Coming Home

“Cassadee, be a dear and fetch me my veil would you?”

Cassadee sprang up from her seat, deeply annoying her make-up artist who had spent ages trying to get Cassadee’s false eyelashes to stay on. She had given up and used mascara instead. Now slightly red eyed and uncomfortable, Cassadee would have sprang up naked even if she had to.

She was kind of half-naked anyway. She was in a robe, waiting for the other bridesmaids to put on their dresses.

Grabbing the clothed veil from the seat, Cassaadee admired how the fabric flowed like water onto her hands. It was Dave’s big day. The day she had spent nights fawning over, the day her parents had looked forward to. An echo of her mother’s voice rang through her mind, “I’ll always have Clary, especially when both of you are busy working your butts off.”

Clary would’ve been here today. Cassaadee imagined her younger sister, dashing around in a frilly white dress, squealing and prancing over the make-up and all fancy things. That was all she had of Clary, an eternally youthful image of her deceased sister. Instead of her voice, the dressing room was filled with the soft padding of feet, and the occasionally nervous giggle and tons of zippers zipping themselves.

She was sure that Dave would let Clary haunt him, it was a burden that all of them had to bear.

“Thanks Cassadee,” breathed Wendy, her face almost purple with nervousness.

“You’re gorgeous,” replied Cassadee, meaning it. Her sister-in-law was dressed in a silk white dress, one that fell off her shoulders and pooled gently around her feet. Wendy ran a hand through her pale hair, and Cassadee noticed that she was shaking.

“Oh my god, I’m going to throw up.”

Cassadee looked at Wendy nervously. She was only 5 weeks into her pregnancy and she was throwing up a lot. Cassadee didn’t know much about having a baby, but she didn’t know if throwing up this much so early on was good. She kept her thoughts to herself, not wanting to spoil the mood.

“I think it’s the nerves. Baby’s been quiet lately,” said Wendy, managing a small smile. Cassadee didn’t know whether to be happy or worried about that, so she just managed her most calming smile.

She watched as Wendy looked at herself in the mirror, running a slim finger across her pale eyebrows, before gingerly running a finger through her hair. Wendy had a peculiar way of moving, like everything would hurt if she moved too quickly. She moved painstakingly slow, kind of the way a lady would move if she was trying to be alluring. But Wendy was just careful, and very fragile. Dave would be good for her, he would take care of her and she would love him in return.

“You don’t think I… look funny do you?” Wendy suddenly asked, her lips a thin line. Cassadee studied the behaviour of a lady about to get married, and it was nerve-racking for her to watch Wendy have a breakdown right before the wedding.

“Oh god no. You are beautiful,” Cassadee said, abruptly standing up, striding towards Wendy- who was so much taller than her.

Wendy didn’t look convinced.

“Hey now, it’s the completely wrong day for you to feel like this. You’ve got to be strong for Dave okay? Be strong for all of us, we’re family now. I’ll be here for you, and you be here for me. Believe me when I say that you are so beautiful, when Dave sees you, he’ll start bawling before you even reach him.”

Wendy couldn’t help but laugh, wiping away moisture from her eyes.

“Thanks Cass,” she smiled.

“And if it helps, my dad says you are exquisite.”

Wendy’s smile brokered into her face and Cassadee smiled back.

“That’s it, now you do look like a bride.”

Wendy wrapped her arms around Cassadee, and Cassadee returned the hug, feeling Wendy’s wiry thin arms bend around her. She was so slim, her beauty like a thread on a thin wire. Yes, she would be perfect for Dave.

~

There was a knock on the door where Derrick was waiting with Caleb and Jared. Caleb had affectionately called it the ‘drunk room’ because there was free flowing champagne for all of them. In retrospect, Derrick didn’t know why they were all seated so early before the wedding. Perhaps they were considered as close family friends- important enough to be early, but not important enough to really help out.

“Hey Caleb?” Angela squeaked as she poked her head into the room. Derrick’s eyes switched to his brother and marvelled at the way Caleb’s eyes lit up the way lovers’ do when they see each other.

“There’s a package waiting at the reception of the hotel for you. And Roy says that he wants you to do a quality check on all the wedding tables.”

Caleb sighed and got up from his chair, offering his drink to Jared who seemed to chug it down like bottled water.

“See you guys later,” he said, before joining Angela and leaving the room. Jared shot Derrick a blithering look.

“Love,” he scorned. Derrick laughed and chucked a pillow at him.

“I’m gonna go, you know. Piss on a bush or something.”

“Grow up Jared.”

“Get me a dick and I will.”

Then Jared slammed the door. Derrick laughed at his friend- Jared was going through a rough time in his life now and any talk on the idea of love made him as cranky as a hormonal woman.

Then as he closed the door, Derrick heard him say, “Oh hey Cass, I’m gonna go shove my penis into a shot glass.”

“Shit Jared, get your act together. It’s not always your turn to be happy you know,” he heard her say and he smiled. Then the door slid open quietly.

“Hey,” she said, and he turned to look at her. Her hair was styled, parted at the side, tucked behind her ear, showing off her face, especially her eyes. She smiled at him and he got up to walk towards her. She was in a robe, clutching a white dress.

“The other bridesmaids told me to change here, they’re big old hoggers,” she wrinkled her nose.

“You’re pretty,” he said, closing up the distance between them. Cassadee felt ridiculously engulfed in her robe, with just her underwear and bra underneath.

“L or P?’ She murmured as he towered over her, looking into her eyes, even though she knew his answer.

“P, always P,” he whispered and leaned in for a kiss. She could smell his cologne- a kind of scent that was formal and expected at such an event. She returned his kiss, and Derrick struggled not to run his hand through her hair- the stylist wouldn’t appreciate it. Holding her face by the crook of his thumb, Derrick felt as she deepened the kiss, pressing her body closer to his. Every touch was never unnecessary, electricity coursing through both of them, not because they were bored- but because they needed it. It was a big day for Cassadee, and also potentially triggering.

Cassadee felt strangely naked standing in front of him, as she felt him wrap a hand around her waist, pulling them closer. She grabbed his elbow to steady herself, not getting any comfort because all she felt was cloth.

“Stop, you need to get changed,” he muttered, pulling away. Blushing, Cassadee grabbed her dress and padded to the bathroom, shutting the door- not before making eye contact with Derrick again and smiling tepidly.

As she pulled the robe open, Cassadee relished in the aftermath of touching him. There was always that spark there, maybe because every touch between them was intended. It provided her with energy, a sort of connection. She had been devoid of any serious relationships that she had forgotten how addicting it could be to want to be touched, want to be caressed.

She slipped on the dress, grateful that there wasn’t a zip. She couldn’t imagine how tense she would be if she had to ask Derrick to zip her up. She though that she’d feel comfortable with him, but now at the flourishing of their new relationship, she felt naked. Vulnerable.

As quickly as she stepped in, she stepped out. Not bothering to check her reflection.

Derrick watched as Cassadee stepped out of the bathroom, so careless and busy- unlike what most bridesmaids would be like. Today she was beautiful in a dress that brought out the colour of her eyes. He watched her stand in front of him, sheathed in the dusty teal colour of her dress, trying to adjust the sash around her waist. He watched as she breathed in, the hallows of her collarbone sinking in effortlessly- the way most people found attractive.

But what was supposed to seem attractive just seemed painful, because he knew what she did to get them. He knew of the pain that existed behind her beauty, and he didn’t know whether to feel guilty when he marvelled at her newly acquired figure. She noticed him staring at her and stepped towards him, looking up at his face in a dizzying sort of stare.

“I never got to tell you this, but you are extremely good looking,” she said, smiling- her lips red and matt. Derrick laughed, taking the compliment. Sometimes guys need to be complimented too.

Then her smile faded as her eyes trailed towards his suit pocket. He watched as she reached her hand out gently, stroking the flower that sat there.

“You remembered?” She asked, eyes never leaving the ruffled flowers of the single carnation that sat in his pocket.

There it was, the trigger.

As much as Dave deserved to be happy, tragedy never left Cassadee’s family. He reached up to grip her outstretched hand and brought it between them before squeezing her hand gently.

She was right, they had to learn with the pain that would haunt them every day.

“I remember everything.”