Coming Home

There must be something I can do to just take this pain away. It’s been hard, living alone, trying to make friends, trying to avoid talking about everything that happened. It’s so funny, all these kids who have problems, all actively seeking help, from me. It’s just like home, sort of. I wonder how long I can last before revealing to the big world that I feel like the greatest hypocrite ever.

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“Derrick, so nice to see you,” smiled Cassadee’s mother as she kissed his cheek. Derrick looked at her father, Roy, who always seemed to have a distasteful eye for him.

“Mr Adams,” he greeted. It occurred to him that it was the first time after what happened 5 years ago that Derrick had seen her parents. He suddenly felt out of place- Angela and Caleb were good family friends while Jared was Cassadee’s specific guest. But he had caused so much pain and so much suffering in their family.

Her father must have seen a sour change in his expression and his face softened.

“Long time no see boy,” he smiled. Derrick returned a forced smile, thrown off course again because her father never smiled at him. Then as Derrick reached in to shake his hand, Mr Adams pulled him closer and whispered in his ear.

“Stop beating yourself up, we understand.”

Gritting his teeth and palms, Derrick nodded tersely as Mrs Adams shot him a sympathetic look. Derrick let go of his hand and turned to Dave, who looked like he had the capability of vomiting out sunshine and flowers now. Clinging to him was his fiancé- a slender woman who had skin so pale, she was almost see through. Yet there was something beautiful about her, and it took an idiot not to notice how in love Dave was.

“Dave,” he smiled. Looking down sombrely at Derrick’s hand, Dave’s terse face broke into smiles as he enveloped Derrick into a hug. Shocked, Derrick returned it stiffly, while noticing Dave’s fiancé smiling at him. He saw her mouth the words ‘I’m Wendy’, gesturing to herself and he smiled back.

“Good luck for the elections,” Dave smiled, before professing his support for the NDP quietly into his ears. Derrick was reminded of the love that he had so commonly associated with Cassadee- even if she didn’t love him, her family still did. It made his heart ache, every single one of them reminded him of her, and her capability to love and be strong for everyone she cared about.

“You need a drink,” mused Jared as he passed Derrick a glass of champagne. Receiving it gratefully, Derrick tried his best not to chug the sweet beverage in front of all the guests.

“Looking for her?” Jared asked again. Derrick groaned and walked away from the crowd.

“You know, you did break up with her,” sighed Jared as both of them strolled through a garden maze, nodding to acknowledge the other guests.

“I know. But I’m back, and I need to fix things,” Derrick sighed, running his hand through his hair before taking a heavy gulp of his drink.

“Dude. That’s not soda, could you at least practice some self-restraint?”

“You’re the one with a piercing on your back,” replied Derrick, rolling his eyes.

“Well, if I see her, I’ll tell you. Now if you excuse me, I think I saw a suspiciously homosexual man holding some caviar,” Jared quipped before skipping off.

Watching his friend practically launch himself onto a younger, meeker boy, Derrick sighed. It was his choice to bear this burden, but he had completely underestimated the impact of his decision that would so adversely affect those that he loved. Okay, the only one that mattered was Cassadee- because everyone seemed to be getting along fine.

She had her guards up so high that he wondered if she ever remembered who or what she was before. He kept thinking about the day in her house where they just kissed. She hadn’t gotten over him, as did he to her. There was always something in the way last time, but now Cassadee had allowed herself and her heart to get in the way of ever rekindling the fire they once had.

It was hard, for two damaged people to get back together.

~

Cassadee knew it would come to this.

Somehow Tobias had his arms around her waist, pulling her in, breathing down her neck, showering her jawline with kisses- all in the vicinity of the garden banquet where her own brother’s pre-wedding party was taking place. Both of them did kind of talk about politics, and Cassadee was pleasantly surprised to note that Tobias was quite intelligent, and painfully charming.

They were walking aimlessly before they started talking about sex and relationships and now here they were- Tobias leaning against Cassadee, who was in turn leaning against a hedge in an indent in the garden maze. She felt his body press up against hers as he peppered the skin below her ear lobe gently- pulling and nipping at it. He ran his hands down her side- tracing the bare skin around her sides through the cut-outs from her dress. She shivered as she felt his cold and smooth hands wrap around her waist, sneaking underneath her dress, to gently press her against him.

She had her hands around his neck, desperately seeking something to cushion her gasps. As he continued the assault on her neck, she settled for biting her lip to prevent sound from escaping.

He stopped, and looked at her. She didn’t want him to stop, she wanted him to keep distracting her, if not the guilt would just come rushing back. He had a sort of impish sheen to his eyes as they looked at each other before leaning in to kiss her lips.

Biting his bottom lip gently, Cassadee invited his tongue into her mouth as she relished in the light after taste of the champagne. He moaned into her as she ran her hands through his thick black hair, pressing his neck against her. She felt his hands hitch her skirt up, tracing small circles around her thigh. She knew what was coming, and sensations were building up inside her- waves and waves of pre-sexual pleasure crashing between them like a large rattletrap train.

“Cass?” It was an automated bodily reflex when she shoved Tobias away to look behind him. Or around him, since it wasn’t that hard to be taller than her.

And there he was, like an angel descended from heaven. Only he didn’t look very pleasant. He looked angry, as if he had the right to be.

“Tobias?” He asked again, this time incredulously.

“Derrick of the National Democratic Party,” replied Tobias, turning towards Derrick as Cassadee hastily stepped out of the hedge, smoothing her dress down. There was a sneer in Tobias’s tone that Cassadee and Derrick didn’t appreciate.

“You know him?” She asked, to no one in particular, but she was met with a both giving her a confirmatory yes- Derrick’s angry and cold while Tobias just seemed amused.

“Sorry Cassadee, I forgot to tell you. I work for the FF- the Founder’s Federation,” he shrugged, looking at her like they hadn’t just made out heavily in the bushes. Cassadee just stared at him wordlessly. There was no way someone that good looking could have just led her on. The FF was one of NDP’s political rivalries, and if Tobias had known about her involvement with Derrick- their little make out session was just another way to use her. She was a pawn, again.

Angrily, Cassadee started to walk away from both of them before Tobias reached out for her hand.

“Don’t touch me.” She warned, finding strength in the undeterred rage that was building inside her. She was so sick of being a plaything for these political pretty boys- there seemed to be a time when sex and kissing was just child’s play. But now it seemed like everyone was using it against her.

Tobias let go of her hand.

“Sorry, company’s duty,” he shrugged.

“Get the fuck out of here before I break your jaw,” commented Derrick, his voice terse and strained.

“Whoa there pretty boy, just doing my job,” replied Tobias, almost laughing as he tapped away.

Cassadee stared at his disappearing back, acutely aware that she was now alone with Derrick. She forced herself to look at him, in his pressed pants and blue shirt- the sun flickering lazily onto his golden hair, sending waves and sparks of reflective rays back into her eyes.

“What are you so worked up about?” she commented snidely, all traces of anger suppressed under the sudden feeling of being strangled and stepped on. Derrick just looked at her, trying to make sense of his seething. He was going to come up with an elaborate answer, encapsulating his anger perfectly. Instead, what came out was:

“You’re not a virgin anymore.”

Cassadee looked at him, stunned. Before she started laughing.

“No Derrick, I’m not. Thanks for your concern anyway,” she snapped after her laughing had ceased.

“Does that bother you Derrick? Because the last time I checked, you didn’t seem too bothered about what I did to myself,” Cassadee snapped. She regretted it the minute she said it because Derrick faltered, a painful break in his expression which made Cassadee’s heart lurch. Both of them were wrecks- childish adults, trying to make sense of their sick, warped relationship. She watched him, trying to steady his breathing as they kept staring at each other.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said- after moments of waiting. Cassadee almost screamed at him, 5 years of being apart and this was how he would make it up to her? But what else did she want from him? To hold her like he used too? To kiss her like the countless numbers of boys she had kissed? What would be different? She didn’t know what else to say. Like everything else, she had expected a teary reunion, like all the romance novels described- but instead, they were both angry and incoherent.

“It’s fine.”

There was that angry silence again, Cassadee standing a distance away from Derrick as they were surrounded by the solitude and silence of the garden.

“What happened to you?” He asked, softly. She was breaking, and he didn’t want to see her broken again. But a part of Derrick was glad that she was finally showing hints of remembrance, acknowledging their broken past.

“You did,” Cassadee replied, her voice so quiet that it seemed to shatter on the gravel floor. He could hear the hurt in her voice, but nothing else on her face betrayed it. She was cold and firm in her stance- her arms wrapped protectively around herself.

Then, she walked off.