Coming Home

Derrick:

There is a point in your life where you don’t know which way to go, like you’re physically stuck. Especially when you’re trying to apologize to your ex-girlfriend (again) and you really want her to forgive you but she won’t even look at you.

It’s been a few weeks since the split and I honestly don’t know what to do. There’s a sort of strange serendipity in the office now. People are giving me real things to do, and I’m giving a lot calmer and proper advice in meetings that I am not expected of. I don’t want to be different anymore. It feels like the whole world knows I’m a scam, a mastermind in some big, cheap trick.

I’ve been in the first phase of separation, where I can’t sleep, and I’m regretting every waking moment of my life. Where the apologies just keep coming in, again and again, until I’m not sure if I can feel my tongue anymore. But soon I’ll get angry, what else can I do? I’ve tried everything, she just won’t talk to me. It really makes you question the extent of which we’re taking this.

I don’t think I’ve damaged her permanently, she’s strong. And if it’s more than anything, I just want her forgiveness. But there comes a point in time when I feel that things are unsalvageable, especially with her not even bothering to open her house door after 30 minutes of me banging on the outside.

Maybe I should just move on.

~

3 weeks after the breakup:

“How’s things going Cass?” Jared asked as he slid into the booth opposite her, joining Tobias by his side. Jared noticed how small Cassadee had seemed to shrink after her break-up, even her smile was broken. She was diminished.

“Everything’s sort of okay,” she said, smiling sadly.

“Jeez, how long do you think you’ll last writing shitty, unimportant stuff huh Cass?” Tobias asked. Jared rolled his eyes, before casting his date a meaningful look. Tobias was never one for pleasantries.

“Hopefully forever.”

“You’re ruining your life girl,” Jared joined in. He watched as Cassadee seemed to harden up, hunching her shoulders in defiance.

“Nothing good came out of it,” she snapped.

“Look, Derrick was a jerk about it. But you moved on without him once, you can do it again.”

Jared watched as Cassadee’s neck snapped back suddenly, as if repulsed by Jared mentioning Derrick.

“I’m tired okay guys? Can you not bring this up whenever I meet you guys for dinner?” She said again, rubbing her temples with her fingers.

“You’re a wreck Cass. So is Derrick actually, but he’s handling it pretty well. I heard he’s now Sampson’s right hand man-“

“Plus how many times have you closed your house door to his face?”

“Don’t you feel like you should at least live up to the hype of Cassadee Adams?”

Cassadee wanted to cry. She was caught in a strange situation of wanting to die, and wanting to just sleep the whole day away. She knew she couldn’t keep carrying on like this, but she just wanted for once to be broken for a while.

“Leave her alone Tobias, I’m sure she’ll figure it out,” Jared said, reaching a hand over Cassadee’s.

“I’m so over this relationship thing,” Cassadee moaned into her palms.

Jared and Tobias exchanged looks. No she wasn’t, she was far from over Derrick.

“Hey, you know what’s better than being heartbroken?”

“Jesus Tobias.”

“A good party.”

~

“Where exactly are we Tobias?”

“I don’t know. Jared’s in charge.”

“I don’t know myself man,” Jared shrugged. They were standing outside a house which was milling with people- college fraternities. And judging by men and women in working clothes, Cassadee guessed that the party got hijacked.

Stepping into the house, Cassadee wasn’t greeted by the usual smoky haze, but was rather met with clean crisp air, and music blaring out. There weren’t any couples kissing or collapsed onto the ground, but standing around swaying and dancing to music.

“Surprised?” Winked Tobias as he grabbed a plastic cup from a nearby tray and handed it to Cassadee.

“Yeah, is this where all the mature kids hang out?”

“You could say so,” shrugged Jared- hooking his arm into Tobias’s arm, doing a little twirl to the music.

Cassadee brought the cup to her lips, letting the cold liquid brush past her mouth and down her throat. It was cherry coke, with a pesky hint of alcohol giving a flirtatious tingle down her throat. She watched as Tobias and Jared tried getting dirty to “Let’s Get It Going” by Marvin Gaye and laughed. The sound reverberated from her lips, strange and foreign. She realised how long she had been alone- crying and curled up because of her ruined career and relationship.

She had forgotten how it was like to be free of worry. She wondered as she looked at Jared and Tobias being cheeky with each other what love actually was. She had been burdened with the idea of forgiveness, strength and moving on that she had forgotten that love existed everywhere.

And right now, love was watching her two gay friends muck around while drinking a rather pleasant drink.

~

8th cup in and Cassadee was tipsy, the undulated feeling of liberty that a party gives you coursing through her. She found herself wedged between Jared and Tobias, giggling and laughing as she danced to the music. People around her had thickened, but the dancing remained the same- happy and cheerful.

“Whoo, I could use some frick-frack now!” Yelled Jared. Cassadee watched as Tobias grabbed his lover’s hand, yanking Jared towards himself.

“Keep your fricking between both of us sweetheart,” laughed Tobias. Cassadee watched both of them with amusement, before raising her brow as Tobias looked at her through his clear, acute eyes- before flushing.

“Stay where you are Cassie, me and this sexy babe need some time off,” Jared cooed, pecking Tobias’s lips affectionately. Cassadee laughed as Tobias winced at the action and the thought of being watched.

“Yeah, I’ll hang around- probably outside,” she laughed, watching as Jared almost hauled Tobias to his feet to find some privacy.

Pushing through the throngs of people, giddy and lightheaded with joy- Cassadee broke through into the clean, crisp air of the night. It was empty, and behind her, the party was throbbing and humming behind closed doors. Out in the darkness, she felt safer.

She stood by the road side, looking at the black sky, breathing in the night air, trying hard not to think about life. She was happy now, and that was all that mattered.

Out of the blue, she felt a rough tap on her shoulder from behind her. Turning around, barely hiding that goofy smile from her face, Cassadee saw Bill Anderson, shuffling awkwardly on his feet.

“Bill?” She said, snapping out her unbridled joy.

He looked at her, his shirt unbuttoned and loose, with a loose smile. There was something sour hiding behind his smile, and it make Cassadee uncomfortable.

“I-I’m sorry, I saw you back there and you know…”

“Yeah Bill?” Cassadee asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“I just wanted to apologise for the other time,” he said again, looking at his feet. Cassadee found his lack of eye contact irritating, but kept it to herself.

“It’s okay?” She said, refusing to be reminded of work. She put a gentle hand on Bill’s arm, and he looked up- suddenly frigid with shock.

“It’s alright Bill, it was always a mess,” she shrugged. Bill looked at her for a moment, a sudden blossoming of something strange running across his face.

“I’m really sorry Miss Adams,” he spluttered again.

“What?”

Then it all happened in a flash.

One second she saw Bill’s face looking slightly ashen, then next, a rough material was thrown over her head and she felt rough hands wrapping around her waist. In the dark she couldn’t see anything, but felt panic well up in her throat. Her blood ran cold, the physical contact sending jolts of terror through her until finally it burst open and she screamed.

This was it. Her blanket party.