worker,”

“I don’t know why you’re so excited. He’s been pretty awful to you lately,”

“What happened to ‘if he makes you happy, I’ll try’ or whatever?” Jack said, glaring.

“Just making a point,”

“I didn’t ask you to,”

Zack sighed and headed in the direction of his homeroom.

Rian and Alex were coming closer to where he was standing with each passing second. He almost wanted to try to catch Alex’s eyes, but decided to duck into a nearby empty classroom at the last minute. I thought I was ready to see him... but... I don't know. Maybe Rian can tell me where he was taking him after school… he thought.

Jack cornered Rian the second he put his stuff down in the practice room.

“So… care to tell me how you got through to him? And where you two were going this morning?”

“Not really,”

“Riiian! C’mon,”

“It’s not my story to tell. You should know that better than anyone,” he said, fixing him with a pointed glare.

Jack glared back at him.

“Great, so now both of you are keeping something from me?”

“You should give him a break. What he told me is not something you can snap your fingers and get over. All I can tell you is that, now, he’s trying. He really is,”

Jack rubbed his hands over his face.

“What am I even supposed to do with that?”

“Just be the tiniest bit more patient, OK?”

Jack blew out a breath.

“I can try. I’m just not sure it’ll be worth it,”

“Just… give him the time he needs to get better and see where the two of you go from there,”

“I *hate* that you’re always right,” Jack closed his eyes.

He reopened them and said, “Thanks for whatever you said or did that got him to school today, by the way.”

“No problem at all. You two are obviously miserable without each other and I hate seeing anyone struggling. And by the way, I even helped him get all the bottles out and Febreze the shit out of his room. I know that’s what you worried the most about. Not saying he’s stopped, but it’s a start,”

Jack fixed his bug-eyed look of surprise on him.

“You really are a fucking miracle worker, you know that?”

Rian flashed his toothpaste ad grin at him and took his place behind the drum set.