Smoke and Mirrors
Five
Prior to his Wednesday shift, Alex heads down to Moe's to grab a few slices of pizza to go, unsure whether or not the station does a late dinner. Better to be on the safe side and bring something than to go hungry if they don't.
Alex also remembers to bring his phone, and his charger - if his conversational skills fall short, at least he'll able to catch up on his off-and-on addiction to Angry Birds and Fruit Ninja.
The parking lots pretty quiet as he pulls in, Merricks Skyline in it's usual spot and as Alex parks and switches off the ignition he sits for a moment, surveying the overcast sky and wishing he'd thought to check the weather report, the last thing his junk bucket of a car needs is hail damage.
Inside is quiet as well, Evan throwing him a wave as Alex heads to put his food in the fridge, Matt sprawled across one of the couches lifts his head.
“Do I smell pizza?”
Alex pauses, and turns around. Perhaps he should've brought enough to share. He's got three slices of his favourite Italian Herb, but it's not going to spread very far over a group of adult men.
“You do” He confirms, “Authentic Italian and everything”
Matt snorts, rolling himself off the couch and coming over, eyeing Alex's food.
“Authentic Italian my ass” He says, removing the box from Alex's grip and inspecting it more closely. “Somewhere in Italy, people are screaming and they don't know why but it's because this is an atrocity”
“Hey now” Alex says indignantly, having never had any cause to doubt Moe's Italian authenticity before and does it really matter if it's delicious anyway?
“Yeah Matt” Evan chimes in, “It's pizza, not brain surgery”
Matt continues to wrinkle his nose, opening the fridge and putting the container away.
“You'll have to come over one night so I can show you a proper Italian pizza”
“What about pizza?” Calls another voice and Rian appears with Merrick in tow, the two of them almost matching in fire department hoodies and trackpants, duffel bag slung over Rian's shoulder.
“Just informing the rookie here that his pizza is an abomination”
Rian nods thoughtfully, “Moe's?”
“Moes.” Matt confirms with a tone of voice that implies he's said a dirty, filthy word.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
It turns out to be just the five of them, Alpha and Delta switching off during weeknights and Alex wonders if they'll get called out tonight at all.
He microwaves his pizza around 11, ignoring Matt's varied faces of abject horror and finds himself eating with Rian, who's brought the most amazing looking slice of pavlova Alex has ever seen - apart from his mothers, of course.
“Cassadee works at a patisserie down town” Rian says by explanation to Alex's envious gaze, scooping another mouthful of fruit into his mouth.
Alex goes back to his pizza.
Alex washes up when he's done and plays around on his phone for awhile, Evan on his laptop and Rian flipping through the pages of the local newspaper. Merrick appears to just be staring blankly at the wall but on closer inspection is actually on his phone, sitting by himself in a corner in the cafeteria. It seems wise not to disturb him so Alex puts his phone away and wanders over to the wall full of photographs both new and old, matching names to faces with the little blurbs below each picture.
He must get carried away, lost in the rhythm of looking up and down the endless rows because when he finally comes to the end and turns around to head back to his armchair, Merrick is gone.
A little after midnight, Alex is bored out of his mind and even the free wireless internet the station provides isn't holding his attention. For the first time in a long time, he might actually be tired – or bored enough to be able to go to sleep.
With a long suffering glance at the intercom box on the wall, Alex decides that maybe a nap will make time go faster, cause something to happen by virtue of him pretending that there's no possibility of anything happening.
“Gonna head for a nap” He announces to the near silent room, only Matt looking up from his phone.
“Wake you if there's a fire” He says, and Alex shares a smile with him because they know that there's no sleeping through the alarm. It's more the sentiment that Alex appreciates.
Alex swings by his locker and pulls out the hoodie he's brought, warm and worn in all the right places and slips it on as he heads down to what he's officially calling the the 'nap bay', quietly pushing open the door and flicking on the light.
There's a row of bunk bed cots, each with two pillows and a neatly folded blanket at the end, crisp white sheets and it looks more accommodating that Alex had imagined it would, and the lump in the bottom bunk in the corner explains where Merrick had disappeared to.
Thankfully, the light doesn't appear to have woken him at all and Alex flicks it off again, slowly making his way to a bottom bunk right in the middle, unfolding his blanket and mercifully avoiding the loud curse that wants to escape him when he smacks his head onto the bunk above him as he climbs in.
Alex curls his arms around his middle, nuzzles his nose into the soft fleece of his hoodie and closes his eyes, both hoping to fall asleep and be called away to something. Anything.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Alex jerks awake to unfamiliar darkness, unsure of where he is and what's awoken him until he remembers he's at work, taking a nap and -
“No!”
The rough shout makes him jump again, eyes searching the darkness for his would be attacker before he remembers Merrick and he reaches for his phone, thumbing on the flash light setting and training it towards the corner the other man is in.
Merrick's tangled in his sheets but otherwise seems to be still fast asleep. Maybe he's a talker. Alex sighs, and tries to calm his racing heart.
“No! I said no!”
It occurs to Alex then that maybe it's not the most pleasant dream Merrick is having and being familiar with nightmares himself, Alex can't just pretend it isn't happening. He doesn't particularly want to be the face Merrick wakes up to, but getting someone else doesn't seem like an option either.
Merrick rolls over then and makes a horrible, wailing sound in the back of his throat and Alex's mind is set and he pulls back his blankets and goes to turn the lights on before he approaches Merricks bed.
“Zack” He says quietly, and he knows that he's not being loud enough but a tiny part of him hopes Merrick will wake anyway.
“Zack, wake up” He tries to be a little louder.
Merricks forehead creases, and he cries no once more.
Alex reaches out to shake his shoulder. “Hey, Merrick”
The response is instantaneous, Merrick's eyes snapping open as he seems to throw himself out of bed, hands wrapping around Alex's throat as he shoves him against the wall and Alex wants to scream but he can't, can't inhale or exhale so he lifts his legs and kicks out at Merrick as hard as he can, once then twice and then a third time, the hands around his throat seeming to crush ever tighter before finally on his fourth go Merrick seems to snap back into reality, staring at Alex with wide eyes before he turn on his heels and strides quickly from the room, not looking back.
Alex's legs give underneath him and he slips to the floor, heartbeat pounding in his ears as he tries to catch his breath. What the hell just happened, he has no idea.
Merrick doesn't return and clearly isn't talking because no one else comes to check on him either and a part of Alex is grateful that there's not going to be scene. Mostly he's just kind of terrified, the feeling of Merrick's hands on him still ghosting across his body. Alex isn't a fighter, couldn't get out of the other mans grip. Who the fuck reacts to being woken up by trying to strangle the waker?
Alex is torn from his thoughts of just how paranoid you'd have to be to be able to wake up with that kind of intensity by his earlier wish of the alarm going off ringing through the building.
Figuring out what just happened is going to have to wait.
Standing up on slightly wobbly legs, Alex pulls off his hoodie and throws it across the bed, jogging out of the room to join his team heading out to the garage, tugging on his uniform and scanning for Merrick.
Their eyes meet as they head towards Constantine but Merrick doesn't react at all, holding a stare for a split second before he's jumping up into the truck. Alex follows suit, again wedged into the middle seat.
------------------------------------------------------------------
It's not a fire, just a slightly out of the ordinary rescue of a guy who'd fallen through two floors of the house he was renovating, clinging to a ceiling beam to avoid the final nine foot drop onto a stone floor.
Merrick co-ordinates, directing Alex to go upstairs with Rian and help secure the man, acting the same as he had at their last job, like nothing had happened between them.
By the time an ambulance arrives to check the guy over they've managed to get him onto solid ground and he seems fine, bar a single nasty cut dripping blood down the side of his head. Success.
The trip back to the station is quiet bar the quiet chatter of Matt and Evan on either side of him, discussing some kind of sport. Maybe hockey. Alex isn't really paying attention.
As they shed their uniforms, Rian makes his way over to where Alex is hanging his coat on his peg,
“You alright?” He asks and Alex turns to him, confused.
“What?”
He watches Rian's eyes draw down to his neck, and Alex takes a hesitant step backwards, reaching his fingers to poke into the tender flesh. He hadn't thought about there being a mark.
Rian's expression softens a little. “It's just red at the moment, but it'll most likely bruise.” He says solemnly, and then. “I know what happened.”
“I didn't do anything!” Alex blurts defensively, “He was-”
Rian holds up a hand and Alex stops speaking. Rian looks meaningfully around and Alex catches on. Not a conversation they need to have in public.
They head around the back of the building, where a few faded plastic chairs sit and Rian takes one, gestures for Alex to sit as well.
For a few minutes they sit in silence, before Alex can't take it any longer.
“I was trying to wake him up,” He says quietly. “He was screaming.”
Rian just nods thoughtfully. “Zack has nightmares sometimes.”
Well no shit Sherlock Alex thinks snappily, but tries to quash the feeling.
“It must be some kind of nightmare when you wake up and try to strangle someone”
“It is.” Comes a voice from behind him, and Alex jumps in fright, spinning around to see Merrick standing there, wearing his usual expression.
Alex stares at him, waiting for something. Anything. An explanation, if he's lucky.
“Are you alright?” Merrick asks, and Alex nods.
“It'll be fine.”
Merricks gaze moves to Rian then, and by some unspoken conversation Rian gets up leaves the two of them alone.
Alex can't help but feel just a tiny bit nervous. He now knows first hand just how easily Merrick could hurt him if he wanted.
“Someone should have told you not to wake me.”
“Maybe you shouldn't sleep at work if you're a liability” Alex finds himself snapping, “There is no way you're putting this on me”
For a split second, Alex braces for an impact that never arrives. Merrick hasn't even moved, though his face is drawn into frown.
“It won't happen again. I'm sorry.” Is all Merrick says in hesitant tone before he turns back the way he came, not looking back.
------------------------------------------------------------
Alex remains in a confused state for the remainder of his shift, keeping to himself in his arm chair, playing games on his phone.
They don't get called out again, and Merrick and Rian are nowhere to be found.
The last thing Alex was expecting was any sort of apology. Granted, the to-be bruise around his throat definitely deserved one, he just can't believe he got it. Impersonal or not, Merrick had apologised and seemed almost well, timid. As if he was worried about Alex trying to return the favour or something.
Two days on the job and all he wants is to go home and curl up on the couch.
Alex also remembers to bring his phone, and his charger - if his conversational skills fall short, at least he'll able to catch up on his off-and-on addiction to Angry Birds and Fruit Ninja.
The parking lots pretty quiet as he pulls in, Merricks Skyline in it's usual spot and as Alex parks and switches off the ignition he sits for a moment, surveying the overcast sky and wishing he'd thought to check the weather report, the last thing his junk bucket of a car needs is hail damage.
Inside is quiet as well, Evan throwing him a wave as Alex heads to put his food in the fridge, Matt sprawled across one of the couches lifts his head.
“Do I smell pizza?”
Alex pauses, and turns around. Perhaps he should've brought enough to share. He's got three slices of his favourite Italian Herb, but it's not going to spread very far over a group of adult men.
“You do” He confirms, “Authentic Italian and everything”
Matt snorts, rolling himself off the couch and coming over, eyeing Alex's food.
“Authentic Italian my ass” He says, removing the box from Alex's grip and inspecting it more closely. “Somewhere in Italy, people are screaming and they don't know why but it's because this is an atrocity”
“Hey now” Alex says indignantly, having never had any cause to doubt Moe's Italian authenticity before and does it really matter if it's delicious anyway?
“Yeah Matt” Evan chimes in, “It's pizza, not brain surgery”
Matt continues to wrinkle his nose, opening the fridge and putting the container away.
“You'll have to come over one night so I can show you a proper Italian pizza”
“What about pizza?” Calls another voice and Rian appears with Merrick in tow, the two of them almost matching in fire department hoodies and trackpants, duffel bag slung over Rian's shoulder.
“Just informing the rookie here that his pizza is an abomination”
Rian nods thoughtfully, “Moe's?”
“Moes.” Matt confirms with a tone of voice that implies he's said a dirty, filthy word.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
It turns out to be just the five of them, Alpha and Delta switching off during weeknights and Alex wonders if they'll get called out tonight at all.
He microwaves his pizza around 11, ignoring Matt's varied faces of abject horror and finds himself eating with Rian, who's brought the most amazing looking slice of pavlova Alex has ever seen - apart from his mothers, of course.
“Cassadee works at a patisserie down town” Rian says by explanation to Alex's envious gaze, scooping another mouthful of fruit into his mouth.
Alex goes back to his pizza.
Alex washes up when he's done and plays around on his phone for awhile, Evan on his laptop and Rian flipping through the pages of the local newspaper. Merrick appears to just be staring blankly at the wall but on closer inspection is actually on his phone, sitting by himself in a corner in the cafeteria. It seems wise not to disturb him so Alex puts his phone away and wanders over to the wall full of photographs both new and old, matching names to faces with the little blurbs below each picture.
He must get carried away, lost in the rhythm of looking up and down the endless rows because when he finally comes to the end and turns around to head back to his armchair, Merrick is gone.
A little after midnight, Alex is bored out of his mind and even the free wireless internet the station provides isn't holding his attention. For the first time in a long time, he might actually be tired – or bored enough to be able to go to sleep.
With a long suffering glance at the intercom box on the wall, Alex decides that maybe a nap will make time go faster, cause something to happen by virtue of him pretending that there's no possibility of anything happening.
“Gonna head for a nap” He announces to the near silent room, only Matt looking up from his phone.
“Wake you if there's a fire” He says, and Alex shares a smile with him because they know that there's no sleeping through the alarm. It's more the sentiment that Alex appreciates.
Alex swings by his locker and pulls out the hoodie he's brought, warm and worn in all the right places and slips it on as he heads down to what he's officially calling the the 'nap bay', quietly pushing open the door and flicking on the light.
There's a row of bunk bed cots, each with two pillows and a neatly folded blanket at the end, crisp white sheets and it looks more accommodating that Alex had imagined it would, and the lump in the bottom bunk in the corner explains where Merrick had disappeared to.
Thankfully, the light doesn't appear to have woken him at all and Alex flicks it off again, slowly making his way to a bottom bunk right in the middle, unfolding his blanket and mercifully avoiding the loud curse that wants to escape him when he smacks his head onto the bunk above him as he climbs in.
Alex curls his arms around his middle, nuzzles his nose into the soft fleece of his hoodie and closes his eyes, both hoping to fall asleep and be called away to something. Anything.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Alex jerks awake to unfamiliar darkness, unsure of where he is and what's awoken him until he remembers he's at work, taking a nap and -
“No!”
The rough shout makes him jump again, eyes searching the darkness for his would be attacker before he remembers Merrick and he reaches for his phone, thumbing on the flash light setting and training it towards the corner the other man is in.
Merrick's tangled in his sheets but otherwise seems to be still fast asleep. Maybe he's a talker. Alex sighs, and tries to calm his racing heart.
“No! I said no!”
It occurs to Alex then that maybe it's not the most pleasant dream Merrick is having and being familiar with nightmares himself, Alex can't just pretend it isn't happening. He doesn't particularly want to be the face Merrick wakes up to, but getting someone else doesn't seem like an option either.
Merrick rolls over then and makes a horrible, wailing sound in the back of his throat and Alex's mind is set and he pulls back his blankets and goes to turn the lights on before he approaches Merricks bed.
“Zack” He says quietly, and he knows that he's not being loud enough but a tiny part of him hopes Merrick will wake anyway.
“Zack, wake up” He tries to be a little louder.
Merricks forehead creases, and he cries no once more.
Alex reaches out to shake his shoulder. “Hey, Merrick”
The response is instantaneous, Merrick's eyes snapping open as he seems to throw himself out of bed, hands wrapping around Alex's throat as he shoves him against the wall and Alex wants to scream but he can't, can't inhale or exhale so he lifts his legs and kicks out at Merrick as hard as he can, once then twice and then a third time, the hands around his throat seeming to crush ever tighter before finally on his fourth go Merrick seems to snap back into reality, staring at Alex with wide eyes before he turn on his heels and strides quickly from the room, not looking back.
Alex's legs give underneath him and he slips to the floor, heartbeat pounding in his ears as he tries to catch his breath. What the hell just happened, he has no idea.
Merrick doesn't return and clearly isn't talking because no one else comes to check on him either and a part of Alex is grateful that there's not going to be scene. Mostly he's just kind of terrified, the feeling of Merrick's hands on him still ghosting across his body. Alex isn't a fighter, couldn't get out of the other mans grip. Who the fuck reacts to being woken up by trying to strangle the waker?
Alex is torn from his thoughts of just how paranoid you'd have to be to be able to wake up with that kind of intensity by his earlier wish of the alarm going off ringing through the building.
Figuring out what just happened is going to have to wait.
Standing up on slightly wobbly legs, Alex pulls off his hoodie and throws it across the bed, jogging out of the room to join his team heading out to the garage, tugging on his uniform and scanning for Merrick.
Their eyes meet as they head towards Constantine but Merrick doesn't react at all, holding a stare for a split second before he's jumping up into the truck. Alex follows suit, again wedged into the middle seat.
------------------------------------------------------------------
It's not a fire, just a slightly out of the ordinary rescue of a guy who'd fallen through two floors of the house he was renovating, clinging to a ceiling beam to avoid the final nine foot drop onto a stone floor.
Merrick co-ordinates, directing Alex to go upstairs with Rian and help secure the man, acting the same as he had at their last job, like nothing had happened between them.
By the time an ambulance arrives to check the guy over they've managed to get him onto solid ground and he seems fine, bar a single nasty cut dripping blood down the side of his head. Success.
The trip back to the station is quiet bar the quiet chatter of Matt and Evan on either side of him, discussing some kind of sport. Maybe hockey. Alex isn't really paying attention.
As they shed their uniforms, Rian makes his way over to where Alex is hanging his coat on his peg,
“You alright?” He asks and Alex turns to him, confused.
“What?”
He watches Rian's eyes draw down to his neck, and Alex takes a hesitant step backwards, reaching his fingers to poke into the tender flesh. He hadn't thought about there being a mark.
Rian's expression softens a little. “It's just red at the moment, but it'll most likely bruise.” He says solemnly, and then. “I know what happened.”
“I didn't do anything!” Alex blurts defensively, “He was-”
Rian holds up a hand and Alex stops speaking. Rian looks meaningfully around and Alex catches on. Not a conversation they need to have in public.
They head around the back of the building, where a few faded plastic chairs sit and Rian takes one, gestures for Alex to sit as well.
For a few minutes they sit in silence, before Alex can't take it any longer.
“I was trying to wake him up,” He says quietly. “He was screaming.”
Rian just nods thoughtfully. “Zack has nightmares sometimes.”
Well no shit Sherlock Alex thinks snappily, but tries to quash the feeling.
“It must be some kind of nightmare when you wake up and try to strangle someone”
“It is.” Comes a voice from behind him, and Alex jumps in fright, spinning around to see Merrick standing there, wearing his usual expression.
Alex stares at him, waiting for something. Anything. An explanation, if he's lucky.
“Are you alright?” Merrick asks, and Alex nods.
“It'll be fine.”
Merricks gaze moves to Rian then, and by some unspoken conversation Rian gets up leaves the two of them alone.
Alex can't help but feel just a tiny bit nervous. He now knows first hand just how easily Merrick could hurt him if he wanted.
“Someone should have told you not to wake me.”
“Maybe you shouldn't sleep at work if you're a liability” Alex finds himself snapping, “There is no way you're putting this on me”
For a split second, Alex braces for an impact that never arrives. Merrick hasn't even moved, though his face is drawn into frown.
“It won't happen again. I'm sorry.” Is all Merrick says in hesitant tone before he turns back the way he came, not looking back.
------------------------------------------------------------
Alex remains in a confused state for the remainder of his shift, keeping to himself in his arm chair, playing games on his phone.
They don't get called out again, and Merrick and Rian are nowhere to be found.
The last thing Alex was expecting was any sort of apology. Granted, the to-be bruise around his throat definitely deserved one, he just can't believe he got it. Impersonal or not, Merrick had apologised and seemed almost well, timid. As if he was worried about Alex trying to return the favour or something.
Two days on the job and all he wants is to go home and curl up on the couch.