Bourbon and Ray-Bans

Season two filming wrapped up a couple of days before Thanksgiving. We were all exhausted and happy to have several months of downtime. I was hoping finally to move out of my cramped midtown apartment and into a loft space in Inman Park that I had been eyeing. Norman had spent the last few months trying to convince me to move to NYC, but I wasn’t buying what he was selling. I loved Manhattan, but only in small doses. I grew up surrounded by trees and hoped to die that way.

I closed on the loft in early January after spending the last half of 2011 down South with my family. My mom was convinced I should marry Norman which was highly amusing. I think she just wanted him all to herself, but would settle for her daughter getting a piece of him instead. I promised to wrangle him into a dinner with her at some point. I’d enjoy watching her drool over him.

Trix (my pittie) and I moved into our new home in less than half a day. I didn’t have many possessions or furniture and threw most of it out before lugging it across town. There was just something nice about starting over with a fresh slate. I’d never been sentimental about stuff anyway. I even had some help moving from an actual boy who seemed to like me. We’d gone out a few times, and I was enjoying the company. Norman called from time to time as did everyone else. Over the next two months I’d be seeing Norman quite a bit as we’d signed on to do several fan conventions across the country.

Our first event was in Portland the last weekend in January. I left Trix at the new boy’s house and flew out on Friday evening. I knew Norman was already there with Sean Patrick Flanery doing an all day Boondock event. I arrived at the convention center/hotel just in time to catch half of their panel. I stood in the back and watched the boys goof off. The girls in the audience wanted to fuck the both of them (probably at the same time) and the boys wanted to be them.

Sean dominated the conversation. He was by far the most outgoing and had a great sense of humor. I had never met him, but had seen several of his movies, including Boondock. He had aged just as well as Reedus. Lucky bastards. Norman sat there behind his Ray-Bans being mostly quiet, but adorable nonetheless. Sean took every opportunity to embarrass the hell out of Norm which I greatly appreciated. Norman needed a little humility every once in a while. Too many people kissed his ass. Some of them quite literally.

The girl in front of me raised her hand to ask a question, and Sean pointed at her. Norman spotted me and gave me a small wave. Everyone in the room turned around and stared at me, ignoring the poor girl who was asking the question. People started to cheer and chant in my general direction. Norman shot me an apologetic look and tried to put the attention back on the girl. I ducked out of the room and headed to the hotel bar.

Before too long, the stools on either side of me were occupied by Flanery and Reedus. Sean seemed genuinely happy to meet me. He admitted to loving the show and loving how well I played opposite Norman. He joked about knowing how difficult a task that could be. We decided to head to dinner at a place Sean had heard about and set out in a hired Escalade. Like the badasses we weren’t.

The restaurant was trendy and packed. I still felt like a jackass anytime I was allowed to jump dozens of people in a line. No one appeared to care, though, and we signed autographs and took pictures with anyone who asked. The manager came out and we took more pictures. He sat us at a window table near the back so we’d have some sort of privacy. Not that we really cared. The boys were super gracious with their fans. I admired and respected them for that. I was beginning to realize how rare that was in this business.

Dinner was great and the conversation never lulled. I learned more about Norman in those couple of hours than I could have ever learned from his own mouth in a year. Norm pleaded with Sean to shut up, but I was having none of that. I could see why these two hung out so much. They truly were like brothers. As the night was winding down, Norman headed off to the bathroom which left me alone with Sean for the first time. He was looking at me like he had some huge secret he couldn’t wait to share.

“Oh, God. Do I even want to hear what’s about to come out of your mouth?” I knew it couldn’t be good.

“Yes, ma’am, you do. You’ve got my boy wrapped around your little finger, and he’s not saying anything so I’m relying on you to dish all the dirty details.” The fangirls had even gotten to Flanery!

“Why does everyone assume there is something to tell? There’s not! We’re the lamest hot topic of all time. Norman has his own little harem, I’m sure, to meet his needs. He doesn’t need me for a damn thing.” I really wasn’t sure how many more times I could answer this question.

“Okay, okay. But just know this, I’ve known that man for many, many years. He’s dated a lot of girls in that time and slept with even more. For the first time in a long time, he’s completely close-lipped about a girl - that girl being you. The way he looks at you. It’s ridiculous”

“Because there’s nothing to say. We work together. We’re friends and hang out sometimes. Like y’all do. He looks at everyone like that. He crawled out of the womb looking like that.”

Sean smiled at me. “The last time he looked a woman like that she had his baby.”

Before I could respond, Norman returned to the table. We paid for our meals and headed out. Sean and Norman were heading to a burlesque club and begged me to go, but I was too tired. Besides, I had to call and check on Trix. Plus, the boy - Jason. He would just be an added bonus.

Walking back to the hotel, I realized I hadn’t mentioned Jason a single time during the evening. Sean had talked about his wife off and on. Norman had chatted about his last girlfriend and why they hadn’t worked out. I had refused to share any such information despite having a sort of boyfriend for the first time in over two years. Was that normal? I liked him. Jason was sweet, attentive, and knew his way around the bedroom. But I’d be lying if I said something wasn’t missing. What the fuck was wrong with me?

I refused to even think about what Sean had said at dinner. All these other people were filled with this idea about Norman and me. We were together a lot - hell, we worked 80+ hours a week together. I barely had time to see anyone else besides the cast. With our characters having an obvious connection and the most screentime together, it made sense for Norm and me to be close friends. What was so odd about that that drew people to make us more than friends? Lauren and Steven spent a lot of time together and their characters had actually hooked up on the show. The easiest answer was that Norman had so many fans and got so much attention. But it was more than the fangirls. Cast and crew alike had all mentioned our relationship at one time or another. And now Sean.

Did I have feelings for Norman? Just thinking the question pissed me off. And the answer, the truthful answer, was not simple. There were times that I was very, very physically attracted to the man. But what female who spent any amount of time with him couldn’t say that? We flirted a lot, but Norman could flirt with a wall. I tried to imagine him making a move on me and grimaced. He just wouldn’t ever do that. He would have done so by now if that’s what he wanted. I had watched him with plenty of girls in the last year. If he wanted you, he didn’t beat around the bush. All that talk about being bad with women was such bullshit.

But if he ever did make a move, how would I respond? I wasn’t ready for that answer. Not yet. But I had a sneaky suspicion that it played into my current relationship with Jason. If I were being brutally honest, I had been more excited to fly to Portland this weekend than I was excited to fly back to Atlanta on Sunday. Fuck me