Coming Home

Truth be told, I’d rather be dead. I would very much preferred that I had died, bleeding to death. That is of course, considering the fact that I’ve been alive 2 years after it happened. If I had known of the consequences, of everything that I had to live through, I would rather have died. In some sick twisted way, I would rather have died a hero than watch myself become who I am today. A sex-craving, anorexic piece of shit. I hate myself so much.

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“What exactly is this interview about again?”

“I don’t know, aren’t you the interviewer?”

“I was expecting someone who wasn’t you, now that you’re here, I’m deciding whether they want me to cover a celebrity comeback issue for the paper or an actual political issue with serious political lingos used.”

Derrick watched as Cassadee sat opposite him in his office, their faces shrouded from others by frosted glass. She had an expression on her face that suggested that she had been duped.

“How about both?” He suggested, trying hard at not to stare at how she bit her lip while writing things down.

“Tell me what exactly they told you Derrick,” she snapped, and he swore for a moment, that he saw hint of moisture in her eyes.

“Are you crying?”

“Jesus, just answer the question.”

“I don’t know, I just got sent here.”

But Derrick did know why they sent him for the interview, now that it became clear that Cassadee was going to be around. It was for fame, publicity- imagine an article written about him, by her. They were insinuating that the ex-sweethearts had gotten back together, that no matter what happened, love would never keep them apart.

It also meant that they were using Cassadee, and he could only imagine how she felt knowing that she treasured her profession.

“Look, it’s just a stupid publicity stunt.”

“Sure Derrick, that’s all I’ll ever be right? A stunt,” she snapped before stopping herself. For a brief moment, Derrick saw the glint of remorse and pain cross her eyes before it was gone.

“Elections are coming up, the NDP needs as much-“

“I get it Derrick.”

“Let’s make this easy for both of us. Every question you ask, we’ll split it into two- the answer that I have and the answer you’re supposed to get.”

“Do we have a code?”

Derrick thought for a moment, hating that their relationship was teetering on professionalism, because he thought for a moment that he had felt that familiar childhood blossoming spreading across his chest.

“P for personal, L for lies.”

For once, he saw Cassadee’s lips crack into a wry upward smile. Anchored by her own smile, he smiled too.

~

Cassadee: How are you?
Derrick: Is that seriously the question?

Cassadee shows Derrick her documents, and sure enough ‘ask him about life’ is the first on the list.

Derrick: Never been better.
Cassadee: Is than an L?
Derrick: Yeah.

Cassadee scribbles two words on her pad, before pausing and looking at Derrick.

Derrick: It feels like the future’s caught up to me you know? 5 years ago I never wanted to rule the country, cause of my blood. But now after college and stuff, I want to. I can’t just leave a country that’s given so much to me and just turn my back on everyone. It’s different- growing up.
Cassadee: L or P?
Derrick: P

Cassadee: What’s changed here?
Derrick: Everything

Derrick looks meaningfully at Cassadee, a look which she returns, eyes guarded, pen frozen in place.

Derrick: P

Cassadee breaks their eye contact to draw a gigantic P-shaped squiggly on her notepad.

Derrick: Everyone’s really nice, I guess. I mean I am kind of new to this thing, all the other leaders are such amazing role models. Couldn’t have asked for better mentors.
Cassadee: That’s going into the book of most rehearsed propaganda ever.

Derrick laughs a little, looking warily out the glass.

Cassadee: Socially though, what’s changed?
Derrick: Maybe it’s part of growing up, but I can’t help but feel watched. That I can’t make and get away with the same stupid mistakes anymore.
Cassadee: There is an age, Derrick, where we need to realize that we can’t be kids anymore.

Derrick falls silent, looking at her. Again that electricity is back.

Derrick: And the things we do-
Cassadee: Can’t be blamed on anyone but ourselves.

They look at each other, before Cassadee clears her throat awkwardly.

Derrick: L or P?

There is a very terse and awkward silence that settles onto Cassadee before she looks up at him, brushing her hair off her face.

Cassadee: P

Derrick: Anyway, the answer to that is: Now that the monarchy is freshly crumbled and the elected government is a new one-
Cassadee: New being?
Derrick: Inexperienced, young, tragically chaotic
Derrick: It’s hard, trying to rebuild home.

Derrick watches Cassadee, studiously trying to avoid looking at him, scribbling notes in her notepad.

Cassadee: What does the NDP propose?

Derrick can’t help but cringe at the sharp turn of conversational topics away from them.

Derrick: That we remain solidarity, despite being democratic.

Cassadee looks up from her notes suddenly, raising her brows at Derrick who smiles a crooked smile.

Derrick: P, that’s a P. But it’s true though.
Cassadee: Continue, please.
Derrick: You see, for a new country, a new government, control is the default way to secure support. We know of the rising dissent below us, different parties- some claiming to fight for the people, some claiming to fight for sovereignty. And it’s easy to tear the fabric and support that my father has managed to garner.

Derrick pauses suddenly.

Cassadee: Did he really though? Can a monarch so simply switch to democracy?
Derrick: They- We, are passionate.
Cassadee: What about you?

Derrick looks at Cassadee strangely, noticing that she never looked down at her documents when she asked him that question.

Derrick: Family first, always. It doesn’t matter about unity, or power consolidation to me. It’s always, and always, has to be us serving the people. Welfare first, and even if we are divided and unstable, I think, the ideal situation is to make sure that home, here, everywhere- is safe.
Cassadee: Politics, in Greek means ‘relating to citizens’.
Derrick: Add that in will you? I think people are forgetting.

Cassadee pauses to look at him, this time letting a small smile creep up her face before looking down again. Derrick admires the way she smiles, her lips slightly red and matt from the cold.

Cassadee: L or P?

Derrick thinks for a long time before giving an answer.

Derrick: I’ll leave it up to you to decide.

~

And so an hour, became two. And finally the interview was over. Leaning back into his chair, Derrick watched as Cassadee gathered up her things.

“So how was I?”

“Not bad. I might adapt the L and P thing for all future interviews,” she shrugged, pulling out her phone and checking the time.

“What a waste,” muttered Derrick, as he held the door open for her. Looking intently at her. For a moment, Cassadee flushed because there was something in his eyes that were unlike anyone who had looked at her before. It was like getting hit by a cotton truck, filled with lava. Cassadee didn’t know where her mind was going, shaking her head, she swallowed the heat from her face.

She wasn’t a kid anymore.

“And why’s that?” She asked, preparing to leave.

“Seemed like a nice thing to keep between both of us.”