Bourbon and Ray-Bans

Season three filming wrapped and I spent the Christmas holidays thinking about what Andy had said. For the time being I had cancelled my convention appearances with Norman and the other cast members because I just needed to clear my head. The fan backlash was unavoidable, but surprisingly not as bad as I had worried about. Laurie called me often and said that Norman was pretty good as schmoozing over the fangirls, even answering questions on my behalf or telling embarrassing stories about me behind my back. I could really feel the love.

Lauren called me on December 27th begging me to fly to NYC for New Years. Several cast and crew members had rented out a loft space for what promised to be the party of the century. That’s how Lauren sold it to me. She said it would be good to get out and have some fun with everyone free of Norman who would be vacationing with Mingus in Jamaica. Begrudgingly, I agreed.

And she was mostly right. We had a blast that night and spent the next week shopping and just hanging out. I hadn’t felt so carefree and happy in a long time. Until Lauren got a phone call at lunch which I could tell was from Norman by the way she cut her eyes at me very un-sneakily.

After about 30 minutes of ‘uh-huhs’ and ‘we’ll sees’, she hung up and continued eating her salad not looking up at me once. I just stared her down until she gave in.

“He wants us to come over tonight. He’s having a few friends over. He specifically asked for you. There will be a ton of people there so I think it will be mostly harmless. Want to go?” I could tell she really wanted to.

I agreed to go against my better judgment, but spent the afternoon fretting. I spent most of the afternoon alone in SOHO trying to find something to wear. I’d exhausted all the clothes I’d brought with me to the city and wanted something new. If I was being honest, I just wanted to feel pretty. For myself and for Norman. Maybe I wanted to make him jealous, if that were possible. So many other beautiful women would surround him the whole evening. They always did. How would a new outfit possibly manage to have any effect on him under those conditions? I couldn’t give myself newer, higher, sharper cheekbones, but I knew the boxing classes had really been paying off. I’d work the advantages I had. Jesus Christ, this was a new low.

A saleslady in a dress shop helped me pick out something she promised me looked hot. It was a royal purple deep v-neck lacey minidress that was backless to the point of no return. What really worked about it was how good it looked against my pale skin tone and my green eyes. I actually wore the dress home to see if anyone even bothered to give me a double take on the way. I never trusted when anyone said something looked good, particularly when they were selling something. The dress had been astronomically expensive. I’m not sure I turned heads, but I definitely got more smiles. It was something, at least.

I asked Lauren to meet me at my hotel room. She’d be able to help me with my makeup and hair which were both seriously beyond me. When I opened the door to her, she just stared at me with her mouth open. She had on jeans and a tank top. I blushed fiercely and immediately went to change. What the hell had I been thinking?

“Wait, is that what you’re wearing?” I was busily trying to remove the dress without ripping anything so I could return it. Lauren’s face had told me all I needed to know.

“What? No, of course not. Some lady just convinced me to give it a spin today. I’ll take it back first thing in the morning. I know it’s ridiculous.” She walked over to me and pulled the zipper back up.

“Oh, hell no. You are so fucking wearing that. I’m the one who will be doing the changing. Just give me a second to run back to my room. I have a green dress that will compliment yours perfectly. Then I’ll come back and do your hair and makeup. I am so excited now.” She bounded out of the room. I grinned like an idiot. Having awesome girlfriends was better than having a boyfriend any day of the week.

Lauren’s dress was gorgeous and she did an amazing job on my makeup - smokey, purple cat eyes. She told me to let my hair just air dry and curl naturally. She calmed and tamed the frizz easily with some kind of foamy goop that she insisted was made by magical fairies. I had to agree with her. We both donned black booties and moto jackets. I didn’t recognize myself, but liked the result nonetheless. Maybe I’d be able to hold my own after all. In any case, Lauren and I would have good time no matter what. I was actually looking forward to the evening.

We arrived at 8:30 - an hour late. Norman’s apartment was packed with people I’d never met in my life. They all looked like artsy New Yorkers. There were plenty of other women of all kinds really. I was worried we’d be overdressed, but there seemed to be no real dress code. Some man was even wearing a tuxedo jacket and tutu. It took me less than a minute to spot Helena. Of course she was here. What had I been expecting? Lauren saw me see her and pulled me over to meet some people she knew. No time for pity parties.

I stepped away from Lauren for a second when I noticed some new artwork in the hallway to Norman’s bedroom. Some of it was homemade and signed by Norman or Mingus. Other pieces were purchased and they were all gorgeous. I particularly liked one Mingus had done of a very abstract demented looking heart. It spoke to me rather loudly.

“It’s fucking amazing, right?” I’d finally found Norman. Or he’d found me. I’d been doing my best to steer clear.

“Of course it is. He’s your kid after all. I’d expect no less.” I focused on the wall and suddenly felt silly again in the new dress.

“You should have it. He’d like you to have it.”

“No. I couldn’t. It looks way better on your wall anyway.” I finally looked at him out of the corner of my eye and smiled a little awkwardly. He was wearing his old Minor Threat tshirt and his favorite black jeans. I hated that I knew that. My breathing became more labored as I started to feel increasingly embarrassed about everything and nothing. I desperately sought an escape route.

“Um...anyway, better go find Lauren. I think some guy was 10 seconds from proposing marriage. Can’t let that happen.” I hurried past him back to the party, but twisted my ankle and went down hard when my heel caught a indention in his wood floors. I spilled my jack and coke all over myself and my ankle throbbed. So much for making anyone jealous. The universe, it hated me.

Norman tried to help me stand back up, but being the stubborn bitch I was, I pushed him away and hobbled to his guest bathroom. He followed me and shut the door behind him. I sat on the side of the shower and put my head in my hands. I heard him turn on the sink and wet a towel. He took my hands away from my face and started cleaning the sticky mess off my face and hands. I sat there limply and let him do it. I knew the dress was ruined, at least for the night.

“Does your ankle hurt?”

“A little bit, but it’ll be fine. I’ll just get Lauren to help me back to the hotel. No big deal. Thanks. This is what I deserve for wearing heels and a dress I had no business buying in the first place.” I shook my boots off. My ankle was swollen, but didn’t appear to be too bad off. Just enough to smart for a few days.

“That dress might have been the most popular party guest of the night. I had several inquiries about the girl wearing it. I’m fairly certain Lauren’s not the only one in danger of a proposal or two.” He smiled at me and I smiled back. I couldn’t help myself.

“Haha. It was still stupid, but the universe sorted it all out.” I tried to stand but the ankle hurt more than I expected.

“Stay here. I’ll go grab Lauren.” No need to argue with that. While he went to find Lauren, I grabbed a ponytail holder from my bag and pulled my hair up into my signature messy bun and wiped the lipstick off my lips. I felt better already.

Lauren found me about five minutes later and sat down beside me. “What happened?”

“Nothing much. Just tripped over my own two feet and ruined a $750 dress in the process. Not to mention twisting my ankle like only a true clutz could. I know this was just a bad fucking idea.” I tried to stand again and Lauren rose to help me. She grabbed my shoes and tossed them into her bag. Hanging onto her, we hobbled toward the front door. I wanted to be as discreet as possible and just disappear, but Lauren insisted we find Norman and say goodbye. He was a step ahead of us though, already waiting by the door.

“Go get a cab, Lauren. I’ll get her downstairs.” Lauren did as told and hurried off to the elevator.

“Just get me to the elevator and I can manage the rest.” I really didn’t want any more of his help. I was embarrassed enough.

“Not happening, B. Your ankle is huge.” And before I could get any sort of protest past my lips, he’d picked me up and carried me out into the hallway.

“Jesus, you gotta warn a girl before you do something like that.” He smirked and walked me to the elevator. As we waited for it to return from Lauren’s ride down, the tension settled in nice and thick. I looked at a hole in the wall near the hallway window and nowhere else. I guessed he was doing something similar. Finally, the elevator arrived and we rode down in silence. Lauren was already waiting outside with the cabbie. Norman got me into the car and insisted on riding with us. Despite my protests, Lauren agreed because she couldn’t carry me up to my room. I told them I didn’t really need to be carried, but they both pointed at my ankle which was way bigger than it had been back in the bathroom. I rolled my eyes and shut up.

When we arrived, Lauren got a phone call which she claimed she needed to take in private and left me with Norman. I could see the evil glint in her eye, though, and knew the phone call was probably something stupid and beyond pointless. Norman got me to my room relatively quickly and painlessly. He sat me on the bed and sat down beside me.

“You can go back to your party now. Aren’t you worried about all those people in your home unsupervised?” I really wanted out of the sticky dress, but that wasn’t happening until I was alone.

“Nah, Helena will keep them straight.” Of course she would.

“Right, well. I need out of this dress and so you need to go. Thanks for helping. Sorry I was such a clutz.” I picked at my fingernails anxiously.

He reached up all of a sudden and pulled my hair down from it’s perch atop my head. I had no clue what he was doing, but whatever it was my body approved. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to have him so close, to feel his hands on me.

He leaned his forehead against the side of my head and lifted his hand up to play with a lock of hair that had landed against my collarbone. His fingers lightly brushed against my skin and my body warmed instantly from head to toe.

“Brodie, please come back to me.” That’s all he said as he dropped my hair and moved his fingers to my chin and then my mouth. I had no fucking clue what to do or say. “I miss my best friend.” And there it was. The kiss of death.

I pulled away from him, fought back tears, and started trying to release myself from the dress. I needed air and the dress was so constricting. Norman just looked at me with concern in his eyes as I started to sob. He reached over to try and help me but I slapped him as hard as I could across his face. That shocked both of us into complete stillness.

“Helena’s waiting. You need to go.” I turned my back to him and waited for him to leave.

“Yes she is.” A few minutes later, I heard the door open and slam shut. I flinched at the violence of the noise and sobbed until I had nothing left to give.