Glory and Gore Go Hand in Hand

"What do you mean you're sick? You never get sick, Jack."

"I know, I know. But I was in France last night and God only knows what is in the air over there." Jack mumbled into his phone, switching it to his other ear.

"Isn't that the truth," Ian mused with a laugh. "Okay, well don't worry about anything. I'll be on call all day and night and tomorrow we can go look for a flat in London for you, how's that sound?"

"Yeah that sounds perfect. Thanks, Ian."

"No problem, now get some sleep, I don't want to be covering for your sick ass all week." With that, the line went dead. Jack couldn't help but smile at that, but it was only short lived. He rolled over in his bed, turning towards the window. In all honesty, he wasn't exactly sick. Sure he did throw up -- but it was only that one time. But he had this feeling in his gut that was killing him..as if he was feeling guilty for what he's done.

But that's impossible -- after all these years of killing, he's never felt anything close to remorse, let alone guilt. Jack groaned, pulling the blankets over his head. In all honesty, he didn't know what to do. The only thing he did know, was that he wanted to see Alex. Badly. He missed him and couldn't shake the burgundy haired boy out of his head. Unfortunately with Ian being on call, Jack couldn't go see him tonight. Maybe he could find a way tomorrow night to go see him. Yes, that is what he would do. God, this is ridiculous; he knows he can't help but feel this way because Alex is his other half, but he would never expect him to feel so strongly about someone. He's drawn to the guy, and there's nothing he can do about it.

Apparently Jack had fallen asleep, for he woke up after sleeping for a solid hour, feeling more tired if anything. He glanced at the clock in his room and saw it was just after eleven at night. All day he had been in and out of consciousness, drifting between memories of Alex and dreams of new ones to come. But now, there was no falling back asleep. For as tired as he felt, his brain was too clouded by thoughts to fall back into blissful oblivion. So, he got up, threw on a jacket and left his apartment, in desperate need of some fresh air.

The busy-ness of New York was just what Jack needed to take his mind off all of the complicated things. He walked along the crowded sidewalk, enjoying the endless chatter and noises all around him. Street musicians strummed their guitars and sang their songs, New Yorkers talked into their cell phones, couples laughed. It was a wonder Jack even heard his phone go off with all this noise -- but he did. Jack took one glance at the caller ID and began crossing the street, heading to a quiet park nearby.

"Hey Alex," Jack answered, an automatic smile making its way onto his face.

"Hey! You aren't too busy are you?" Oh, how he missed his voice.

"No, not at all. Why are you up so early?" He heard Alex laugh on the other end, which ended in a yawn, making Jack laugh as well.

"It really isn't that early -- it's almost six!"

"It isn't that early?? I don't want to know what you consider early in that case."

"No, it's definitely early. I just tell myself that to make it easier to get up. I have class this morning." Jack had just reached the park and sat down on a bench by a frozen pond. He began biting the side of his thumb, realizing he had no idea where Alex worked and what he was going to school for. So he asked. "I'm actually studying my last year of Pre-Law right now, in April I'll be applying to Law School."

"Damn, I have a smart other half," Jack teased. "So, listen, what are you doing tomorrow night? Actually.. for you it might be considered tonight. This whole 'on the other side of the world' thing fucks with me." Alex laughed once again, a sound Jack was growing to love.

"Well I just have class until four, then I should be free. Why? I thought you went back to the states a few days ago."

"Oh, I did. I'm actually sitting outside in the freezing New York air right now. Well, keep your schedule open tonight, I have a surprise."

"A surprise? Is there any way you'll tell me this surprise?"

"Alexander! It would not be a surprise if I told you, now would it?"

"Hmm.. I suppose not. I don't know how I'm supposed to concentrate on my classes with this surprise looming over me."

"Looming? You're adorable, honestly."

"Adorable! I don't want to be known as adorable. I am a grown man for fuck's sake."

"Well maybe you're the exception that a grown man can be adorable without losing any of his manliness."

"You're smooth, Jack, honestly," Alex said laughing. "But anyway, now that I'm ten minutes late, I should probably leave for class. I'm assuming I'll talk to you tonight, concerning this surprise?"

"Oh yes, you can count on talking to me tonight."

"Okay, then...I'll talk to you tonight. Bye Jack." He could practically hear the smile in his voice, which made him smile even wider.

"Bye Alex." Jack hung up and put his phone back in his pocket, just then realizing he had been smiling their entire conversation. The things that Alex did to him.

- - - -

"For currently living in a shitty one bedroom apartment, you sure are being picky as hell right now."

"I'll give you two some privacy," The real estate agent, whose name Jack could not remember for the life of him, said, her heels clicking loudly on the polished wood floor. For the past few hours Jack and Ian had been looking at flats just outside of London, and well, Ian was running out of patience with his younger brother.

"I know I'm being picky, but I just want it to be perfect you know? My other apartment is a shit hole, so I just want something different than that."

Ian sighed and smiled at him. "No, I get that. But what's wrong with this place? It's great, really." Jack looked around. It was great. The ceilings were high and there were three large windows overlooking the city. The walls were white, except for one which was all brick. Large stairs led the way to two bedrooms and a bathroom. Not to mention an in-home entertainment center. Okay, so maybe it was really great. He could picture his records hanging on the walls, and he could envision his music posters in his bedroom. And Jack was sure this place would impress Alex; which was what it all came down to.

"You know what -- you're right, as usual. I think I'll take it." Ian smiled, and clapped his shoulder.

"That's a good choice." And he went off to go find the real estate agent. Jack leaned against the window, looking outside. It sucked because he could see himself and Alex possibly living here someday. Life could be great, if only things weren't so complicated. Ironically enough, he was the one begrudgingly standing in the way of his own happiness.

Jack had considered the idea of talking to Ian and seeing if he could convince him that finding your other half isn't overrated, and that it's actually the best thing that could ever happen to someone. But even if he had managed to convince his brother, there would be no way he could convince his emotionless father of it. So, he would enjoy this happiness while he could, even if it is only short term.