Running After You Is Like Chasing the Clouds
“To those who wish us well, and those who don’t can go to hell!”
Winning a spot on Team Oscar brought me to tears, literally. I was sitting on my bed, wondering if I could muster the energy to get up shower, because the essay I’d been assigned in Advanced Shakespeare clearly wasn’t coming along, when my phone rang. Now, many people I know don’t like to answer unknown or random numbers, but I love it. Maybe it’ll be the best call of your life! Unfortunately for me, it’s usually the Red Cross asking me to donate. This call, though, was almost the best of my life. It lasted under two minutes, long enough for a lady whose name I’m sorry to say I don’t remember to tell me that I’d been selected as per my video and essay to present awards at the Oscars.
I ended up walking in a daze to the shower. I was halfway through my routine before it hit me and I started screaming and jumping and crying. The jumping part landed me on my back with a bruised shoulder, but I regret nothing.
The two months following the phone call were excruciatingly long. I had a show opening in February, ending a mere three days before I’d be on a plane to spend a week in LA prepping for the Academy Awards with six other aspiring filmmakers. And just two weeks after that I’d be on a plane to spend a week in London with some classmates and my favorite teacher. Spring 2014 was proving to be the best time of my entire existence.
However, on the day of the actual Oscars, I felt quite the opposite. The rehearsals had gone well. I had managed to keep my cool meeting countless numbers of people who were genuinely interested in my life and what I was doing. But the day of I felt sick. My stomach turned over and over. I could feel my dress sticking to my skin in all the wrong places. My hair had been left down since the dress was backless, and I was convinced it was stuck to my back with sweat. The other girls in the group couldn’t have been above a size five. Each insecurity came out at that moment.
I tugged at the long lace sleeves willing them to pull down over my hands, but they were pretty much super glued in place. I couldn’t complain. I requested that style of dress specifically because it flatters the upper parts of my arms that I hate and accentuates my waist as opposed to the body con silhouettes my companions chose. My ankles wobbled in the too tall heels I had on. I’m usually fairly good at walking like a lady in heels, but I kept my feet planted for fear of looking like a child in their mother’s shoes.
The night zoomed by in a blur that I’d give anything to be able to do again. Even if it were just a blur again, I’d take it. I’d take all of it except the part where I fell. It wasn’t on stage—thank God—but it was embarrassing in its own right. Daniel and Alice, two of my fellow teammates, and I decided to walk to the after party together. We barely had the access to the area with free booze, but barely is better than nothing, so obviously we were hitting that up. The doors were within sight when my heel got stuck in gum and I managed to twist and fall forwards but land on my ass.
“Aw, fuck,” someone sounded out near and suddenly a hand was thrust in my face.
“It’s alright,” I grunted, swiping my free hand across my ass to make sure I didn’t rip the very expensive dress on loan from very scary people.
“I tried to help, but you managed to go the other way,” he spoke again.
I about died right that second. I’m not so naïve as to not realize when a member of One Direction is helping me. This wasn’t some story where you meet someone in a coffee shop and they look familiar but you don’t say anything; this was after the Academy Awards, and if someone looks like someone famous, it’s probably them.
I brushed a bit of non-existent dirt from my hip and shifted uncomfortably. I couldn’t imagine Danny
or Alice’s face. We all bonded over the fact that we kept our shit together in public and lost it together in private. The others were nice, but they kept a front up, pretending meeting Ellen wasn’t the coolest shit of their entire life. I took a hesitant step back, all the while nodding like a dumbass.
“Thanks for the help and for trying to help,” I replied, smiling more at the ground that at Liam himself.
My stomach churns were back. Daniel and Alice each placed a hand on my arm to usher me away from the slight whispers behind us. They couldn’t stop giggling until we hit the entrance and the music forced us into silence. Servers held trays of shots and miscellaneous drinks above their heads.
I grabbed three shots called out to my new found friends.
“To those who wish us well, and those who don’t can go to hell!”
The glasses clinked together marking the beginning of an entirely different night.
I ended up walking in a daze to the shower. I was halfway through my routine before it hit me and I started screaming and jumping and crying. The jumping part landed me on my back with a bruised shoulder, but I regret nothing.
The two months following the phone call were excruciatingly long. I had a show opening in February, ending a mere three days before I’d be on a plane to spend a week in LA prepping for the Academy Awards with six other aspiring filmmakers. And just two weeks after that I’d be on a plane to spend a week in London with some classmates and my favorite teacher. Spring 2014 was proving to be the best time of my entire existence.
However, on the day of the actual Oscars, I felt quite the opposite. The rehearsals had gone well. I had managed to keep my cool meeting countless numbers of people who were genuinely interested in my life and what I was doing. But the day of I felt sick. My stomach turned over and over. I could feel my dress sticking to my skin in all the wrong places. My hair had been left down since the dress was backless, and I was convinced it was stuck to my back with sweat. The other girls in the group couldn’t have been above a size five. Each insecurity came out at that moment.
I tugged at the long lace sleeves willing them to pull down over my hands, but they were pretty much super glued in place. I couldn’t complain. I requested that style of dress specifically because it flatters the upper parts of my arms that I hate and accentuates my waist as opposed to the body con silhouettes my companions chose. My ankles wobbled in the too tall heels I had on. I’m usually fairly good at walking like a lady in heels, but I kept my feet planted for fear of looking like a child in their mother’s shoes.
The night zoomed by in a blur that I’d give anything to be able to do again. Even if it were just a blur again, I’d take it. I’d take all of it except the part where I fell. It wasn’t on stage—thank God—but it was embarrassing in its own right. Daniel and Alice, two of my fellow teammates, and I decided to walk to the after party together. We barely had the access to the area with free booze, but barely is better than nothing, so obviously we were hitting that up. The doors were within sight when my heel got stuck in gum and I managed to twist and fall forwards but land on my ass.
“Aw, fuck,” someone sounded out near and suddenly a hand was thrust in my face.
“It’s alright,” I grunted, swiping my free hand across my ass to make sure I didn’t rip the very expensive dress on loan from very scary people.
“I tried to help, but you managed to go the other way,” he spoke again.
I about died right that second. I’m not so naïve as to not realize when a member of One Direction is helping me. This wasn’t some story where you meet someone in a coffee shop and they look familiar but you don’t say anything; this was after the Academy Awards, and if someone looks like someone famous, it’s probably them.
I brushed a bit of non-existent dirt from my hip and shifted uncomfortably. I couldn’t imagine Danny
or Alice’s face. We all bonded over the fact that we kept our shit together in public and lost it together in private. The others were nice, but they kept a front up, pretending meeting Ellen wasn’t the coolest shit of their entire life. I took a hesitant step back, all the while nodding like a dumbass.
“Thanks for the help and for trying to help,” I replied, smiling more at the ground that at Liam himself.
My stomach churns were back. Daniel and Alice each placed a hand on my arm to usher me away from the slight whispers behind us. They couldn’t stop giggling until we hit the entrance and the music forced us into silence. Servers held trays of shots and miscellaneous drinks above their heads.
I grabbed three shots called out to my new found friends.
“To those who wish us well, and those who don’t can go to hell!”
The glasses clinked together marking the beginning of an entirely different night.
♠ ♠ ♠
This is much shorter than I normally post. I just didn't want to write too much and get attached in case no one cares to give it a read. Reviews are appreciated. Just pop in and let me know if you're interested or not. Thanks.