The Deep End

Alan endured being Austin's pillow until he could no longer feel if he had legs attached to his body or not. Not that he minded being lounged on, he felt rather privileged to have such a amazing person (also his sort of crush) willing to fall asleep on him. He ended up flailing desperately in an attempt to wake Austin up; Austin got the message and rolled off his near flattened body.

His legs made a sound like they had been snapped in half when he forced them to move. It was grim and Austin made fake gagging noises for the occasion.

They both waddled into the kitchen, using each other as support, and Alan nearly fell over thrice due to Austin's weight. He was a hobbit compared to him. Still, they made it to the kitchen without gaining any bruises or gaping wounds spewing blood. (Alan got a paper cut, god knows how, on the way but he didn't think it was in need of medical attention, although it bled like hell for a paper cut.)

Hauling themselves into chairs, they began to nibble on cookies once again, and Alan made a conscious effort not to bring up Sherlock because of the emotional trauma it presented Austin with.

"You should totally come round one day next week, and we can make Oreo cupcakes, and we can make unicorn ones too." Austin suggested enthusiastically, overjoyed at the prospect of spending amore time with Alan and unicorn cupcakes.

"I don't know if I have ever told you this, but I am kind of a disaster waiting to happen in a kitchen. I nearly set the house alight making pancakes once, I am literally banned from any cooking equipment in my house. My parents even put up signs reminding me of it." Alan sighed dramatically at his misfortune of inheriting such shitty genes.

"It will be fine; you are such a drama queen. I will be there to supervise and make sure you don't accidentally mutilate yourself with a wooden spoon."

Alan was about 3/4 through his cookie when he happened to glance at the clock and realize that his mum should have been home five minutes ago. Well, he was quite fucked.

He made no attempt at eating the remainder of the cookie nicely, and instead adopted the shove-it-all-in-and-hope-you-don't-choke technique. He made wild hand gestures, most of which were bewildering to Austin, before pointing at the door. Austin gave him a quick, bone shattering hug that nearly lifted him off the floor before letting him leave.

Alan made it to his front porch just as his mum was opening the door. She almost jumped in shock.

"Where did you go? You don't usually venture out of the house unless your dad or I force you too, with the exception of school."

"I-uh I was just going on a walk mum, is it illegal now to use the legs god blessed me with?" Alan asked, with a mock defensive tone, and raising an eyebrow.

"Alright, alright, calm it. I was just wondering." His mum held her hands up in surrender.

Well, that was easier than he had anticipated. They sat on the sofa watching a new episode of some show, Alan really didn't give enough fucks to even try and comprehend what it was about.

"Hasn't someone moved into the house a few doors down?"

Alan froze, before analysing his mum's tone and realizing she wasn't interrogating him or anything. He answered hesitantly:

"Yeah, he moved in like a month ago, didn't he? I see on the way to school sometimes"

"I don't think I have ever seen him. Pamela's daughter, Amelia, is looking for a boyfriend; do you think I should suggest him?"

God, Alan hated it when women said things like that. As if it was their duty to win their daughters a husband? He was pretty sure he saw Amelia making out with another girl when he walked past the pub last year, anyway. He considered telling his mum that finding a boyfriend for her probably wouldn't help her find happiness in a partner, but decided against it because there was a lack of shareable evidence.

Alan snorted. "You've never seen him? You know, tall, brown hair, nose piercing, lots of tattoos? I hardly think he is Pamela's idea of boyfriend and potential husband material."

"Oh, is he the Satanist everyone has been talking about? Angela from church said she heard that he was gay, can you believe it? I suppose we should have seen it coming, he is a Satanist after all."

She continued with her unnecessary ramblings, leaving Alan just to mutter a 'yeah' every so often.

He just prayed his annoyance wasn't too obvious.