Trapped

The Autumn weather gently washed over me as I stood beneath the milky twilight. The leaves were the perfect shade of Orange, but barley visible in this harsh lighting. The dew covered grass tickled my shoes as I walked as quiet as I could; the heel to my stiletto sinking into the moist ground with every step I took.
I took my shoes off, and walked toward the lake in front of me. The water was crystal blue. I've never seen anything that dazzled with such beauty. The moon shimmered and danced along the waters surface.
I dropped my shoes and left them somewhere in the distance; my jacket was the next to slip off. I had left a trail consisting of my skin tight dress, my jewelry, my bra, and soon to add to that list was my black, lace underwear.
I took my first step into the lake; the water took me by surprise because of its freezing characteristics, but I loved it. I continued to inch my way in, and soon everything was submerged.
I began to swim down further into the depths of my desire. I opened my eyes to witness the perfect underwater scene. Colors were everywhere. It was like a dream. One in which I could trap myself in forever and keep myself imprisoned within its torturous magnificence.
My red hair streamed after me as I swam down further and further. I saw the floor of the lake just inches away. I was so close... just one more heart stopping second...
My fingers met the sandy floor and I snatched a handful attempting to throw it to just let it trickle back down. I gave it my best swing and I watched it glimmer as it tackled the floor and took its place at the bottom of the lake once more. I didn't hear a sound.
Everything was so peaceful as I always wished it would be. It was so quiet, so serine. This was my home the only home that I felt welcome in.
My chest began to burn, anxious to drink in some air. I never wanted to leave, I wished that I didn't have to, but as I looked up to the surface the moon smiled down at me, and I smiled back as I began to dive toward the sky.
My lungs cried in anguish, only wishing for a small breath but I stopped swimming. There was a figure above me looking down, yet not necessarily at me.
I continued to swim but slower, steadier, more cautious. As I got closer I could distinguish facial features. His lips were full, and red. It was as if they were begging someone-anyone to just kiss them. His jaw was firm, with a trail of hair flowing from one side of his face to the other. His eyes were as blue as the lake I was still found myself waiting in. I don't know what I was waiting for exactly. Maybe for my air to run out, or maybe waiting for him to notice me down here and drag me out, or even waiting for him to get in and drown me, or possibly kiss me. I couldn't make up my mind. A million possibilities and endings swam through my head when my lungs began to feel as if on fire. I couldn't unlock my gaze from his mesmerizing eyes, Hell, I didn't want to either.
Suddenly, without my consent or knowledge, my legs kicked up causing me to surface. The still waters began to rampage and attack each other. Water splashed everywhere and I inhaled the sweet, sweet air.
I heard him gasp in surprise, but his better instincts kicked in, and he wrapped his strong arms around my waist, pulling me onto the drenched grass. His touch was gentle, firm, exhilarating. He laid me softly upon the grass. He towered over me with concern dripping from his soft eyes.
The sudden intake of air made me choke and cough, and I couldn't control it. As he watched me have my coughing fit, fear began to trace deeper and deeper into his face which enhanced his features drastically.
When my spell was over he was still hovering a couple inches above my face. His left hand was planted firmly in the grass next to my chest to hold himself up. His free hand wove my loose hair that was blanketing my face.
"Are you okay?" His voice was like an angles, flavored with a touch of country.
"Fine, now that I'm in your arms." I whispered. It has been so long since I have been in someone's arms, and it felt amazing. I couldn't tell if I only liked him because I haven't been with someone like this in God knows how long and because I was desperate for human contact, or because of him.
He seemed shocked by my sudden flirtatious attitude after being on the brink of drowning. "Kiss me..." I heard myself whisper. I pulled his neck gently toward mine in an effort to show him it was okay.
He took that hint very well and closed the already limited gap between our lips. My eyes met his, and everything felt as amazing and peaceful as it did underwater. I could feel his breath quicken, and his heart was racing against my bare chest. That's when it happened. He placed his free hand on my body, closed his eyes, then fit his lips squarely upon mine. I crossed my legs around his waist, and kissed him back.
My lungs were still aching from being under too long, but right then I didn't care.
He smoothly slipped his tongue between my lips and into my mouth. I didn't want this to stop.
His hand slipped down my back, and touched the one part of my body that was forbidden.
***flashback***
Everything was dark when the basement door opened, and in walked my drunk father once more.
"Take off th-that spurt..." he slurred. when he didn't see me taking off my shirt like he had demanded he stumbled over dropping his half empty beer bottle in the process. Glass blanketed the floor around my feet. He began to stumble forward through the now blood stained shards and pulled me close.
"Did chu not her me?" He whispered as slow as he could so he wouldn't slur but failed miserably. Anger seeped through his voice, warning me to do as he commanded. He pulled my shirt over my head and I gasped in pain for my arm had snagged in the shirt as he twisted it off of me. My arm began to throb.
My feet caught under one another, forcing me to fall right into his arms. Fear grabbed hold of my racing heart and the world began to slow down again.
Too drunk to undo my bra he simply grabbed a pair of scissors and snipped it clean off. I watched as it splashed into a pile of shards. "Pants!" he demanded.
"Please, please don't do this! Not again, please think about this, dad! What about mom, what about Maddie?" I pleaded for him to let me go so that I could make sure my family was all okay.
I knew what was coming. It's happened way too many times for me to be oblivious. That would be stupid of me. But the look in his eyes is indescribable.. so unforgettable. It's pure evil.
As my pants were torn off of me I screamed out in protest just one more time. Maybe, just maybe he'll listen this time. Just maybe he will let me feed his daughter and check on his wife. Maybe he wouldn't do this to me again. What if his heart changed? An impossible 'what if' I know.
A heavy hand met my face in retaliation for my outburst. I could already feel a clot begin to form at the bridge of my nose. Uncontrollable sobs broke the silence that hung in the air for a mere few seconds. At this point in the game I should know better than to protest and say no to him. It would just make it worse for me. I had to learn that the hard way.
His steel boot met my ribs relentlessly and repeatedly. With every strike, came but another shriek. It was an endless cycle. My vision blurred from the darkness of the basement, to the redness of my beating.
I was trembling uncontrollably. No matter how much I willed the tears, the pain, the shrieking, and the fear to end, it never did. I could hear my sobs echoing around the cold, damp, cement room. I felt so alone...
"No! No, no, no, no, no please not again! Think about your family! They need me!" I still remember my vain attempts of freedom echoing in my ears even though I had no recollection of speaking.
"Shut the hell up and stop cryin' you fuckin' whore!" his slur wasn't so bad anymore, but his alcoholic accent was still there.
He threw me on the ground; my back was bitten by the glass and renewed pain swam through my body. I could feel my ribs pressing unnaturally into my lungs. It was so hard to breath. I thought my life was over.
I let another scream slip past my lips which I tried so hard to seal. The room seemed to shake... or was it just me? I couldn't tell. Everything was blurring into each other and nothing was as it should have been. My head began to sting, and I couldn't move.
The next second he was inside of me again... I couldn't fight him off, he was too strong for me. another blow to my head because of my resistance. "Don't you try and get away from me, you whore!" another blow. Everything seemed to go fuzzy and dark again. Everything got so distant and quiet... it all went pitch black. No sounds of screaming, no taste of blood, no hurting, just nothing.
**
My heart was pounding and my hands began to sweat. How did this escalate so quickly with a man I didn't even know?
The memory of my father made me shiver.
"Cold sweetheart?" he whispered gently into my ear.
Memory after memory flooded my mind and I couldn't shake them. Panic began to seize my body and everything was beginning to go black again. No. I'm not that same broken, and easily manipulated little girl anymore.
I tore my lips from his in a swift movement. A spider web of saliva trailed from his mouth to mine as he leaned back indecision and confusion drenching his eyes.
With much experience and no hesitation I rolled over so that I was on top. Trailing my fingers down his chest got him to close his eyes. He felt comfortable. I slowly reached back and fingered my dress I found laying a few inches away. I found my favorite knife. a Damascus blade that had a sharp, beautiful, and mesmerizing appearance. The handle was worn out and had dirty cloth wrapped around it, giving it a more edgy look. The Italian words 'l gran dolori sono muti' meaning 'great sorrows are mute', were embroidered on the blade itself. This saying kept me together some days.
His eyes were still closed, waiting for me to do something. I hesitated. I knew what I should have done, and that was walk away. But those blue eyes were just like my fathers. They had that lustful look in them.
I was sitting practically on his stomach as he lay there. Could I really do this again? Yes.
I swiftly leaned forward and jabbed the knife into his heart, giving a hard thrust to break the breastplate. I heard him yell in pain but my mind was already racing light-years away from him. I lost control of what I was doing; I was just doing. I felt a hot sticky substance cover my hands.
Sweat began to bead down my face, whipping it with a blood soaked hand only smeared the substance upon my cheeks.
I stood, and I finally saw what I did. I mutilated a man.
I rolled him into the lake, and I jumped in after him.
It was a nice swim. The water was still nice and cold, the colors were the same, everything was still and calm... yet... this time it wasn't as enjoyable and I couldn't figure out why for the life of me. Why was it so much better last time than it was this time? What changed? Perhaps those stone cold blue eyes staring up at me from the floor of the lake? Impossible. That didn't bother me in the slightest. He was going to hurt me. He was going to kill me. I had to do it. It was justified. Then why do I feel this way? Why isn't the lake as beautiful and mysterious as it was only moments ago? Why did it start to hate me for what I did? It was justified...