Miss Mayhem

C.J.'S POINT OF VIEW

The day went by so fast, and I hadn't noticed until Charlotte asked for an ice cream. She went to buy it, and although I insisted otherwise, she had me share the bowl of Cookie Dough. We decided to sit behind the cafe, where there were a few lone tables and then a bench, which we took. No one was in earshot, so as long as we kept our voices down, no one would give her weird looks. For once.

The bench we sat on creaked a little, but was sturdy enough to hold the both of our weights, though probably nothing more. I placed myself a foot away from where she was, but to my surprise, Charlotte closed the distance between us, her shoulder brushing mine. I freeze for a moment, and then force myself to relax.

There was a time when I used to be so casual about the whole thing, about us. It annoyed her how sarcastic I could be sometimes, although she never was hateful about it. But now, I was the one tongue-tied, walking on eggshells. Being able to spending time with her means the world to me, because I never thought I'd be able to ever again... well, the fact that she doesn't remember is a burden. But on the other hand, I don't particularly want her to remember, either. Just my memory of our lives weighs much too heavily on my shoulder, and she doesn't deserve that on top of everything else. She didn't then, and she doesn't now.

"What are you thinking?"

I'm yanked from la-la-land back to reality, and I twitch, as if there was a literal tug on my being as I transferred from one state to the next. Clearing my throat, I shrug.

"Uh, would Lauren and Seth be okay with you gone? I mean, I've been seeing you a lot more often now."

Charlotte considered it for a moment. "You know, I think they're glad. Lauren is into the whole... supernatural thing. That's why we were messing around with the Ouija Board -- she wanted to see.."

C.J. nodded when she trailed off, not pushing for her to continue. The girl at his side let out a slow sigh, as if she were trying to hold her breath underwater and had just come up for air. She murmured his name, as if collecting her thoughts, and his heart nearly escaped his chest. God, how he had missed her so. How much longer would they be allowed to spend time together? This was much too easy. There just had to be a catch for life to be so simple, right now, at least.

"Why are you so sad, Christian Jack?" Charlotte rested her chin on my shoulder so that her nose was touching my lower cheek. Her eyes closed, and I didn't have to look to see, because her eyelashes were just long enough to brush my skin. "You act as if you have nails in your heart."

I breathe in deeply and shift my head to the side, just touching her forehead. When I inhale, it feels as she just described, as if nails were weighing down my heart, sharp, cold, and unforgiving. "There are things you don't know, Char, that could break you if you knew. If only you knew. It wouldn't hurt so much, being with you."

She flinched back, now visibly uncomfortable. "What do you mean by that?"

There was a day when I was good with words, when they came to me with ease and never failed to fit the situation perfectly. But today was not that day.

Reluctantly, I removed the chain around my throat, the pair of rings hitting my chin as I pulled them off. I held it in the air, letting it dangle from side to side in front of us. Charlotte opened her eyes, moving her head to see what was going on inches in front of her.

She spoke first, just as I was about to say something, her voice quiet. "Who were you married to?"

"We weren't married yet. These were our engagement rings, or, they were supposed to be. I never got the chance to ask." No, crying would not be suitable. I took her the zoo to enjoy herself, and here I was, nearly in tears. What did that say about me?

"Oh, my god. You never asked her?"

You, I wanted to say, I never got to ask you.

"What happened to her?"

I lowered the chain, winding it around ny fingers, a ring resting on either palm. I focused my attention there, as if somehow, I could get on one knee and ask her here. Now. If he did, what would she say? Would she remember, and say, 'yes, of course, Christian Jack. Of course I'll marry you?' Or would she never speak to me again, as it was the most sensible thing for her to do?

But then.. we could never have a proper wedding, could we? After all, I'm a ghost. I was one of her past, and she lived in the present. We could never be together, not really.

I closed my eyes and only then realized how quiet Charlotte was. She leaned forward, hesitantly, and put a hand on hmy cheek, brushing away a stray tear with her thumb. Her touch was like an angel's, just as I remembered.

"She died," I whispered, my voice suddenly remarkably hoarse. "And I tried to save her, honestly, I did. But there was nothing I could do." I swallowed the lump in my throat that threatened to choke me. "I couldn't save her."

Charlotte lowered her hand, wrapping both arms gingerly around my shoulders, holding me as if we'd known each other for years. We did! Though... though 'did' would be the right tense, as opposed to 'do.' She didn't know me, but would she? Ever? Would she remember me one day?

She licked her lips before speaking. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

I shake my head, and then nod, finally shrugging. There were so many things to say, and it was hard enough, saying 'her' instead of 'you.' "She was accused of witchcraft."