Coming Home

Cassadee tried not to make a scene, she really did. But it was hard to keep her emotions in check when she felt like throwing up when one of her colleagues offered to send her to the hospital.

When they reached the hospital, Cassadee was met with throngs of reporters and photographers. Bright lights in her face, microphones thrust to her face- Cassadee struggled not to succumb to a panic attack. She pawed through the crowd, trying to breathe and trying to keep her tears in.

She didn’t care how many cameras or how many microphones she forced to the ground, her heart was hammering too heavily and too quickly for her to comprehend any human decency.

She blindly pushed through until she felt a warm hand grab her wrist. She looked up and saw a familiar face- Derrick’s security guard 5 years ago when she had to meet the Queen to apologize for throwing the pencil.

He was still as big as ever, his eyes shielded by thick sunglasses.

“Missus,” he spoke, his voice low and gravelly. Cassadee looked up at him and blinked, trying to force a smile that wouldn’t come. She just nodded and he grabbed her wrist and led her in.

~

She had expected to burst into the Emergency ward demanding for Derrick, demanding for him to be alive. But instead, his guard swung the gigantic door open and she faltered. She wasn’t sure if she wanted the truth, the stench of sterility and bleakness flooding her senses.

People were zooming past around her and Cassadee felt her insides crippled with fear.

“Cass?”

It was Tobias, and she recognised him as he approached her, coming straight for her. His clothes were wrinkly and she took a hesitant step forward, her feet barely moving, lungs barely working. She didn’t say anything as he approached, and she kept quiet when he wrapped his arms around her. She felt his body against her and she could only think of Derrick.

“It wasn’t an accident, it wasn’t,” Tobias muttered in her ear and her insides convulsed with pain.

“Did you see-“

Tobias nodded once, pulling himself away and Cassadee saw the trauma clear in his eyes. He didn’t know what this meant to her, only Derrick and her family did.

“There was so much blood,” he whispered, and Cassadee bit her lip, trying to keep the tears from coming. Tobias was someone on a strange and unfamiliar plane, and he was selfishly looking for comfort in Cassadee. A comfort that she herself could not give. She just stared at him, tears streaming silently down her face as he struggled to not look at her.

“Cassadee?”

She looked over Tobias, her vision blurry with tears to see Derrick’s mother. She had spoken to her before, but they were never close. She watched as the lady sheathed in pearls and chiffon opened her arms and Cassadee stepped into it. She hated that they were all trying to offer her hugs, like he was really dead.

No full report had been disclosed, and no one seemed to hold on to hope. Cassadee tried to sob, but the tears wouldn’t come out in full burst. They merely streamed out.

The next person was Sampson and she saw him and something dark burned in her. He shook his head, before apologising to her again and again. She had played into his pawn and Derrick had been another unwilling victim in the game that Sampson chose to play. His apologies could last till dawn broke, but Cassadee would never forgive him. She didn’t return a hug, she just stared at him- like he had no right to be upset. Instead, she only said the words which she didn’t realize, until that moment, had been waiting to come out.

“You did this,” she whispered harshly before turning her back against the man that had brought so much excruciating pain that bounced off her organs, and electrocuted her blood cells.

*

She didn’t know how long she sat there, on the ground, staring up at the nurses and doctor who rushed past her. She felt Tobias press his knees against her- both feeling like children watching a serial drama unfold before their eyes.

The pain had not eased, but it had softened into an aching wave that engulfed her now and then. Her hands felt empty, tears useless. The noise cancellation was back and Cassadee wondered how many times more she would have to feel this feeling.

The thought of death came and went. She clenched her fists, not wanting to think, but it crept up anyway.

The door swung open again and Jared entered, whisking Tobias from his position. There were tears involved, kissing involved- and Cassadee wished that Derrick would be there for her. She wished, selfishly, that she could have been in the car with him. Now she knew what it felt, to be held onto the brink of someone’s life.

Someone else walked in in flip flops, toes painted a pretty pastel pink. Cassadee watched as the feet padded and stopped right in front of her but she was too tired to look up.

“Family and friends of Derrick Fieldings please?”

His name jolted her to her feet and she looked at the doctor, his overalls stained with blood. Cassadee tried not to think into it, but she did anyway. She imagined him lifeless and bloody, stitches and a disfigured face.

She almost screamed if not for the tight knit circle that immediately had her wedged between Tobias and Derrick’s mother.

“It was fatal.”

The first words made Cassadee blanch, and she felt herself shrink inwards. She needed to breathe, needed some space. This was just like Clary, and Cassadee felt her heart drop deep into the pits of her body.

She couldn’t hear it anymore. Whatever the doctor had to say wasn’t going to be good, she just needed to run away. She wanted him, but they wouldn’t allow it. She only had herself, drawing herself inwards.

~

“Cassadee?”

She looked up from the corner she had found herself in. Crystal walked towards her, her flip flops padding against the ground. Her eyes were red and swollen, and she looked like she had rushed out of bed without putting on proper clothes.

She forgot that Crystal knew too. She felt a sob tear itself from out of her throat as Crystal approached her. What she needed most was a familiar face, and seeing Crystal made her heart ache even more.

She felt strong hands wrap themselves around her neck and a shoulder under her chin. She let the dams break, sobs tearing after each other. She couldn’t stop- this hurt worse than ever because she never even got to say goodbye. He was there for her all the time, and this time he was all alone.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. The doctor’s an asshole,” Crystal spoke into her ear, crushing Cassadee to herself. She smelt human- like soap and blankets and Cassadee was glad that she had someone to hold her together.

“He’s alive.”

There they were, the two words that Cassadee was least expecting to hear. They sounded like liquid gold and Cassadee pulled herself away from Crystal and she cried even louder.

“He broke some pretty important bones- not his head. But he’s alive, and he just needs some rest,” Crystal said and Cassadee noticed that she was crying too.

“W-who died?”

“Vincent.”

A part of Cassadee felt like he deserved it, another part felt like he did not.

“He was crazy,” she said, trying to stand.

“Fucking insane,” Crystal said, her voice shaky too.

Gathering her thoughts, Cassadee tried to suppress the tears that were about to erupt from relief. She had to stop relying on tears to convey every single emotion.

“When can we see him?”